“I made this for dad.” Siya says as he shows me some drawing while I’m trying to dress him up for school. 

“It’s nice, fana.” 

“Do you think he will like it?” 

“He will.” 

“Mommy, how come he didn’t raise me? Why did I have to be raised by Mbali’s dad?” 

I’m quiet because never in a million years did I think that Siya would be calling Mthunzi “Mbali’s dad.” This is my fault. I thought I could have it all. Mthunzi is a good man. He raised Siya knowing very well that Siya isn’t his son. I was selfish and I don’t want Siya to think that Mthunzi is a bad person. But I know I have to tell him some version of the truth – not all of it though. 

“Fana, sit here with mommy. We need to talk.” I say.

He obliges. 

“First of all, Mthunzi is a good man. I don’t want you to hate him. He did a lot for you and he has always known that you were not his son. So please, don’t hate him. Mommy is the one who made a huge mistake. I was selfish and I costed you guys a lot of happiness. And I am so sorry.”

He is quiet. He looks at me. 

“So, did dad not want me?” 

Now I must lie. The truth is, George didn’t want to hurt his wife and complicatehis children’s lives. He loved them and anyone who threatened their innocence regarding George’s real life, he would kill. Siya was that. So George was okay with Mthunzi stepping up and hiding George’s shame. But when Mthunzibailed, he stepped up because he believed that no child of his would go hungry. 

“He did. Mommy didn’t let him near you because I didn’t want to confuse you and I didn’t want to hurt Mthunzi.” 

Siya looks at me. 

“Maybe I should phone Mbali’s dad and thank him for everything he has done for me. It’s the least that I can do. He has never made me feel like I wasn’t his child. But I am still hurt that he just dropped us.” 

I look at him. 

“Let’s just maybe leave him alone right now. He has moved on with his life and we don’t have to keep holding him back.” I say. 

He sighs. I don’t know what that means, but he just sighs. 

“But fana, I love you. And no matter what, it will always be me and you. You are my baby and I love you so much. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for you. Okay?” 

He nods his head. I hug him. He lets me. 

… 

I am on my iPad doing some research for a business plan that I am putting together while the kids are eating their breakfast. They are chatting amongst themselves about school. Sandile comes in and gives them their fatherly love moment before he joins us and eats breakfast. His girlfriend is still serving us and it irks me. The joy I have at making her feel like the whore she is is unmatched. 

KG and mama walk in together and also settle at the table. 

“No work at the table”, my mom says. 

I close my iPad and put it aside. I check my phone for any text messages from George. Nothing. He has been uncomfortably quiet lately. I hope everything is okay. His cellphone probably got confiscated or something. But I send him a text anyway, just so he doesn’t assume that I have forgot about him. 

“I hope your sexy self slept well. I miss you. Please at least let me know that you are okay.” 

Sex is it for him. Sex. Sex. Sex. That’s all he ever wants. It makes things easier between us. He is locked up and I guess, he has everything but sex and I make sure that I deliver when requested. 

“Working on something?” KG asks me. 

I look at Sandile’s girlfriend. 

“I’m just doing some research on domestic work. I’m thinking of starting a domestic work company where we recruit domestic workers and actually train them, you know. I want to train them on how to behave in people’s houses above and beyond just cleaning houses. Because wow, behaviour in our houses is just disgusting. Imagine the amount of domestic workers we can replace in houses – domestic workers that just don’t know how to behave. It is needed because wow, we are tired.” 

Sandile gives me a look. My mom gives me a look. Sandile’s girlfriend is uncomfortable and looks like she wants to cry – good. KG is the only one who receives this as a potential business opportunity. So, she humours me. 

“That is not a bad idea yaz. Come to think about it, it would help with also keeping them protected as far as legislation is concerned. Some work under bad conditions, are abused by employers and it’s important that they are protected in their precarious work places.”

“I agree with you, my love. Some employers are very abusive. These domestic workers need advocates”, Sandile says, looking at me. 

“And so do the poor women who have their husband’s penises being the biggest advocate for the domestic worker.” I say. 

“Sindiswa, the kids.” My mom. 

And shame, the poor kids are looking at me with their mouths wide open. 

“Sorry guys. I’ll wash my mouth with Handy Andy and make sure I keep it clean.” I say. We always threaten to wash their mouths with Handy Andy when they say things they have no business saying. 

Sandile shakes his head at me. His girlfriend sounds like she’s breaking our dishes in the sink and KG is seriously pondering on this idea. 

“Don’t think too hard on it, KG. Let me do my research and see what I come up with. Hopefully we can be instrumental in formalizing the industry so people who deserve the jobs, get them – not those who come in scouting for retirement plans from them men in the house.” 

