Thomas

“Semphete wena a ratehang.

Mmoloki waka.

Ha o ntse o sesa ba-a-bang,

Semphete le nna.

Jeso 

Jeso 

Ke a o rapela.

Ha o ntse o sesa ba-a-bang,

Semphete le nna.”

I am staring at this tombstone and her picture on the funeral programme. It still has not registered to me that my wife is dead. Mrs Khalo almost fell into her grave when she had to go put sand on top of Lydia’s casket. I think she is losing her mind. Last night during the night vigil, she was literally pulling hair off her head. She doesn’t talk to anyone. She cries then she stares into space and pulls her hair out. 

Mr Khalo does not talk to anyone at all. Absolutely no one. He just sits and cradles Rofhi, says absolutely nothing, but sits and cradles Rofhi. 

My sisters-in-law helped me put this funeral together. My family has been great. They’ve been extremely supportive. We all loved Lydia and my child she hadgrowing inside of her, but none of us ever got to hold the baby. 

I feel a hand rubbing me on my back. I look up and I see that it is Pearl. She locks her hand into mine and I squeeze her hand. I am happy she is here, but I’m also mindful of how inappropriate this looks. As I look around me, I see everyone has already gone to their cars and some cars are even driving away from the cemetery. 

“Come on, let’s go”. She says. 

“I just need a moment. Please.” I say. 

She stands up and leaves me alone. 

I take a walk to her tombstone. I kneel on the body of her tombstone.

And for the first time since the day that she passed away – the very first time – I fall apart. 

I didn’t cry when the doctors told me that they can no longer do anything for my wife. I didn’t cry when I lay my head on my wife’s lifeless body, begging her to live for Rofhiwa and me. I didn’t cry when I had to wash her body and dress her up at the mortuary. I insisted on doing it myself when everyone told me not to. I wanted to do it. She was my wife. I didn’t cry last night at the night vigil. I didn’t cry when people were talking about how she lived her life and why we all loved her at her funeral service. But right now, right this minute. I am falling apart. My extremely loud cry has grabbed the attention of every person in this cemetery; including people burying other bodies in other funerals. I am falling and crying and screaming and I cannot control it, I cannot stop. 

It is Mrs Khalo who wraps her hands around me, lifts me from the tombstone before me and walks me to the car that I rode in to come here. I was riding with the coffin. 

Goodbye my love. 

I have been sitting in my room since we came back to the house. Venda is hot. I have never cared until Lydia complained about it all the time every time we were here. The house is full of people and I just want to be alone. I don’t want to be with anyone and I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to be alone and think about my wife. I still haven’t stopped crying. I’ve just stopped screaming, now I’m just letting the tears roll down my face. 

I hear a knock on my door. I just look at the door. I don’t even have the energy to tell the person to come in. The door opens anyway and in walks Thando. She has been here since the day that Lydia passed away. She has been cooking, cleaning, peeling vegetables and whatever else women do at times like these. Every moment she got, she brought me tea, sat next to me and tried to get me to talk. I have also seen her take care of Rofhiwa. If I were a different man, I would have given her what she wants. But I just lost my wife. And I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and just say that she is here to mourn with us. 

She sits next to me on the bed. I sigh. She sighs. We literally just sit in silence. Oh, I didn’t notice. She has a plate of food and a flask. I am taken to the first flask of coffee that Lydia ever made for me. It feels like yesterday when she used coffee to bag me – not that I mind. But my life changed forever when she came into it to ensure that I became everything I’ve ever wanted to become: a father, a husband and a businessman. 

“You need to eat something, Thomas. You need your strength.” She says. 

“I’m not hungry.” I tell her. 

“Rofhiwa still needs you, Thomas. She has also lost a mother.” She says. This actually touches me. Come to think of it, I haven’t touched my daughter since her mother and her sibling on the way passed away. 

