I’m in Tholoana Kingdom with Khosini and Khanya. I dragged them here and they have just not been very charmed with me. It turns out that Nathi ditched spending time with them to go on a weekend away with his new girlfriend. They are hurt and for whatever reason, I’m the person getting the bad treatment.

Ona bought me a house here. It’s in a very nice suburb. I wouldn’t have minded having stayed in Fikile’s apartment, but I’m thankful that I have the house. There is some privacy and my sons can disrespect me in peace.

“Izani nizodla”, I call them to the kitchen after I have set up the table.
Ona thought it would be a good idea for him and Tholoana to join us for dinner. I need to ease these two into this first. I need to be smart about this.
“Khanya! Khosini! Don’t piss me off. Did you not hear me call you for dinner?” Now I’m yelling like an angry Zulu mama.
They drag themselves down the stairs and come into the kitchen sulking.
They wash their hands then settle at the table.
I observe them very carefully.
We all start eating.

“Mah, did you and dad have to get a divorce?” Khosini asks me.
“Yes, Khosini. We did.”
“Why? Because of Tholoana’s dad?” Khanya asks me with attitude.
I could just throw a shoe at him.
“Your father and I got a divorce because our marriage wasn’t working anymore.”
“Because you stopped choosing the family?” Khosini.
“I don’t have to be married to Nkosinathi to be your parent. Unlike him, I’ve never dropped you guys for a date with anyone. I have an entire child that I cannot even have a relationship with because I’m so stressed about how it would make the two of you feel. Tholoana is my son who is growing up without me because I’m busy nursing the two of you for being unreasonable. Nkosinathi has cheated on me! He has beaten me up! He has done things to me that a husband should never do to his wife. Yes, we had good times in our family. But the bad ones did outweigh the good and I had to choose happiness again. The fact that the two of you are behaving like this tells me that every time I chose to stay with Nathi, I was teaching you the wrong idea about marriage.”
“Gogo says you never forgave ubaba for having Wandisa. And now you made Tholoana to get back at him.” Khanya says.
“Your gogo is the last person to be saying anything about my marriage. I want the two of you to listen to me because I’m your mother. As your mother, I’m telling you that I love you and you are my sons. I’m telling you that I’d never choose anyone over you. And as your mother, I’ve divorced your father. Not you.”
They are quiet.
“Dad says you are going to get remarried and forget all about us and live in kuvukiland”, Khosini says.
I’m actually going to punch Nathi one of these days. Or maybe I should take Fikile’s advice and put Ona on him.
“No matter what happens, you are my babies. You go where I go. Have i ever given you a reason to believe that I’d ever choose a man over you?”
They are silent.
“If I move to Kuvukiland, I move with you guys.”
The looks on their faces!
I chuckle and they laugh too.
“Mom, can we maybe talk about possibly going to a boarding school? We don’t want to live with dad and his new girlfriend. And we don’t want to be around you and your new family.” Khanya says.
This actually hurts me and he sees it.
“I didn’t mean it like that –
“How did you mean it, Khanya? How?”
Silence.
“Tholoana is your brother. Do you at least acknowledge that?” I ask them.
They nod their heads.
“Would you want him to disrespect your father the way that you are clearly disrespecting his father?”
They shake their heads.
“You know what, whatever! Honestly!”

I just get up from my seat and just go to bed. I don’t know how I’m going to win this war. I really don’t.

…

I’m woken up by voices downstairs. There seems to be quite a few. I get out of bed and shower first. I was quite upset when I went to bed last night. Being told by your children that you have a new family that doesn’t include them hurts. I hate Nkosinathi for driving that campaign to them.

I’m surprised when I get downstairs and see Ona messing up my kitchen with Khanya and Khosini. Rethabile is down here with them, helping them. Khanya and Khosini are actually laughing. Tholoana is here as well and he also seems to be having a good time. I wish I could take a video of this. I’m not sure what happened between last night and this morning.
“Hey girl”, Thabi says as she greets me. She has an apron on and powder on her face.
“Hey. What’s happening?” I ask Ona.
Ona comes and hugs me – like REALLY hugs me.
“You look good”, he tells me.
I see Thabi get a bit uncomfortable.
“Thank you. What’s going on?” I ask
“I thought we could all have breakfast together. But Khanya and Khosini decided to burn everything else.” Ona says.
Khanya and Khosini try to defend themselves, but I’m just surprised that Ona achieved this kind of mood with them when they’ve been so horrible with me.
“Thabi, you know that thing you were showing about heat and pressure –
Khanya loves chemistry. He will probably be a doctor like his father.
He and Thabi are best friends and they are sharing chemistry notes while proving theories in my kitchen.

