I am walking back to my car now after leaving the babies in their classes. Banathi bought Katli a BMW X3 when we agreed to move here. Katli is in grade eleven again because he moved to a new school. He didn’t even mind, and I’m happy for him. Puseletso changed her mind about boarding school, so she’s a day scholar living with us. 

So Katli drives to the high school with Puseletso. He also drives with Zozo and Kari – the primary schoolers. I take Ziwe and Gugu – I leave Ziwe at her preschool then I leave Gugu at her class – grade three class. This is my life now. 

Banathi has been on training for the past six months. I miss him so much. Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep. I get involved – with the other women whose husbands do what Banathi does for a living – with community work. I get paid twice every month. I receive half my salary in my bank account and the other half in cash. Coming into this kind of money can get very scary. But at least I’m able to pay staff salaries of all the people working in our house. I’m able to pay school fees for all kids and still meet all their demands. I’m able to look after the house. 

I drive to my house and honestly just start crying. I miss my guy so so much. It’s been six months, and no one is telling us when these dudes are coming back. 

I park the Porsche in the circular driveway then head into the house. 

The staff that I haven’t already seen greet me, but everyone seems a bit tense.

I try to walk into my house and some guy I’ve never seen before stops me.

“Who are you?! And how did you even get in here?!” I snap.

“Ma’am, you need to come with me.” He says.

“I don’t even know you. So, unless you show me some sort of identification, I’m not going anywhere with you.” I say.

“It’s about Mr Khuzwayo,” he says, getting my attention.

“What about him?” I ask.

“I need you to come with me. Please.” He says.

“Where is Banathi?!” I’m raising my voice now.

He does something on his phone. 

“WHERE IS HE?! WHERE IS BANATHI?!” I’m screaming at him now.

He gives me his phone.

“I DO NOT WANT YOUR STUPID PHONE! WHERE IS MY BANATHI?!” 

I get this feeling that something bad has happened.

“Palesa?” I hear Banathi’s voice say.

I look around me. I don’t see him. 

The guy gives me his phone. 

I take it this time.

“Hello?” I frantically say. 

“Baby, it’s me. I’m back in the kingdom. But we are staying at a retreat centre for the week. Today is the only day we have to spend time with our women. They are bringing you to me”, he says.

“Okay. I’m coming”, I say.

Now, more cooperative, I follow this guy’s lead. When I get in the car that he leads me to, I see Wehweh is in here. 

We hug each other. 

“These guys are so rude”, I say. 

“Do you know what’s going on?” She asks me. 

“B says they are back in the kingdom and are at some retreat centre. We are only allowed to spend time with them today”, I say. 

“Oh thank God! Beng’thukile. So many women have been getting calls to collect their men’s bodies”, she says. 

“What?!” Now I’m not convinced of what Banathi told me. And Wehweh sees it in my face. 

“Did you speak to B?” She asks me. 

“I did”, I say nodding my head to co-sign my words. 

“Then we are good”, she says, holding my hand. 

“We are good”, I reply, us saying it insync. 

We collect a few more people then we head to the retreat centre. 

My stomach is in knots! 

We climb off the car one-by-one, Wehweh and I climbing out last. When I see Banathi waiting for me, I almost faint! But I run as fast as my legs will let me – and that’s not really fast because I’m fighting back hectic emotion! He limps towards me with the intention to meet me halfway. It feels like eternity… probably the longest few seconds of my life. But I’m finally in his arms. He wraps himself around me and I just know that he is equally happy to see me too. I don’t even realise that I’m crying. 

We are in his room now. I’m lying next to him. I can’t really lie on top of him or do much because he has some injuries. 

“I missed you so much”, I tell him. 

“I missed you too. I wanted you next to me everyday. So much happened.” He says. 

“I know you not allowed to tell me much, but I just need to know if you are fine. Wehweh told me that some people even passed”, me. 

“Yeah. Mohale and Tholoana didn’t make it”, he says with some sobs. 

YOH! 

My body instantly feels cold. 

“Then… when he was trying to save Tholoana – doing everything that he could to save Tholoana – Uncle Ona died too.” He says. 

“The king?” I ask. I’m so shocked. 

He nods his head. 

I get up, pull his head close to mine, comfort him, and let him cry. 

What on earth was happening at this training of theirs? Also, the king is dead. Why isn’t it all over the news?! 

We took a nap together. We are woken by Wehweh phoning me and asking if Katli can also get Sasi from school. I phoned Katli and asked him to fetch everyone. Then they must all go home and stay put. He agreed. 

