“So when are you moving up here?” He asks me as we lie next to each other on his massive bed in the master bedroom. It is about 11pm and we have just had sex. We are lying naked. 

“Moving up where?” I ask him. 

“Here. To the kingdom. In this house. With me.” He says. 

“What makes you think I plan on moving?” I ask him. Isn’t he a bit forward today? 

“What do you want me to do with such a big house on my own?” Him. 

“Live here with your wife and children.” I say. Isn’t that the obvious answer? 

“So you want us to get married?” He asks me. 

Damn! I walked straight into that one. 

“That’s not what I meant. What I meant is that I can’t just move in here. One, I’m just a girl you are sleeping with who happens to have very deep feelings for you and genuinely cares about you –

“You are my girlfriend. You are my partner. You are a woman that I love. I could marry you tomorrow. That’s how much I love you.” 

“I love you too. You know that, right?”

“Then move in. Please. Make this place your home.” He says. 

“It’s not that simple, Nathi.” 

“What’s difficult about it?” He asks me. 

“For starters, my siblings. I can’t leave Katli with all that responsibility. It’s not fair.” I say. 

“Well, you did say that Puseletso wants to come to a new school here in the kingdom. You guys have been going through that process. Bring Kari this side too. We will live with Kari. Puseletso goes to boarding school like she asked – but comes home every weekend so we can keep an eye on her growing up – Katli goes to whichever tertiary institution he wants to go to and he just lives his fucken life.” 

I look at him. How does he have this all figured out? 

“You really want to be a guardian to Puseletso? Do you want to age before your time?” I say. 

He laughs aloud. 

“I’ll have you keeping me fit and young in bed, right?” He says. 

I laugh aloud. 

“Come on, baby. Let’s be a family.” He says. 

“Puseletso shouldn’t hear you say that. She made it very clear that I’m not her mother”, I say. 

“Puseletso uphethwe i-stage. She knows that you are the mother she has. And you are doing a damn good job at raising her regardless of her temporary insanity”, he says. 

“You really think so?” Me. 

“I do.” Him. 

We kiss. 

“I want Zozo, Gugu and Ziwe here too.” I say. 

“Your wish is my command”, he says, running his hands up my thighs. He puts a finger inside my vagina. His kids were always going to live here. He didn’t need my permission for that. But I guess he’s thanking me for not leaving them out of the discussion regarding our family.

…

I have just finished preparing breakfast. Zozo, Gugu and Ziwe are all here. They are chatting my ear off. Their dad is still upstairs. He got on a call after he and I showered together. The call sounded serious. 

“BANATHI!” A raging voice yells as it gets closer to the door of the house. 

The kids all come hang onto me. 

“BANATHI MSUNU KA NYOKO!” 

Hai bo! 

Banathi comes running into the kitchen with a whip – a sjambok to be exact. 

“Banathi, what’s going on?!” Me. 

Banathi ignores me. 

He goes outside. 

Zozo tries to follow him, but I pull him right back next to me. 

“Go to your bedrooms. Pack your school bags. No funny business. I’ll call you down when it’s time for us to leave.” I say. 

They nod their heads and head upstairs, Zozo taking Ziwe in his arms. 

As soon as I see that the kids have disappeared into their rooms, I head outside to see what the commotion is all about. 

Banathi is WHIPPING his brother, Phakatwayo, and Mnqobi is helping him. 

I run to them and pull Banathi away. I also push Mnqobi away. 

I try to help Phakathwayo get up, but he pushes me with so much force off him, saying, “SUKA KIMI WENA SFEBE! ANGILONA LE SENDE OLINYOBAYO MIHLA YONKE!” 

What the hell did I do to this guy?!

Mnqobi and Banathi are beating him up again, this time asking him where he gets off speaking to me like this. 

Now I notice that my shoulder is bruised and painful. 

One of a Banathi’s workers helps me up and tells me to go inside the house. I’m not going anywhere. 

“BANATHI! MNQOBI! STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW!” I yell. 

They stop. 

They look at each other.

“Banathi, what the hell is going on?!” I ask aggressively. 

“Their mother killed my father. And now they want to take my inheritance away!” Phakathwayo says to me… yelling.