I sit up and grab a piece of chicken off the plate in Thando’s hand. I didn’t even know there was chicken. But she was in the kitchen. Women with connections in the kitchen at funerals get food that never comes out for the rest of us. This chicken is good. I eat the chicken and some of the other vegetable and dumplings on the plate. But I can only have so much. My stomach starts cramping, so I stop eating. I grab the flask in her hand and drink it. It’s a very cold drink. There is a lot of ice in here and it is whiskey dashed in ginger ale. 

I smile at her. She smiles back at me. 

“I got a bottle in my bag and hid it well. I knew you could do with a bit. Plus, it’s damn hot up here.” She says. 

“It is. But I grew up here, so I am used to it now. Lydia always complained about the heat.” I tell her. 

“I can see why.” 

We both laugh. 

Laughing feels uncomfortable, different, but needed. 

“Let me take the plate back to the kitchen.” She says. 

“Please stay with me. I could do with some company.” 

“I know you are hurting. And I would do anything to spend the rest of this afternoon up here with you. But your house is full of people who are here to be with you and support you. Being locked up in a room with you alone on the day we just buried your wife is not a good look at all. So, I’m going to go downstairs and help out.” She then smiles at me and gets off the bed. I nod at her because I totally understand what she has just said. 

“By the way, I sprinkled some sleeping pills powder in your food. You need the sleep.” She says then leaves the room. 

What the hell? 

It is 2am when I open my eyes from the nap – well sleep – that I was put to by Thando. The house is silent. It is creeping in that she really is gone. All the mourners have left and the house is empty. There was buzzing all night, morning and during the day. Now, everyone has gone home and the family has to deal with the demons that are brought about by the pain that remains in our walls. 

I get out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. I want to drink something. I am feeling thirsty. The house is dark, but the light is on in the kitchen. Thando is sitting here working on her laptop. She hasn’t left? 

“Good morning, sleepy head”, she says to me. 

“You still here? I thought everyone had left.” I say. 

“I figured I’d stay… for you and Rofhiwa. She was a bit fussy this evening, but I managed to put her to sleep.” She says. 

“Thank you, Thando. For everything – especially for helping out with Rofhiwa. I really appreciate everything that you are doing.” I have to say thank you. I just have to. 

“No problem. Mthunzi is doing well at the office. The boys team is really helping him hold things down and the PA executive squad are putting in the time to keep the ship afloat. You are not alone, boss-man”. She says. 

I smile. 

“There is something that needs your approval though. Mthunzi sent it to me and asked me to just take you through it. I know you are still mourning – 

“No please, I can do with the distraction.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah”, I say as I am already sitting on a chair next to her. I notice her silk short night gown with a lace finish. I still have my suit pants on and the white shirt I was wearing from earlier on. 

She takes me through what I need to sign. I can see why Pearl loved her so much. She is very clued up and competent. I ask her to give me some more content. I need the distraction. She gives me the information I need. Before I know it, I am calling Mthunzi and he is nice enough to pick up my call. Turns out he is still working too. He got to GP after the funeral and started working so we talk through what is needed. Thando’s ass bouncing under her nightgown as she makes us juice and a meaty snack makes my dick tingle. I put my focus again on the meeting I’m having with Mthunzi. 

Thando serves me food and a nice ice-cold glass of juice. 

We finish at about 6am when Mthunzi says he is going to sleep. 

“Take a walk with me?” I ask Thando. 

The sun is already out. 

“Okay”, she says as she smiles at me. “Let me at least change into something I can take a walk in.” 

“Me too”. I am still in the suit I buried my wife in, by the way. 

I change into shorts, a tank top and some flip flops. Venda is hot. I get to the kitchen and prepare two water bottles of cold water with a lot of ice cubes. She walks in with my baby girl, Rofhi walking beside her. Rofhi runs to me the minute she recognises me. Oh my baby girl. I hug her. I pick her up and just hug her and kiss her. I love my angel. The one gift that my beautiful wife gave to me before she left earth. I will always love and honour her for that. 

Then I look at Thando. 

She is pouncing around this kitchen. She is wearing tight gym tights and a tank-top. She has a cap on as well. She has sneakers on. We not going for a run, I hope she knows that. She looks beautiful though. Her weave is long and tied up into quite a long ponytail. She is very comfortable in this kitchen, I must just put that out there. 

