Mnqobi and I have our doctor’s appointment today. We kept pushing it back because when we came back from Soweto, Mnqobi and Banathi told their mom about Phakathwayo’s efforts with the house, as well as the sacred room. They encouraged her to also go so she can find peace. There are a lot of things that she needs to find peace with. Bab’Zithulele lost his parents traumatically at that very house. He also lost a pregnant fiance on that day – Mnqobi’s mom told us. 

Bab’Zithulele struggled with mental health since that time. He was always going to die before his wife. But Mnqobi’s mom is struggling to find peace. 

So she also went to the Soweto house and spent time in that room. Apparently, she and Phakathwayo made peace too. She’s definitely a better woman than me. I love Sasi because she’s not a reminder of her father’s betrayal. If Mnqobi left me a child from amanyala, there’d never be a day where I make peace with that child. 

Also, Phakathwayo didn’t do anything amazing. That house in Soweto is a family house. With it being left to him, he was supposed to make sure that the house remains a family house. Everyone is praising him as if the illegitimate child who was accusing Mam’Tlali of killing her husband not so long ago has done the unthinkable. I’d be shocked if he didn’t do any of that. That was the least that he could do considering the pain he’s brought upon the family. 

But such things, we keep to ourselves else we’d be accused of not building the family.

I also had a chat with Palesa. She knows what Mam’Tlali expects from her “daughters”. She was lectured on her wedding day, and she generally has a hunch of what is expected and when. I asked her to be honest with me, guide me and help me. Mnqobi is often torn between his mother and I, so he’s not always going to be open and honest with me. If anything, he will always want to protect me even when he should be telling me that I’m not doing the right thing. 

The things is, it’s no secret that I didn’t grow up with utter training to be someone’s bride one day. And my dad is not exactly the kind of dad who was raising his only daughter for marriage one day. So I will admit that I don’t have the basics that people from vantuka af expect out of a bride. But I’m not going anywhere. I love Mnqobi and Mnqobi loves me. So they must either teach me or live with what I am. So Palesa promised to hold my hand into this. I promised to not be a bitch when I’m requested to do stuff that I don’t agree with. So I’m hoping for a better transition and an even better relationship with the Zithulele elders – the dead and the alive. I also want to be able to go into sacred rooms and do things that girlfriend can’t do. I’m not going to lie, I did feel incredibly touched when Palesa was the only person who could clean the sacred room in Soweto, while I had to just be with Mfundo who is both the young girlfriend and the one who has been in the family for the least time. Between Mfundo, Palesa and I, I’ve been with a Khuzwayo the longest. 

When I introduced Palesa and Banathi, I didn’t think they’d one day get married. I knew they’d like each other. But Palesa is nothing like what Banathi dated before. So I didn’t think that Palesa would change his taste that significantly and that quickly. When Banathi started talking marriage, I knew that even though I got into this family first, by her getting married first and her being married to the eldest brother, that would instantly make her more senior than me as a makoti. But I want a better relationship with her than I had with Nothando. Nothando hated me from day one and I didn’t do anything to that girl. But with Palesa it’s different. She’s my friend as well, so I guess that will always come to my aid. 

“Are you nervous?” Mnqobi asks me. 

We are in the car now headed to my OBGYN. I’ve been quiet and deep in thought this entire time. 

“A little bit. But I’m glad that I’m doing it with you. You’ve gone down this journey before, so you’ll be my peace when I lose my mind”, I say.

He laughs then says, “I didn’t do this for Sasi… the going to doctors and all that stuff.” 

“Really?” I’m so shocked. Phela the way that Mnqobi is with Sasi, you’d swear he carried her in his stomach for nine months. 

“Yeah. Lindiwe didn’t tell me about Sasi until Sasi was born. I found out about Sasi when Sasi was two hours old”, he says. 

“Did she ever tell you why?” I ask him. 

