A month and a half later…

We are sitting in this living room in Mamelodi. We had come to pay lobola for Palesa, but the morning has been so chaotic. The aim was to be done by 8am latest. It is now 11:30am, and we are about to resume the talks. 

We arrived here at 5:30am. Pope is our chief negotiator. Uncle Maboko, Ntuthuko and I are the other negotiators. When we arrived, Palesa’s aunt looked at Uncle Maboko and said he looked like “Abuti Joseph”. Uncle Maboko said his father’s name was Joseph. Joseph Seete. Then after theatrics and a half, the aunt mentioned that Abuti Joseph was her sister’s married lover and he is the father to Palesa, Katli, Puseletso and Kari. It was such a shock for Uncle Maboko. Palesa completely lost it. We had to go to Banathi – who was sitting outside with my mom – and tell him what happened and what Palesa overheard. Banathi has been talking to Palesa all this time, trying to get her to see the day through. He came out of the bedroom at 11:15am, and now we resume the talks. But you can just also see that Uncle Maboko is not fine. He’s been on the phone with Aunt Tebza until we had to come back in here. 

Abantu abadala must stop judging us now and calling us things like a lost generation or a generation without morals. We actually try to be good people. Bona banamanyala that they worked hard to hide from us just so we think they are perfect. Ey, banamanyala la bantu. Imagine leaving Tholoana Kingdom so regularly to come and make babies in Mamelodi? Kude kangaka?! 

We finish the negotiations at 13:00. Palesa is sad, so there’s not much of a celebration. Just lunch and we do umsebenzi wokulanda umakoti. Then we have to go. 

–

“I’m worried about uPalesa”, Wehweh says to me as we lie in bed together. We are staying at a hotel in Pretoria. 

“Yeah. Banathi says she’s really not okay. Kodwa naye uMam’khulu wakhe… akana time and place. Could she not drop this bomb after the wedding?” I say.

“She feels bad. She kept apologising to Palesa, and shame she confessed ukuthi she saw Uncle Maboko, got triggered and couldn’t keep it to herself. Palesa is angry that Mamkhulu saw them struggle after their mom died. She saw Palesa give up everything to be a parent to her siblings. If she knew who their father was, why was she quiet? And what must she do with this information now that she doesn’t need the dad anymore?” Wehweh says. 

“This is so messed up. Uncle Maboko was also really emotional about this”, I tell her. 

“You know, Mnqobi, when you men step out on us and keep doing this shit, you don’t understand the impact that you leave behind”, she says. I don’t understand why she’s bringing this back to the Lindiwe situation. Are we not over it? 

“Wehweh, I thought we were over the mistake that I made”, I say.

“Hmmm… vele umenzi uyakhohlwa. Umenziwa uyena ongakhohlwa. I want you to know that if you do something like that again, and worse – kids come from it – I won’t be the only one hurt. And the worst that I can do is leave you. But I want you to bear in mind what you will be doing to Sasi and any other children that we will have. Bheka uPalesa and Uncle Maboko banjani? Ngenxa yamanyala wendoda eyisile and that was selfish. Kunjani makunje?” 

I don’t even know what to say to her because Palesa is her friend, so she’s angry on her friend’s behalf. But she’s also triggered. So, nothing I say will be the right thing to say. 

She turns her back to me and turns off her side lamp. She’s really upset. I hear her sniffing. Hai bo! She’s even crying?! All of this because of indoda eyisethuneni as we speak, kodwa nje ushiye amanyala here on earth for poor Uncle Maboko to clean up? Or maybe this Joseph guy is that ancestor that’s making Uncle Maboko pay. Phela Uncle Maboko killed him after Uncle Maboko found out that Joseph tried to rape Aunt Fifi. No…that man was filthy. He tried to rape his stepdaughter. He had a kid with Uncle’s Maboko’s ex-wife. Now he’s the father of my sister-in-law? And now Wehweh is crying because his shit has now triggered her. Fok! 

I cuddle her, her back spooned to my front.

“Wehweh, ngiyaxolisa sthandwa sami. I’m so sorry”, I say. 

She just cries. 

I really don’t know what to do.

“Wehweh, how do I fix it? How do I make it go away?” I say.

“When we were dropping Sasi off at Lindiwe’s place before coming here, Lindiwe asked me if you still like your blowjobs wet”, she says.

Okay, this is bigger than I thought. 

“Do you want me to kill her?” I ask her.

Her entire body becomes stiff as she says, “Mnqobi, you are not going to do that! Promise me! What will we tell Sasi?!” 

