Mthunzi

We are on our way to Mafikeng. I am driving and my beautiful wife is sitting next to me in the passengers’ seat. We are driving down with Maps and Ramaru. They are sitting in the backseat. They seem to have hit it off quite well and there is a bet on whether or not they will smash sometime during the wedding weekend. This morning, we found them still chatting away by the pool. In other words, they had not slept and now they are sleeping in the backseat. The others could not wake up, so we left them at home. Koena insisted that they will drive together – she and Maps, but I just wanted to road trip with her.

We have been chatting away about random things. It is a nice trip thus far. I have no regrets about marrying my gorgeous wife. 

A message comes through my phone. I ignore it, thinking that I will answer it when we get to our first stop. 

“Who is Unawe?” Koena asks me. 

Oh ja, I had asked her to check how much time we will be on the road via Google Maps. I don’t even regret it because I have nothing to hide and I have no idea who this Unawe person is. But Koena’s mood and face have changed. I honestly have the worst luck when it comes to these things. 

“Mthunzi, who the fuck is Unawe?” She is raising her voice now and her eyes are still on my cellphone screen. 

“I don’t know.” I say and I am being honest. 

“You going to lie to me now? Are you really going to lie to me about knowing a girl you met at the office and she will be in attendance at our wedding? She is even sending you pictures of herself! Ung’tlwayela masepa wena!” What is this woman on about? Who the fuck is Unawe?

I drive into an Engen petrol station and park the car. Ramaru and Maps wake up as the car stops. Koena is shaking and crying. 

“Can I have my phone, please?” I ask her. 

She throws it at me. Ramaru and Maps can already sense the tension. 

“Now, are you going to listen to me or have you made up your mind?” I ask her. 

“Don’t you dare! You invite your whores to our wedding and you have the audacity to manipulate this entire situation as if I am the one who is wrong and crazy? Who the fuck is this woman?!” 

“I DON’T KNOW WHO SHE IS! FUCK MAN! I CAN’T DO THIS WITH YOU EVERY FUCKEN SECOND WEEK!” 

“FINE! DON’T DO ANYTHING WITH ME FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES THEN! WANG’FEBELA THEN YOU LIE TO ME ABOUT YOUR WHORES WHO ARE EVEN ATTENDING OUR WEDDING? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” 

With this, she gets out of the car and stands just outside the car. Maps steps out and stands next to her. They hug and walk away from the car, talking. 

I hit the steering wheel. I am extremely furious. 

“Msomi, what’s going on, chief?” Ramaru asks me. 

“I have no fucken idea.” 

Thomas comes out of the backseat and sits with me in the front. I open the damn message that upset her so much. It even came in via LinkedIn – of all fucken places – from a person called Unawe Zitumane. It reads:

​“Hi. I am Unawe. We met when I came to see my mom at your office. My mom is Portia Zitumane. I just wanted to let you know that I caught you smiling at me and in my heart, I was smiling right back. I just had to play it cool because my mom was around. But hopefully we will have a minute at your wedding as I am coming as my mom’s plus one.” 

I am boiling inside. 

​“Here is my picture.” 

Then there is a picture of herself looking like she is selling something on Instagram. I let out a loud and frustrated groan. How am I getting into shit because of a girl that I do not even remember? And what the hell is she doing texting me? I give my phone to Thomas for him to see this crap. 

He reads it and looks at me. I am fucked. 

“Who’s Portia?” he asks me. 

“Looney-bin.”

“Why was her daughter –

“I don’t know, chief. I don’t even remember her. She’s a fucken kid. Yho!” 

“Are you sure you want to just drop her off today? Maybe we should book somewhere so the two of you can talk when she is a lot calmer, so she can hear you out. Right now, she is not going to hear shit that you are going to say. Just avoid speaking to her right now unless you are talking about food or accommodation. You’ll talk to her a bit later.” 

I am just pissed off. I am annoyed beyond measure. 

“But first, I need to phone Portia and talk to her.” I say. 

Thomas agrees with me. 

I dial Portia. 

“Hi Mr Msomi”. 

“Portia. How are you?” 

“I’m well, sir.” She is on speaker. 

“Portia, I received a very inappropriate message from a person named Unawe Zitumane. She claims to be your daughter.” 

