“Girl, you want to be with those Mohales after all this drama that’s going on?” I ask Thandeka.
We are in my office and she’s telling me a story and a half because she needs to go to Tholoana Kingdom for the next month.
“I have to make sure that I get my things straight. And whether the Mohales want to deal with me or not, Ona and I share a child. And Kea is the only one who seems to have an issue with me. Mohato, I’m not so sure.”
“Mohato just does whatever Kea tells him too. He’s pussy-whipped that one. And now we all know how Kea shuts them up in bed”, I say and we both laugh.
“That’s my child’s grandmother”, she says while laughing.
“I was with Khotso for a very long time. I was two steps away from being married into that family. I know all their bullshit. Trust me.” I say.
“Khotso? Really? He seems a bit –
“Irrelevant! I’d never trade Thomas in for Khotso. After being with Khotso and his shit, I’m in the arms of a real man, now.”
We laugh.
“Listen babe, I’m happy to give you some time to take care of your stuff. I have an apartment in Tholoana Kingdom that you can stay in while you are up there. There is a business deal that I was meant to drive down and deal with, but since you’ll be there, the account is all yours.” I say.
She’s more than excited to make this a work trip.
“Thanks so much. I really appreciate this, Fikile.” She says.
“Don’t worry. And I really wish you all the best. Not just with Ona and your son – but with that entire damn bunch.”
She nods her head.
“And Thandeka…”
She looks at me.
“Loyalty is the only currency in that space. I hate them for how things ended up being between us, but what Regodise did – I’d never do that to them. You don’t do things like that to them.”
“I’d never –
“You’ll get tempted. If there’s a family that has a PhD in pressing your buttons, it’s the Mohales. But you need to also remember that you are with Ona for you too. You seem to have strong feelings for him and no matter how much he pushes you, don’t betray the love within you for him and your family that you have with him just to get back at him. This is not a game. It’s real life. You’ve survived Nathi, so I’m sure you’ll be fine. But no matter what, don’t destroy yourself or dig up your own grave thinking that you are destroying them. Look at what there is to learn right now: Regodise is dead. Gone! We are dealing with what she did and we will all move on from it. She’s dead. So, all this mess was for nothing. Zero. She’s dead and she’s nothing but a bitter woman gone to the grave. Ona is moving on with two wives now – the loser and you because you know you are my girl –
She laughs when I say this.
“My point is, if you are going to love him, love him and his entire crazy family. That’s all Kea will ever want from you. Just love the hell out of her sons and grandsons. You’ll win her over eventually. And you will go through shit. It’s Ona. You will go through shit! But loyalty is the only currency that will save you.”
She nods her head.
“I’m keeping my distance out of respect for my husband, but I’m here for you, babe. We will miss you around here, but please make us proud that side. Maybe, I’ll open an office that side and you can run it. I trust you that much.” I say.
She smiles at me.

Our meeting ends and as we walk out of my office together – me headed to have an off-site meeting with Thomas and Mthunzi and her to go on another offsite meeting with another company.
We bump into her sons and Nathi on my floor. We look at each other.
“Nathi, this is work.” Thandeka immediately says in frustration.
Nathi stares at her.
“Use my office, babe. I’ll get the keys from you later.” I say and I leave to let them use my office. Thankfully, people don’t sit on my floor. It’s just boardrooms here and my secretary and PA. They’ll have privacy.

I get to Ramaru Holdings and park in one of these parking spots reserved for Thomas. He lets Koena and I park here when we come to see them.

“Mrs R”, the receptionist greets me as I walk into the building.
“Kunjani sisi?” I greet her.
“I’m good thanks. Mr R is expecting you. You can make your way up to the fourth floor.” She says.
I make my way to the fourth floor using the elevator. I’m just on my phone, checking some emails as I make my way up to the fourth floor. There are people in the elevator with me, but there is absolute silence in the elevator.

I get out of the elevator and I’m let into the executive suite. Thomas sits up here with his directors and their PAs.
I briefly greet them then head to Tom’s office. I don’t want them to be too familiar with me. I’ll be cordial, but we are not friends.
I walk into Tom’s office and I see that he is in a meeting with Maps.
I don’t like this girl. I really don’t. She just breathes and I’m provoked. I DON’T LIKE HER.

