It is 4am and he is not in bed. He’s probably in the bar. His drinking has shot up since he found out about that thing we no longer have to speak about anymore.
I wear a gown over my lacey night dress then go and find him. I know that he is somewhere in this house.
I start at the bar. He is not in here. I go to his second favourite place in this house… the patio. He is sitting here, drinking.
He looks at me.
I walk in and sit next to him. It is a bit cold.
He doesn’t say anything to me.
I don’t say anything to him.
We sit like this for about an hour.

The sun starts to rise and we are still sitting next to each other and not saying anything to each other.
I finally say…
“I wrote you a letter – a twenty paged letter. I wrote it when I got home on that day that I found you and Linda betraying me in my own home. I was in pain. I was traumatized. And I needed you. But, we were not in a good place to talk at the time, so I wrote you this letter because I wanted to record everything that I was feeling that day in the hope of forgetting. I wanted my feelings recorded because one day if we ever had to talk about how I really felt, I’d need you to know word for word what I was feeling.”
He is looking at me, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Then, when I left Tholoana Kingdom, I wrote you another letter. A goodbye letter. Again, I needed to speak to you and share with you why I had decided to leave. Because we couldn’t speak, I decided to write those letters to you. I wrote you another one when I found out that I was expecting Khabane.”
I take a deep breath. Then I say, “I was never going to tell you what happened to me, Maboko. I made a decision when I got on that aeroplane that if I forgive you for cheating, then I have to forget that any of it ever happened. I knew that you cheated simply because you could, not because you intended to hurt me. Had I told you why I was so hurt by you cheating on me – years after I had begged you to just stop doing it – it would hurt you more than it would hurt me, and it has never been my intention to hurt you. EVER. I’m sorry if that hurts you and I’m sorry it’s driving you to the bottle like this.”
He pulls me towards him and I rest my head on his chest.
“You know that I’m not mad at you, right?”
I’m quiet. I don’t know that.
“I’m mad at myself. I didn’t protect you. I slept with Linda immediately after you had been sexually violated. There’s a part of me that feels like I violated you too. I can’t get over the guilt. It’s eating me up inside.”
“Stop this, Maboko. Stop!”
I lift my head off his chest.
I climb on top of him.
He runs his hands up my thighs.
“The only thing you did wrong was sleep with Linda. But you had nothing to do with what happened that day. And I will not allow you to carry this. I won’t. Every person who violated me went to their deaths not caring what this did to me. You will not poison yourself, our marriage and our children by feeling bad about this. It’s not happening, Maboko.”
He looks like he wants to cry.
But my panty is coming off. So, I take off his pants too.
I start riding him.
His noises tell me that he is feeling the frustration that I am letting out in this. He grabs my thighs with the same aggression and tensity. We are screaming and moaning and by the time we are done… we both have bruises all over our bodies.
I climb off of him.
I can barely walk.
We hold hands.
“Do you still have those letters you wrote to me?” He asks me.
I nod my head.
“Can I read them?”
I shake my head.
“Why not?” He asks me.
“Remember when we had our daughter and you named her Ruri…. what did you tell me was your reason for giving her that name?”
He faces downwards.
“Tell me”, I insist.
“I said that everything that had happened, good or bad, led us to a moment of being parents to two people who have to have a different experience. Therefore, we write it all off because indeed RURI – It is so. We look to move forward, not look backwards. There’s nothing there for our family anymore. Before Ruri, we were scattered and life was happening to us individually, not collectively as a family. But it all brought us to a point where we chose each other and will continue to choose each other for as long as we have each other.”
I kiss him then say, “It is so, my love. Ruri. I need you to let this go. I need you to be Khabane ya rona – mine, Khabane’s and Ruri’s. Be our khabane – our precious and most valued warrior, so that you can lead us again and build us up one more time.”
“But I’ve failed you”, he says.
“You could never fail me even if you tried. You are my husband. You are my only choice. You are the love of my life, Maboko Seete. Don’t allow anyone to take this away from us. I’m begging you, fight for us. Please. And come back to me. I need you.”
We hug each other.
We stay in this position for an hour and the only reason why we are coming apart is because our house staff starts arriving.
“I love you”, he says.
I just kiss him.