Silence. 

“Portia, I cannot be getting into arguments with my wife over things like this. And I believe you are bringing her to my wedding which has infuriated my wife even more. I need this to stop before it even goes anywhere. Your job and her freedom are on the line here. I have no problem involving the police in this.” 

“I am really sorry about this, Mr Msomi. I really am. This will never happen again. I will sort it out.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Please apologise to Mrs Msomi for me as well.” 

“Goodbye Portia.” 

I hang up. 

“This could not have happened at a worse time.” Thomas says. 

Maps and Koena return to the car with food and some soft drinks. They both sit at the backseat. I look at Koena through my rear-view mirror. Her eyes are red and her face is pink. She looks back at me. She is angry. She looks out the window. 

“Chief, let’s go take a leak before we get back on the road.” Thomas says. 

We leave the ladies in the car. 

…

Koena

Mthunzi and this lover-boy thing of his is going to end us. Mark my words. He doesn’t learn. He was clearly waiting for something like this to happen before he realised how this “umuntu wabantu” persona of his is a problem.  

Maphito took me on a walk to calm me down because I could feel my insides ready to burst outwards. I was just so angry. 

“You good?” Maps asks me. 

I nod my head. 

“Just give him a chance to explain. Don’t make any irrational decisions until you’ve heard him out. If you just go at him with aggression, you force him to be defensive. If you want the truth, you going to have to turn it down a notch. Yeah?” 

I nod my head. I cannot even talk. 

“He is your husband. You love him. Walking away just because you assume something is going on is not going to make you happy. Just – 

“I get it, Maphito. I will hear him out.” 

I cannot even eat. 

Thomas and Mthunzi come back into the car and we drive off. Maps give them their food to eat and their Monster drinks. I just put on my sunglasses and look out of the window. 

“Are you going to eat something?” Maps asks me. 

“I’m not hungry.” I say. 

A strange number phones me. I think about not answering the call, but it could be work related. 

“Hello?”

“Hey wena, Koena.”

“Keba?”

Everyone in the car finds a way to look at me. 

“You have people looking for me now? What? You have paid someone to kill me?” 

“What? Ey wena, Keba. You are the murderer between the two of us. Don’t you dare –

Maps has taken my phone and has hung up the call. 

“Don’t say things like that telephonically. You don’t know if you are being recorded or not. You are leaving unnecessary evidence- 

“Unnecessary evidence of what?”

“Keba organised a hit on your son with a dangerous syndicate. She has been gone for Lord knows how long doing Lord knows what. She’s running in dangerous circles dodging prison. How do you think this story is going to end?” 

Maphito is scaring me now. Thomas and Mthunzi are equally spooked. 

“Maphito, what have you done?” I ask her. 

“Nothing. But I’ll tell you what Keba did. She killed your son! Your son, Koena! And she did not sit in some corner like we are right now feeling bad about making that call. Now let this go! And stop talking incriminating shit over the phone. Especially to Keba.”

Thomas and Mthunzi are extremely uncomfortable. Honestly, so am I. But the less I know, the better. I’ll conclude and say this so Mthunzi hears me loud and clear…

“I clearly have a fixer in my hands. I don’t know why I’ve been living with Mthunzi’s sluts all this time when you could’ve just handled them for me.”

Thomas rubs his forehead.

Mthunzi unbuttons the top button of his golf shirt. 

Good!

…

We arrive at a hotel when I wake up from my nap. Why are we here? 

“Mthunzi Msomi. We have a reservation.” He says to the security guard at the gate. 

The security does their checks and processes, then lets us drive in. I stay in the car while the three of them go into reception. I don’t understand what we are doing here. Maps comes back to the car. 

“What’s going on?” I ask her. 

“The four of us are staying here for tonight.” She says. 

“Why?” I ask. 

“You and Mthunzi need to talk, hle monna.” 

I roll my eyes. 

“Koena!” 

“Shup.” 

I get out of the car and start offloading my bags. I don’t understand what Mthunzi and Thomas are going to sleep in because the plan was for them to drive back today. 

“I’ll phone mama and let them know that we will arrive tomorrow.” Maps says. 

I just keep offloading my bags. 

We get into our room and I throw myself on the bed. I lie down. Mthunzi sits on the bed and takes a deep breath. 

