My in-laws are all over my house. Some are cooking even though there is catering here. I’ve told them, but zero adherence to what I’m saying. Fifi is locked up in a room. Makoti warona bathung. The Maphumulos will be here in the next hour. It is 5am and we are expecting them here at 6am.
We hear ululating in the kitchen and people singing aloud.
I open the door for Fifi because really, what the fuck? She will be locked up when her in-laws arrive. We get to the staircase to see who’s vibed up the house. Ona and Khotso are dressed in seSotho gear and are dancing while singing. Lulu and Thabi are singing and dancing with them. When morena and mofomahadi enter and also start singing – all three grandkids – dancing too. Now people start singing in the kitchen and living room and we can just feel that it’s a wedding day today. Well lobola day then the traditional wedding part one.

Maboko is in a suit and is super nervous. I get it. It’s his first time leading negotiations and he wants everything to be perfect for his sister. He doesn’t want to ruin this for her and he wants to make sure that she is well-respected and loved at the Maphumulo house.
Ntate Seete and Aus’Lebo are here. Maboko doesn’t want Ntate Seete here because honestly, he’s never liked Refiloe. So, why is he here exactly? And Refiloe is always uneasy around him. Always. I think Shaka knows why because he’s also turned on him big time. He doesn’t want Ntate Seete anywhere near him or Fifi.

Now that the Mohales have stopped singing and dancing, we are all greeting each other. Ruri has already taken Rena’s hand. Shame, as the only two girls out of so many boys, I can see why they’d be drawn to each other.
More ululating approaches the door. But it’s Banathi, Selaelo and Mnqobi who run in first. They give us a brief hello without even looking at us and they sprint to Khabane, Mohale and Tholoana. The Khuzwayos and Thokoanes are here and we greet each other.
The singing roars again. Fifi is happy. She cannot even hide it. She is happy! She’s taking videos of us as we sing and dance. We invite her to come sing and dance with us. She is always at the forefront of celebrating everyone here… singing and dancing and making sure that we feel that it is our big day. We were never not going to do that for her. But she’s suddenly so shy – as if she doesn’t want to be the centre of attention. This is her big day. She’s going to be the centre of attention.
Letlali climbs the staircase and fetches her to come downstairs to where we are singing and dancing and ululating. She’s still shy and awkward, but she joins us. We form a circle around her as we are deep within celebration. She finally starts dancing. Maboko joins her and they dance together. Man, I wish mme Lydia was still here to see this. The only people missing from this dance are her and Gwen. But you know what, with the high spirits around here… I can feel their spirits anointing this day – especially mme Lydia’s spirit. I take videos and photos of all of this. I actually feel like crying. I really wish she was still here.

At 6am, we start hearing voices outside. We didn’t even realise that we’ve been at it for two hours.
“They are here”, I hear Tiisetso say as she walks in. My mom is right behind her. They have buckets of baked scones and muffins. My dad walks in with buckets of gemere. I’m so surprised. I haven’t spoken to my mom and Tiisetso in over a year. My dad I can understand – we call each other at least four times a week. Maybe he told them about today and dragged them here.
My dad hugs me then he says, “They are here. Let’s do the right thing, baby girl.”
I’m so down.
“You good?” Lulu asks me.
“Ushup?” Fifi asks me. It’s her day. I don’t want her stressing about anything.
“I’m fine, don’t worry.” I say.
Lulu, Thabi and I have a job.
Banathi, Mnqobi, Khabane, Mohale and Tholoana have a job to do as well. Zithulele trained us well. We need him here for obvious reasons.

At 06:10am – ten minutes after the Maphumulos yelling our clan names at the gate – Zithulele calls the boys. He gives them an instruction and they make their way outside. We open a window to listen to them then watch them from inside.