We are now in the common area of this retreat centre. Moholo Khotso and Mme-Moholo Phuthi are about to address us. I’m sitting next to Banathi. Wehweh is sitting next to Mnqobi. Mapho is sitting next to Rea. We are all clinging onto them, grateful for their lives! They are all battered and beaten so badly… bruised as if their bodies are pressed to tell us stories of what has happened. 

“I’m sure by now, all you gents have brought your women up to speed about the lives that we have lost along the way”, Moholo Khotso says this, struggling through tears. 

“I have lost my twin brother and two of my children. Most of all, I’ve lost a large chunk of my soldiers. And to their families, I am so so sorry,” he says.

The rest of us start crying now because this is sad.

“The death of the king had not yet been announced because we needed to give the royal family an opportunity to make the necessary plans. But now that there is a way forward, the death of the king will be announced tonight.” Moholo Khotso says. 

“All of you will be assigned army-trained bodyguards. The gentlemen are still healing, and we don’t need any strain on them until they are in good shape”, Mme-Moholo says. 

“Stay alert, everyone. And most importantly, stay safe. We need all of you”, Mr Maboko says. 

“Gents… ladies… we never meant for any of this happen. But training and surviving are key to the work that we do. We wish we didn’t have to have come back with the 789 coffins that we have come back with. We wish we only came back with none. We have all lost parts of us. And in memory of all our fallen soldiers, may the church rise to greater heights”, Moholo Khotso says.

All the men – in their pain and agony – kneel. There is not a single dry eye in here. 

…

One week later

Today is the king’s funeral. The country has been in mourning, so the kids have not been going to school. Most businesses were closed – unless they sold essential goods. We all had to wear black when we leave the house. 

B is back at home and is healing quite well. The bodyguards are also freaky. They don’t say a word. You turn around and you bump into one – he won’t even say hi or sorry. He’s just quiet, scaring the crap out of you with a gun in hand.

“Banathi, do they have to carry these guns in the house? They freak me out and they freak the kids out”, I’ve pleaded. 

“It’s their job, Palesa”, that’s all he says then leaves me alone. 

Katli and I have gossiped about this life we now find ourselves living. We’ve laughed about how my mom is probably laughing her lungs out watching us live this life. Puseletso seems to love it. Puseletso loves being rich and she loves showing off about it. I always tell her to not talk about it too much. She brings us unnecessary attention. She doesn’t care. She’s just living her best life. Imagine! 

Banathi and I are getting ready for the funeral. We are going together. The kids – my siblings included – have all gone to Pretoria. Wehweh’s father asked to take Sasi, Zozo, Gugu, Ziwe, Katli, Puseletso and Kari on holiday so we can do whatever needed doing. 

We were given strict instructions to wear black only – no other colour. Then we are all meant to wear black and grey sanna marena jackets. I’ve just finished getting dressed. it’s also pouring outside. I wonder how we are going to drive through this rain – that time, I’m the one who’s driving. 

“Are those scary bodyguards of yours coming with us?” I ask him as he finishes putting his tie in place.

“Yep”, he says. No humour spotted anywhere. 

We take our umbrella then leave the house. The bodyguards decide that they will be driving us. So, we sit at the backseat of the car. 

As the driver drives off, I just get nervous. My mother passed away in a taxi accident and it was raining heavily that day. Yoh hai. 

“Are you okay?” Banathi asks me.

“The rain is just.. a lot”, I say.

“It’s typical Tholoana Kingdom weather, baby”, he says.

“My mom died in a taxi accident… and the rain was this heavy.” I say.

He holds my hand. 

I look at him.

“Come here”, he says.

I sit closer to him.

He cuddles me in his arms.

“Let’s talk about things that make you happy”, he says. 

“Like what?” I say.

“What makes you happy?” He asks me.

“You. Being with you. Our family”, I say.

“Really? What about those things make you happy?” He asks me.

“You are nothing like I’ve ever experienced in this lifetime. When Wehweh first told me about you, I thought that you were just one of those guys who thought that just because you have money, you think you own women”, I say.

“Well, what the hell did Wehweh say to give you that impression of me?” He says, laughing.

I laugh too then say, “She mentioned that you could be all about the sex and I shouldn’t go into anything with you hoping for too much. Right now, you are just about getting laid. She told me you could afford to fly me in and out of your country just for sex. She’s just hoping that you could have one stable sexual partner, so you don’t catch anything”. 

He bursts into laughter.

I’m glad I have him laughing.

“So that’s why you gave me such a hard time when we met?” He says, still laughing.