“Lindiwe grew up in a very abusive setting. She was raped repeatedly by her mother’s husband. It never stopped. So she was scared that Sasi was not mine. All the kids she has with Banks are fathered by that man. But Banks knows. And he just wants to remove her from that situation at all costs. He really loves her. I didn’t love her enough to do what Banks is doing or accept what Banks is accepting”, he says. 

I’m so shocked. 

I don’t even know what to respond to first. 

“Is Sasi safe? When she goes to eMhluzi, is she safe?” I ask because that’s all that’s in my head right now. 

“She’s never been touched. But Banks has stopped all the kids from going. He phoned me and asked me to give him authority to stop such visits. You know, I respect the father that Banks is. I even told him that when Sasi is in his care, he is Sasi’s father and he doesn’t need my permission for anything”, he says. 

Banks is one heck of a man. 

Clearly, Lindiwe is very lucky when it comes to men.

“I guess we have each other for this baby now. We will do it together”, I say.

He holds my hand. 

We get to my OBGYN’s offices. There are people way more pregnant than I am. Mnqobi looks rather freaked out. The guys in here are either on their phones or don’t know what to do with themselves. Us ladies kinda want to laugh at them because shame, this does not look easy on them hey. 

I fill out some forms, then within about 40minutes, we are attended to by my OBGYN. 

Mnqobi and I hold hands as we see our baby on the screen. The heartbeat is nice and strong. 

“I need to run some tests to make sure that the baby doesn’t have any disabilities as well as any other things we need to be worried about. I want to also admit you. Your BP is higher than it should be. I want to try and manage it. I also want to make sure that I asses you for everything. You have a history of miscarriage, so I want to make sure that I cover all my basis.” He says.

“Doc, should we be worried?” I ask him. 

“Not yet. Let me admit you and run my tests. We will deliver this baby, safely. I’ll do my best”, he says.

Mnqobi and I look at each other.

Mnqobi kisses my forehead then says, “I’ll stay here with you”. 

“I’ll check if any executive suite is available”, my doctor says.

…

It’s 8pm.

My dad comes into my ward. He is with Sli. I’m actually so happy that Mnqobi told him. I hadn’t got a chance to tell him as yet. 

“Baby girl, are you okay?” My dad is already panicking. His trip here was clearly was not great. 

“I’m fine, baba. They just want to make sure that I’m fine. The baby is also fine.” I say. I’ve never told him about the miscarriage, so I can’t mention that now. And I hope my dad won’t phone my doctor and ask questions. 

“How are you feeling though?” He asks me.

“I’m alright. Don’t stress. You didn’t have to come”, I say.

“Don’t say that. You are my child.” He says.

Sli is weird. 

Mnqobi offers her a seat. She says thank you, then sits down.

Then my mom and her husband walk in. 

What’s happening?! 

“I phoned your mother. She has to be here”, my dad says.

“Sawubona, Nomawethu”, my mom says.

“Hi mah”, I say.

We look at each other.

She looks at Mnqobi. 

Now I remember that they’ve never met.

“This is Mnqobi, my fiance. Mnqobi, this is my mother”, I introduce them. 

My mom hugs him. I’m shocked! Maybe my dad told her to relax about my relationship with Mnqobi.

Mnqobi lets her sit on the other chair. 

Now Patrick also walks in. 

Hai bo! 

I’m not dying! 

Yolanda is also here. 

These are the people that will be raising my BP hey. 

“You all know that I’m not dying, right? I’m honestly fine”, I say.

“We were worried, ntwana. O grand?” Patrick says, hugging me even. He is genuinely concerned. 

“I’m fine guys. But if you treat me like this, you’ll give me reason to panic”, I say. 

How panicked did Mnqobi sound on the phone when he was talking to these people? 

As the visiting hour proceeds, this set up starts becoming entertaining for me. 

My mother and Sli don’t seem to get along. So there’s a Cold War between them. Sli is also giving me the cold shoulder, and I’ve honestly stopped caring. This woman has just never liked me. Period. Yolanda doesn’t know how to be, and I’m not going to help her with that. Patrick must just break up with this girl. My mom’s husband is chatting to Sli, but my dad seems triggered… it’s as if this man is coming after the one he’s with now just as shamelessly as he came for the one that he used to be with. Mnqobi is now chatting to Patrick, laughing too. So I guess Patrick being here is good for him. 

