Terrence has been hired by some five-star hotel that belongs to the royal house to be their head chef. He’s so excited about that. I’ve never met a person in my life who is this excited about cooking. 

Terrence and I are somewhat okay, but honestly, I’m not sure if I’m ever going to be completely okay with this guy’s situation. And thus, I don’t know if I’ll ever marry him. 

With the king passing, the royal house being in mourning, then Rea and Mapho coming into leadership, I have been quite busy. I’ve had to help Mapho settle in, but still prioritise the queen. She’s so sad. She really is sad. I don’t think people understand how sad she is. 

I find her sleeping in the king’s pyjamas sometimes. When she notices that I saw her, she tells me that she just wanted his scent on her so she could fall asleep. 

It is so heartbreaking. And there’s honestly nothing that anyone can do. She just wants to be with him. 

She often tells me that she’s going to spend the day at his grave. She would say, “Mapho can handle it all. I’m going to spend the day with Ona today”. 

I really feel for her.

I have just dropped off the four kids that live with us at school. Two have a crazy mother that’s still in hospital because she tried to kill herself because she wants Terrence to choose her. The other one has a mother that at least found a job in South Africa. Once she’s settled, she’s vowed to come and get her kid because apparently, I’m not capable of raising anything from her womb. The only baby mama that’s still decent with me is Mercy. And we’ve agreed to stay with her kid so she can start making more money by flying international flights. So, I’m basically a working stepmother. 

I arrive at the royal house for work. I park my car then head inside. 

“Mkhaya, sawubona”, mme Moholo greets me. 

“Sawubona mkhaya. Ukahle?” Me. 

“Siyancenga mkhaya. Kunzima khona, kodwa sincenga impilo”, she says. 

I know she means it. 

“Unjani uThabi, mkhaya? Im so worried about her”, she asks me. 

“She’s not fine, mkhaya. Nakancane. She sleeps in the king’s pyjamas. She says it’s the only way she can fall asleep; because they still smell like him. She spends at least three days in a week at his grave. I don’t know how to be there for her”, I tell her.

“Eish mkhaya. I thought that I’d maybe take her away for some time, you know? Just try to be there for her… all of us nje, we thought we’d plan something for her and just spend time with her. Refiloe even said she’d join us. Yena noTlali both lost their husbands. Maybe they can be there for her more than what we can hey?” She says.

“I think that would be a good idea. Funny enough though, she spends a lot of time with Mapho. And Mapho really has patience for her. She makes her feel needed. Mapho goes to her for everything – even things that Mapho could honestly do herself. But you can see that Mapho is trying to keep her busy and keep her going. But it only helps when Mapho is next to her. The minute that Mapho has to go and work, iqala phansi yonke le nto”, I say.

She nods her head then says, “ngiyabonga mkhaya ukuthi umnakelele. We really appreciate you.”

I nod my head. 

My day is quite busy. I’m part of a task team that Mapho put together for putting together an advisory team for her cultural court. She’s asked us to go into the community and find her candidates. She wants three old men, three young men, three old women and three young women. We are also somewhat led by her lady-in-waiting, which I’m grateful for. I don’t know as much as I should about this kingdom. Mme Rampaku is so knowledgeable and she’s not selfish with information at all. 

We spend the day in different communities finding people, interviewing people, and pretty much shortlisting people. 

We head back to the royal house, and arrive just after 4pm. Thankfully, the kids have a transport that take them back home. Terrence’s mother is temporarily staying with us, so she receives them, gets them fed and started with homework until Terrence and I arrive. 

I hear women speaking in the lounge area. It’s Mme-Moholo, Teboho Seete is also here – my sister-in-law that I really like, Letlali Khuzwayo and Refiloe Maphumulo are all here. They are having a pyjama party of some sort. They are all in pyjamas – tasteful lingerie – having food and wine, and just talking. I’m actually happy for the Queen. I’m happy for what they are doing for her. And for the first time in a very long time, I even hear her laughing. 

“This is nice, neh?” Mapho says to me. I didn’t even hear her come in. 

She has her daughter in her arms. The son, Mohau, is next to her.

“It is. I’m so worried about her”, I say.

“Me too. She’s one of the strongest people I know. But even I know that this is a lot. It’s just not fair. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost Rea”, she says, getting emotional.