“Phakathwayo, unless you have evidence of what you are saying, I’d advise you stop saying it. Before you get sued!” Me. 

Phakathwayo breathes heavily. 

“It’s your mother’s fault that I grew up thinking that he’s my uncle and not my father.” Phakathwayo says to Banathi and Mnqobi.

“No. It’s your mother’s fault. She’s the whore that opened her legs for a married man. What did she think his wife was going to do? Reward her for that?!” Mnqobi. 

This is really tense. 

“I was his child. I deserved everything that Letlali’s kids had and STILL have.” Phakathwayo.

“Letlali had children with her husband, not with the husband of another woman. We are not the same. Thina sizi’ngane zomshado. Wena uyivezandlebe. Uhlazo. Into ekumele ifihlwe”. Mnqobi. 

This is actually so painful. 

Phakathwayo cries. He actually breaks down and cries. 

I look at Banathi. 

This is also hurting him. 

Mnqobi is just as distraught. 

“You guys all lost a father. You can’t keep treating each other like this. You need to find a way to heal together”, I say. 

They don’t say anything. 

Then Phakathwayo says, “I found my mother’s family. I use the money and business that dad left for me to support them. They are struggling. If you guys take that away from me, three households will go hungry.” Phakathwayo says. 

“You need to stop terrorising our mother. We will make life difficult for you if you don’t leave our mother alone. My mom didn’t ask for any of this to happen. She didn’t ask your mother to ruin her marriage. She didn’t ask your mother to slut her way out poverty by having you. My mom didn’t ask for you to be born. If it were up to my mother… you wouldn’t exist because our dad’s relationship with that slut that birthed you wouldn’t have existed. If you don’t leave our mother alone, we will make life a living hell for you. Do you understand?” Banathi. 

Phakathwayo just nods his head. 

“Now get the fuck off my property”, Banathi. 

“How come he left you guys these houses and all I get is the house he grew up in elokshini?” Phakathwayo says. 

“Like we said… awuyona ingane yomshado. Uyihlazo. You are not the child that is celebrated. You are the child ofihlwayo. Why would you want to compare yourself to us?!” Mnqobi. 

That cuts me really deep because I’m also born out of wedlock. For all I know, my father is a married man too. Parents being senseless really don’t think about their children and how they’ll have to deal with being “uhlazo” or “ivezandlebe”. They just succumb to selfishness and lust, not thinking that one day, we will be faced with such statements and they’ll all be true. 

Phakathwayo just limps off this property. I want to walk him out. I want to help him. But Banathi pulls me towards him and we walk towards the house instead. 

–

I’ve dropped the kids off at school after quite the morning. When I’m in the kingdom, Nathi let’s me use one of his cars. My favourite one is the grey Porsche Cayenne. It’s big enough to be a mom car, but hot enough to be a car that a hun like me could be found driving.

I’m headed to see Nathi’s mom. I promised her that we would do lunch together. Wehweh was supposed to join us. But she has school and has to get ready for her lobola negotiations. So it’s just me.

I’m slightly scared of her. But I don’t know… I know loss. She knows loss. Somehow, we connected.

Nathi phones me as I turn into the estate that his mom lives at.

“Hey baby”, I answer my phone.

“Hey. Where are you? Im at home waiting for you.” He says.

“I’m meeting up with your mom. I thought you were busy today.”

“My mom?! Why?!” 

“We have plans”, me.

“You have plans? With Letlali Khuzwayo?”

Why is he so shocked and weird about this? 

“Is she bullying you or something?” He asks me.

I laugh then say, “Do you not want me to meet up with your mother?” 

“I like that you are getting along with her. I love that you break barriers no matter what they look like. It’s one of the things that get me all horny about you”, he says.

“Banathi, my love. I’ll see you later”, I say.

“I love you, ntombenhle.” 

“I love you too”. 

We hang up. 

I make it through the estate gate and drive to her duplex. 

I park outside… her gate is already open for me. 

I step out and head in. Her door is also open. 

I walk in, announcing myself…

“Mah?! Hello! Ke Palesa”.

“Come in, Palesa. I’m coming!” She yells back.

I indeed walk in. 

I bump into her domestic worker in the kitchen. She’s so rude. She doesn’t even greet me. I say hi and she doesn’t greet me back. Whatever bitch!