I try to take Tholoana and just hold him in my arms. He doesn’t push me away today. I honestly feel like I’m dreaming. There is no way that any of this is real. My son is in my arms and he’s not crying? Even Ona can see how much this breakthrough means to me.

“So guys, seeing that breakfast is an absolute disaster, why don’t we go and have breakfast somewhere where we will be served.” Ona says.
“Can we go to Spur?” Khosini and spur bakithi!
“No! That’s so boring. Can’t we go somewhere we’ve never been before? Maybe Thabi can choose for us.”
It could be me, but I think Khanya has a crush on Thabi. Ona is giggling, so I think he sees it too.
“Thabi, we are in your hands, ma’am. Where are we eating?” Me.
“I say on a boat cruise.” Thabi says.
“Do you get to wear bikinis and all that?” Khanya asks Thabi.
Thabi laughs and says, “Very nice bikinis.”
Ona laughs aloud.

I’m getting on the boat with Tholoana on my hip. This is good. I like this. He hasn’t rejected me. I sat at the back with him and his two brothers. Thabi and Ona sat in the front. It was a nice drive. Like I said, I still feel like I’m dreaming.

Ona sits with Tholoana and I on the one side of the boat while Thabi has Khanya and Khosini crushing all over her.
The boat takes off and we are served our breakfast. We are all actually sitting at one breakfast table and nobody is fighting.
“Uncle Ona, are you the king of this country?” Khosini asks.
He’s even Uncle Ona? What did Thabi feed my kids?
“I’m just a prince. My dad is the king.” Ona says
“So, does that mean Tholoana is also a prince?” Khanya asks.
“What does Tholoana even mean?” Khosini.
“Yes, Tholoana is a prince too. And Tholoana means a seed. We named your brother Tholoana because we believe that he is the seed that has been planted where great things will grow.” Ona explains so beautifully.
Even they are taking it in.
“So, if you and my mom get married, what will happen to us?” Khanya asks, genuinely concerned.
Ona and I look at each other.
Ona looks at them then says, “You are going to live with us. You’ll also be my sons. I’ll do my best for you.”
“But Tholoana is your child. So you won’t treat us all the same.” Khanya.
“You haven’t even given me a chance and you’ve already written me off. I love your mom. I do. Loving her means loving everything that she holds close to her heart. She holds the two of you close to her heart – very close to her heart. She’d never give me the time of day if she so much as suspected that I wouldn’t be capable of loving you guys.” Ona says.
“Our gogo says that we will always be Buthelezi children”, Khosini.
“And she’s right. I’d never take that away from you. It just doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t be able to be my children too.”
Thabi is observing us.
“Would Thabi be our mother too?” Khanya asks us with a sly smile on his face.
I’m the first to burst into laughter and everyone laughs too.

My kids have posted our breakfast on the boat morning on social media and obviously their father has noticed that they are having a good time. He starts blowing up my phone. I don’t take his calls. Ona notices that I’m avoiding Nathi’s calls.
“Is he bothering you?” Ona asks me.
I just roll my eyes.
He’s stopped phoning me and I hear the boys talking to him. Ona, Thabi and I listen in on the conversation.
Khosini: “The boat is nice. It’s nice here. I don’t mind coming to live with mom here.”
Khanya: “And Thabi is so nice, baba. She’s good at chemistry. We were doing experiments together.”
Khosini: “And baba, Tholoana’s dad is nice. We call him Uncle Ona.”
Nathi: “Ngiyabona bafana. Where’s your mother?”
Khanya: “Why? Do you want to bully her? Mos she didn’t phone you and say anything when you posted pictures of you and Hazel.”
Wow! He’s actually fighting for me.
Nathi: “I’m looking for your mother and she’s not answering my calls. Where is she?”
Khanya: “She’s busy.”
Nathi was never ready. He actually clicks his tongue and hangs up the call.

“Khanya, don’t you want to dive and see what’s underneath the water?” Thabi says to distract them from the call.
“Can I also come?” Khosini.
I’m just upset. Honestly.
“Is it okay, Thandeka?” Thabi asks me.
“Please mommy”, Khanya.
“It’s fine”, I say.
They can see that I’m just not okay anymore. Then I see Tholoana falling asleep on my chest. This is honestly priceless.