“Yes. Because when I saw you, I knew that you’d be my husband. And there was so much conflict within me because I wondered if I’d be able to go through the bullshit stage with you first before we get to where we are destined to be”, I say so innocently. 

I feel so exposed.

“How did you know that I’d be your husband?” He asks me.

“The way you smiled at me when you interacted with me. You were so kind to me… you understood my need to be handled gently. You hugged me like you knew that I had been through so much, and you made me feel safe. I looked at you, and all I wanted to be was your home after a long day of facing this world that can be so cold and cruel. I wanted my arms to be the arms you retired to every night, no matter how badly we fought. I wanted my lips to be the last set of lips you kissed in this lifetime. I wanted to give my all to you and I prayed it would be enough. I don’t come with financial stability, B. I don’t. I’ve been looking after my siblings since I hit puberty, so all I know and all I bring to the table is survival. And I wanted to offer you that. I wanted you to look at me and see someone who, when we’ve lost everything, I will make sure that you, me, and our kids survive. I have a PhD in that.” 

Now I wipe a tear off my cheek. 

“Marry me, Palesa”, he says.

“You know I’ll marry you.” I say.

“I’m serious. Let’s get married. Next month”, he says.

I sit up and face him. 

He has a serious face as he stares at me.

“Next month?” I inquire.

“Yeah. Palesa, I struggled when Nothando passed away. I never thought that I’d have a second chance at love. Not even for one minute. Had I known that I’d meet you, I would’ve probably preserved myself a little bit more”, he says.

We both laugh at this.

He holds my hands then says, “I’m not a perfect man, baby. And I know that I’m not easy to love. I know. But you love me so effortlessly. You never get tired of me. You love my children so much. You keep my house warm, loud with laughter, and complete. I loved Nothando. I did. But not like how I love you. Ngiyazifela ngawe, Palesa. I want you to be my wife. I want to your husband. I don’t care what happens after that, as long as I have you by my side.” 

I kiss him. 

He lets me. 

We can hear the bodyguards in the front seats sniffing as if crying at this moment. 

We actually chuckle at this.

“So, will you marry me, Sthandwa Sami?” He asks me.

“I will, my love. I will marry you. I’ll marry you a million times over and over again. Thank you for choosing me – with everything that I come with. Thank you for opening your doors to my siblings and loving them… giving them the one thing that they should have but I couldn’t give to them… not even life could give them that – a childhood. Thank you for raising our family with me. Thank you for accepting me as I am and loving me so loudly. I promise to honour you, love you, respect you, and give you your place in our home and in my life, muntu wami… until my eyes close for the last time on this earth.” I say.

Now he kisses me, putting me on top of him and pulling down my stockings.

“Wait”, I whisper.

He looks at me with his dreamy eyes. 

“Aren’t they watching?” I whisper, referring to the gunmen stuck to us like chappies stuck to the bottom of a shoe.

He bites his lip, thinking about this.

“We will pay them for their silence. And if they want to watch, they’ll only see your back. You are facing me.” He says.

I undo his belt and pants.

We hear these guys cough. 

This is so uncomfortable.

That time, we are stuck in heavy traffic!

Somehow, we comfortably and enjoyingly have sex with each other. Imagine! I also cannot believe it. My mom would be ashamed. But after we’ve had sex, he asks me, “Does the rain still freak you out?” 

I actually forgot about that. 

…

My fiancé and I finally arrive at this town hall. The traffic was so bad that I even managed to get a quickie in the car. I feel bad for the driver and the bodyguard. They also cannot stop looking at me without looking at me in the eye. I feel like laughing at them. Come on now. Do they not have sex?! 

“Sizogula la!” Palesa exclaims as she steps out of the car in her heels. 

I hold her hand. I have our big umbrella on my other hand, and it covers us both very well. 

“This water is going to creep into our shoes, make our socks wet, then our feet cold, then we will get sick.” She says.

I laugh then say, “don’t worry. I’ll make sure that I’m your ever effective Dr Love”. 

She laughs then hangs onto me as we move towards the town hall where we will be seated. 

We bump into my mom at the door. She’s already standing with Mnqobi and Wehweh. We quickly greet. 

I feel my socks are wet. I see what Palesa meant. 

“Good. Le teng kao fela. We will all sit together. Pale… Wehweh, please cover your heads, bana baka. Here, I’ve brought you headscarves”, my mom says. 

Palesa hands me her bag then accepts the head scarf from my mom. She ties it on her head, shoving her wig underneath it as if she didn’t spend an hour making it look like that. Wehweh looks a bit upset about this request. But she tries not to cause a scene. My mom gives Wehweh a questionable look, and if I were Mnqobi, I’d be having a talk with her after this. 