She finally comes to where I am, looking super stunning as always. She still wears black mourning clothes, but she’s so beautiful. 

“I really try my best to make the black look hot. But there’s only so much that you can do with a black dress. It’s no LBD.” She says. I’m already laughing. 

She looks amazing. 

I reply and say, “Well, black ke colour ya manyora”. 

“And ke le nyora, hle. Give me the credit.” She says. We laugh again. 

“You look good. It’s so nice to see you laugh like this”, I say as I stand up to hug her.

She returns the hug. It’s tight. It’s needed. 

“You ready to leave?” She says.

“Sure. But I’m following your lead. I don’t know this place too well.” I say.

“That’s fine. But we are using your man’s car. Mine is deceased, so no need to be spending my money when you still have a man who pays bills. And we are using his credit card. I hope he gave it to you.” She says. 

I really didn’t know that she’s this funny. Wow! 

–

We are having lunch at Rooftop. Apparently, it’s THE place around here. It’s owned by the Seetes. 

“How are my boys? Genuinely?” She asks me. 

“They are dealing with it. That’s all they can do. Phakathwayo is also taking it hard. I think he just… he’s unraveling. Too much is happening at the same time.” I say. 

“Ja. I feel for him. But his parents really hurt me. I just couldn’t open my heart to him. I tried. I’d think… he’s my husband’s son. If I love my husband, i should love him. But I couldn’t. He made me loathe my husband. I couldn’t get over the betrayal. Now, Phakathwayo blames me for all of it.” She says. 

“It’s not on you, Mama-Banathi. It’s not.” 

“Yeah. It’s just… marriage is something else. I just did too much for my marriage. I gave up too much. I traded in too much. But every time I asked him to walk away from situations that hurt us, he couldn’t. There was always something or someone he had to choose over me. I think men aren’t as prepared for marriage as women are. I look at my boys. They just grew up way too quickly. And I always wonder if I’ve prepared them enough. Did I raise women’s dreams come true, or women’s worst nightmare?” 

She says.

“Wehweh would need to give you feedback on Mnqobi. But Banathi… he’s good.” 

“Really? And he’s healed? From Nothando?” She asks me. I don’t know why this stings me a bit.

“He wants me to move in with him. He wants us to raise my siblings and our kids together”, I say. 

“And you? What do you want?” She asks me. 

“I love him. I want to build with him. I can’t have kids, and he’s not even put off by it. I guess it would be different if he didn’t already have three.” I say. 

“Why can’t you have kids?” She asks me. 

“Surgery gone wrong when I was younger”.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I dealt with it.” Me.

“Does Banathi understand your love language? I mean… I feel like I went through the most with him. He’s seen the most. I always worried that he’d be the… he’d be like his father… with the mental health challenges. He just saw too much from a very young age.” 

“Banathi is fine, mama. Usile yena. But for the most part, he’s okay. He’s open. He knows how to love. He knows how to fight hard too. He knows how to survive. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have survived Nothando.” I say.

“That’s what I also thought. But then he got too sexually active and too violent. You tamed him again. The mother in me says don’t give up on him. Please love the hell out of my son no matter what. But the woman in me says when your worth is no longer served in your relationship with him, walk away. No man is worth it. Not even my sons.” 

Deep.

“Do you regret staying with your husband after he cheated?” I ask her. 

“I don’t regret loving Zi. I sometimes feel like I enabled his inadequacies in how I loved him. And that, I regret. But I’d love him all over again. He’s the love of my life. And I miss his silly self every day.” She says.

I hold her hand.

We smile at each other.

…

Evening…

Banathi is not back home yet. I’ve put the kids to sleep. I’ve showered. I’m in pyjamas. And I’m enjoying some good wine.

I decide to phone Katli as I take a good tour around this house, figuring out what I want to do with it and how much help I’ll need to maintain it. I might just take after Wehweh and just get staff in here. So far, we only have two domestic workers and they are not coping with the workload shame.

“Yo!” Katli answers his phone.

“Hey you”, I say.

“Ushup?” Him.

“I’m good. Just miss you guys. I also wanted to talk to you about something.” Me.

“Okay?” 

“Banathi wants us to relocate”, I say.