What a woman! Lindiwe would have begged me to kill her. She feels like crap, and Sasi is the only one she cares about in all of this. 

“I just feel so insecure, Mnqobi. I feel like I’m not enough for you.” She says.

Now that really hurts me. 

“Even our baby didn’t think I was enough. Why else would I miscarry our baby if nothing is wrong with me?” She says, catching me off guard nje.

WTF?! 

But I realise that this is not the time to be upset. She needs me. 

I get out of bed. 

I make my way around this bed, switch on her side lamp and kneel before her. 

I kiss her as I wipe her tears off her face. 

“Nomawethu, you are the best mother that any child can ask for. Sasi is obsessed with you. You have mothered a child that you haven’t given birth to. What more will you be to a child you’ve given birth to?” I say. 

“Then why, Mnqobi?! Why can people like Lindiwe give you a baby and I can’t?! What does she have that I don’t? How is she more of a woman than I am?! And I know you have this answer because of all people, you cheated on me WITH HER!” 

Wehweh is really breaking my heart. I will admit that my thoughts didn’t even take me to where she’s taking me when I crossed that line with Lindiwe. 

I don’t even know what to say. 

I didn’t even realise that I had affected her like this. 

I sit on the floor, and I find myself crying too. 

What the hell have I done?!

I am waking up at 9am because my phone will not stop vibrating. I seem to have slept on the floor. Wehweh is still asleep. 

I check my phone. 

Banathi is phoning me. 

“Sho”, I answer my phone in a yawning voice. 

“Sho. Are you guys coming down for breakfast?” He asks me. 

“We just woke up. You guys can go ahead without us”, I say. 

“Okay.” Then the line goes dead. 

I get up from the floor and sit on the three-seater couch that’s in here. 

I get a call from Lindiwe’s number. It’s probably Sasi.

“Hello?” Me. 

“Hi dad. How are you?” Sasi is so loud. 

My day is already so much better. 

“I miss you! How are you?” 

“I miss you too, dad.”

“Are you having fun in Cape Town?” I ask her. Banks took them there for a holiday or something. 

“It’s fine. But I miss you and Auntie Wehweh. Where is she?” 

“She’s sleeping. But I’ll tell her to phone you when she wakes up”, I say.

“Promise?” 

“Promise.” 

“Okay. I was just checking up on you. Bye.” 

“Bye, baby girl. I love you.”

“I love you. Bye!” 

The line goes dead. 

I wonder what my baby with Wehweh will be like. Sasi is everything a dad can pray for and so much more. 

But I’m really worried about Wehweh. I’m so worried. 

“Mnqobi?” I hear her utter, searching for me in the bed.

“I’m here, baby”, I say, making my way back to bed. 

“Ubuyaphi?” She asks me.

“I was just on the couch. Sasi called. I promised her you’d phone her back when you wake up”, I say.

She smiles then says, “uthi kunjani eCape Town?”

I laugh and say, “athi she’s having fun, kodwa she misses us.” 

“Awu bandla. Intombi yami”, she says, smiling to herself. 

I pull her towards me. 

She allows herself to be vulnerable with me. 

“I’m sorry about last night, Mnqobi. I didn’t mean to just pour all of that out on you”, she says. 

“No, don’t apologise. It’s good that you did because now I know how you feel. I had no idea how you were feeling all this time. I want to know how you feel. You are the love of my life, Nomawethu. Ngiyakuthanda. And I am so so so sorry for my contribution to all your pain and insecurities. Nomawethu, I’m trying. I’m trying to be a good man to you. For you. What happened with Lindiwe will never happen again. And with our baby… baby, maybe it just really wasn’t time.” 

She is quiet. 

After a brief silence, she says, “I think she was a girl.” 

I get emotional. 

“What would you have named her?” She asks me. 

I think about it. 

Then the prefect name comes to me. I say, “Sikhethiwe. Sikhethiwe ukuthi simthande, simkhulise, sibe abazali bakhe. Sithenjwe ngesibusiso esikhulu. Sikhethiwe.” 

“That’s beautiful. You know what I think?” She says. 

“What?” 

“She’s with your dad. Uyena okhethiwe ukupholis’ amanxeba kababa”, she says.

A tear drops from my eye. I hold her tighter. 

She runs her hands up my thighs. 

I give in. 

We need this emotional sex. 

…

Today, Palesa is being welcomed into the Khuzwayo house. The ceremony is happening at Mam’Tlali’s duplex in her very bourgeois estate. Apparently, the people of this place didn’t want the noise. But the royal family pulled rank and here we are. Palesa is at least happy today. And she looks so beautiful. Banathi is so proud to have her next to him. This is just so beautiful to watch. 

