We are at the Nthatisi Facility for children with special needs today. It is Pelo’s birthday and we are here to throw a party of note. We would’ve invited the gang, but the kids are meeting Pelo for the first time today and we thought we’d not overwhelm the situation. Lefatselabarena is particularly excited to have an older sister.

The Facility let us have our party. We’ve asked for privacy at the facility’s restaurant, but we brought food, cake and party packets for all the kids that are at this facility.

Khotso and Ona walk into the restaurant with Pelo.
Mohale, Tholoana and Lefatselabarena are unsure of how to be. They don’t quite get why she is so thin, tiny and in a wheelchair. Lefatselabarena wants to ask the questions that they all have, but she understands that this is a rather tense situation.
Mohato is the one who takes over the wheelchair and starts speeding across the room with Pelo. Pelo is laughing aloud and negotiating with Mohato to stop. He finally stops and they are all laughing.

“I’m your favourite brother, Mohato”, he says.
“Actually, he’s the loudmouth. I’m the one you want close to you”, Reahile says.
Pelo is just laughing.
“Hi guys”, her high-pitched voice directed at Lefatselabarena, Mohale and Tholoana.
“Why do you look like that?” Rena can no longer hold it in.
My body legit cringes.
“You must be Lefatselabarena”, Pelo says with her high-pitched voice.
Rena nods her head.
“Well, I’ve heard a lot about you. Anyway, I was born with this illness that keeps me tiny because my bones are not strong enough. So, I’m your older sister, but one day you’ll be bigger than me because your bones are stronger than mine.”
I actually want to cry. This child’s spirit is unreal.
“Can’t we fix it? Or maybe buy you new bones?” Tholoana asks.
“No. It’s too painful. Sometimes, I wake up and I don’t have energy to get through the day. Then there are days I wake up – like today – and I look forward to what the day has in store for me. I’m going to die soon anyway. I don’t want my last days to be painful days.”
“But you don’t have to die. I can’t be the only girl”, Rena.
Ona looks like he’s going to fall apart any minute now.
“I don’t want to die. But I have to make peace with the fact that I’m dying, so I can be at rest when it happens. My heart is not strong enough anymore.”
“But we just met you”, Mohale says in such a painful tone.
Now Pelo is getting emotional.
“If you had one wish left to make and wanted to have more than anything in the world, what would it be?” Reahile asks her.
“I’d want to go home and sleep in the same bed as my mother.” She says.
I can’t anymore. I just can’t.
I try to leave, but Khotso holds me.
“I’m not strong anymore. I don’t know if I can still wait for her to come and see me and just have one cup of tea with me.” She adds.
Reahile nods his head.
“Well, is that your birthday wish?” Reahile asks her again.
“My birthday wish was for her to be here today. But –
“Say no more, baby sis. Say no more.” Reahile.

The day is filled with laughing and the kids really warming up to Pelo like you’ll never believe. They sing happy birthday to her and help her unwrap her presents. Then, the kids have a photoshoot together. It is so beautiful.

It’s time for Pelo to take her medication then head back to sleep, so we have to leave.
“She’s coming with us”, Reahile tells us. Not asks us. It gets awkward very quickly.
“Reahile –
“Papa, she’s coming with us”, Reahile says.
Khotso tries, but Reahile and Mohato are getting Pelo’s things and are determined that we are all leaving with Pelo. I look at Khotso and Ona to stop this. They could stop this if they wanted to. Why are they not doing anything?
“What do you need me to do?” Mohale asks. He’s defying us too?! My sweet little Mohale?
He’s given tasks and he does them without shame.
“Sister, are you okay?” Lefatselabarena asks Pelo. She looks tired now. Without energy almost. Weak actually.
Pelo nods her head, but a tear falls from her eyes.