“Sindiswa!” My mom. 

Sandile’s girlfriend steps out of the kitchen and does something outside. I giggle. 

“Sindi, I’m so sorry for what your domestic worker did with Mthunzi. It really affected you, yaz sisi. I’m here if you need to talk.” KG says to me. 

Was I also this blind vele when I was in her position? 

… 

I am at my boutique right now, going through some admin. I also need to make payment to the company that George’s wife works in so it can make payments for what she needs to look after kids. George told me that she needs to get a car. He said that he spoke to Sydney Ramagoshi on how to spin it, I must make the payment to the dealer. I make the payment to Mercedes Benz for her to get a GLC coupe. Then I make a payment to BMW for her to get a 4-series. She is getting two cars. Imagine. The more George makes me do things to make herlife better, the more I realise just how much this man disrespects me and takes me for granted. The real queen here is his wife. I am just the sex slave with his child who is in control of executing his affairs. I’m the mother of his son and I’m not even deserving of a car? I’m driving a Polo for crying out loud because my brother felt that his wife needed to be given whatever she wanted – and she wanted my BMW. 

Now that I have made payments, I sit in the office at the back of the store and watch the customers come in and be assisted by my staff. I see my brother walk in through the door and make his way to my office. I hope that he is not here to tell me crap about his girlfriend because I do have words for him if he does. 

He walks in and finds my eyes waiting for him to walk through the door. He settles on the couch-like chair opposite me and across my desk. 

I look at him. He takes a deep breath. And then? 

“You need to take it easy on… you know.” He says. Oh, we are talking about the girlfriend and he is struggling to even say her name. It’s a simple name really – Hoodrat.

“She needs this job. She has – 

“I honestly don’t want to know. Hoodrat is an employee and I am her employer. The requirement is for her to do the job, I don’t need excuses and explanations regarding ubufebe bakhe. If she needs this job, she must act like she actually does.” 

“Sindi, I’m the one who made the mistake here. Make my life a living hell and leave that poor girl alone. What happened between us was a mistake and it’s over. Just please leave her alone.” 

I look at him. 

“How are things with George?” He asks me. 

“They are okay. Siyasebenzisana.” I say. 

He nods his head. 

“Kgomotso wants us to go back.” He says. 

I look at him. 

“I mean, the reason that we left in the first place is now non-existent. Maybe we can think about going back?” He says. 

“I’ve also been thinking about it, but I didn’t want to bring it up. We can’t keep moving every time my life is disrupted. I already feel so selfish.” 

He looks at me. 

“Siya asked me this morning why Mthunzi raised him if his dad was alive. I’ve never felt more selfish in my life.” 

“Don’t do that. You were not selfish. You did what you had to do. Of the two of us, you have always been the brave one. You and I grew up in a one bedroom house in Diepkloof. You, Sindiswa, you extended that house. Today, I have a flat outside the house, you have a bedroom, mom has a main bedroom with an ensuite bathroom and a walk-in closet, all our kids have their own bedrooms in their grandmother’s house. You did that. You didn’t leave the township for the suburbs and leave your family behind. You brought us up with you. Selfish people don’t do what you did.” 

I am just… 

“I don’t know, Sandile. My decisions nje are not okay. My daughter is dead.” 

Now he is taken aback. 

“Mbali passed away from Covid, not your decisions.”

“I was running around with George and rich men in the middle of the pandemic and brought the Covid back to my child. I lost imbali yami just like that. I’m the one who should have died. Not her.” 

“Sindiswa, you need to stop doing this to yourself. Please dadewethu. She is gone. Let her rest and focus on Siya.” He says. 

He smiles at me. 

“And then?” 

“I want to marry Kgomotso”. 

“About damn time!” 

We both laugh. 

“So, I think let’s prepare to go back and I can finally pop the question.” 

“We not taking Hoodrat with us.”

He laughs. 

“She will stay here. I will talk to the taxi people to use the house as an office space. She will clean the office spaces. We will hire another cleaner to help her. There will be two of them. Then we let the taxi people pay rent and we get money.” 

“Look at you. You are such a businessman. Where has this man been?” He honestly lives to impress me lately. 

“It’s always been there. But you know that one pays for opportunity. Us being in the township and living in our parents’ home is not because we are lazy, we just don’t have money to buy the opportunities. So when you brought the money forward…”

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you the money sooner, mfowethu.” 

He smiles at me and says, “You can make it up to me by laying off-“

“Not happening! You can stay mad. But Hoodrat yena, I’m toasting her every moment I get.” 

“At least stop calling her Hoodrat.” 