“Hey baby”, I greet Thomas and kiss him.
“Hey love. You good?” He has now wrapped his arms around my waist.
“I’m fine. I thought we had a meeting. Am I early?” Me.
“We do. Mthunzi is just dealing with something urgent. He will be back soon then we can have the meeting.”
I nod my head.
“Hello to you too, Mrs R.” Maphito says.
She knows that I don’t like her. She knows that I intentionally refrained from greeting her. Why is she talking to me?
“I’ll go set up in your boardroom, love. I’ll wait for you guys there. Your staff is beginning to feel too familiar with me.” I say.
She starts laughing. Then I hear Thomas say, “Miss Letswalo, please conduct yourself accordingly.”
I hear her stop laughing.
I wish Thomas could just fire her. Why the hell did he have to sleep with her?

I’m in the boardroom now going through my emails. Thandeka phones me. I really hope that she’s okay.
“Hey babe”, I answer my phone.
“Hey. I’m sorry about earlier on. Thanks for letting me use your office.”
“It’s okay, babe. Is everything okay? Do you need my help with anything?”
“Nathi has some emergency conference he needs to attend. I have the boys for the week and I have to take Khosini to his orthodontist appointment. I had a meeting with one of our clients, but I’ll manage him. I just need to be a mom for the rest of the afternoon.”
“It’s okay, love. Don’t worry about it. Don’t cancel the meeting. Give it to one of your senior specialists. Specialists generally handle clients better than managers. I think it’s their jobs to be updated with everything so we know they won’t drop the ball. For anything urgent, I’ll cover for you.”
“Fikile, I don’t even know how to begin to thank you. Thank you so much.”
“Don’t worry about it. Nathi doesn’t win.”
“You know, he does this on purpose. He has never liked the idea of me working and he’s always trying to prove that I can’t be a mother and a career woman. He insists that working is what corrupted me as a wife. Now he’s convinced my sons and they are determined to give me hell.”
“Girl, I don’t wish to be you. I’m even tempted to say put Ona on him. Ona will organise someone to take him out very quickly.”
We laugh.
“Good luck, girlfriend.” I say.
“Thanks, babe.”
We hang up.

I continue to work and Thomas comes into the boardroom. He stands at the door and stares at me, smiling seductively.
“I’m not having sex with you on the boardroom desk”, I say and he laughs aloud as if he wasn’t expecting me to say that.
“But I’ll do it the day you fire Maphito. I can’t stand that bitch. You should’ve never slept with her then hired her. You need to stop sleeping with these girls you employ.”
“Mrs R, you are the only woman I’m sleeping with. I’m sorry for all the other women that I’ve ever slept with before I met you.”
If that’s his way of showing me that I’m being ridiculous, I see his point. I still hate that cow.

He is kissing me now. All the boardrooms and offices here are transparent, so everyone can see this man kissing me like this and me wrapping my hand around his tie. I even see Maphito looking at us from the corner of my eye.
“Am I forgiven?” He says as he removes his lips from mine.
I just smile at him.
“I love you”, he says
“I love you too, Mr R.”
“Babe, while I have you and before Mthunzi arrives, we need to go to Venda this weekend.” He says.
“Why?”
“Kenneth is having problems with his wife.” Kenneth is one of his brothers.
“So, why are you going to Venda?” I ask.
“We are going to Venda – TOGETHER – because his wife’s family has called a family meeting to address the issues. You know we don’t exactly have elders. We are the elders. So, we are all going to try and resolve this.”
“You know your brother has whore tendencies right? And we are probably going down there to hear that he has a child with someone else. Kim and I were gossiping about Kenneth’s love children. There’s more than one.” I say.
He laughs as I say this. Kim and I get along well. I get along with all the wives, but Kim is my ace out of the wives.
“I’ll be in the kitchen. I’ll make sure people have something to eat.” I say.
“No ways. You are sitting in that meeting with me.” He says.
“No. You guys need to just tell your brother to stop being such a whore. That’s literally it. You must make him own up to his shit. His wife is never going to leave him – we’ve established that much. She just wants some respect from him and the family.” I say.
Before he even replies to me, Mthunzi walks in and says, “Sorry I’m late guys.”
“It’s cool. Ukahle?” I ask him.
“I’m good. Thanks.” He says. He isn’t the bubbly Mthunzi that we all know.
“Guys, we can postpone. I don’t mind.” I say. Maybe they need to talk.
“Chief? Do you need the afternoon?” Thomas asks Mthunzi.
“Mfundo. He’s arrested. They say he’s raped someone.”
YOH!

