Meh and I have been giving each other the silent treatment for the past week now. It’s not nice. The kids are on egg shells around us, and she doesn’t give a damn. My mother and her mother try to intervene every day, but Meh is on a war path. At this point, I don’t know what is expected of me. We sleep on the same bed, but she sticks to her side of the bed and I stick to mine. 

Right now, she’s showering in our in-suite bathroom. I’m sitting on the bed and waiting for her to finish so that we can talk. 

Phemello is in hospital. According to Lerato and the security that was present when all of this took place, she wanted to die because I did not choose her. I feel bad. I know that Phemello can be quite intense, but I cannot help but feel that I’ve contributed significantly to her going off the rails. Do you know what it’s like to carry something like that?! It’s horrible. I hate it. I wanted to go and see her in hospital, but this is what put Meh and I in a bad place. Then I took my two boys that I have with her to hospital to see their mother, and Meh has not been speaking to me ever since. So the boys must not see their mother now? She thinks I use the boys as an excuse for my own personal gain of seeing her. 

Meh walks out of the bathroom already lotioned up. But she has a towel around her body and she’s about to spend some minutes looking for an outfit to wear today.

“Phumelele, can we talk?” I say.

She doesn’t respond to me.

“Phumelele,” I say.

She still ignores me. 

She keeps looking at the outfits that she could possibly wear, then settles on a grey professional dress that is knee-length, then a blazer jacket that is as long as the dress. The blazer jacket is black. It is a nice look.

She turns around and sees me standing still right behind her, demanding her attention.

“What? I have to get ready for something work-related”, she says.

“We need to talk. I don’t like this tension between us”, I say.

“Terrence, don’t you get tired? Nakancane nje? Will your tongue fall off if you just go one day without speaking about these women? Everyday nje ngidla bona, ngilala bona… when last did we speak about us?! When last did you speak to anyone about me?! You open your mouth and it’s just Phemello this, Lerato that. Yoh! I’m honestly tired of hearing about them”, she says. 

Why must she put it that way?

“I just wanted to check that you and I are okay”, I say.

“You and I will never be okay for as long as those women are more important than I am to you.”

“But they are not”, I say.

“They are. And I’m tired of competing with them nje. I really am”, she says.

I don’t even know what that means. But I’m so scared from that line that I stop this conversation right now before she proposes that we break up. 

–

I find my peace in my kitchen. I decide to try a new dish. I usually get Meh to come in and taste. But today, I’m on my own. And maybe I need this moment to be alone. I do have a lot to think about. I want to marry Meh. But she’s already showing me that she will have issues with my situation. I have three other women who have mothered five of my children. I’m not proud of it and I know that it is a lot to deal with for anyone – but this is my reality. Meh’s approach to everything is that my only concern must only be the children. Not their mothers. But how practical is that?! Right now, Phemello is in hospital. Our children should be taken to see their mother by me. Meh thinks that I’m just trying to get close to Phemello or that I feel guilty about her wanting to kill herself because of me. 

“Yo!” I hear a voice yell as it enters my kitchen. It’s my brothers. 

“Ey!” I say, responding to them. 

They come in and start eating the food that I’m playing around with. So rude! 

“What do you want?” I ask them.

“Mom says we need to speak to you”, Kaizer says.

“About what?” I ask.

“Meh. Marriage. Your problems that just never seem to end. As we told you it would be with your three million baby-mamas”, Solomon says.

I look at them. 

“Let’s go talk in the house. Get the fuck out of my kitchen”, I say. 

They laugh at me as we walk out. I really hate it when people come in here. 

–

I’ve offered them beer and we are now all sitting in the TV room. 

“Daddy, can I show my siblings your kitchen?” Tshepo thinks he owns my house. Every day there’s a new excursion in my house. 

“No”, I say. I don’t like anyone in there. 

“Why?” He asks me. 

“Because I said so”, I say. 

“Mme-Meh said ‘because I said so’ isn’t a reason”, I say. 

“I’m not Mme-Meh! And I said no”, I say. 

He looks sad.

Him and his siblings follow each other out of the TV room. They better stay out of my kitchen.

“Mme tells us that things are not too good between you and Meh”, Kaizer says.

“Yeah. She’s upset about a lot of things… actually, anything that has got to do with Phemello and Lerato, she wants me to cut off – except for my kids… thank God. But what am I supposed to do? They are the mothers of my kids.” I say.

“Monna… you are not going to make them all happy. It’s not going to happen. That much I can promise you. You have to choose where your happiness matters the most. If you want happiness with Meh, accept unhappiness with Phemello and Lerato. If you want happiness with Phemello and Lerato, accept unhappiness with Meh.” Kaizer says. 