Mnqobi: “Hello”.
Khabane: “No. You are not supposed to say anything.”
Mnqobi: “But it’s rude.”
Mohale: “Then be rude. But we not saying anything until we all get money.”
Maybe Khabane and Mohale should’ve done this. They seem to have understood the mandate.
We can’t hear clearly what the Maphumulo elders are saying, but we see them giving each of the boys one-hundred-rand notes.
They all sprint back into the house. We are all giggling.
Thabi is the first one to go outside as per Zithulele’s instruction.
She stands at the gate and looks at these people.
“Can we help you?” Thabi starts.
The men say something.
“Aus’Lulu. Aus’Tlali. Aus’Teboho, please come help me!” Thabi shouts for us.
The three of us walk out of the house. We walk towards the gate.
“These men say they sent a letter telling us that they would be coming here today. Are you aware of any letter?” Thabi.
Lulu, Tlali and I look at each other and shake our heads. These are Zithulele’s instructions. I promise. We are not being difficult just nje.
A man hands a stack of two hundred rand notes to Thabi.
Then I say, “I think my husband has told me about them. Let me go and check with him.”
As I turn around, another stack of two hundred notes are given to Thabi.
“Aus’Teboho, I think I remember them. They are here to fetch a flower that they’ve seen in our yard.” Tlali.
“Ooooooohhhhh”, the rest of us say.
I finally open the gate.
Lol.
This was fun. I hope the money is all ours.

We are now in the bedroom with Fifi. She seems so nervous. She’s busy chatting away on her phone. I think she’s chatting to Shaka.
Aus’Lebo comes to call us all. Shaka’s family must be able to point out their bride from all of the ‘young’ women around here.
We follow each other into the lounge area and we stand in front of these men as if we are at an auction and we are about to be bought by slave masters. When I did this with Tiisetso when Maboko’s family was paying lobola for me, it didn’t feel this unacceptable. I think the issue now is that it’s a lot of us to choose from.
They pick the right makoti.
Refiloe is then asked, by one of her uncles, if she knows who these people are and what they have come to do. She says she knows them and she knows what they are here to do.
We are told we can disappear again.

We chill in the bedroom just chatting about while we wait for whatever is happening downstairs. Then we hear someone ululating. Fifi smiles. I hear my mom starting to sing and it seems the catering people are the ones who sing and ululate with her. But we cannot leave this room until someone comes to tell us to do so. Indeed, Aus’Lebo comes in and tells us that the Maphumulos want their bride. Fifi’s smile is out of this world. I cannot begin to describe how happy she is.
We leave the room with a song of our own, Tlali ululating and all. We are actually quite a squad. The kids are here and are watching us. The catering people and my mom and Tiisetso are now also singing along with us, excited about this. My dad and Maboko led the negotiations, so they are smiling and we are definitely happy.
We are led outside, Maboko holding Fifi’s hand as if about to hand her over to her man. We see Shaka climb out of the car with Luhle. More people come out of the cars, including the four Maphumulo wives. They sing coming towards us. Shaka looks so happy himself.
Shaka and Refiloe meet each other halfway and they kiss. This is so poetic. What a beautiful moment. My goodness.
It’s a lot of dancing, singing, ululating and a happy moment for a good thirty minutes. Then we lead people to a set up glass tent in our backyard where the seSotho part of this union will be concluded.

…

The day is over and it’s time for the Maphumulos to leave. Fifi and Shaka are staring into each other’s eyes, being romantic, laughing and just smiling at each other. It’s so beautiful, hle.
We are headed to KZN tomorrow for the isiZulu wedding and yes, I’m the maid of honour. I’m so excited!