…

Sibongiseni picked up the girls from school and dropped them off with my parents and their cousins. Thomas and I are at Koena’s and Mthunzi’s house. They are fighting because Koena believes Mfundo when he says that he didn’t rape anyone. She wants Mfundo out of prison and she is prepared to break the law to do so. Mthunzi wants to understand what happened and honestly, I’m with Mthunzi here. I also want to understand what actually happened and where was Mfundo when that happened. Because I’m sure that we can get him off. We are a group of powerful friends. But Mfundo needs to live with himself after this. So it’s important that we understand what happened so we also know how to support him after the fact.
Thomas is siding with Koena because Thomas is generally soft on kids. He and Koena should not parent together. It would be a disaster.

“I hate to do this right now, but Fikile, maybe you could help”. Maphito says. Yaz this girl – I really don’t like her. And I cannot understand why she always feels so pressed to talk to me.
We are all looking at her right now.
“The Mohales can make this go away”, she says.
“Ey wena! Why ung’phaphela? For what?”
“I’m just saying… Khotso still has a soft spot for you. You can call in a favour.” She says.
“Because your favours have run out with them?” I say.
Now Thomas really looks like he wants to fire her.
“I’m just trying to help”, Maphito says.
Why is she even here? I know she’s Koena’s cousin, but still… why the fuck is she here?

Koena’s parents arrive and Koena’s father is shouting at us and asking us why his grandson is still in prison. Koena’s family loves Mfundo. Mfundo is their pride and joy and they will beat you up for calling him anything that doesn’t translate to angel. Thingo is here bouncing around and asking me about Khanyisa and Rofhiwa. I’m not sure if he’s aware that he’s brother is in serious trouble.

Lawyers arrive and they start explaining what happened.
“So, Mfundo fetched his friends with his vehicle after work on Friday night. They were headed to have drinks. While they were at Vilakazi street having their drinks and eating food they had bought there, three girls arrived and needed a table to sit and eat at. One of Mfundo’s friends offered the girls their table, saying they could share the table.” The lawyer pauses.
“And then what happened?” Koena’s dad. This old man, bathung.
“Mfundo left the girls and his friends there because he was fighting with his girlfriend and he didn’t want to be caught on pictures with other girls.”
This is sounding good so far.
“So, Mfundo left and went to his apartment where he found that his girlfriend had moved out. While trying to phone her and track where she had been, the friends went back to his apartment with these girls and started a party. Mfundo says he left them there and he has no idea what happened afterwards. His friends say that Mfundo was there. One of the girls were raped in Mfundo’s car and –
Mfundo is at the door with a pregnant light-skinned girl next to him. Mthunzi looks like he wants to –
Koena already has him in a hug.
“I’m his alibi. He was with me during the times that the rape supposedly happened. I also took him to a hospital for voluntary DNA testing. It may have happened in his house and in his car, but it wasn’t him. He’s a bastard and a pathological cheater, but he’s not a rapist.” The girl says.
“Bathung, Bontle.” Koena tries to defend her son.
“Anyway, you can use my car until you are fine and your car is sorted. I’m going home to prepare for the baby’s arrival.” The girl says.
“Bontle, how are you getting to Mahikeng?” Mthunzi asks her.
“My sister is here. I’m driving down with her. We will let you know, Ntate Mthunzi, when the baby has arrived.”
Mthunzi just nods his head.
Mfundo tries to hug Bontle, but she’s just gone in a heartbeat.

Bontle is Mfundo’s girlfriend. They’ve been together since high school. Now she’s an attorney and he’s working at a bank. They make a beautiful couple and are expecting a child together. But Mfundo cheats for the sake of cheating and now shit is getting real for him. So, it’s just tense in his life right now.
Mthunzi is so disappointed. He cannot even hide it. He really cannot.
“Mkhwenyana, come with me.” I hear Koena’s dad say. I think he can also see how hurt and disappointed Mthunzi is that Mfundo got himself in this position.
Koena is upset at Mthunzi for not believing Mfundo and honestly, she’s accusing Mthunzi of always assuming the worst of Mfundo. I think they just need to talk. They are on the same side here.

“Let’s go, love”, Thomas says to me as he holds my hand and pulls me out of the house.
We say goodbye to everyone and we make our way out. I feel so bad, but the family does need to be alone to deal with this.