“I don’t know who Unawe is. But the message that she sent tells me that she is Portia’s daughter. Portia works in my office and manages it from a secretary perspective. I phoned Portia and told her about the text messages and asked her to deal with her daughter accordingly.” He says. 

I turn my body around and look at him. 

“Why would she choose you?” I ask him. 

“What do you want me to say, Koena?” 

“I want you to tell me that you realise why I am so upset! I told you, Mthunzi! I told you that you are too friendly with women. I told you that you are too flirtatious with women. Now girls come into the office and you are the easiest person that they can put in this position because you are ever-ready wena to be umuntu wabantu! When are you going to learn?” 

“I didn’t interact with this girl in the slightest bit.” 

“But she picked up a smile from you on that day.” 

He is silent. 

“Koena – 

“Take me through the events of that day. What happened when you met?” 

“I remember Portia standing outside our office space with a person because that person did not have access to come into the office area.” 

“Kwase?” 

“I stopped and greeted them. Portia told me that’s her daughter. I don’t remember if I greeted the girl, but I did offer them to talk in my boardroom because they seemed to be discussing something serious. Portia then said they would discuss further at home and the daughter was leaving. I then left them there.” 

“Okay, number one – why was it your problem that they were discussing something serious? Why couldn’t you just walk on by and go about your business like every other person probably did when they saw them?” 

Silence. 

“Okay, number two – what were you looking at between the two of them for you to be able to analyse that they seemed to be having a serious conversation that required them to talk in a boardroom?” 

Silence. 

“Are you a social worker, perhaps? A psychologist maybe?” 

“Koena!” 

“I’m asking. Because you and I are fighting now because you played social worker to a girl who clearly has issues and now wants to rope you into her shit. You’ve made yourself rope-able because you wanted to be a social worker. These bitches are crazy and there is a reason why you need a certificate to deal with them. You want to offer your smile and your hug and your charm to deal with them? Wena na!”

Silence. 

“She’s not done, do you know that? She is going to continue to terrorise us. What are you going to do? Hope her mom whips her ass like she should have whipped her ass years ago? And then what? She will listen?” 

Silence.  

“I’m not going to deal with it. I refuse to put myself through that shit. This wedding is not happening. I am too old to be dealing with young girls and their shit just because my husband thinks he’s being nice.”

…

“You haven’t eaten all day. Can we go and get something to eat?” He says. This is the first thing that he has said to me since our argument earlier on. 

“I’m not hungry. You can go and eat.” 

“I want to eat with you.” 

“But, I don’t feel like eating.”

Silence. 

“Baby, I am sorry. And you are right. I can see now why and how my friendliness compromises me – compromises us. I am sorry.” 

“You just saying that because it is what I want to hear.” 

“No baby, I mean it. I really am sorry. I need your help to fix this and help me be better. This is how I have always been. I am willing to work on it, but I do need your help. Please.” 

I take a deep breath. 

He rubs his hands together and puts his two index fingers on either side of his nose. 

“I love you, Koena. I need you to marry me. I am not prepared to leave this place without knowing that in the next few days, we are going to celebrate our love for each other. I am not prepared to lose you or put our wedding on hold because of some girl I do not even know. Don’t do this, Koena. Please.” 

I am the silent one now. I also don’t want to call off my wedding. But he needs to learn. 

“I refuse to deal with this for the rest of my life, Mthunzi.”

“You won’t have to.” 

“Don’t make promises you won’t be able to keep.” 

“I am promising you that I will try my best. I will try with all that is within me to try my best. I just want you to be happy. I am the one who wants to make you happy.” 

Silence. I am getting emotional again. 

“I hate this because I love you. I just feel like you don’t get it.” 

He walks up to me and holds me in his arms. He kisses my forehead.  

“I get it, baby. I get it. I am so sorry.” He whispers to me. 

I wrap my arms around his waist and we rock each other from side to side. 

“What happens when she contacts you again?” I ask. 

“I told her mother that I will get the police involved if I have to. And I will if she doesn’t back off. I only want my wife – nobody else.” He says. 

“She’s uninvited to our wedding.” I say.

“I agree.” He says. 

We kiss. Between these emotions and this moment that we just had, I know that he is going to ride me like a bull before they head back to GP.