Koena

This wedding is nice. The vibe is the one. Mthunzi and I are just not in the best of places right now. We are just very irritable with each other. Between Lydia’s cousins who keep throwing themselves at him and him entertaining them and thinking it’s funny, I’d rather not be here with him. Also, the bride and groom have been gone. They went to change outfits or something. We have eaten food and dessert already and there is still no sign of them coming out with a step-nyana. 

I am sitting on a chair and scrolling through Instagram on my phone. 

“Can you please just stop fighting with me?” Mthunzi says to me. 

“I’m not fighting with you. It’s too hot to even fight with anyone up here. But wena you are cool enough to entertain all these women and carry yourself like a bachelor. I’m just giving you space to do just that.” 

“When did you get this insecure?” 

“When you started giving me a reason to be insecure.” 

“And how did I do that?” 

“You mean how didn’t you do that?” 

This hurts him a bit. 

“Baby – 

“Can we bring you some champagne?” Lydia’s cousin asks. She is facing Mthunzi and not me, so I assume she is just asking him. Mthunzi is looking at me as if tongue-tied and unaware of how to respond. This girl feeds off this.

“I don’t think I’ve introduced myself, my name is Amahle.” 

I chuckle and look away from them.

“Please give my wife and me some space. Please.” I hear him say. 

“Are you sure?” She says. 

With this, I literally stand up and walk away from both of them. Clearly they have a lot to talk about and I am in the way. 

I just keep walking and I find a stream deep within the woods. Tom’s family has a lot of land. This stream here is beautiful. There is a mini-bridge that separates the one side of the garden from the other. I stand on the bridge and just listen to the water run. It is so soothing. I also just find myself getting emotional. I have become quite insecure these days. The smallest things make me feel as if Mthunzi is getting ready to leave me. I can’t even explain where this comes from. His behaviour annoys me, especially when he is super chatty with other women – borderline flirty actually. 

I stay here for a while and when I hear ululating, I make my way back to the tent. As I approach the tent, I see Mthunzi laughing about with Amahle. I stand and stare at them. She sees me first and smiles at me, waves at me even. Mthunzi looks at me. I shake my head at him then go sit with Lydia’s mother. Lydia looks so beautiful and Thomas looks extremely handsome. They are dancing in the centre of the tent and the crowd is extremely happy and in quite a celebratory mood. I just feel like crying. I feel a hand touch my waist in a way that only Mthunzi touches me. He kisses my head from the side. I pull myself away from him. He holds me tighter. This is such a beautiful wedding and he is ruining it for me. 

We sit down and now there are tshiVenda dancers performing. It is so beautiful. 

“Baby, can we please go to a quiet place and talk?” Mthunzi keeps saying. 

I keep ignoring him on purpose because he is a disrespectful human being. 

I take pictures and videos of the day instead. 

At 8pm, I make my way to the car that we drove in. At least he is following me and not staying behind with Amahle. 

“Are you leaving already? Am I going to see you at the after party?” This girl o tsamayela ho ntina yanung. 

“Excuse me, do we perhaps share this husband that you’ve now assigned to yourself since our arrival?” I snap at her. Mthunzi didn’t expect this, neither did she. What I am grateful for is that people are not paying too much attention tous. 

“Excuse me?” She says to me with utter attitude.

“I’m asking you if there is perhaps something on my husband that you and I share that I need to know about?” I am a lot sterner now. 

“Don’t disrespect me, wena. You don’t know me!” 

“And you don’t know me. That’s why your audacity appals me. You are very brave, do you know that? And if you need me to teach you how to respect people’s husbands, I’m happy to do that right now.”

“Why don’t you rather focus on what you can control? Like keeping your husband? That way, he won’t entertain people like me. We all see what you see in him, darling. Your eyes are not the only ones that look at this man and see whatever keeps you with him. So if you don’t know how to play your cards well, some of us will overtake you.” 

I cannot believe my ears. I’m so shocked I’m actually laughing. This girl doesn’t know who she is messing with. And fuck Mthunzi for putting me in this position. 

“Baby, can we just go?” Now Mthunzi has a tongue? 

“Stupid whore!” I say as I walk away from Amahle. 

“What was that?” She says.

“I put a label to what you are, a stupid whore!” I say. 

Now people are looking at us. Lydia’s mother walks up to the situation. 

“Is everything okay?” Lydia’s mother asks. 

“Everything is fine, makazi”, Amahle says. 

“Koena?” Lydia’s mother asks me. 

“She was trying to get lucky with my husband and I don’t appreciate it.” I say. 

Lydia’s mother looks at Amahle, disgusted. Amahle looks at me in disbelief, as if I just played a low blow. 

“Please teach your daughter some manners. It’s very evident that she lacks public etiquette and overall respect for people’s families.” I say. 