…

We are now at the breakfast table with our kids. Maboko seems a lot better than what he was this morning, but he does look like he could do with some sleep.
“I don’t want to go to school today”, Ruri says as I settle her into her chair and put a napkin around her neck so she doesn’t mess all over herself.
“Why not?” Maboko asks her.
“Blaire is not talking to me.” Ruri says. She’s sulking, so we know it’s drama.
“Who’s Blaire?” Maboko asks.
Ruri talks about Blaire all the time. That Blaire of hers has even invited Ruri for a sleep over so many times and we’ve always said no because Ruri is too young for sleepovers.
“Papa, Blaire is my friend. You’ve taken us to ice-cream before”, Ruri says.
“Oh, that dirty girl with lice in her hair?”
Khabane bursts into laughter then says, “And papa, she smells. She doesn’t bath that girl.”
Maboko and Khabane laugh ALOUD.
Ruri is getting emotional now.
I pick her up from her chair and comfort her. She starts crying.
I use my face and finger to warn Maboko and Khabane to stop the joke.

After Ruri has calmed down, she decides to be a baby and eat while sitting on my lap.
“So Ruri, you were telling us why you and Blaire are fighting.” Maboko says.
“Blaire says I stole her boyfriend”, Ruri says.
Maboko chokes on his food.
Now I’m the one who wants to laugh, but Ruri is feeling a bit sensitive this morning. Khabane is laughing underneath his breath.
“Nana, do you have a boyfriend?” I ask Ruri.
I know she probably doesn’t even know what that means, but let me start the conversation with her already.
Ruri shakes her head.
“So, what does Blaire mean when she says you stole her boyfriend?” I ask.
“Blaire has a boyfriend. His name is Kusamo. We all play together during break. But Kusamo and his mom like buying me sweets and chocolate. Kusamo also writes me a lot of letters. I told Kusamo that I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend. He said I’m his best friend. Now, Blaire is upset that he buys me stuff and writes me letters. Now she’s telling everyone not to play with me because I stole her boyfriend. I told Kusamo to leave me alone, but Kusamo says he doesn’t like it when I play by myself, so he plays with me because Blaire is being mean. But it’s only making things worse for me at school.”
Modimo!
These kids have so much drama at their age?
They just started learning how to speak. How is it that they already know what boyfriends are and what stealing boyfriends mean? Maboko looks pissed. VERY PISSED.
“Tholoana and Mnqobi came to play with me because they saw that I don’t have friends anymore. Then Blaire and Amy put a frog in my bag and I cried.”
Okay, my child is being bullied.
“Do you want mommy and daddy to come to your school and speak to your teachers?” I ask her.
She nods her head.
“Okay, we will go. And you don’t have to be friends with Blaire and anyone else who’s making you cry. You don’t ever have to allow anyone to make you feel like you don’t have a right to smile and laugh. If you do bad things to people, you say sorry. But if you’ve done nothing to people and they are not treating you okay, you don’t allow them to do that to you.”
She nods her head.
I kiss her cute plumpy cheek that is now covered in fruit, then I ask my pretty little girl, “Now tell me about Kusamo. Who is he and why is he causing problems between you and your friends?”
She takes a deep breath and kisses my mouth with her fruity lips. Then she says, “Kusamo is this hot guy in my class.”
“Ey wena!” Maboko’s reaction honestly makes Ruri laugh and I laugh too. Ruri’s laugh tells me that she knew that she would get that reaction out of Maboko. Even Khabane is not impressed with this. Khabane is suddenly becoming Maboko junior and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.
“Kusamo is Blaire’s boyfriend, mommy. I don’t like him. His hair is too long for him to be my boyfriend. I want a boyfriend that is hot like papa.” Ruri mara.
I am just laughing a lot.
Maboko cannot help but laugh.
“And I told Kusamo. But he says that one day he is going to marry me.” Hai bo!
“His mom calls me her baby girl. I told Kusamo that I’m going to help my brother run a business one day. I don’t want a boyfriend until I have a big business like you and dad.”
You know what, I’m so glad my child observes us and sets her goals using us as a benchmark. I like it. Maboko seems impressed too.
“Good girl. I’m happy you think that way, my smart baby girl. You know mommy is your best friend, right? So you tell me everything… even when you have a boyfriend. Promise?”
She nods her head and pinky-promises me.
“Bane has a girlfriend”, she says then giggles.
Bane is embarrassed.
Maboko is impressed.
I look at Bane.
“I don’t know what Ruri is talking about.” Bane says.
Maboko and I look at Ruri for answers.
“I’m not telling you anything because if I tell you, Bane and Monica won’t go with me to the movies anymore.” Ruri says.
“Movies?!” I’m so shocked.
When? How? Why? Bane is my baby boy. He’s not ready for a girlfriend. No!
Maboko is too impressed for my liking.
“So, are you having sex, son?” Maboko asks Bane.
“Maboko!” Me.
“What’s sex?” Ruri.
I just block her ears and shake my head.
Maboko is laughing at me now.
I was not ready for this morning. I really wasn’t. My kids have grown up too quickly and I’m just not coping.