We leave for our walk and it is nice. I live in a township, but our house was extended by my brothers and I when we all started working. 

“So this is where you grew up, huh?” Thando asks me. She hands Rofhi a bottle of water – for hydration I guess. Rofhi is still in my arms. 

“Yeah, and I attended that school over there.” I point at the township school that I attended. 

“So, how did you end up with all this success and with a woman like Pearl?” 

We both laugh. 

“I worked hard. Pearl is a hardworking woman and she worked her ass off out of a bad place and made it. We were aligned with those goals. It’s just that in a marriage, you see everything there is to see about people and some of the skeletons you discover will pull you apart.” 

“Was your cheating part of the problems in your marriage? She openly spoke about it with me.” 

“I started cheating on Pearl when I knew that there was no coming back from a dark place. It started off as wanting to hurt her, then I fell in love with Lydia.” 

“I see.” She says. 

“And what about you? What’s the deal with you? How did you end up being such an amazing PA and why aren’t you cooking for a husband right now?” I ask her. 

“Well”, she laughs. Then she continues, “My mom was extremely ill when I was growing up and my father lost his life at the Marikana Massacre. It was a rough time at home. I went to a township primary school then attended a model c high school through a scholarship.” 

“So you were a smart one?”

“I cleaned the stage with awards at every prize giving.” We laugh as she says this. 

“I’ve always been competitive like that”, she says. 

We chuckle. 

“I didn’t have money to go to university, so I started working in the office admin block in the high school I attended after I matriculated. The plan was to save up some money then go to university and become a doctor. But two years of saving becomes five years of saving when you are a breadwinner looking after a sick mother and paying off medical bills. In that situation, the only thing you continuously search for is the next job opportunity with a bigger pay check. That’s how I went from office administration to secretarial work and then becoming a personal assistant.” 

“You are good at this though. You really are. I wish you could manage my office.” I tell her. 

“Thank you.” She says. 

“How’s your mother now?” I ask her. 

“She passed away. So it’s just me now in her house. But I have family in KZN that drives me crazy. I see them when I’m in the mood to be around them. Sometimes, I go three years without seeing them. But they call me all the time wanting money. Depending on my mood, I sometimes give it to them and at times I don’t. I started really enjoying my money after my mother passed away. I don’t owe them anything. They left me to figure it out on my own as a young girl. I missed out on school because they chose to stay away when they could afford to help. They had farms and shops all over KZN. No one helped me. Right now, it’s not my job to take care of them.” 

I’d offer advice to her, but I plead the fifth. Sometimes when it comes to family issues, you just stay away until the door is open for you to have an opinion. 

“And your man?” 

She laughs aloud. 

“I was in a relationship with a guy for ten years.” 

“Damn! Then what happened?”

“He didn’t want to get married and he didn’t want to have kids. I wanted marriage and I wanted kids.” 

“You still want all that now?” I ask her. 

She nods her head. 

“And that’s a deal-breaker for you?” 

“It is. I don’t have anyone, Tom. I’m an only child with no parents. I have attachment insecurities and having people to live for, to look forward to coming home to and cooking for them, spending weekends with them and just creating memories together – those things are real for me and they are important. I don’t want to be robbed off them. I want them all.” She says. 

“You can have them all. Pick a man from any back room of some township or at the gym. Give them that and they’ll give you your family.” 

She laughs. 

“I suppose. But I go where the chemistry pulls me in the most. I have no intention to just settle because apparently I want my husband and my kids. So, I’m prepared to take my time.” 

We get to a point where kids are playing soccer in an open field. We decide to turn around and make our way back to my home. 

…

Two week earlier – a few days after the wedding luncheon. 

Lydia

I am so exhausted. The last thing that I want to be doing is getting out of bed. I am actually okay with spending the day in bed today, doing nothing but rub my belly and bond with my kid. Tom is still in bed with me. He is not even sleeping. He is on his phone, responding to emails and chatting away with Mthunzi. He doesn’t see that I am awake. I slide my hand down his leg and fiddle with his penis. We both slept naked last night. 