“Hai wena! How – 

“SHUT UP!” Lydia’s mother cuts Amahle’s sentence. 

I turn around and walk to my car. Mthunzi is already there waiting for me. 

… 

We get to our hotel and Mthunzi slams the hotel door. I’m already in the bathroom and have locked the door and am undressing myself. I plan to shower then sleep. I hear the TV go off, so I guess he is watching something on TV, waiting for me to face him. 

I make my way into the bedroom naked after I have finished showering. He is still in his suit. I find one of his t-shirts that I packed for myself to sleep in and I wear it. He looks at my every move. He knows I have to ask him to move so I can get into the bed. Now we are looking at each other. 

“I’d like to sleep, please.” I say. 

“And I’d like to talk.” He says. 

“I don’t want to talk.” I say.

“This is not us, Koena. Why are you being like this? The reason why you and I work is because we talk and we love each other. When did that change?” 

A tear races down my cheek unexpectedly. 

He comes towards me and he pulls my head towards his chest. I don’t want to fall apart, but I’m losing the battle. 

“Talk to me, Koena. What’s going on?” 

I just sit down on the bed and hang my head in my hands. He sits next to me and waits for me to pull myself together. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I really don’t. Ever since I had Thingo, I just have these feelings that I cannot explain inside of me. One moment I’m okay, the next moment I feel like I’m losing my mind. I thought work would help me and keep me occupied. Then it takes the smallest things to trigger me, especially when you entertain other women. I’m supposed to know that it’s harmless, but it just sets me off in the worst possible way.” 

He receives what I am saying. 

“I just… sometimes I find myself going back to how you and I got together… how we had an entire relationship behind Sindi’s back then you ended up leaving her for me. So when I see you with other women, I just feel like you’ll do me like that.” 

He is still quiet. 

“Then Amahle today… she started coming at you yesterday and you think it’s funny when you flirt with her in front of me? That’s not funny to me. It hurts! Then you entertain her, making me look like an idiot, shamefully so! How dare you! You even gave her the guts to talk to me the way that she did. And you just stood there. Was it nice for you? You say you love me and you call me your wife! Is that how you do me, now? As your wife and the woman that you love, these are the positions that you put me in? Really?” 

He is still quiet. So I decide to sit here quietly too. 

… 

Mthunzi

I’m sitting here listening to her. This would make so much sense if I had actually had an affair. But I’ve been faithful and loyal to this woman from the moment that I promised her to be with her until the end of time. I know I’m quite playful, but I have never given her a reason to doubt me. I do love her. She is my wife. She is the mother of my kids. But I do acknowledge the role that Iplayed in how today’s events turned out with Amahle. I take full responsibility for that. She didn’t deserve that and for that…

“I’m sorry, my love.” I begin my sentence. 

She doesn’t look at me and she doesn’t say anything. 

This thing with Amahle was just me honestly being annoyed. She just walks away from me instead of talking to me? My thinking was that I will not follow her. When she is ready to talk to me, as her husband, she will find me where she left me when she walked away from me. But I can’t tell her that. 

I am also thinking about my conversation with Thomas. Between what Thomas brought to my attention and what she has told me about this insecurity she’s had since giving birth to Thingo, I clearly have to be a whole lot more sensitive. 

“I didn’t know that you were going through this, babe. I really wish we spoke about this earlier. And I wish I knew how I could assist you. Should I maybe book you a session with a psychologist? It’s just that, Thingo is over a year old now. What if whatever is wrong with you doesn’t get better? Maybe you need to talk to a professional and they can guide us on how to deal with whatever it is that you are going through.” I say. 

She is silent. 

“Love, I want to be your husband. I want to love you. I want to support you and be there for you as best as I can. So – 

“Then start with what you can control. Stop being the people’s boyfriend. That’s the one thing that triggers whatever is wrong with me. Stop jumping and acting guilty of something every time Sindi calls or is around. Stop being the friendliest guy in the room or the environment to every women who is there. No woman is that secure. And I’m pretty sure if I were that friendly with men or my ex, I don’t think you would appreciate it the way you are expecting me to just appreciate or accept it.” 

Am I honestly that bad? The most accessible man in the room? I don’t even know what to say to her. I repeat, I did not cheat on her. 

“I’ll try my best, Sthandwa Sami. I’m so sorry. I really am. Of all the things I’d ever make you feel, this is the last feeling I ever wanted to bring out of you. I want you to feel loved because I love you. I want you to feel respected because I respect you. I want you to feel secure because you are more than enough for me.” I mean this from my soul. 

She nods her head, unconvinced. She knows I mean this. She knows. She knows that the only thing left for me to do is open up my chest and physically give her my heart. 