Next year, this will be me. And I hope that my day is just as beautiful.

Mam’Tlali’s does not like me much. She thinks that I’m spoiled because I don’t like being treated like a child. Children don’t do what I do to her son in the sheets. She likes Palesa because Palesa is just that person… she will take shit no matter how bad it stinks. The issue is that it now makes me look like I’m the bad person in all of this. Yaz I try my best to be respectful and supportive. But it just seems as if the respect in her house was spelled out in the times of the bible, and unless I’m a wife of those times, I’m not good enough for her son. She’s very unfair. When she married Mnqobi’s dad, her mother-in-law was dead, so no one was treating her the way that she treats me. I’d expect a hint of modern mother-in-law out of her. But here we are. 

So nje this weekend, I stayed away from her house. I’m not officially married into this family yet anyway. I was with Palesa’s family today and I will further behave like a guest as they are. I don’t want to fight with Mnqobi’s mom. 

–

Mnqobi and I are sitting together and are eating. Banathi and his bride are being advised inside of the house. After that, Palesa will be reintroduced to us as the Khuzwayo bride in her isiZulu attire. Mam’Tlali is the one who bought her the outfit and Palesa had no say. I would have never been that trusting, and that’s just me. Some Khuzwayo elders are here, and this has made everyone upset – from Mam’Tlali right up to her sons. It’s weird to me that she hates her in-laws so much, but insists on treating Palesa and I like this. And when I say that to Mnqobi, he tells me to shut up because I don’t know the first thing about those people. That’s the only time that he never defended me or my feelings, so I know it’s deep. But I hope it’s not him doing a turn on me and choosing to be a mommy’s boy over being my partner. 

“Dumelang”, the Seetes greet us.

“Uncle M, how are you?” Mnqobi stands up and greets them. Ruri and I hug. She’s a mommy now. Her son is so beautiful. She and Khanya are so beautiful. I know they are having their wedding celebration soon. From what I know, he just paid lobola and they went and signed. This was to ensure that their son, Okwenkosi, could take on Buthelezi surname. But they’ve been staying with Ruri’s parents since Okwenkosi was born because Khanya’s mother is insane and is now locked up. And I’m being kind by saying that. I know that they moved back to Khanya’s duplex a month ago though. 

“Uph’ uOkwenkosi?” I ask the parents.

“At my parents’ with the nannies. I’ve borrowed Khanyisa’s two nannies, so they are looking after Khabane’s boys and my boy”, Ruri tells me.

By the time we sit down to chat, Mnqobi, Khabane and Khanya have left. We don’t know where they went.

“How are things with Aunt Tlali?” She asks me. 

We’ve never spoken about this before. Judging by how her mother didn’t even greet me when they arrived and that she’s deliberately asking me about this, Mam’Tlali has told her squad and I’m the talk of those women. 

“What did you hear?” I ask her. 

“Dumelang!” Mapho says. She and Rea are holding hands. They are with Rea’s son, Mohau. 

“Hey!” We get up and greet them, but definitely more respect because this is the next royal couple of the kingdom. 

“Don’t be weird. We are still Rea and Mapho”, Rea says.

We laugh and say, “after the inauguration, you’ll be regent and she will be kgosikgadi.” 

“Guys, it’s still us. That’s an order”, Rea says and we all laugh. 

“Hey Mohau”, Ruri greets Mohau.

“Hi”, the boy says. He’s holding onto Mapho’s hand. His twin is an issue, so we understand why she’s not here. 

“Mohau, dumela papa”, Ruri’s mom says.

Mohau runs to her and hugs her.

“Come, let me take you to Sekai, Mohavi, Maboko and Nkosi”, she says.

“Yes please. All the people here are old. And they left my baby sister with the nanny”, Mohau says, and we all laugh. 

“Is it okay if I take him to my place?” Ruri’s mom asks Rea and Mapho.

“Yes, it’s okay, Aunt Tebza. Thank you,” Rea says.

“A re ye, papa”, Ruri’s mom says. 

They leave. 

The guys come to fetch Rea. Now it’s us – Mapho, Ruri and I. Mapho sits down. 

“You were still telling me what these aunties are saying about me”, I bring Ruri back to our conversation.

“Mapho, I’ll be inside if you need me. We will just have to leave before the sun sets, nana”, the queen says.

Ruri and I bow our heads at her.

“Okay. We will take the lead from you, mofomahadi”, Mapho says. 

She nods her head then walks to the house. She and Mnqobi’s mother are dressed the same – mourning clothes. 

“Hey!” Zaza and Wandi join us.