“Yeah. We spoke about it nna le yena”, he says.

Shocked, I tell you.

“When?” I ask.

“A while back. He’s even been helping me apply for university and get res accommodation. He thinks I’m too responsible for my age.” 

We laugh.

“So what do you think about the idea?” I ask him.

“The important person in all of this is you. You need to be happy with this guy for all of this to work. If he’s not your forever, I’m fine with how things are.” 

I don’t know why that makes me happy.

“You’ll visit us often?” I ask him.

“I will. I promise.” 

“Do you think mom would be proud of us?” I ask him.

“Sis, we’ve done our best. Wherever she is, she knows that”, he says. 

I get emotional. 

“The school year is still quite early. With Easter approaching, I’ll go get space for Puseletso and Kari at a good school around here tomorrow. I think you should also come finish your matric this side. Then for second term, you guys are all here.” I say.

“I wouldn’t mind moving. The schools in that kingdom set us up for life. And I really would love that on my record.” 

“Thank you for not being difficult about this, Katli.” I say.

“Thank you for not leaving us behind”, he says.

I take a deep breath.

“As soon as I’ve got everything sorted, I’ll come get you guys. Then mangwane can move into the house”, I say.

“What a happy day for her”, he says.

We laugh a bit.

We say goodnight to each other, then we hang up.

I give myself a proper tour around this house. There are eight bedrooms here. What for?! And the house is three stories. The main bedroom plus three bedrooms are on the third story. Four bedrooms are on the second story. Second and third story has lounge areas and three bathrooms. There’s an extra bathroom downstairs for guests. There are just so many dining areas plus entertainment rooms. The TV rooms are also multiple. There’s three studies. I wonder for what. The garden is heaven! The house is not furnished properly yet, but we will get there. I’ll make sure of it. This is real housewives content. I qualify on just this house alone. 

Across the house main house is another building. I walk there. It’s a flat. It has multiple rooms and each room has a bathroom attached to it. But it has two common areas, one kitchen and a garden and pool of its own. I guess this is the servant’s quarters. I’ve never had a domestic worker in my life. Now I must have servants?! 

I make notes on my phone on what needs daily cleaning, what needs weekly servicing and maintenance, what needs monthly servicing and maintenance, etc. 

I think about phoning Wehweh for advice, but I decide against it. We may be dating brothers. She may be more used to this life than I am. But I need to make this a home for my siblings, my boyfriend and my children. It will be my irresistible difference from people who grew up with all of this that will make this a home that stands out. 

I spend the next hour just researching and putting together a plan for the house. I have an A1 chart for maintaining the house, then I have three A1 charts put together detailing what I plan to do with each room and each corner in this house. 

I feel hands on me. 

I jump in a slight shock. I didn’t think anyone else was home.

“It’s just me, baby.” Nathi says.

I turn around and look at him. 

We kiss.

I put down the marker in my hand, then wrap my arms around his neck. 

“Kunjani?” I ask him.

“I’m good. Wena?”

I smile at him.

Then I say, “your plate is in the food warmer. Want to eat?” 

He smiles at me.

We hold hands as we head to the kitchen. Fortunately, I was working in one of the dining areas in this house. 

He settles on a chair that’s by the kitchen island. I bounce around the kitchen and warm his plate, prepare him juice and warm myself some vegetables and meat just so he doesn’t eat alone. 

I give him a bowl of warm water to wash his hands. He smiles at me. 

Now I serve him his food.

“You look beautiful, baby.” He says.

I’m just in sleep wear – doek included.

“Mus’ukudlala ngami, hai bo.” I say.

“I’m serious”, he says.

I move past the subject.

“I’ll move in with you”, I say.

He looks at me with shock and excitement.

“I spoke to Katli. I spoke to your mom. Let’s do this.” 

“Katli, I understand. This impacts him too. But my mom? Why does she get a say?” He says.

“I wasn’t asking for permission. We were just talking about where you and I are in our relationship.” 

He’s quiet. 

I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. 

“Keng?” I ask him.

“Baby, I’m glad that you and my mom get along. But I also know that no woman wants her man’s mother meddling in her household. If you open that door for my mom, I don’t expect you to come to me demanding that I stand up to my mother when she makes herself at home in our relationship. You need to set the boundaries while we are still at the beginning and while you set the tone for your relationship with her. Angifuni uxakeke phambili because I don’t plan to get involved”, he says.