“Talk to me about this girl that will not stop calling you. Who is she and why is your number the number that she thinks about when she is bored?” Her voice is low but scary. I knew we were not done with this conversation. I just knew it. And the way she positions this question, she makes it seem like I’m doing something I shouldn’t be doing with another woman. She has labelled her as “this girl”. Is it safe for me to call her by name? 

“This girl and I used to be in a casual relationship while I was still married to Sindi. Things were not great between Sindi and me. By then, our marriage was as good as finished. So I casually saw this girl.” I explain. 

“How long were the two of you casually seeing each other?” What’s the point of this question? 

“A few years”, I say. 

She gives me one hell of a look. 

“But things ended when you and I started getting serious.” I quickly say. 

“Does she still think you are open to an affair? And are you entertaining that?” She is not yelling yet. 

“I don’t know what she wants from me. I don’t know why she is still calling me.” 

“So why haven’t you blocked her yet? Why did it have to be me who blocked her for you? And now she is calling you with a different number that you haven’t even blocked yet? What are you waiting for? And what happens when she shows up at your office? She sounds like the type.” What does that even mean? 

“I’ll block her now.” I say. What else can I say? 

I take out my phone and to my luck, this girl is calling me. Fuck! Koena is staring at my phone. I block the number immediately. 

“Can I please just sleep?” She says. Now she has completely switched off. 

“Koena, baby please.” 

“MOVE! I WANT TO SLEEP!” The tone and anger in her voice scares me right off the bed. She just pulls the covers and gets into bed. 

I have achieved nothing with this conversation. Did I really do this? Or is it hormones? 

…

Today, we have been invited to a luncheon with the Ramarus. We head back to GP after the luncheon. Koena has packed our bags now that we are dressed up and ready to leave. I am packing the bags in the car while she is touching up her make up. 

As I make my way back up to the hotel room, I get a text message from an unknown number. I open it. 

“Mthunzi, now you block me? Seriously?” 

I reply because this girl has me in shit with my wife and she’s not even worth it. 

“What the fuck do you want? Can you just name your price then leave me the fuck alone! I want nothing else to do with you.” 

She replies.

“I need to see you to explain everything.” 

What?

“That’s not happening. So text me or leave me the fuck alone. I’m serious. If you ever call me again or show up anywhere trying to corner me into a conversation, I’ll take out a restraining order against you. Don’t test me.” 

She doesn’t reply. 

I walk into the hotel room and find Koena doing final checks. She looks so beautiful. She is wearing a beige dress that looks lacy, but is not revealing. I don’t know what you call that material, but it’s nice. Plus, my wife is nicely curved. She has an ass for days and her calves always get my dick started. The red block heel sandals that she is wearing are doing wonders for her calves. She has her curly weave nicely styled and her make up is on point as always. 

“Stop checking me out”, she says. 

I’m even horny now. Great. And she notices. We look at each other and we giggle. I think today she likes me. There are days where she hates me from the beginning of the day. Today I’m getting smiles and laughs at least. 

“We miss you”, I say, my head pointing at my penis. 

“How long do we have?” She surprises me. 

I’m already undressing myself. She laughs and undresses herself. 

It’s her thighs that lock me in from my waist. They are so warm. They remind me that I am home with her. The way that she touches my face as she kisses me makes me fall in love with her all over again. We are making love right now. This is not just sex. We are making love to one another. When she comes on top of me and rides me from on top, her body is everything that comforts me. I touch her everywhere while she has her eyes closed and hands on her breasts. I’m turned on more than you can imagine. She holds onto my chest. I know it’s about to get lit. And it does, she rides me hard. I don’t know where to place my hands, so they move from one body part to another. She clutches my hands. She starts shaking and I know that she is satisfied. I put her on her knees and take her from behind. Then she starts twerking on my dick. I can’t hold back anymore. I just shoot everything inside of her and we both collapse on the bed. 

…

We arrive at the luncheon a bit late, but nothing much has started. Amahle is seated here because well, she’s family. She doesn’t even look at me today and I cannot say that I am complaining. I’m just glad that my wife is in a good mood and we are holding hands as we walk in here. 

Ramaru is happy to see me. We greet each other and he greets my beautiful wife. His wife is starting to look really pregnant. But she looks nice in her white mermaid dress and plenty of bling. 

There is good food and chatter today, no dancing and speeches like yesterday. Today, we also take photos with the newly weds. The people who are here today – close friends and family – get to be in the pictures. The boys club is all here- from the office – and we have a good time with these pictures together. 

By 5pm, it is time to go. Plus, everyone has started drinking now, so let me dash before Amahle gets drunk and gets liquid courage to disrespect my wife again. GP is a long way from Limpopo, so I don’t need to be dealing with an angry wife all the way there.