“Seete, thank you very much for everything, bafo. I am so excited to have you as my brother”, Shak says.
Then he smiles and says, “My baby brother.” Maboko laughs aloud. Fifi and I are walking behind them. We smile at how well they are really forming this relationship.
“Tell me, what time are you guys leaving tomorrow morning?” Shak asks Maboko.
“First thing in the morning. Around 6am? Fifi needs to rest. I’m a bit scared of her travelling too much in her condition.” Maboko.
“Thank you. I appreciate that. My family is driving back tonight. I’m thinking of driving with you guys tomorrow”, Shak.
“That’s fine. Then why don’t you just sleep over here? Just tell our new family that you’ll leave a bit later.” Maboko says.
They laugh.
“Baby!” Ntate Seete is drunk and uncomfortable. He’s calling Fifi “baby” and he has an arm around her. Fifi is extremely uncomfortable. She even wants to cry.
He’s already on the floor. Shaka has punched him and it was so fast, my eyes are debating whether they saw it or missed it. Shaka has a shoe on his chest. Maboko wants to tell Shaka to stop, but both Maboko and I need to understand what’s going on. We both feel like we missed the memo on something.
“Shaka, please just leave him.” Fifi begs.
“Seete, tell your son what you did.” Shaka.
Hai!
“Shaka, please.” Fifi.
I pull Fifi away. If Shaka is this upset, we clearly need to know what’s going on. Fifi is crying. I’m comforting her.
The kids run into where we are.
“Go play”, Lulu tells them. I don’t know when they all got in here.
The kids are hesitant to leave.
“Khabane. Mohale. Banathi. Take your younger siblings and go to the playroom. I’m speaking for the last time now.” Lulu.
When she says “I’m speaking for the last time” they know that they better disappear. She’s never hit them before, but they really listen when she says that line. They even run off.
“Tell Maboko what you did”, Shak repeats.
Us women are now all around Fifi.
“Voetsek wena, mshimane.” Ntate Seete says.
If the moment wasn’t serious, I’d laugh because he’s clan name is Mashimane.
Shak pulls out a gun and points it at him.
Bathung! A gun even at a wedding?
Fifi goes to him and says, “Baby, there are kids here.”
“Fifi, what did he do to you?” Maboko asks Fifi directly.
Fifi doesn’t say anything.
“Refiloe, I’m your brother. Help me protect you. What did he do?” Maboko. And he’s getting upset. And since he’s been in the church, his anger can be dangerous.
“He –
Silence.
“He tried to rape me.”
Whaaaaaaaat?!
Maboko closes his eyes as if controlling himself.
“Joseph!” Aus’Lebo.
Yoh. Imagine finding out such about your husband.
“I told mama. It’s one of the reasons they got a divorce. It happened at the house when I was still in high school. Gwen was very young. Mom and I decided we’d protect you and Gwen from it.”
Maboko nods his head. Then he says, “Refiloe, Teboho, Rethabile, Oluremi, Letlali, Aus’Lebo and mofomahadi.”
Yoh, he’s calling us by our full names? Kubi!
“Take the kids and take a drive.” He concludes.
“Not in our house, Maboko. We don’t want ghosts haunting us here.” I say.
Imagine!
“What’s he going to do?” Aus’Lebo asks.
We will let her live in her bliss. She’ll just wake up a widow tomorrow.
“Fine. We will take the drive.” Maboko says. He’s already grabbing his father off the floor and Shak is helping him.
“Maboko, what are you doing to my husband?!” Aus’Lebo.
“I’m sorry, ausi waka.” Maboko.
“He didn’t do it. I hit him with a lamp and he fainted. I managed to run away. You don’t have to do this.” Fifi says.
“You’ve felt unsafe around me my whole life. At our home where mom and I were supposed to protect you. And now in my house where I am supposed to protect you. Never again, Refiloe. Never again.”
I can see why he feels so shitty. But this is not his fault. It’s not even Fifi’s fault.
Maboko hugs her then follows the men out. Aus’Lebo is still asking us what they are going to do to her husband.
Ai!

…

We are staying at a lodge that’s about an hour away from the Maphumulo house. We are all getting ready and Fifi is still sleeping. I don’t understand.
“Refiloe”, even mofomahadi is a bit shocked.
“Guys, I’m so tired. This child is draining every bit of energy I have.” She says.
Mofomahadi and I laugh.
“Fifi, you really have to wake up and go out there. What will we tell Shaka if we arrive without you?” Mofomahadi says.
Refiloe looks like she wants to cry.
Her phone rings. She sits up on the bed, rubbing her eyes and yawning.
“Mashimane”, she says in a yawny tone. He’s on speaker.
“Hai bo, Refiloe Maphumulo. You are still sleeping?!” Shak sounds very disturbed by this. But Fifi is blushing and looks like she will get emotional on us. It must be the Refiloe Maphumulo part.
“It’s your child, Mashimane. This child is draining every bit of energy I have nje in life. I feel so exhausted. I told you we should do all of this after the child has arrived. You see what happens when you have a pregnant bride?”
They are too cute man. Yoh.
“Baby, I need you to come and sleep next to me tonight. Please try for us? You’ll sleep all you want once you are inside amagceke wakwaMaphumulo.” He says.
“Yeah, I’m up. Mofomahadi and Teboho are in my room and they had come in here to wake me up.” Fifi says.
“I sent something for you. Has it arrived?” Shak says.
Maboko was not this nice to me when we got married. I’m so glad that Shak is his brother now. He will help him up his game. Stru.
Some person walks through the door with breakfast.
He sent breakfast? Really?
“I got you your eggs done as you prefer them now that you are carrying intandokazi yethu – poached. That horrible garlic bread of yours is there too with butter and melted cheese, just like you like it. Then your water with fruit pieces is there. If something is not on that tray, tell me now so I can fire people.” Shak says.
This is sooooo –
“You making me cry”, Fifi says and he laughs.
“You cry for everything. I just hope our ntandokazi will not be a crying child”, he says then Fifi bursts into laughter.
“Ngiyabonga, sthandwa sami.” Fifi says.
“Ngiyakuthanda Refiloe Maphumulo.”
“Ngiyakuthanda Shaka Maphumulo.”
Refiloe is even mastering isiZulu now. The accent has improved A LOT!