Maboko and I spent an hour in the principal’s office sorting out this nonsense of Ruri being bullied. Not my child! Never! Blaire’s and Amy’s parents were contacted by the school and they came.
I put my case on the table. Then I was told that Ruri is a bully herself and when she loses fights, she calls her brothers to come and fight for her. Apparently Tholoana and Mnqobi have even beaten up their kids before for making Ruri cry. Now, the fight start becoming between the parents and us and I told them that if my daughter comes home one more time distressed or if she ever tells me that she doesn’t want to come to school because of their kids, I’m involving the government in resolving this mess.
Yerrr! The parents went wild.
I told them to stop mentally traumatizing their kids because that’s the shit that makes kids bullies and the parents came for me. I came back at them ten-fold. It’s safe to say that Ruri will no longer be friends with Amy and Blaire. It’s actually okay.
The bullfighter in Maboko also came out and we were told that Ruri is the way that she is because we are bullies ourself. The poor principal ended up just saying that we are all the problem. These are kids and as much as they fight, they also make up because it’s not that serious. We are the ones getting personal and if we pass this energy onto the kids, we will breed angry kids. She’s crazy. And if one more child comes for my daughter, they’ll never see the door of another school in Tholoana Kingdom.
…

Tebza and I have just left Ruri’s school. Tebza is still heated about the shit that was said in there.
“You need to calm down, baby. You held shit down in there. All those parents are all scared of you”, I say.
She laughs.
Now she’s on her cellphone. She’s going through work emails and is typing something.
“There’s a payment I don’t understand here that they want me to approve.” She says.
“What payment?” I ask.
“A payment to someone called Zolile Khumalo. I queried who this is and what are we paying them for. No one can give me a straight answer.” She says.
Oh fuck!
She looks at me.
I try to pull a straight face.
“Maboko Seete! Is Zolile Khumalo the one and only brother to Linda Khumalo?” She says.
I’m quiet. What am I supposed to say?
“O ntlwayela masepa, wena!” She says. Now the township girl in her is coming out to play.
“Baby, I’m just helping him.” I try to explain.
She’s quiet.
“Linda’s parents and Linda have all passed away. Zolile is not exactly rolling in money. He needed the help.” I say.
“I’m still trying to figure out the part where any of this is your problem”, she says.
I can never speak to her when she’s like this.
Stru.
We drive home in silence.

We get home and she sprints to her office. I try to follow her, but she slams the door in my face. Bathung!
“Tebza! Baby!”
Then I hear her join a meeting.
Eish, Tebza bathung.