Thomas and I are driving back home together.
“You know, a girl died.” Thomas says.
I look at him.
“Mthunzi is most upset because the girl they are pinning on Mfundo is the one who died. I don’t know what it is that they did to that girl, but, she passed away.” Thomas says.
I shake my head.
“Koena is protective of Mfundo, but it’s at a point where it’s unacceptable now. It’s costing them peace and at some point, Koena needs to give Mthunzi his space to be Mfundo’s father. Because what if he did do it? Koena is prepared to let Mfundo not take responsibility for rape and murder?” I’m surprised that Thomas feels this way. He was team Koena in there.
“I don’t think that’s the case, babe. Maybe Koena thinks Mthunzi always assumes the worst of Mfundo. But I think it’s important for everyone to establish what happened. It’s one thing to make this thing go away. But Mfundo also needs support after the fact. This is messing him up, too.” I say.
“And Msomi has asked me to drive down with them when they go and pay damages for Bontle this weekend.” He says.
“And Venda?”
“I’m thinking, we will drive down to Mahikeng on Friday, pay damages and all on the Saturday morning. Then after lunch, we drive down to Venda together. The meeting in Venda is on Sunday.”
I look at him.
He kisses my lips then smiles at me.
I just shake my head.

…

Friday.

“Do we even have time to have sex today?” I ask Thomas as we lie in bed.
He chuckles.
I decided to not go to work today. I’m preparing for this insane weekend ahead. Thomas just has to go in and sign a few things off. But he will be knocking off early. Our girls will go to school and as soon as they finish school, we hit the road.
“We can have it now”, he says and he’s already all over me.
Oh man!
I love having sex with my husband. I absolutely love it. I fall in love with him all over again every time we make love to each other. We just give each other to each other and we leave nothing out. We give each other the core of who we are. And it’s everything. EVERYTHING!

Now we are in the shower together. We are cleaning each other so nicely and romantically. We finally step out. He wears a suit to work. It’s supposed to be a half day, but a suit is his signature look at work, so hey.
Me… I’m just dressed in joggers and a tank top. I’m going to spend the day packing and preparing for our weekend trip, so no need to look cute just to sweat.

I’m preparing everyone for the day – just being that mother and wife. When everyone is fed and their bags are packed for the day, I’m kissing people and wishing them a great day ahead.
Now, I have the house to myself. My domestic workers are here. I have two of them. The garden people are also here. My house is actually busy during the day and it’s only hitting me now.
I start in Khanyisa’s room. I’m cleaning up in her room while I pack her bags for the weekend. I even pack books that she will use to study while we are on the road.
I find letters here. Khanyisa already has love letters? Sibongiseni is going to kill me, Jehova.
I just laugh.
I start reading these letters and they are just silly. They are gossiping about people and there are one or two letters from boys where she replied and said, “I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend. My other dad said that no boy my age is a prince enough to be with a princess like me”.
Good girl! Also, can we talk about how my husband is just amazing? To a point where Khanyisa went to him to talk about boys and not me? ‘m offended, but I also love my husband so much more.

When I’m done in Khanyisa’s room, I make my way to Rofhiwa’s room. Her room is a lot more organized. She even has a pile put in a box that is labelled “PRIVATE”. I will not lie. I’m curious. I’m very curious. I close her door and I sit on a chair that I find here.
I open the box and I see a journal.
I’m not even going to think about this too much. I’m reading it.

“Today, I woke up missing my mother.
I’m just happy that I don’t feel guilty like I used to feel in the past when Fikile first came into our lives. I never thought I’d be able to accept another mom in my life. But she’s nice. She’s cool. She’s not scared of shouting at me and she’s not scared of telling me what to do even when my dad is not around.
I have a baby sister. Her name is Khanyisa. I love her. She looks up to me and it’s pretty cool. I’ve never had anyone look up to me or consider me important enough to be looked up to.
My dad is also happy. I don’t think he has forgot about mom. But he has moved on and he is in a much better place. I’m happy for him. I really am. My therapist says that it’s okay. That none of our feelings are invalid. My therapist says that moving on is important, it doesn’t mean that we are forgetting.
Khanyisa told me that Noni and Neli were gossiping about Fikile and it hurt our feelings. They said Fikile kills babies but she thinks she’s a better mother than anyone. I don’t believe that Fikile kills babies. But even if she did, I’m sure she had her reasons. No one just kills babies. I thought about inviting Fikile and Khanyisa to my therapy session. Maybe, my therapist will also help Fikile deal with whatever she is going through after losing her child. But she doesn’t deserve what Noni and Neli said.

I like my granny though. Fikile’s mom is cool. Her dad too. They make us nice food and they make us laugh. Fikile has just brought about a lot of normal in mine and my dad’s life and that alone has healed us more than therapy and every other thing we were recommended to do to move on.”