After an hour and a half drive, we arrive at the Maphumulo gate. We have four V300 vehicles that we are arriving in. One of the vehicles has hired baSotho dancers and singers. We heard that the Zulus bring it – even Zithulele and Letlali betrayed us and are on the other side of this gate today.
We start singing and they start dancing away. We climb off the cars with blankets that will be used to gift the groom’s family.

As we are singing away here, we see isiZulu men dancing and singing. The ladies are singing, ululating and dancing too. This is so beautiful.
“Are you happy?” I ask Fifi. I’m the one who is right next to her. She is between Maboko and I. I wish Mme Lydia was here or her father was here at least. She’s older than Maboko and I, but right now, she’s between the two of us and we are supposed to give her away in place of her parents.
“I’ve never been happier, Teboho. In fact, I never thought I could ever be this happy in life. I’m so glad we found each other.” She says and I can just hear it in her voice and her tone that she means it.
“I’m happy for you. I’m happy with you. I’m happy this happened for you. Everyone deserves a love that is best served blessed. And this… this is blessed, ausi waka.” I say.
She looks at me. She’s smiling.
There’s silence now.
Morena is negotiating with the Maphumulo family to open the gate and let us in.
They ask him what he has brought to support his ask.
A van full of sheep approaches the gate. We move and make a way for the sheep that are being off-loaded. As soon as the gate opens, we start singing. The sheep are a bit chaotic. I don’t think anyone budgeted for this part here. But there are people here grabbing them and taking them to where they should be. I should’ve known that morena and Shaka have got this!

The gifting of the blankets is officiated by myself and Lulu. Thabi and mofomahadi are the ones who clothe the people we call up.
Then, Fifi has to bring water and wash Shaka’s feet, brush his teeth (which is really funny), then lay a grass mat on the ground for him. He lies down then a blanket is put over him. Thabi, Lulu and I hit him with sticks. I don’t know why, but apparently it’s a message that a man works, not sleeps. Trust me, Shaka doesn’t need to be told. He was raised well.

Now, the exciting part is about to happen. Everyone is now at a tent and are eating while we change. I asked to wear isiZulu gear guys. They said I don’t have to, but I insisted. You should see how flawless Letlali looks in her gear. She owes us a wedding and I’m going to be on her case until she gives us one. Knowing Zithulele, it will be more modern than what’s happening here, but we want it.
I’m changing into isidwaba, a bra covered in isiZulu beads, then the beads hang from the bra and form a top of some sort. I’m a married woman, so I have to wear isiqholo. It’s made of pure cow skin. I’m seriously feeling myself right now. The Tommy sneakers they give me are fully beaded.
Fifi is being dressed up by Shaka’s four mothers. We are in the same room.
She’s dressed in isidwaba as well. Mine is brown and white, hers is purely black. She’s also wearing fully beaded Tommy sneakers. Her top is made of pure cow skin and it covers her breasts and stomach. She has a beaded neckpiece on top of her top and beaded wrist pieces. Her isiqholo is made of pure white cow skin.
She looks so incredible. I’m honestly blown away.
The ululating tells me that these mothers are just as blown away.

Luhle takes pictures of Fifi and I. I’m definitely posting these. Now, it’s time for Fifi to go out there and I’m right behind her.