I have to meet up with Shak, but Tebza is pissed and I need to make sure that we are good before I just leave her. I stopped that payment the night I came back home from hospital after finding out what Linda has done.
I phone Shak…
“Hey. Seete.” He answers his phone.
“Hey. Eish, I’m running a bit late. The vrou is upset with me”, I tell him.
He laughs at me.
“I need to make things right before I leave”, I say.
“Seete, this is important. We have to leave in thirty minutes. Buy her a flight ticket or something to meet us there. Then do something romantic and win her back.” He says.
“Okay. I hear you chief.”
“I’d let you stay, but I need all of you on this one.”
“Sure.”
I hang up.

I just walk into Tebza’s room. She’s in a meeting, so she looks at me weird. She is looking at me the exact same way that Ruri looks at a person when she’s about to tell you shit.
“We need to talk”, I say.
“I’m in a meeting.”
“It can wait. They can wait for you. Come!”
I pull her out of her study and we make our way down the stairs.
“WHAT?!” She snaps at me.
“I stopped! I stopped helping him after I found out what they did.”
“You were supposed to stop the day you divorced Linda. I am the one who is your wife, Maboko! Mosadi wa hao! Why is Linda always a fucken factor in our lives?! Why?! Clearly you love her!”
“I don’t love her, Teboho! I love you!”
“Why can I never get rid of that bitch in our lives?! Why?! If you love me so much, why can’t you let her go?! Even in death we fight about her. You were looking after her family behind my back?!”
“Teboho!”
“Why don’t you give her family your businesses to run? Akere nna I’m just the girl you got out of the township and made a couple of kids for you?”
Why would she say that? That’s not who she is to me. At all.
“Baby –
“Every time I feel like we reach the finish line, you find a way to let Linda move the goal post by ten yards between us. Every single time. I’m getting tired, Maboko. One day, you will push me too far and you will lose me. I’m pretty sure there’s a man out there who knows exactly how to look after me and the things that make me feel the most vulnerable and insecure. Keep failing me, Maboko. You’ll get exactly what you want.”
Then she turns around and charges back upstairs.
Her words genuinely pierced my heart.

…

We’ve just completed a mission and we are headed back to our warehouse.
“Is everything sorted between you and Tebza?” Shaka asks me.
I shake my head. Ona looks at me.
“She told me that one day I’m going to push her too far and I’m going to lose her forever. That cut me so deep. What would I be without Tebza?”
“What exactly happened?” Shaka asks me.
“She found out that I was still helping Zolile.” I say.
“Ah monna! I told you to stop that shit!” Ona says.
“And I did. The way she looked at me… she told me that every time she thinks we are at the finish line, I always find a way to let Linda take us two steps back. She said even in death, she cannot get rid of her.”
The gents look at me.
“Maboko, at some point, you do need to make a choice.” Khotso says.
“I have made my choice. My choice is Tebza.”
“You need to make a choice. Not a main choice. Tebza is your main choice. You keep everyone else around – especially Linda – for the sake of variety. And you will lose your main choice if you don’t let the variety go.” Khotso.
I nod my head.
“Make that choice, man. It hurts when they slip away forever. I love Oluremi with all of my heart, but seeing Fiks so happy and doing so well… she even has a son now and she’s in business with her husband. She’s this…”
He takes a deep breath.
“I could have been the one next to her achieving all of these things with her. I can’t help but wonder what she and I could have been. And what hurts me the most is thinking back to the look she gave me when she made it clear that she was done with me. I treated her like I’m something she’d never want to let go of for so long when all she wanted was some tenderness from me. Then, I drive all the way to fucken Venda to beg her to take me back, risking being killed by some Venda fuck… and she looked me in the eye and told me to fuck off. I will never forget that for as long as I live. I can only imagine what it would be like if Tebza did that shit to you. You’ll never recover, Maboko. That is the love of your life. If it’s her – let it be her!”
We all look at him.
“You still follow Fiks?” Shaka asks him.
“Yeah”, he says with a heavy heart.
“Khotso, cut that loose. Cut it loose, morena. You have a shit load to lose and she’ll never take you back.” Shaka says.
I agree with him.
“And wena, let Linda rest in fucken peace. She’s already been raped by living and breathing Zakes. She’s not worth this tension between you and your wife.” He says to me.