“Why? I don’t even remember her name. So Hoodrat it is.”

We both laugh aloud. 

….

I took my two babies from the Eastern Cape kicking and screaming. My plan was to come back with Khetha (my two year old) and Simphiwe (my fourteenyear old). Minenhle insisted that he wanted to come back with us, insisted that Unawe – my eldest – sold the house alone with whoever she was working with. They all didn’t want to live in the Eastern Cape with their paternal relatives and Unawe has disappeared with a boyfriend. So I came back with my three. 

Mr Msomi gave me a day off to sort out school things for all three, now I have two of my kids in school at Willowmoore High School and Khetha goes to a crèche close by here in Crystal Park. We have one car that I managed to buy – a Toyota Yaris. Minenhle is in matric and has a license. In the morning, we drop Khetha off at school, then they drop me off at work, then he drives himself and his brother to school because they are both at Willowmoore. I cannot control what they do when I’m at work, but they do what I need them to do and I’m fine with that. They make sure that Khetha is fetched from crèche and is fed, dinner is cooked by the time I get home because I take taxis back from work, and uniform has to be washed. I don’t know where Unawe is and I don’t care. For all I know, she is a prostitute somewhere. But my three boys bring me peace and I am happy. 

I need to work towards a promotion or something. For now, Khetha sleeps with me in my room so my two boys share the other room. They love this. This is so much better than how we lived when we lived in Ndofaya. I think we are going to have a better life than what we did when my husband was around. 

Right now, Sli and I are doing some administrative work that Mr Msomi has asked us to do. We need to wrap up the work and put it on PowerPoint for his sight. When he is happy and approves the work, he will send it to an agency to make it look nice. It is a 100 slide PowerPoint, so it is a lot of work. We have had to collect information from various managers. We mostly worked with the PAs, asking them to help us get the information from their managers. So this has been keeping us busy since this morning when we arrived. 

“I’m taking a quick coffee break. Would you like a cup?” Sli asks me. 

“No thanks. I’ll just have a bottle of water.” I say. 

She nods her head and makes her way to get us drinks. 

I check my phone. It is 3pm and I have missed calls from Simphiwe and Minenhle. I call them back on Minenhle’s cell. 

“Hello mama”, he answers. 

“Kunjani fana? Is everything okay?” I ask.

“Everything is fine, mama. I just wanted to let you know that we are home and everything is good. Khetha is sleeping right now, so Simphiwe and I are doing homework.” He says. 

My boys 🙂

“That’s good, khehla lami. Thank you so much.” I say. 

“Mama, Unawe called.” 

I am quiet. 

“Mah?” 

“What does she want?” 

“She wants to come and visit us. We’ve been chatting on WhatsApp and we told her that we live with you in Crystal Park now. I told her I’d ask you if you are okay with her coming to visit us.” 

Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad she’s alive. But what she did was unforgivable. But she’s my child. 

“Tell her to phone me and ask me. You and Simphiwe don’t have a house. That house is mine. It’s not even her father’s house so she has no rights to sell it. Before she sets foot in my house, I want her to phone me and ask me.” I say. 

“Eish o’lady, I think she’s in trouble.” He says. 

“She must phone me first. I don’t want Unawe in my house until she has phoned me. Otherwise, she can go to the Eastern Cape where she ran off to in the first place.” 

“Okay mah. I’ll see you later when you arrive.” 

“Shup”. 

“And then?” Thando says to me. 

Eish, I should have taken that call in the boardroom. This open plan office setup is annoying when it comes here. 

“Just my kids.” I say. 

“How are they doing?” Thando. 

“They are okay.” 

“Miles was telling us that your eldest one should be in med school by now.” 

Why would Miles tell people that? 

“Yeah. And I wanted to be an astronaut, yet here I am.” I say. 

“I take it she’s not in med school? So what is she doing now?” 

“Can I please finish my work?” 

All eyes are on me. 

Mrs Msomi walks in with food and greets everyone. This woman is so beautiful – yho. I can see why Mr Msomi remains sprung on her. And she’s nice – she’s not a cow. 

“Has my man eaten?” She asks me and Sli. 

The Ramarus are not back yet, so Mr Msomi has DOA for Mr Ramaru. He is our interim CEO. He is swamped with work and is constantly tired. He tries to still be himself, but shame, it’s a lot. 

“Nope. He has been locked up in his office all day. Luckily, he hasn’t had any meetings today, so I suppose he got quite a bit done.” Sli says. 

“Okay, let me go in and see how I can help.” She says. 

Yes, she comes in sometimes and helps us. She leaves her business and does some of the work to ease the load for her husband. Some relationships are honestly goals yaz. 