By the end of the visiting hour, people say goodbye, and start leaving.

“I was thinking that maybe I’d move up here for a while and help you out… take care of you… just until you and the baby are in the clear. It would also be nice to stay longer if you need me to”, my mom says to me.

I see my dad smiling at us.

“What about the boys?” I ask her.

“Well, it’s school holidays. They are going to Middleburg to be with my parents for their holidays. I should be okay”, she says.

“Okay… then I’d like for you to stay. You can stay with Mnqobi and I”, I say.

Her eyes widen. 

Then something pops off in her head that reminds her to not try me. So when she speaks to me, she says, “okay. Thank you. I’ll be in the hotel until you get discharged, then I’ll move in with you there”.

“No need, mah. I can drive you there now. You can meet the staff and get used to the house for a few days. No worries”, Mnqobi says.

My mom is so uncomfortable, but I guess she tells herself that she’s doing it for me. So Mnqobi leaves with her, promising me that he will be back soon.

I hope she’s not moving in with Pat’s father. I don’t like that man. He doesn’t know his place. 

…

Two weeks later

My mom is still staying with us. She says she likes our place. Who wouldn’t? It’s a house and a half. My dad keeps popping in from time to time as well. Mnqobi and Banathi always joke about how my parents still have vibes between them. I laugh, but I don’t find it funny. What my mom did to my dad is unforgivable. I’d never let my father fix things with her. Mnqobi says I need to focus on my own relationship and child, and stay out of other people’s business. I’m not sleeping with my father so whoever he sleeps with is none of my business. I really wanted to slap him for that comment. But I just didn’t talk to him for two days and he didn’t even care. He kept saying “oksalayo it’s the truth”. 

My mom and Mnqobi’s mom met. They actually get along quite well hey. It surprised me, but it also helped me be nicer to my mom. I hate to admit this, but I’ve enjoyed having my mom here with me. I’m even feeling very selfish with her right now. 

We spoke a lot. And she asked me to forgive her. I think I’m on a journey to doing that. She keeps giving me all sorts of tips on how to be a mom and a wife to a man like Mnqobi. I even told her about the miscarriage I had. I told her to not tell my dad. She appreciated that we shared that moment between the two of us. 

Then she told me that it really hurt her that she found out about my engagement from my dad.

“Nomawethu, you are the only daughter I have. Every mother wants to be part of her daughter’s wedding because that’s the only opportunity she will get to do it. The boys will never give me that opportunity because the mothers of their wives will take over. I was so hurt that you were taking this away from me”, she said.

I explained my reasons. She was still hurt, but we agreed that we would do better with our communication. 

Mnqobi has been sucking up so much, he’s her favourite. 

My helpers creep her out. And it’s the funniest thing to watch. She says there are too many people in this house, how am I protecting my energy and the energy around the baby? 

I didn’t care for that comment, but it had  Mnqobi very suspicious and concerned.

So my mom kills us with white sage at the end of each day – Mnqobi says we let her do it. She’s old. She knows best. 

My mom went and found a Catholic Church around here, got holy water and a priest, and our house was baptised. Mnqobi’s mom helped her! 

Weh! 

My mom has now gone out to I don’t know where. So it’s just me and my books on bedrest today. Mnqobi is busy with church stuff that I’m no longer allowed to ask about. 

“Sis Wehweh, a Slindile is here to see you”, my butler says. 

Sli is behind him. 

After I nod my head, Sli comes in.

One helper comes to ask us what we’d like to drink. I ask for water. Sli asks for coffee. I ask that this be served with a cheese board.

I wonder what brings her here. 

“Ngiyawuthanda umuzi wakho, Ntombi. You wear it well”, she says.

“Thank you”, I say. I don’t know what else to say. 

“Wehweh, I thought that maybe you and I could talk”, she says, realising that I’m not trying to small-talk with her.

“About?” I say.