“Surely, you are not dreaming of another man while touching me, are you?” He sarcastically says. 

I chuckle and say, “Good morning, my husband.”

“Hello Mrs Ramaru. How are you this fine morning?” He says to me as he puts his phone down and turns his body towards me. 

“I’m so tired. I don’t even want to get out of bed today. I just want to stay here and bond with my husband and child.” 

We hear Rofhi fight with someone then she is the one who ends up crying. Rofhi has become quite sassy lately. She even gives me attitude sometimes. That mouth of hers – it never stops going on and on. She has learned quite a bit of the tshiVenda language and I am happy for her. It is her language. But she has also established that I am not as clued up as she is, so when she is in trouble and I start yelling at her, she speaks TshiVenda back to me. 

“What are they doing to my baby girl?” Tom asks me as he gets out of bed. Really? 

“That baby girl of yours can be quite the instigator as well”. I tell him. 

“My Rofhiwa? She is just a tough Ramaru girl.” He says with so much pride. 

He is getting dressed now, as if preparing to leave the bedroom. Where is he going? 

“What was going on with Amahle and Koena?” I ask him. 

I saw him speaking to Mthunzi at the luncheon while Amahle was depressed all day. My mom also informed me that Koena left quite upset because of Amahle. We couldn’t go into detail because of the buzz around everything, then she left without giving me the tea. Koena has been sour since my bridal shower and she did mention that one of my cousins were eyeing Mthunzi. 

“Amahle was making advances on Mthunzi in front of Koena and Koena didn’t take it well at all. So she shat on both Amahle and Mthunzi; but obviously Mthunzi felt it the most.” He explains. 

“Well, did Mthunzi entertain Amahle?”

“He was just himself. You know how Mthunzi is. He fucks with everyone. It seems as if Amahle read too much into whatever conversation they did have and thought she could get lucky.” Tom says. 

I nod my head. 

“I should phone Koena and just check in on her – make sure that everything is cool.” 

“She is fine, Mrs Ramaru. Mthunzi made sure of it. No one will ever replace Koena in Mthunzi’s life.” 

That is very true. Mthunzi’s love for Koena is borderline unhealthy. It is as if he breathes for her. You see, Thomas and I love each other and we are great partners – that’s why our marriage would work. But I do see us, about a few years from now, living separately. I’ll probably be heading up one of the Ramaru companies in some other country while my kids are in boarding school and he is here in South Africa. He will probably have women because we will be living apart. We will show up for each other when it matters and have sex because we do not hate each other. But we do not have that undying passion and unbelievably burning desires for each other for us to live together and do picnics together and all that other stuff. 

Mthunzi and Koena are extremely clingy to one another. They sleep next to each other every night and wake up next to each other every morning, and still chat to each other throughout the day. Unlike Thomas and I who talk about work throughout the day, they make each other blush and smile and giggle – probably sext too. It is beautiful to watch, but it is also a bit… I don’t know. 

“I’m going to have breakfast. You coming?” He says. 

“Might as well get out of bed. I wanted to go to Polokwane today and get a few things at the mall.” I say. I don’t have a mother-in-law, so I’m definitely enjoying the fact that I have not become a slave overnight. 

“I thought you said you were tired.” He says. 

“I am. But I need a few things.” 

“And Polokwane mall is your only option?” 

Where does he want me to go? 

I get out of bed and wear a dress. We hold hands and make our way to breakfast. His brothers and their wives are still here and are already making a noise so early in the morning. When they see us come in, they ululate. We smile at each other and then at them. We say our good mornings and I get Rofhi from the TV room. The Ramarus are going to ruin my child. I don’t allow her to watch TV at home. Here, she just binges on TV. She is even upset that I removed her from the TV room; she gives me attitude and speaks to me in tshiVenda. Yep – she’s pissed and I don’t care. But what if she is swearing at me? Hmmmm.