We get to the house and Thabi’s car is here. I’m honestly not ready for what’s about to happen. I’m not.
Mme-mofomahadi comes outside and meets us out here.
“Le tsamayile jwang?” She asks us.
Then she sees Pelo.
She stares at me like I should’ve stopped this.
Reahile just pushes Pelo into the house.
The kids are with him – as if they are all together in this and if one of them gets into shit, they are all getting into shit together.
“Lulu?” She seeks answers from me.
Me also I don’t know.
But we follow the kids in.

Thabi is frozen.
She looks like she’s going to have a panic attack. She’s breathing too fast. Her face is draped in tears. She’s standing in front of the kids.
“Mama”, Pelo says. Her voice is high pitchy, but her tone is sad. Down. Hurt.
Thabi is shaking!
“Mama, you are so beautiful”, Pelo says.
Ona goes to Thabi, holds her because really, she is going to faint any minute now.
“Why? Ona, why? Lulu? Khotso? Why?” Thabi says. She’s still so –
I’m already crying.
“It wasn’t them, Thabz. It was me. I insisted.” Reahile.
“We insisted”, Mohato.
“We all insisted”, Mohale.
When did he become such a rebel?
Thabi releases a sound. It’s a cry sprinting from her gut.
“Mama, I don’t have much longer to live. I just wanted to see you and fall asleep next to you just once.” Pelo says.
I can’t help it. I’m falling apart myself. Khotso is trying to calm me down, but the tap is just open. It is wide open. And the tears will not stop pouring out.
“Mama, please. Please let me sleep between you and dad today?” Pelo.
Thabi just turns around. As she leaves, Ona holds her with the intention of making her face this. But Thabi fights him.
“LET ME GO! LET ME GO, ONALERUNA! LET ME GO!” She screams at the top of her voice.
“Baby please!” Ona is also fighting back his tears and you hear it in his voice. He is holding her in a hug, but she’s just fighting him and crying and screaming.
“Mama”, Pelo keeps saying through her own tears.
Lefatselabarena is not okay. She’s just not. She’s in Khotso’s arms now. So am I. He is trying to hold us both and calm us down.
Thabi’s cry is piercing my soul the most. It’s too painful.

…

We are in our room now. I’m rubbing my belly and just thinking about today. Mme-mofomahadi took Pelo to go and sleep with her. Rena is there with them. Thabi is still recovering from what these kids did. I get their intention, truly I do, but their way of going about things is not okay. I don’t know where Khotso is.
“What’s wrong with her heart?”
I look up and I see Thabi at the door of my main bedroom.
“Huh?”
“Her heart? What’s wrong with it?” She repeats.
“I don’t know the correct term… but it has a hole through it and now it’s just failing her.”
She nods her head.
“Can you come with me?” She asks me.
I look at her.
“I’ll go sleep with her and mme-mofomahadi. Will you come with me?”
I roll out of bed and wear my slippers.
We make our way to the main bedroom.

We get here and everyone is in this bed.
They stop and stare at Thabi and I as we walk in.
“Mme waPelo would like to sleep next to Pelo tonight.” I say.
Everyone gets out of bed. EVERYONE.
I nod my head at Thabi.
Pelo looks so weak. I’m really worried.
“She needs a doctor”, Thabi says.
“No Mama. No more doctors. Please.” Pelo.
“Why?” Thabi asks.
“We are just delaying the inevitable. I’m in pain, mama. I was only hanging on so I could have this moment with you. All I need is to sleep next to you, then I can let go.” Pelo says.
Pelo’s name means heart. I feel like she came here to break our hearts.
Thabi wipes a tear off her cheek then gets into bed.
Pelo cuddles to her like a baby that’s about to be breast-fed. I’m not sure if I should join them. Ona gets in and sleeps on her other side.
We literally watch the three of them cuddle together. Reahile is the one who cannot hold his tears back. Mohato is crying too, but he is a bit more controlled.
Thabi starts singing to Pelo. She’s sings a famous seSotho song that mothers sing to small children. It’s about stars aligning to ensure that God’s will is done. Pelo joins her in the chorus. They bring ALL OF US to tears. ALL OF US. Ona is in so much pain. You can just see that if he could fix this or throw money at it, he would do it in a heartbeat.
After about twenty minutes, we all find a place to sit or sleep in this bedroom then we fall asleep.