“Don’t think like that”, I say.

“It could have been him, Meh. His brothers and father are gone. He could have been one of them. What was I going to do?” She says.

“He’s here. He wasn’t one of them. That’s what we focus on”, I say.

She nods her head. 

“How did today go?” She asks me.

“I feel like I keep learning about the kingdom. The more work you give us, the more educated I feel”, I say. 

“Well, that’s very nice. I’m not mad at that statement at all”, she says, smiling at me. 

“Anyway, let me not keep you. I was just coming in here to get some lunch for the kiddies before we have outdoor time”, she says. 

“Kgosikgadi… you’d make an amazing queen! A lot of us here really wish that you and the regent were next in line”, I tell her.

“Thank you for saying that, Meh. But Moloko is also very capable. He’s literally involved in everything. I have hours of meetings with him a day. Imagine how ready he will be when he turns twenty-one and takes over? And I’m sure his wife will be equally amazing. She will need you guys to support her the way that you’ve always supported me”, she says.

She’s really incredible. 

You’d never say that she comes from poverty. Those ones that come from poverty become a nightmare when they meet money and this amount of power. 

I leave the royal house at 4:30pm and get home just after 5:15pm. Terrence usually gets home just after 9pm. I get the pots started. The children’s tutors are here busy going through homework and studying with them. Their school is a government school, but at least the quality of education and support is great. 

I’m pacing about in the kitchen when Terrence phones me. 

“Hey baby”, I answer my phone while continuing to prepare dinner.

“Hey love. I’ve been trying to phone you all day.”, he says. He’s not angry, but he’s not happy neither.

“I’m sorry baby. We were out in the community all day. I didn’t even hear my phone. And I was rushing to get back home, I didn’t get a minute to check my phone”, I say.

“Okay. I was worried. But I’m relieved that you are fine”, he says.

“I’m sorry baby. I’m okay. I’m even home now”, I say.

“Alright baby. I’m also on my way back now”, he says.

“Really? So early?” Me. 

“Yeah, I’m not feeling too great. I asked my deputy to step in for me tonight”, he says.

“Okay. What’s wrong, baby?” I ask him.

“I’ve been dizzy all day. And I’ve got a hectic headache. I’ll go see a doctor first thing in the morning”, he says.

“Okay baby. I’ll see you when you get home. I’m really sorry that you are not feeling well”, I say.

“Okay baby. I’ll see you in a bit”, him. 

We hang up. 

I wonder where his mother is. I can’t even hear the TV and she’s usually watching something there. I’ll phone her when I’m done cooking and she’s still a no-show.

…

I get home and hear chaos. It’s only this chaotic when it’s bath time. 

I just step in, change out of my uniform, shower, then look for some pain killers. I find a few, then head to the kitchen. Meh is dishing up for everyone and it is a lot calmer now.

“Hey”, she says, hugging me. 

I kiss her and greet her back.

“Have a little bit of food before getting drugged up”, she says, putting a plate of food in front of me and some juice. 

I sit down in the kitchen and eat. 

The kids pour into the kitchen. I have such a headache today, I need space. But they greet me, I greet them back and briefly ask them about their day. I think Meh notices that this is just a difficult interaction for me, so she gives them their plates and tells them to go to the dining table and eat. 

“Are you going to eat with us?” They ask.

“I’m going to help papa with his headache. You guys can eat”, she says.

They let us be. 

I eat, managing to finish my food. Then I take meds.

“When did this headache start?” She asks me.

I’m so scared to tell her the truth because we will fight. 

“This morning at work. But I’ll sort it out tomorrow, love. Don’t worry”, I say. 

“You sure? Ikhanda nje eskhaleni?” She says.

I want to tell her the truth. I do. But I stick to my lie.

“Love, I’ll be fine.” I say.

She lets me go to sleep eventually. 

I’m even struggling to sleep because this thing won’t leave me. 

I decide to phone my eldest brother. This thing is going to kill me. I’m desperate. 

“Hey”, he answers his phone.

“Monna, ke hloka thuso. Please.” I say.

“Keng?” He asks me.

“Phemello got discharged from hospital today. She phoned me to fetch her and take her home. I did. But she made me drink something. And this thing has been eating me up inside since… I’ve been dizzy all day and have a hectic headache. I need to go to a hospital and see a traditional healer”, I say. 