“Why does it have to be like that?” I ask. 

“It’s just like that. I don’t even remember Lerato and Phemello respecting Meh, but you expect Meh to be respectful towards them?!” Solomon says. 

“Why do I feel so bad that Phemello almost died because of me?” I say. 

“Because these are women that know how you operate and know how to get at you. You just simply playing into their hands.” Solomon says. 

I just sit here and think. 

“Sanibonani”, I hear Meh say. She must’ve just got back. 

“Dumela Meh. Ujwang?” My brothers.

“I’m well, thank you. Please give me ten minutes to change out of my outfit and into something comfortable, then I’ll prepare you guys something to eat”, Meh says. 

“Rea leboha ha holo, Meh.” Kaizer. 

She nods her head then heads to the bedroom.

“Go say hi to your woman”, Kaizer says to me.

I just throw my hand at him. 

After about thirty minutes, Meh walks into where we are sitting with a tray. 

It has glasses, two types of drinks, meat and garlic rolls. My brothers are instantly excited.

I try to make eye-contact with Meh, but she downright looks past me then leaves the room. 

Ja, it’s bad.

…

It’s evening now.

I’ve just slipped into bed. 

I haven’t spoken to Phemello or Lerato today. I think about checking in on how Phemello is doing, but I know that wouldn’t land well with Meh if she ever found out.

Meh walks in looking tired. I heard the constant loud chatter while the kids were getting ready for bed. She helps them get ready for bed every night. She’s more hands on than what I am. And I love her for that.

She walks right past me then heads into our in-suite bathroom. 

In no time, I hear the shower go off. 

Ey.

“I’m coming to fetch my kids tomorrow”, Lerato texts me.

“Okay”, I reply.

“We are moving”, she says.

“Moving?” Me.

“Yes.” 

“To where?” I ask.

“South Africa. I found a job there. So I’m moving with the kids. Thought I’d make your life easier and look after my own children. Wouldn’t want to end up like Phemello. That’s what happens when we rely on you too much to be fathers to your own children”, she texts me.

I don’t even reply. 

I don’t know what to say. 

After a few minutes, she texts me and says, “I need you to sign some forms that state that you are fine with me leaving the country with them.”

“Okay”, I say.

“Do you even care?” She asks me.

“What exactly do you want me from me? Do you want me to agree to you leaving with the kids or not?” I say.

Now she’s the one that’s ignoring me. 

Mxm.

Meh comes into the bedroom. She’s already dressed in her night wear. And it’s short and lacy. She’s doing this on purpose. 

She comes into bed. 

She faces the other way. 

She lies down.

“Baby, please talk to me”, I say.

She doesn’t say anything.

“Meh, please.” Me.

She faces me.

“I’m sorry”, I say.

“For what?” She says.

“Everything. Baby, I don’t want to fight with you. I want to marry you. I love you. I know that I haven’t been prioritising you the way that I should when it comes to Phemello and Lerato. And I’m sorry. I really am, baby. I need you to forgive me. Please.” 

She’s quiet.

“Are we good?” I ask her.

She smiles at me.

Whew! 

I show her the text communication between Lerato and I about her leaving with the kids.

“Are you sure you are fine with this?” She asks me.

I shrug my shoulders. I honestly don’t know what to say or how I feel.

“Terrence, I don’t want you to not be a father to your kids. That’s not what I want.” She says.

“What must I do? Help me?” I say.

“Tell Lerato she can go. She’s starting a new job. She’s not settled yet. She herself doesn’t know what to expect when she gets there. Uzohlalaphi? Izingane zona? Zizofundaphi?” She says. 

She’s making good points. 

“The kids are settled here. They’ve even found a rhythm and routine. We are not saying that she mustn’t be their mother. And you’ll let the kids move in with her once she is settled and has found decent schools for them.” She says.

I nod my head.

“You see why I need you?” I say to her, smiling at her.

She smiles at me too. 

“I went to see Phemello today”, she says, catching me by surprise.

“Why?” I ask her.

“I was curious. Uzolulama yena shame. But I’m still not comfortable with you doing too much for her”, she says.

“Well, it’s going to stop.” I say.

“Thanks. And to ensure it, I’ll be taking the kids to go and see her from now on. I’ll be doing any and all pick ups and drop offs as far as she and the kids are concerned”, what’s got into Meh?! 

“You really want to deal with that?” I ask her.

“It’s time I did. Kuycaca nje ukuthi umthetho uyafuneka”, she says. Whatever that means.

I just nod my head in agreement. What else am I going to say.

“Good night, babe. I’m feeling really tired”, she says.

“I love you, Meh.” I tell her.

“I know. And I love you too.” She says.