“Friend, please help me”, Wehweh asks Palesa. 

Actually, Palesa tied it so nicely. You’d swear she planned for this. 

She helps Wehweh tie hers and Wehweh also looks good. 

Now, we walk in with my mom. And we are sitting in the second row from the front. Yoh. 

Wehweh and Palesa sit next to each other. Mnqobi sits on the other side of Wehweh, and I sit on the other side of Palesa, between her and my mom. 

Palesa whips out a black blanket. Two actually. She gives one to Wehweh to share with Mnqobi. Then puts the bigger one over herself, myself and my mom. Then she pulls out two portable heaters. No wonder she carried a big bag! Ey, but she’s a plug. My mom even makes me swop seats with her. But I’m happy that she makes Palesa move up a seat so my mom is located between Wehweh and Palesa. 

These heaters are turned on under these blankets. I decide to even take off my shoes and dry my socks right here. The best! 

The service starts. I feel the worst for Rea and Moloko. They are honestly the last two standing. Rea sits next to Aunt Thabi, comforting her. She dealt with a lot of shit, but she really loved Uncle Ona. She loved being his queen the most. Aunt Phuthi is sitting next to Uncle Khotso. He’s been falling apart since the explosion. He also tried to run there and save everyone. But we all pulled him back. We are all scared of Aunt Phuthi. None of us were coming back without Uncle Khotso. I’m just reminded of the day that we had to bury my dad. I don’t remember anything about that day except that it happened and I cried like a little bitch. I always knew that my mom would out-live my dad. Since I was a child. She’s always fought for life more. But when death actually creeps in, it steals a part of you that you’ll never get back. Everything about death is difficult and heavy and painful. Then they must still deal with the throne politics. I really really feel for them. Truly. 

“YOU KILLED MY CHILD! YOU HAD ONE JOB! ONE! KEEP HIM ALIVE! YOU FAILED!” Tholoana’s mom shouts as she walks through the door. All of this is televised, mind you!

Security tries to hold her back as Ruri – heavily pregnant – makes her way to her parents, landing in a hug in her father’s arms. Khanya is trying to restrain his mother. But she’s a mad woman on the loose. 

“THABI! FACE ME, YOU BITCH! YOU HAVE ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING! YOU CONTROL EVERYONE! YOU KEPT ME OUT OF MY SON’S LIFE AND NOW YOU’VE KILLED HIM! FACE ME! LE NDLOVUKAZI EYINGAZALI LE!” 

Yoh yoh yoh! 

“Bathung!” My mom says in shock.

“Yoh baby, ubani lo?” Palesa. 

Some security guard slaps the shit out of Tholoana’s mother, and she falls to the ground. 

Yerrrr! 

Mara naye! 

Aunt Thabi stands up from where she is sitting. All the village people are encouraging Aunt Thabi to beat this woman up… on some, “mshape, mofomahadi!” 

Imagine! lol! 

“Do you know why I didn’t have kids?” Aunt Thabi says as she gets to Tholoana’s mother. We can all hear the exchange. 

“Because awunanzalo wena! Isibeletho sa ncola bese wena wa zala isilwane se ngane, bese lesibeletho sakho sa bola, wena wasikhipha!” Tholoana’s mom is crazy! On our territory nogal! 

“Mah! Lithatha kahle le khanda lakho?! Ufun’ ukufa?!” Khanya tries to get his mother. He must just have this woman admitted, honestly. She makes us Zulu people look crazy…. Worse she’s from royalty herself, and this is how she behaves?! Sies! 

And Aunt Thabi is so hurt by this woman’s words. Aunt Thabi doesn’t deserve this. No man! 

“Actually, it’s because I needed to find a way to give your children dignity because sluts like you were making babies for my husband left, right and centre. Wena, Thandeka, wena… you left your husband and made a baby with my husband! A baby that sent Regodise Mohale to the grave!” Ja, Aunt Thabi is going to have this woman killed.

The “HAAIII” that fills this place is insane. People watching this funeral on TV probably think this shit is scripted.

“O tlong potela mo while I’m trying to celebrate my husband, despite the sluts like you that he put me through! What do you know what being a mother?! Did you ever call to ask what Tholoana had eaten?! Did you ever check in on how he was doing?! How he was growing?! Did you even know his girlfriend? Or you only know the girlfriend that you abuse? Nahana fela… a thing like you abusing our own – Ruri Seete. You are scum compared to the Seete name!” Aunt Thabi is GOING IN! The crowd and their commentary is more wild to me. They are basically saying “off with her head for threatening a Seete”. 