Thabi, Khosini and Khanya are changing into safety gear to dive under water. This whole adventure of theirs sounds dangerous, but I hope for the best. They are diving in caves anyway and there is an instructor helping them. Ona and I are instructed to take videos. We do. Then Nathi phones.
This time, Ona answers my phone.
“Sho?”
Silence.
“Hello?” Ona.
“Where’s Thandeka?” Nathi.
“Busy. How can I help you?”
Silence.
“Eh baba! I’m going to hang up this phone if you don’t start speaking.”
“Tell that slut that I want my children in Johannesburg in an hour.”
“It’s not happening.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said it’s not happening. They’ll return to Johannesburg when they return to Johannesburg. If you want them, come see them in Tholoana Kingdom. You set foot on my Kingdom, I’ll have you executed and serve your penis to your mother. I hope I’m clear.” Ona says then hangs up.

A few minutes later, his mother is phoning me and my parents are also calling me. I’m so done.

…

I’m woken up by a loud bang on my door. As I run down the stairs, I see Khanya and Khosini are up and are following me.
“Go back to bed”, I tell them.
“I’m phoning Uncle Ona”, Khosini says and runs off. I don’t even know how to respond to that. Honestly.
Khanya is with me.
He stands behind the door.
I open the door.
Nathi’s hand bashes my face and neck and I fly from the door and hit a wall closest to me. There is already blood on the wall. He doesn’t even see Khanya.
“Ung’jwayela amasimba wena!” He yells.
He charges towards me and he starts kicking me.
I’m screaming and telling him to stop, but he grabs me by my hair across the floor and he is yelling at me. He is calling me every slut in the book as he hits me and kicks me.

It feels like forever before the beating stops on me and he is on the floor being beaten. I see one of Ona’s friends – I think he’s name is Maboko – he takes Khanya and Khosini and gets them out of the house. I’m coughing blood and my eye is covered in blood as well. I cannot even stand up. Every part of my body hurts and there is blood everywhere. I cannot help but cry, but even crying feels extremely painful.
I see Ona and Khotso are still roughing up Nkosinathi.
“Can you get up?” I hear someone ask me.
My brain is just not functioning.
This person cups me in his arms and I’m in pain. I yell “ow” through my pain.
“I’m sorry. It will hurt just a little bit, okay.” He says.
“Ona”, I managed to whisper.
He doesn’t hear me.
“Ey, Ona!” The guy who’s carrying me says.
Yeah, it’s Maboko.
Ona and Khotso are looking at us. Nathi is coughing blood on the floor.
“Don’t kill him”, I utter.
“What?!” Ona is shocked and angry.
“You can’t kill him. In Khanya’s and Khosini’s eyes, you can’t be the man that kills their father. Please. Don’t kill him.”
I see Khotso look at him as if I have a point. Ona looks at Nathi. He looks at me.
“Can I hire someone to do it?” Ona.
“Ona –
“No, it’s fine. I’ll have him locked up for now. Then, I’ll raise his sons and one day, I’ll personally put a gun in their hands and tell them to pump bullets in this fucker’s head.”
Ai, Ona mara!
Maboko takes me out of this place. I just black out.

I’m waking up in what seems to be a hospital room. I look around me and I just see Ona passed out on a chair. Khotso is awake and standing next to a window.
“How are you feeling?” Khotso asks me.
I nod my head. I don’t even have energy to open my mouth and speak.
“The doctor says your injuries are hectic. He has to keep you for some tests.” Khotso tells me.
I just close my eyes and tears run down my face.
“Where are my kids?” I ask him. I can’t even look at him. I’m so embarrassed.
“They are at the royal house. They were fucked up. Lulu managed to calm them down eventually and put them to sleep.”
I just start crying.
Ona wakes up. I feel him hugging me and trying to calm me down.
“The stupid fuck is in a prison cell”, Ona tells me.
I just cry. I’m so hurt – physically and emotionally.