I wake up in the middle of the night because I need to pee. I hear someone sniffing. Everyone looks like they are sleeping, so who is crying?
It’s Thabi.
Pelo is close to her body and she’s covered her with a blanket.
“Thabi?” Me.
“She’s gone”, she says.
My cry is the cry that wakes Ona, Khotso, mme-mofomahadi and the twins up.
“Baby?” Ona.
Thabi is still rocking Pelo in her arms.
“She’s gone”, Thabi just says.
We don’t even rush to get the body out of here. We just let Thabi hang onto her for as long as she needs to.

…

Thabi has been locked up in the main bedroom all morning. The undertaker came and took Pelo’s body, but Thabi is still there. Still. She’s not talking to anyone. She’s just there. Mme-mofomahadi has tried – but she’s not saying anything. Our friends are here. No one knows how to help. No one knows what to say. Ona stands up from his chair and goes to check up on Thabi every ten minutes. He’s worried. We all are. We are scared that if we leave her alone for too long, she could try to commit suicide again.

Teboho and I are at the gate when Mothusi and his wife arrive with some other Thibane elders. I needed a moment. I needed space. I just needed to breathe. It’s too much. And it’s too difficult.

“Dumelang”, Mothusi greets us. The people behind him greet us too.
We greet them back.
“May we walk in?” Mothusi asks us.
We just nod our heads.
They walk in.
Tlali and Zithulele arrive.
“Hey”, Tlali says and hugs me.
Zithulele briefly said hello then walked in.
“How’s Thabi?” Tlali asks us.
“It’s bad, Tlali. It’s bad. I’m worried she might try to take her life again.” I say.
“Can’t we get a doctor to sedate her like she does with everyone?” Tlali suggests.
“It’s not a bad idea. But she’s not even hysterical. She’s just there. Just… there…”
“The best thing we can do is go and sit on that mattress with her, guys.” Tlali.
“Tlali, she’s still sitting on the spot where Pelo took her last breath.” I say.
We are all quiet for some time now.
“Re tlo yetsang mara ye?” Teboho asks.
“Honestly… get a doctor with injections so she can at least sleep.” Tlali and her injections.
Ai!

…

Lulu hasn’t been okay since Pelo passed away. I’m worried about her because she’s pregnant. This morning, she woke up feeling extremely ill. We are at the doctor now. Reahile and Rena are with us. I am hoping that they admit her. She’s too sad. I know there’s no such thing. But she needs to be okay at all times until this baby is delivered.

It’s just Lulu and I in this room, waiting for the doctor. Rena and Reahile stayed at the hospital restaurant. They said they wanted to eat and I let them. Maybe we do need a bit of space.