She walks into his office and we see them hug and kiss. Mr Msomi is so happy to see her. I’m sure if all of these executive offices were not glass, they’d have sex. But we can see everything and they can see everything. We notice that Thami and Harry are watching them through their offices as well. They sit down and eat. Mrs Msomi pulls out a laptop and sets up. Mr Msomi gives her some files and they eat while working together. I miss this. I miss being with someone and just being in love. I love being someone’s partner. I think that’s why I stayed in my marriage even when things were bad. I loved being his wife. I loved being his partner. I loved coming to his rescue when he needed me to. But I think I got stuck on giving in that marriage that I forgot to take care of myself. Now, he is gone and I’m doing so much better without him. 

“Pilates tonight?” Sli asks me. 

I shake my head. When have I ever gone to Pilates with them? 

“You know you need a life right? Otherwise, you’ll go back to that looney bin of yours again if you continue with how you lived. You can’t keep doing the same thing then expect different results.” Thando. 

I just look at her. 

“Okay, let’s have a gym club ke. Just us ladies of the executives. I’ll get my trainer to train us. I train at the Planet Fitness in Boksburg. Let’s get the asses tight and the waists non-existent. There’s no need for us to look like our problems. We will still have Pilates on Wednesdays, then let’s do something else on another day in the week, then boot camp on Saturdays.” Sandra says. She is Harry’s PA. 

“Can we find something else to do that’s fun, but not gym related? Not all of us are gym obsessed.” Tumi says, she is Thami’s PA. 

Silence. 

“Where is Zinzi?” I ask because Im done with this conversation. Zinzi is Mr Ramaru’s PA. 

“Wasn’t she fired?” Sandra says. 

“She’s probably on leave while Tom and Elle are still away.” Thando says. 

“Njani guys? I don’t understand. Porsh and I are doing her job on top of our jobs because Mr Msomi has taken on some of Mr Ramaru’s work too.” Sli says. 

“Well, it’s good practice for Porsh seeing that she might be Mr Ramaru’s PA one of these days.” Thando sarcastically says. 

Silence. 

I put on my headsets and listen to music as I continue with my work. 

We knock off at 7pm and Sli offers to take me home. 

… 

It is Saturday today, so my two elder boys are awake and are studying. They’ve been up since 6am. I am doing laundry and cleaning the house. We all finish up at 11am and I tell the boys to shower. Khetha is up now as well, so I bath him then I bath when Khetha is done. When we are done, I take my boys out. We haven’t done something this exciting in a long time. We go to the Soweto towers. My two brave boys did the bungee jumping. I stayed away and my excuse was staying with Khetha while they went up. Minenhle is feeling sick after that bungee jumping. We keep giving him soda water to settle his system. Shame man. 

“We would do quad-biking, but shame, Minenhle is not okay.” I say.

“No mama, I’ll stay with Khetha. You go with Simphiwe and do the quad bikes. It’s my turn to sit with Khetha and take pictures.” Minenhle says. 

Indeed, Simphiwe and I do the quad bikes. We have a lot of fun. Afterwards, all four of us take some pictures then go to Vilakazi street for a late lunch/early dinner. 

It is vibey here and I love being here with my boys. 

“Mom, we are so happy that you are back and are well. We didn’t enjoy the Eastern Cape. We are very happy that you came back for us.” Simphiwe says. 

“I just needed to get better. I was always going to come back for you guys. You are my children.” I say. 

“We know, mommy. We just want you to know that we appreciate you and we love you.” Simphiwe says. 

I smile at them. 

“We hope that you will forgive Unawe.” Minenhle says. 

I look at them. 

“She is really sorry, mah.” Simphiwe says. 

“She hasn’t said anything to me.” I say.

“If she does, will you forgive her?” Minenhle. 

“If she means it, yes.” I say. 

He nods his head. 

“Will she then come and live with us?” Simphiwe says.

“I don’t know. Unawe and I just need to talk. I think once we have spoken, we will be in a position to understand what happens next. And I don’t want to rush her. She has to be ready because it will be a difficult conversation. So when you talk to her, tell her that I am ready to talk to her, so she can tell me when she is ready. I’m here. But she’s not coming into my house until we have spoken.” I say. 

Both Simphiwe and Minenhle nod their head and eat their food. The night is concluded with me driving my boys and I back home. Simphiwe is passed out next to me on the passenger seat. The reason he is sitting here was to stay up with me as we drive back home. Epic fail. Minenhle is passed out in the backseat and Khetha is fast asleep in his car seat at the back as well. I play music through my Bluetooth from my phone to drive me home.