When I’m done, I ask Ona to use his phone to call Fikile.
“Fikile?” Khotso asks me. Oh ja, they have history.
“Yeah, she’s my boss. I need to let her know what’s going on.” I say.
He and Ona look at each other.
Ona gives me his phone.
“It’s 7am. She should be on her way to the office.” I say as I dial her number.
I put her on speaker because I struggle to hold the phone up to my ear.
“Hey girl”, she says in a yawny voice.
“Hawu?! You are sleeping?” Me.
“Girl, I’m in Venda. I’m too tired to even have sex.” She says and we laugh.
Khotso and Ona chuckle under their breaths.
“Listen babe, Nathi striked again. He put his hands on me again.” I say.
“Yaz, uNathi is such a waste of semen. When are you putting Ona on him? Those Mohale twins will have his memory captured in an obituary very fast and your problems will be solved.” She says.
Maybe I shouldn’t have put her on speaker.
“Khosini phoned him when Nathi barged in and beat me up.” I tell her.
“I know Ona wouldn’t let him live. Is he still breathing?”
I laugh. Khotso and Ona laugh too.
“How are you doing, babe?” She asks me.
“I’m in hospital. I’m waiting for tests that are being run on me.”
“Thandeka, jokes aside, this thing is serious. I hope he’s at least behind bars.” She says.
“My kids –
“You think they want to see their mother in the state that you are in? You are actually fucking up those kids by teaching them that this is acceptable. Thandeka! This is unacceptable and no child wants to see their mother like this. I don’t care how difficult divorce is.”
I just cry.
“Hey… listen to me girl… do you remember the first time we turned down one of the biggest deals we’ve worked on together? And those men tried to get us to sleep with them just to get the account?”
I cannot stop crying.
“T, do you remember what we promised each other the day we said no to that contract? That nothing on this earth will ever come between us and the love we should have for ourselves as women. Do you remember that?”
“Yeah” ,I say through my sobs.
“Good. Because Nathi is not coming between you and how you should love yourself.”
“You’ve got Thomas. He loves the hell out of you.”
“Yeah. But before that, I have to love myself. It’s the only way I can teach my two girls the right lessons about loving themselves. You are raising two boys. What are you teaching them about love for when they have to be fathers and husbands one day?”
I just cry.
Now I hear her crying with me.
“I’m so embarrassed”, I tell her.
“Do you need me to come down there, girl?” She asks me.
“No, I’ll be okay. I just needed to tell you that I need some time off.”
“T, for the next few days, I’m your friend, okay? Take some time off and heal. Please.” She says.
“Ngiyabonga, Mrs R.”
“Take care of yourself, okay?”
“Okay.”
“And tell Ona and Khotso to off that loser. He’s life is officially far past its sell-by date.” She says.
We laugh.
We finally hang up.
Khotso doesn’t look okay. At all.
“The two of you are close?” Ona asks me.
“She’s a great boss. She’s actually become a good friend.” I say.
“I’m sure she’s told you a bit about us.” Ona.
“Just how above and beyond the way things ended between her and Khotso, you are a huge part of her life for a very long time and she will always love you guys and wish you well from afar.”
They are both moved by this.
“Really?” Khotso.
I nod my head and say, “Yeah, really. She’s in a good place in her life right now. She really is. She could never wish you bad things even if she wanted to. What she felt for you could never turn into hate. She was worried about you guys a lot when Dise blasted your business all over our screens. She and I even prayed for you guys at some point. Then when I went down to eMtubatuba and told her you were fine, she was relieved. She’s in a good place with Thomas and she loves being Mrs R. But also know that you don’t have an enemy in her.” I say.
Like I said, Khotso doesn’t look well.
“I should-
“From afar, Khotso. Love and respect her from afar. That’s the right thing to do.” I say.
He nods his head.

…

It is 7pm and I’ve just had dinner. I see Oluremi walk in with my three boys – Tholoana, Khosini and Khanya. They have balloons, flowers, fruit and snacks. I could honestly just cry. Khotso walks in with Mohale in his hands. Ona walks in with Mohale on his shoulders. Thabi walks in with flowers and Kea is here as well.
This is a bit overwhelming, but I’m so happy to see them.