“WHY WOULD YOU NOT TELL ME THSI?!” I hear Meh’s voice shout. 

She leaves the room, comes back after a few minutes then pulls me out of bed. Shes shitting on me, but she’s at least helping me. And I’m grateful. 

She gives me something to drink. Then she tells me to stick my fingers down my throat and throw up. I do. 

I throw up so much that some weird snake-like thing comes out. 

Meh takes a picture of it. 

She uses a plastic to trap it in then seals the snake. That thing is so aggressive in that bag. 

“Come!” She says, helping me up. 

I feel so weak.

I feel like I’m going to pass out. 

“Hold onto me”, she says.

I do.

We walk until we get to her car. 

I see my mom and she insists on coming with us. The kids are clearly staying with the helper. I see Meh talking to her. 

Now she gets into the car, and she speeds. 

I feel like I’m dozing off.

“Mah, he mustn’t sleep. Please”, Meh says.

My mom tries to keep me awake. 

The snake is restless. 

After what feels like some hours, we get to some house. As I climb out the car, I see a traditional healer who even tells me to stay outside. Meh gives him the snake. His eyes widen. Also, when did my mom and Meh change into the clothes that they are wearing now? And where did Meh even find this person? 

“Yiyo le?” This man asks Meh.

“Yebo baba”, Meh says.

“Yoh! They were killing you wena! And it was going to be planted on MaKhumalo over here, to say that she is the one who killed you”. This man says.

“Uyinkosikazi yakhe?” This man asks Meh.

“Cha baba, kodwa lo umah wakhe”, Meh says, referring to my mother.

Where did Meh find a Zulu traditional healer? And one who’s on speed dial like this?! 

Meh stays outside as my mom and I head into this man’s healing hut. 

…

One week later…

I’m waking up feeling a lot better today. A lot. I spent three days at the healer’s house, then went home to heal more. Meh and I have been sleeping in separate rooms. I don’t know if it’s because of what happened or if it’s because she’s upset with me.

I make my way to the kitchen to see if I can talk to her.

She has packed bags next to her. 

My mom is begging her to not leave.

She’s leaving? 

What’s going on? 

“Meh?” I say. I’m still somewhat limping. 

She sees me.

“I’ve decided to leave this house”, she says.

“Why?” I ask her.

“Because this relationship is not working for me. It seems that we are not aligned somehow. Either I’m the one who doesn’t understand how to manage a relationship with a man who has children, or you are the one that just doesn’t respect my boundaries. I don’t know at this point who is right and who is wrong between you and me. All I know is that this is not working for me… for both of us actually”, she says.

“Meh, please don’t do this”, I beg her. I’m so weak I even cry.

“Look at you! What more are you waiting to see before you cut these people off?! Imithi yonke?! And all because you did what I asked you not to do. Look at where we are?! Terrence, I can’t keep doing this with you. I’m taking Tshepo because his mother is the one mother who doesn’t mind me looking after her child. These other ones… call me when their issues are resolved. I’m not exposing myself to this nonsense any longer. I didn’t leave home and come to a foreign country to be dribbled by desperate psych patients”, she says.

Tshepo comes running in with his backpack ok his back. The other kids are sad.

“Asambe boy”, Meh says. 

Tshepo heads out first, then Meh pulls hers and Tshepo’s bags out following Tshepo. 

“Meh! Meh, please! Phumelele!” 

She’s gone! 

“Tshe! Ulathalatha la nnete! Se tlayela!” My mom says. She’s both angry and sad. She was also crying. 

“Mme!” 

“What kind of a man are you?! Look at the kind of woman you’ve let go of because of these street walkers you gave children! These street walkers are clearly using these children to keep you trapped!” 

“Phemello is the mother of my children! What was I supposed to do?!” I snap.

“Okay mother-of-my-children! I hope you are proud! Because I’ll tell you for free, you’ve just lost the best decision you’ve ever made!”  My mom says.

“What do you want me to do, Mme?” I ask her since she has such heavy opinions.

“Take these kids and give them back to their mothers! You can support them through the courts! Then go and get your woman back”, my mom. 

And my kids start crying at those words.

Yerrr!