OH. MY. GOD!
Shaka is now wearing what they call ibheshu!
I know I’m married, guys. And I love my husband. You, dear reader, know that better than anyone. But hear me out.
Shak is in ibheshu! How does a man his age look that amazing?! How?!
He is busy singing and dancing to the traditional drums playing. He has ibutho with him singing and dancing too. All I’m hearing is “Wadla uMashimane.”
His abs!
His back!
His thighs!
I see Fifi’s vision and now I have to pretend like I don’t because I’m a married woman. I even catch Thabi stunned!
Now Shak makes his way towards us and when he reaches Fifi, he starts traditionally dancing in front of her. Fifi is honestly all smiles. I would be too. Shak must share his meal plans with Maboko. I want him looking this hot when we age together.
Also guys, I don’t know any of these songs! Lol! I’m just doing the step and pretending like I know what’s being said here. But I have no idea. Zero.

When we finally make it to the tent, we sit down and we are all catching our breaths from all of that singing and dancing. I’m next to Maboko and he will not stop smiling at me.
“I look hot neh?” I say.
“You do! You are having so much fun. I’m having more fun watching you have all this fun.” He says.
I laugh.
I even dressed Ruri up in isiZulu gear. She looks so gorgeous. I have a stunning baby girl, guys. Angifuni ukungasho. Maboko and his genes did great. She looks like Fifi a lot. Khabane is matching with his dad in their Basotho outfits.
I actually have a beautiful family. God is honestly highly favoured me by making me a wife and mother to these three people. I wear it as a badge of honour.

These speeches are long and unnecessary. But, we are finally at the end and Refiloe is being given a new name. It is MaTango who goes up to announce the name that they have chosen for Refiloe.
“Nandi”. She announces.
There is ululating and suddenly, the name suits her so stunningly.
Shaka kisses her.
“Uwamukelekile kwaMaphumulo, Nandi Maphumulo. Look after us, makoti. We will also look after you. You are home.” She says.
Then there’s dancing.
Aowa! Nna, I’m tired now. But, I am within.
“Maboko, you should have been Zulu.” Letlali says to him.
“Why?” Maboko enquires.
“Tebza needs her perfect Zulu wedding.” Letlali.
We all laugh.
“By the way, Tlali. WHEN – and not if – but WHEN you have your wedding, you can rent a Zulu maid of honour over here.” I say.
Everyone is now in stitches.

Shak and Fifi have disappeared. I doubt they are coming back out here. Fifi is probably asleep. Ruri is in her dad’s arms and she seems to be passing out. Khabane is asking me when we are leaving. It’s time for us to make our way to the lodge then we will make our way back home. Fifi comes back next week or something with Shak.

We are walking to the car when Lulu says, “How hot is Shak?”
“Girl! He must never wear that bheshu again. Every woman was tortured today”, Thabi says.
I laugh then say, “My eyes have been blessed. Yoh!”
They laugh.
Then we suddenly remember that we are married and we look around. It’s just us. The men are ahead.
“I heard you! And FYI, he’s always been this fine. So trust me, I watched him age and it’s just been the story of the fine wine.” Mofomahadi says and we all just laugh.
“Is Letlali sleeping over here?” Lulu asks.
“She was busy running around with Luhle and Suzy. You know she’s Shaka’s daughter now.” Mofomahadi says.
“She must give us a Zulu wedding. I’ll plan it for her if I have to.” I say.
“You know, if you were not with Maboko, we’d probably be leaving you here as well to find a Zulu man.” Thabi says and we all laugh.
“Just for the wedding. I don’t want anything else from Zulu men.” I say.
They laugh.
“Even if the man looks like Shak?” Lulu.
“Eish… now that’s another dimension all together.”
We burst into laughter.

We reach the cars and head back to the lodge. Khabane is passed out on top of me and Ruri is passed out on top of Maboko. I put my head on his shoulder. He is my peace.
Lulu has Tholoana passed out on top of her and Mohale laying his head on her thigh – the way Khabane generally does with me. Khotso has Lefatselabarena passed out on him. Lulu has her head on Khotso’s shoulder. That is her peace. Thabi and Ona are holding hands, Thabi’s head is on Ona’s chest and he keeps kissing her forehead. They find peace with each other. This is what we love. This is how it should be. It doesn’t always have to be chaos. Tomorrow, we can drive back to Tholoana Kingdom and start preparing for Ntate Seete’s funeral. That reminds me, let me kiss my husband and tell him I love him. He just killed his father. He needs to hear it now more than ever. I need to make sure that I keep him human. He became too ruthless too quickly. He needs a reason to be soft sometimes. That reason should always be me, his wife, Mrs Teboho Seete.