Good Lord! 

I need to hear the gossip about me. 

But I’m pleasant. 

After we’ve taken another ten minutes exchanging niceties and guys joining the guys, Ruri finally answers my question.

“We hear that you are an absolute bitch towards Aunt Tlali”. 

“A bitch?!” I say defensively. 

Everyone looks like they want to get up and be busy with something else, so I know they’ve heard it too. 

“She treats me like a child!” I say, getting upset.

“Kanthe what are you?” Mapho says.

“I’m not a child”, I firmly say.

“In this house you are. To Aunt Tlali, you are. Mnqobi is a child to her – her child. And if you plan to marry Mnqobi one day, you need to understand that in this house, you remain teachable and you remain a child”, Mapho.

“Listen to the married one who is about to be the kgosikgadi of this country. And, she actually doesn’t have a mother. She also raised herself like you did after your parents’ divorce.” Ruri says. I don’t know why I find that funny, but I actually laugh.

“Wehweh, Aunt Tlali is such a cool woman, bra. And the way she wants to love her daughters? Do you know how excited she was about you and Palesa? Saying how you are her chance at having daughters, then this is how you do her?” Wandi.

“Also, Mnqobi and Banathi have lost their father. The two of them need to be closer than ever towards their mother, and wena you want to be an adult in a house where they are children? Come on, Wehweh.” Ruri says. 

I’m silent now.

“Girl, you know how shitty my relationship is with Khanya’s mom. But I could never wish her away. And even when she sabotages herself, I have to keep making sure that Khanya knows that I’m fine with him loving her. It’s because of her that he’s the man that I love”, Ruri. 

“And it’s no secret how much Senzi’s mother hates me. My family has even had to threaten her. But today, she’s in my house looking after my daughter. I’m trying with her again. It’s probably the 79th time that I’m trying with her. And I’ll keep trying because I’m her child.” Wandi says. 

“And Molise’s mom is… ja… even her own child is tired of her. But to me, ke mme. And I have to treat her accordingly”, Zaza says.

I feel like shit. 

I guess I’ve been a brat.

“Fine. I’ll go and apologise to her.” I say.

“That’s the spirit. And I brought us aprons. Let’s go help her inside”, Ruri says.

Thank God we are all in sneakers. 

We head towards the house.

“Niyaphi?” Mnqobi asks us, specifically looking at me.

“To help”, Ruri.

“Wehweh –

“Hai Mnqobi, Wehweh is busy.” Ruri says, pulling me into the house. 

I see Mnqobi getting up to come to me, and the guys pull him back, telling him to relax. 

This was clearly planned. 

Mnqobi’s mom is acting like everything is fine between us. She even hugged me. No wonder people think I’m the bitch. If she’s gossiping about how shitty I am, why is she acting like she’s fine with me?!

I think Mapho notices my irritation and says, “you can do this, friend. Let’s go serve the advising committee”. 

I actually feel like crying hey. 

But I follow her lead.

It’s 4pm when Palesa walks out with Banathi, dressed in their isiZulu gear. My friend looks so gorgeous. Everyone notices because the ululation is so loud. And Banathi is so proud. His wife is gorgeous! And Mnqobi’s mom chose a stunning outfit for her. It’s a black isidwaba, a lot of black and white beads, a black isiqholo with white feathers, and black and white accessories. She’s so beautiful. 

They head outside. 

We just hear whistling, ululations and singing. Mnqobi’s’ mom looks so emotional. But she’s happy. I use this as my time to go speak to her.

I walk up to her. 

My friends look at me.

“I’m sorry, mama-Mnqobi”, I say.

She looks at me.

“For all the times I’ve disrespected you or misunderstood your intentions, I’m really sorry. I want to try again – at our relationship. I love Mnqobi. And when I become his wife, I want you to look at me and love me the way that you look at and love Palesa. It will mean a lot to Mnqobi if we get along. But it would mean so much more to me. This is my chance to be a child”, I say.

She just hugs me, then she says, “thank you… for saying all of that. Kea leboha”. 

We smile at each other. 

“I’ll go back to the kitchen”, I say.

She looks at me and says, “thank you, Wehweh. Truly. Thank you.” 

I leave and head back to the kitchen. 

We are at the wedding until 2am. Banathi and Palesa disappeared at 10pm. The Mohales – because they are mourning – left at 6pm. Mnqobi is sleeping over at his mom’s place. I can’t because well, we are not married, and this weekend is all about welcoming Palesa to the family. So Mnqobi drops me off at our place then heads back home. 

I already miss him. 

But I really need to work on this relationship with his mother.