“Get out!” Aunt Thabi says.

“How could you bury my child without me?! I gave birth to him. I deserve to know where his resting place is”, Tholoana’s mom says. 

“You gave birth to a prince. What did you think opening your legs for a king would mean? A luxurious lifestyle with no consequences?! Get the fuck out of my face before I have you arrested for spitting on the king’s grave!” Aunt Thabi says. 

Tholoana’s mom picks herself up then as she leaves, she turns around and hits Aunt Thabi. Okay, now we are all on our feet. The police are even arresting Tholoana’s mom now. As if she hasn’t done enough, she spits in Aunt Thabi’s face then says, “You were never good enough for him. You couldn’t even give him an heir! You were a useless wife”. Now the community starts pushing her out, helping the police move her off these premises. Khanya finds Ruri. They make him sit in the front as Tholoana’s brother. Pregnant Ruri sits right next to him. They look so good together! You can just tell that Ruri made those outfits! 

The service takes about three hours, then it’s time for a feast. We celebrated all three lives in this service: Tholoana, Mohale and Uncle Ona. 

The rain is still POURING. 

Heaters and blankets are put away now.

Palesa and Wehweh are with Ruri and Mapho. I’m with my brother now. My mom is with the queen, Aunt Tebza and some other Mohale elders. 

“I asked Palesa to marry me”, I tell my brother.

“You know Wehweh and I saw this coming”, he says as he gives me a congratulatory handshake.

“Yeah. I love her. She loves me. I’m the rest of her life. She’s the rest of mine. I can’t wait to make her my wife”, I say.

“Yeah. You are one lucky man. I’m happy for you”, he says.

“Thank you.” I say.

“Do you know when you’d like to make a move?” He asks me.

“Next month. The sooner the better”, I say.

“Damn, you aren’t wasting time.” He says.

“Yeah. What about you and Wehweh? When is your wedding?” I ask him.

“It’s currently on hold. Her dad asked me to give him an opportunity to finish putting Wehweh through school. Then he will give us his blessing. Wehweh was quite upset about it. But she’s come around. I get where he’s coming from. As a father, I’d never be okay with Sasi feeling like she owes a man anything. It would drive me nuts. But Wehweh can never owe me anything. Anything I can do for Wehweh, she can do for herself. But I have to respect the man”, he says.

“She’s got one year left. Then she’s all yours. Don’t look at the glass half empty”, I say.

“Yeah. She was just really upset. But she will come around”, he says. 

“What’s going on between Wehweh and mom?” I ask him. I need to know.

“Ey! I’nkinga zami azipheli, bafo”, he says. I’m already laughing. 

“Wehweh complained that mom treats her like a child. I don’t even know what that means. So, I went to speak to mom to see if she has any issues with Wehweh. Mom says Wehweh is spoiled and is not teachable. She thinks she knows everything. Then she pulled the “if she wants me to not teach her how to be a Khuzwayo bride, it’s fine. I won’t force myself on her. But don’t come crying to me when you can no longer handle her. These things start small.” So ja, it’s always beef between the two of them”, he tells me.

“Yoh! And remember how you used to laugh at me when mom and Nothando got into it?” I say, laughing still.

“Mom and Nothando were bad. Wehweh and mom are still mild”, he says.

We laugh. 

“Yoh. And dad would always tell us to chain our women coz Letlali Khuzwayo is his wife. He’s the only one that’s allowed to make her pop off”, I say and we both laugh. 

“She actually fucks with Palesa though hey. She really likes her. She really sings her praises”, he says.

“Really? I always feel like I need to defend Palesa from her because of what we went through with Nothando”, I say.

“Nah. This time, you hit the nail on the head – in her eyes anyway. You’ve got nothing to worry about”, he says.

We have a moment. 

“I miss dad”, I say.

“Yeah. Me too. He would’ve been happy to see you move on. He worried about you a lot after Nothando died”, he tells me.

“Not enough to not off himself”, I say.

“Mom said he had mental issues”, he says.

“Yeah. And she’s always worried that of the two of us, I’d inherit those issues because I saw the most.” I say.

“If you start feeling like you are in a dark hole, bafo, get help. Don’t make Palesa bury you. She’s lost enough”, he says.

“Yeah. And I hope that I don’t ever have to bury her. I won’t survive it”, I say.

We hug each other.

“I hope we are not disturbing”, I hear Wehweh’s voice say. 

We come out of our hug. 

Wehweh and Palesa have food for the four of us. 

“The drinks are in my bag”, Palesa says. This bag of hers! 

We accept the food, sit down, start eating and talking.