“How are you feeling?” Lulu asks me.
I’m focused on Khanya and Khosini. I need to know how they are doing.
“How are Khanya and Khosini?” I ask her.
Her face just tells me that my kids are not okay.
Lulu immediately manages to get everyone to leave my ward and give me some space with my boys. Kea figured out what was happening then helped Lulu clear my room.
It’s just us now.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, guys.” I begin.
“Is dad in jail? Like forever? We went to see him, but is he staying in there forever?” Khosini asks me.
“For now, yes.” I say.
“He must stay there forever”, Khanya says.
I’m silent.
“We told Wandisa. She says it wasn’t the first time.” Khanya says.
I’m silent.
“Mama, why didn’t you tell us?” Khosini.
“I just divorced him. This is one of the reasons why I have to leave him.” I say.
They both nod their heads.
“Do you guys need to see a therapist or?”
“Uncle Ona let us talk to him. He even took us to go and see dad. He was at a holding cell. I asked dad why he hit you.” Khanya.
Ona did what?!
They see me get angry.
“Mom, I won’t be mad at you if you leave our home forever. You don’t have to come back.” Khanya.
“Thank you, Khanya. That really means a lot to me.”
“Can I still go to boarding school?” Khanya.
“Why Khanya?”
“It’s what I need.”
“Can we have a compromise? Can it be close to me so you come home every weekend?”
“If you are moving to this Kingdom, no..I don’t even know their language here.”
“I don’t know it neither. But we will learn.”
“I don’t want to live at the royal house. The king is weird. I don’t think he likes us being there.”
“We have our own house.”
Silence.
“Khosini, you also want to go to boarding school?” Me.
“No. I’ll live with you, mom. Someone needs to be there with you in case dad comes back. Dad can never find you alone. Ever.” Khosini says.
“It’s not your job to –
“Mama, I’m living with you.” Khosini.
I take a deep breath.
I’m so embarrassed. Even in divorce, I cannot get rid of this guy.

…

Everyone has left. It is just Ona and I now in my ward. Ona is in my bed, lying next to me and being silly. He’s making me laugh and I suppose just trying to lift my spirit.
“Ona, thank you for helping me and arriving when you did.” I say.
“Khosini phoned me and I just heard you screaming… I thought he was going to kill you.”
“He probably would have if you didn’t show up.”
“I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”
I nod my head.
“Please don’t take the boys to go see him again. I’m still trying to figure out how to handle this with them and –
“Thandeka, they are on their journey too with this. They witnessed their father beat the shit out of their mother. You cannot protect them from confronting what they need to confront to deal with this. They wanted answers as to why you were beaten up like that and only Nathi could give them that answer.”
“I hear you. But they are kids, Ona. They don’t have to see their father in a holding cell.”
“You know, you are the one that’s going to push them away by babying them like this. Nathi fucked up. Had you been open and honest with them from the beginning about the reality of your marriage, they would have never hated you for divorcing their father. They were mad at you and shocked at the decision you made to divorce Nathi because you wanted to protect them from reality, teaching Nathi, in the process, that he could do as he pleased with you – you’d always protect the kids from who he is anyway. Don’t insult a child’s ability to reason with the truth. Don’t do that. It’s up to them what kind of relationship they want with their father and it has to be with them being completely exposed to the truth.”
I’m silent.
“They are tough boys. They will be fine. You just need to be honest with them and be there for them. That’s the best thing that you can do for them.” He says.
I sob.
He cuddles me into him.
“Khanya wants to go to boarding school”, I say.
“Yeah, he told me. He asked me to talk to you about it.” He says.
“Khosini is direct. He says what he means and talks continuously. I always know how far the progress is with him. Khanya has moments, but he isn’t as direct. I don’t even know how you cracked him open to talk to you the way he does. I’d be okay with Khosini going to boarding school. I know I wouldn’t lose him. Khanya is not the one who should go. I need to have my eye on him to make sure that he is okay.”
“Let’s get him into a really good one right here in Tholoana Kingdom. I attended that school, but I was a day scholar. It’s the best of the best. Khosini will attend there too. They’ll see each other everyday. You’ll even see him whenever you want. It’s close by. You’ll do random shit like my mom did – like surprise him for lunch and take him on random dates. Khotso and I hated it, but we ended up loving it. It just showed us that our mom is as much our friend as she is our safety net for anything we needed emotionally. Raising boys under difficult circumstances is not easy, T. There is no manual for it. You just do what you can to make sure that they know that they have not lost you. Don’t become a shadow of yourself, spending more time healing than actually being a parent to them. Trust me, I know what it’s like to have to run to my step-father for protection from my mom’s never-ending mourning period. Heal from this and focus on them. I’m definitely here for you.”
I put my head on his chest and I just sob. He just lets me.
“Ona, can we go now?” Thabi walks in and says. I didn’t know that she was still here.
I remove my head from his chest and wipe my tears. Ona gets out of my hospital bed and wears his shoes. I don’t like the look that Thabi is giving me. I’m even beginning to feel like she pretends for me.
“Sleep well, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll bring the boys.” Ona says as he kisses my forehead.
I nod my head.
“Goodnight. There is security outside your door. It’s twenty-four-hour security. No one is allowed in and out of here unless approved by you.” He says.
“Thank you. Both of you. For everything.” I say.
Thabi just fake-smiles at me, takes Ona’s hand and they leave my ward.
Yoh!