“Our relationship. It’s very strained, and I’d like to fix that”, she says.

Hai shame, my child must just be named Mlungisi because since I became pregnant, people just want to fix things. 

“Well, I don’t know what went wrong. We were fine. Then when I couldn’t make the family overseas trip, you switched up on me”, I say.

“I did feel hurt that you didn’t make it. It felt like you didn’t want to build with my children and they are a huge part of me. And this happened after you threw your toys out of the cot because Si invited them to live with us.” She says.

“I did throw my toys out of the cot because that’s my home. That’s a Radebe home. Your children are not oRadebe; there’s not a single sign of idlozi labo there. They have no business living there”, I say.

She looks at me like she’s about to murder me.

I also suddenly see Mnqobi at the entrance of the living room we are sitting in. He greets Sli then gives me one heck of a look. 

He walks in and sits next to me, as if here to mediate this conversation. 

“Sli, ikhaya is something very sacred. Those grounds are the homestead of my ancestors. You can’t just put your kids there. Where’s their father? Why can’t they go live with him or at his house?” I say. 

Mnqobi is still giving me looks. 

I actually don’t know what to say now. Kusekhaya, end of story. 

“Nomawethu, Simon was alone when I met him. Alone. You were living your life and he was so stuck on making you happy that he didn’t even have time to invest in his own happiness,” she says.

“So your kids are his happiness?” Uthini lo muntu?! 

“What I’m saying to you is that you are very selfish. You live here with your boyfriend, carrying a pregnancy so proud as if you are a married woman. Both your parents don’t approve of this shit that’s going on here, but they grin and bear it for you because it makes you happy. You are so invested in yourself that you don’t realise the sabotage that you are causing in your parents’ lives because you can’t be considerate for one second. I’m not going anywhere, Nomawethu. I’m going to be Simon’s wife. You’ll either have to accommodate me in what you think is an impenetrable relationship between you and your father, or deal with this tension forever”, she says.

“Careful now, sisi. I’ll always be his daughter. You are not even his wife yet and you think you can set terms and conditions for me?” I say.

“You are right, I’m not his wife yet. Any day, I can leave him  and move on with my life. The only thing I would’ve lost is someone that I love; my second chance at love. However, what will he lose? Things your selfish little self will never be able to fulfil. You will expose him to vultures who see Si Radebe’s wallet, and nothing else. He will lose someone who loves him and will grow old with him while you build your life and family in your big house with a man who I am sure you’d have a problem losing if his daughter didn’t like you or treated you the way that you treat me”, she says.

“Sasi and I have a relationship because I didn’t come into her father’s life trying to replace her or restructure the terms and conditions of their relationship. Don’t ever compare me to you because we are nothing alike”, I say.

“Fine. Forget about me. You’ll never like me and that’s okay. But cabangela ubaba wakho. Put his feelings before yours before you want to destroy the one thing that keeps him together when you and business need to shut down to attend to other stuff”, she says.

With this, she leaves. 

“What’s wrong with you? Izinto ozozifundisa izingane zethu lezi?” Mnqobi snaps at me. 

I look at him. 

“Kungcono uhambe uyohlala nobaba wakho ke. Khulisa izingane naye and be there when you’ve ruined his chance at happiness”. He says.

“My dad is fine”, I say.

“Nomawethu, if you don’t snap out of this rubbish, there will be no wedding. Do you understand me? I don’t want a wife who’s so selfish that she can’t invest in the family or choose the family over herself. No wonder my mom thinks you are selfish! And I thought she was just giving you a hard time. U sile wena!” 

Now I’m fuming. 

“Uxolise kuSli! And you butt out of their relationship. Those two are two consenting adults that are not hurting anyone by being together. Or what?! Do I not give you enough sex? Do I not give you enough problems? I’ll give you all of that if it means staying out of your dad’s business. I get that you are close, but you’ve now reached a level of bullshit. Hai mahn!” Mnqobi says then leaves. 

I will not cry!

I will not cry! 

I will not cry! 

Okay… I cry.