He has a point.

I nod my head. 

“I’ll use this week to sort school stuff out for my siblings. I’ll also start the process of selling my business and maybe opening something similar this side. I don’t want to live off you”, I say.

“Live off me?” Him. He seems offended.

“I want to be able to help out la endlini.” 

“Why? I can take care of us.” 

I want to say I’m not Nothando. But I appreciate how that will land with him.

“Nathi, I’ve more than supported myself and my siblings all these years. I’m not used to being supported while I bring nothing to the table”, I say.

He’s quiet. 

He finishes his food. 

He starts drinking his juice.

He looks at me. Then he says, “Palesa, I need you to give me my place in our relationship. I’m a provider. I’m a protector. I’ll provide and protect… for everyone who will live in this house. I need you to let me do that.” 

“There’s going to be a lot of people living in this house, Nathi.” I say.

“And I can look after all of us.” He says.

“What do you want me to do exactly? Just sit here all day?” 

“You can have your store or whatever you want to keep busy, but please make sure that our family always comes first. I’ll probably be held up in meetings or work, but I need you hands-on with the kids and the house. One of us has to be present. I’m asking that it be you.” 

I’m quiet. 

“I’ll be making some changes in the house. I’ll also be hiring staff to help me maintain the house”, I say.

He nods his head as if giving me permission.

“Is there anything I need to be mindful of?” I ask him.

“Like what?” He asks me.

“I’ve noticed the boxes with Nothando’s pictures and pictures of you with her…” 

He takes a deep sigh. 

“What do you want me to do?” He asks me.

Things always get awkward when we have to talk about Nothando.

“Whatever will help you heal. I don’t want to feel like I’m replacing her. I don’t want to feel like I’m in her house, keeping her side of the bed warm. But I understand that you’ll never stop loving her.” 

He’s quiet.

“Besides… I’m just a girl who was born from a mother who has been accused of having affairs with people’s husbands. Just like Phakathwayo, my siblings and I are amavezandlebe. Uhlazo. Things that need to be hidden and not children that need to be celebrated.” I say.

“Baby –

“What you said to Phakathwayo was a lot. It was hurtful. And I wish you used a different set of words to express yourself. What you’ve done to that child… you’ve messed him up forever. No one is going to recover from that. He didn’t ask for this neither, Banathi. He’s been lied to his whole life. Then the day he finds out that his entire life is a lie, his father passes away before he can answer his questions. What do you think he’s going through?!” 

Silence. 

“I listened to those words and they landed on me too. They hurt me as if they were being said to me. My situation is exactly like Phakathwayo’s situation… and the parents that put us in this mess are deceased.”

He gets up and hugs me. He holds me close to him. 

I don’t know how to be… or what to do. 

“I’ll apologise to Phakathwayo. And I’m apologising to you. I’m sorry. Ngempela sthandwa sami, Ngiyaxolisa.” 

I’m just silent. 

“So… Nothando’s things… what must I do with them?” I ask.

He takes a deep breath then says, “you can destroy them. It’s time.” 

His cellphone rings before I can even respond.

He pulls it out of his pocket. 

The caller ID reads “Lindiwe”. 

I look at him. 

He looks at me.

He answers but puts her speaker.

“Hello?” Banathi.

“Banathi, sawubona. Can we talk? It’s about Sasi.” She says.

“I’m not Sasi’s father. Shouldn’t you be talking to Mnqobi about whatever this is?” 

“He’s not prepared to listen. Wehweh has blocked me everywhere. I have no choice. I need your help.” She says.

“With what?!” Banathi.

“I want Sasi back”, she says.

“Won’t the court make the final call on that?” 

“Out of court settlement. I know that I’ve made some mistakes as a mother that will be used against me in court. But I’m also going to play dirty and start talking about the church. My child belongs with me. Unless you guys want me singing about the church and how my child’s life and stability is affected by that, tell your brother to return my child.” 

I stare at Banathi in shock. 

“I hope uzoyimela le nto oyiqalayo.” Banathi says then hangs up. 

Banathi and I look at each other. 

“Let’s go to bed baby.