I close the book.
I’m happy. I’m pissed off that Noni and Neli say things like this about me in front of children. I also feel bad because had I left the book alone, I wouldn’t know any of this.
I just put the book back before anyone sees me reading it and before I get tempted to read it again, then I pack for Rofhiwa.
I pack for Thomas and I last, then I instruct the domestic workers to take the bags into the car. We will travel with the G-Wagon.

I dial Noni.
“Hey”. She sounds happy to hear from me.
“Noni, why nikhuluma izindaba zami phambili kwezingane? You spoke about my abortion in front of Khanyisa and said I think I’m a good mother but I kill babies?”
She’s quiet. Then she says, “It was a long time ago, Fikile.”
“You know what, if you and your sister don’t want me in your lives or around your kids, it’s fine Noni. It’s really okay. But please don’t talk about me to my kids. I don’t even know what your problem is because akuyona eyakho le ngane that I killed. It’s nice to know where I stand with you moving forward and I’m no longer interested in investing in this relationship you all want us to have. Omunye nomunye can continue to live their lives. I’m done with you and Neli. Done!” I say then I hang up. She sounds hurt, but she will live.

It is 5pm when we get into the car and we leave for Mahikeng. Koena and Mthunzi are convoying there with us. Apparently, they are waiting for us somewhere on some freeway. We have a chilled drive because the girls passed out quite quickly and I’ve just been feeling a bit emotional.

“Are you okay?” Tom asks me.
“Neli and Noni said I kill babies and now I think I’m a better mother than them”, I say.
I don’t know why this is hurting me so much, but it really is.
I just look out the window and let myself cry a bit.
“They said that shit in front of Khanyisa and Rofhiwa. My kids, Thomas! They said that shit in front of my kids. What the fuck is wrong with them? Am I really that bad in their lives?”
He holds my hand.
“Thomas, I’m so tired. I’m so exhausted. I feel like I want to just cut them off permanently. I cannot live like this. I just keep taking their abuse and I’m at a point where I want nothing else to do with them ever again.”
“Hey, look at me.” He says.
I turn my face towards him.
“They don’t define you. They couldn’t even if they wanted to. You are the most amazing woman I know. You are my partner. You are the mother of my girls. You are my whole life. Nothing and no one would ever be able to replace you even if they tried.” He says.
I smile at him.
“And that abortion does not define you. You don’t feel bad about it. Don’t allow people to make you feel like there is a specific way that you are supposed to deal with it.”
“Thank you, baby. I really needed to hear that.”
We kiss.
“Can I ask you something?” I say.
He looks at me.
“Do you want to have more children?” I ask him.
He seems surprised that I’m asking.
“I just want to know if it’s something I need to think about. Personally, I don’t want more. I love our family and I love it being just us and our girls. I don’t want more kids.” I say. I don’t want him to feel bad about not wanting kids.
“I just want you. I’m happy with our girls too. But it would be nice to have one baby with you.” He says.
“Thomas Ramaru, you have an obsession with children.” I say. He laughs. Then he says, “I at least need one boy.”
“Why?”
“Because these girls will get married one day. I want someone who will carry my lineage in the Ramaru line. Look at how hard we work, baby. Look at how we have played a critical role – more than what my brothers have played – in the success of Ramaru Holdings all around? I know Rofhiwa and Khanyisa are more than capable of taking over Ramaru Holdings and Mbatha-fly Connected. But when they get married and the Ramaru name is removed from Rofhiwa’s name, their cousins will never let them assume the positions that they should assume at Ramaru Holdings. With a son, he can protect them from that and guarantee that they are where they need to be in the business. I’d rest in better peace knowing that I work this hard to hand over to my children one day. Imagine how I feel everyday having to wake up and do all this work for my nephews and nieces when I have my own kids who will not be able to benefit from all our hard work.” He says. I never expected that from him. But I hear what he means. Having a son in the Venda culture is quite serious. Things will probably happen exactly that way that Thomas is saying. Ngathi ngiyabona those people pushing their Ramaru useless boys into MY company and saying because Tom and I are married, the company is for their boys. My ovaries just shivered at the thought.
“I see.” I say
“So, we can start trying?”
I smile at him as he asks me this.
“Only if you promise me that there will be no pressure. I’ll just get off the pill. But no pressure.” I say.
He’s already running his hands up and down my thighs. I just laugh.