“I miss her already”, Lulu says to me.
“Baby, this thing isn’t sitting well with you. I know. But, I need you to be more careful because you do know that you are carrying our gem in there”, I say.
“I know. It’s just that… things with Pelo happened so quickly. Too quickly. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions, but the last few days have been the heaviest. I’m also extremely worried about Thabi.” She says.
“Mme Mohale, I need you to worry about our child. I’m begging you, my love.” I say.
She doesn’t say anything.
The doctor walks into the room.
“Apologies for making you wait, Mr and Mrs Mohale.”
“No problem”, I say.
He starts working on Lulu, asking her questions and her responding to him. He also tells her that she needs to stress less. Then he tells her that he is worried about her sugar levels, so he wants to do further tests. Apparently, she could be having type two diabetes because of the pregnancy. They keep talking and I pick up a few things here and there.
“Doctor, the last time I was here, I asked that you don’t reveal the gender of the baby to me because my husband wasn’t here. Can we possibly have a scan now so my husband can see the baby and we could maybe prove to him that we are having another girl?” Lulu says and this definitely makes me laugh. The doctor smiles at us.
“It’s a boy this time, I just know it. I can feel it.” I say.
She laughs and says, “I’m hoping for another girl. We have too many boys in that house and it’s making Lefatselabarena a bit nutty.”
I laugh.
“Don’t say my daughter is nutty”, I say.
“Her attitude! Yerrr! I’m going to smack her one day”, Lulu says.
“Do I need to report you for abuse?”
“I want to abuse her vele”, she says then laughs.
The doctor is over us it’s not even funny. Now we are worried. We look at him.
“We need to deliver this baby immediately”, she says.
“What’s going on?” Lulu asks her.
She doesn’t even answer us.
I’ll put a gun out on this woman very soon. Is she crazy?
“Ey! What’s going on?” I say and she immediately pauses and says, “It’s urgent, sir. The baby will be in an incubator for some time because Mrs Mohale has been pregnant for 27 weeks. But, the baby is distressed and if we don’t deliver now, both mother and baby won’t make it.”
I step away from the doctor and let her do her thing.

I phone Ona as I follow the nurses and doctor to wherever they are taking Lulu.
“Sho”, he answers his phone.
“Sho. Monna, Lulu has to deliver this baby now.”
“What?”
“Apparently something is wrong and if they don’t deliver now, Lulu and the baby will die”, I say.
“I’m on my way”, he says.
“Someone has to stay with Thabi. The funeral is tomorrow”, I say.
“What’s going on?” I hear Thabi say in the background.
“Lulu has to deliver the baby.” Ona tells her.
“C-section?” Thabi.
“I don’t know what that means”, Ona.
I giggle because this conversation is funny.
“Okay, let’s go”, Thabi says.
“What about the –
“With all the Thibane people here to eat our food and not even help us with the burial, they’ll live. Staff is here to see them through. We need to be there for Lulu. Come”, Thabi says.
“Monna, we are on the way.”
“Sho.”

I don’t know how to describe Thabi and how she’s been dealing with all of this. The minute she laid eyes on the Thibanes, it’s as if she made a commitment with herself that she will not breakdown in front of them. She just toughened up and operated like a robot. But I know she cries when she is Lulu or with Ona. She even cried once when she and I were driving to buy clothes for Pelo that she will be buried with. I had to be there for her and I was. I guess that’s what we all do now. We are there for her as best as we can. The good thing about Thabi is that she comes to whoever she needs the help from and actually asks for it. She’s not those people who force us to play guessing games about what would make them feel better. Even coming here to be with Lulu and I, we know she needs this. Putting her in a familiar position where she is the one who knows what to do – that will definitely make her feel better. Tomorrow will be heavy for all of us, but today we pray for the arrival of a new life. I’m hoping for a boy. Lulu wants another princess.