She sits between her father and I and I dish up for her. I eat while I feed her. The table is rowdy. I’d participate in the conversations happening here if Rofhi was not trying to run away the minute I take my eyes off her. I’m fighting to keep her on her chair and eat at the same time. Thomas is not even interested in us, right now. And I’m glad. Because he would be telling me to let her be and she will eat later. No order what-so-ever. 

“Rofhiwa, I’m getting tired of you now. Stop it and eat.” I sternly say to her because she is beginning to piss me off now. 

“I’m not hungry!” She yells at me. 

“Rofhiwa, who do you think you are talking to? What kind of mess do you want to see?” I shout back. 

Everyone is looking at us now and Rofhiwa is scared. Good. 

“Open your mouth and eat. And you not watching anymore TV today. You know very well that you are not allowed to spend this much time on TV.” I don’t even look around to spot the guilty face that permitted this. Rofhiwaknows right from wrong. She is just at that stage where she wants to push boundaries and see how much allowance we give her. She gets away with this crap with her father. I’m not playing with her and she knows it. 

Now she looks like she wants to cry. Her father is not happy with me. She’s a kid. She cries. That’s what they do. They cry. All I care about is that she is not wailing and she is swallowing her food. Once her plate is clean, she dives into her father’s arms and she cries on his chest. Her dad tries to calm her down and I just eat my food. I’m not really bothered if anyone is judging my parenting right now. 

I drove out by myself to buy a few things and food that we will need when we hit the road back to GP. We decided that we will stop at Mall of North on our way out of Limpopo. Venda is hot and the streets are forever busy. Everyone is in a mask because – Covid. If I lived here everyday, best believe I’d only come out in the evening or early morning when the sun is not on an assignment to braai us. 

For now, I am at a mall getting some stuff that I need and have forgot at home. As I park my car, I see some men eyeing my car. I know I shouldn’t panic, but I’m panicking. It’s the moral panic you live with when you were born and raised in GP. GP has done away with Ubuntu and when someone is eyeing your car, someone is eyeing your car!

I get back into my car and drive away from that parking spot, driving around and finding another place to park. I sit in the car a little bit to ensure that I have lost these men. I lost the ones from the other side of the mall, but there are new ones walking towards my car now. Good God. I start my engine and drive away from the mall now, phoning Thomas to let him know what’s going on. 

“Mrs Ramaru”. He answers his phone. 

“Babe, I think I’m being followed.” 

“What?”

I tell him what happened.

“Come back home.” He says. 

I look through my rear-view mirror. A Toyota Fortuner follows me and I spot one of the men from the mall. Now I am shit scared. 

“They are following me, Thomas. In a Toyota Fortuner.” 

“Send me your live location”. He says. 

“Okay. But don’t hang up, please.” 

“Okay”. 

I send him the live location then keep him on the line as I try to lose these guys. I speed up and they keep up with my speed. Now, if these guys want my car, I should just give it to them and save my life. I should have gone out at the mall and left the car there for them to take while my life is saved. I could have phone Thomas to come pick me up. Now, they know that I know and they know that I have seen their faces. They are not letting me go. 

Oh my God.

I get into a busy road. 

I am speeding now. Does anyone get hijacked on a busy road? 

There are so many cars on here and so many witnesses. 

“Baby, I’m in the car driving towards you”. He says. 

“Okay. Thomas, I’m scared.” 

“Are they still following you?” 

“Yes, they are.” 

I hear my car hit something and the Porsche informs me that something is wrong with my tyres. I park my car on the side of the road. I’m just going to leave it here and run. They can have it, honestly. 

I get out of the car. The Toyota Fortuner parks behind my white Porsche Cayenne. I sprint across the road, running towards the nearest houses that I can see so I can get help. But I don’t see the car driving at full speed until my body flies upwards and hits the ground. 

I’m cold…

I can’t move…

“Thomas”, I utter. I want him here. I need him here. I’m so cold. So many people are around me. Why aren’t they helping me?

“Thomas”, I utter again. 

Where is he?