We are holding hands as she is being operated on.
“I’m scared”, she tells me.
“We are going to be okay, baby. Everything is going to be fine. You and the baby are going to be okay.” I tell her.
“What if you didn’t bring me in today? We could’ve died”, she says and cries.
“I brought you in and that’s all that’s important. Come on, baby. Please stop crying. Everything is okay. Everyone is on their way to be here with us. You need to hang in there. We all need you, my love. We need you.” I say.
She nods her head.
I hear a cry. A scream. I look up. I walk up to the doctors and I see my very small son. I have to take off my t-shirt and put my son on me. But, tubes and other equipment are brought to us so the baby could be put in. He is small, but he’s perfect. My baby boy. My wife has –
MY WIFE!
MY WIFE!
“What are you doing?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!”
I’m being taken out of the room now.
Why are they covering her? Why is the machine flatlining?
“I’m sorry, sir. There’s nothing more that we can do.” The doctor says to me.
What the fuck is this bitch saying?!
Before I know it, Thabi, Ona, Maboko, Tebza, Shaka and Fifi are here. My mom is here too.
“Thabi, make them stop this. Tell them to wake Lulu up! She was fine just this morning! What did they do?”
I see everyone crying and I just know that Lulu is…
“It’s not possible” I whisper.
Then, I turn around and sprint back into that room.
“LULU! LULU! BABY, WAKE UP!”
Someone is pulling me back.
“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME! WAKE MY WIFE UP RIGHT NOW OR I’LL FUCKEN KILL YOU!”
I pull out my gun.
There has to be something that will wake Lulu up. What am I supposed to tell our kids? Her parents? They already thought that I don’t treat her well. Now, she died at my hands? Lulu has to wake up. She has to!
“LULU!”
I just feel someone pulling me back and pulling me into his arms. It’s Shaka. I fall apart.
I see Tebza, mme-mofomahadi and Thabi next to Lulu. Tebza is falling apart and Maboko is trying his best to hold her together.

…

It is 9pm now and I’m still sitting next to my wife’s body. Ona, Thabi, my mom and all our kids are here with us. I’ve even forgot that I welcomed a new baby today. The undertaker has been here for an hour now. I haven’t been ready to let them take her.
The kids are crying. Rena is all over the place.
Thabi stands up from where she is sitting, and she walks up to me. She puts her hand on my shoulder. Then she says:
“We need to let the undertakers take her, abuti. We have to let her go and start loving the gift she has left us with. Your son.”
I start crying again.
“She can’t go”, I whisper to her.
She hugs me then she says, “I’m so sorry, abuti. I guess Pelo needed someone to hold her hand as she left us too.”
My cry is now aggressive.
“I’m so sorry. We have to let them go then do our best with the kids we have left that need us.” She says.
Ona is next to me too, he is holding my back. He and Shaka pull me back away from the body. The undertaker takes my Lulu away. I can’t help it, I follow them. I have to see where they are taking her. Ona and Shaka are with me. I’m not going to do anything. I just want to see.
She’s loaded into a car.
They drive away with her.
She’s gone.
The three of us stand there and watch the car drive further and further away. It finally turns the corner. We still see a bit of it. Then the car completely disappears.
I take a deep breath.
All three of us are crying.
“I need to phone her parents”, I say.
“I’ll take care of it”, Shaka says.
“They are going to blame me for this”, I say.
“We are all in this together. Don’t worry.” Ona says.
“We have a son”, I say.
“We saw him. He’s perfect.” Shaka says.
“Moloko. That’s his name. He is the goodness for the family in all of this.” I say.
“It’s perfect.” Ona says.
I nod my head.
“I thought we made nice with the underground gang. What are they still punishing us for?” I ask.
“It’s not them. Sometimes, nature does just happen. Sometimes, science does go too far. Or maybe, it was just her time. Her race is done and her purpose is complete. It’s time for her to return to her God.” Shaka says.
“At the birth of our son? Doesn’t God and science and nature think that my son needs his mother?” That’s the worst answer I’ve heard.
“I don’t have the answers. All I can say is that we have to find a way to pick up the pieces and move on. You’ll never forget her. Trust me, you won’t. But Moloko and Lefatselabarena need you now more than ever”, Shaka says.
All three of us turn around and walk back into the hospital.

We find all the women looking at Moloko through a window. They look at me. I look at my little boy and he has all these pipes attached to him. My little fighter. He’s going to be okay. I know that wherever his mom is, she will make sure of it.
“If you like, I could pump out my breasts for milk then you go in, take off your t-shirt and feed him. He needs the skin-to-skin touch and connection.” Fifi says.
I just nod my head. It sounds freaky, but whatever.
“Do you have a name yet?” My mom asks me.
“Moloko”, I say.
“It’s perfect. I like it”, my mom says.
Everyone is just-
I’m also just –
Ai!