Of course I did not go to Meadowlands. Zithulele dropped me off at my place after I spent thirty minutes complaining and talking him into not taking me to South Africa without a passport. He left that evening and according to when he said he would be back, he should be back as of this morning. But he came to see me two days ago and we ended up getting involved in Ona’s and Dise’s drama. Then he disappeared on that night, telling me that he is going back to Soweto, and I have not seen him since. We are not in a relationship, so I cannot exactly question him. I just keep quiet and when he appears in my life, I smile. When he disappears, I miss him in silence. 

My grocery, toiletries and spending money for the month has come through, so I am waiting for the university bus to pick me up, alongside the other students, and take me to the mall. I love the postgraduate life. We are all stressed out about our own things. We are technically adults so some people are going to town to deposit money for kids, some are topping up with daily essentials like I am doing and others – well, they are enjoying the Sunday before Monday lectures and practicals. 

While I wait here for the bus to arrive, I WhatsApp Regodise. She was in a much better space when we left the doctor’s rooms, but I do want to check in and make sure that she is okay. To be in a relationship with someone like Ona Mohale cannot be easy. 

“Hey gorgeous. I am just checking in and hoping that you are okay.” That’s my text. 

She replies almost instantly saying: 

“Thanks so much for checking in and thanks so much for everything that you did to help me the other day. I have been meaning to call you. Are you available for a quick phone call?” 

Now this I was not expecting. I just reply and say: “Sure.”

She phones me immediately. The bus arrives, so I climb into the bus, sit at the back, and then answer her phone call. 

“Hey Dise”. 

“Hey Tlali. Firstly, thank you so much for the other day. I truly appreciate everything that you and Zithulele did for me. Thank you.” 

“It’s really no bother. I am just glad that you are doing okay now.” 

“I am, thank you. As you know, I am not returning to res because I have to move into the royal house after the wedding. That means my sub-warden role has become available. I referred you to the warden and she is keen for you to take my role. The pay is really great and you’ll get to live there for free, which means that the accommodation fees that you get from the royal house can go towards something else.” 

I honestly cannot believe my ears right now. I love my bachelor pad and the privacy it comes with, but I can definitely do with the extra money. 

“Thank you so much for thinking of me, Dise. I am so grateful.” 

“Cool. It would require you to move into the res. It houses third years and Honours Degree students. There are a few Masters Degree students. You will be required to be at res every time you are on duty, but when you are not on duty, you are allowed to sleep out.” 

“Dise, yes. I’ll take it. Thank you so so much.” I say. 

“Awesome, I’ll be in contact with you regarding next steps. Ona is helping me move my stuff out after the wedding, so as soon as I move out, you can move into my room. It is nice and spacious. Plus, you can hide your man in there. Just make sure he comes in before visiting hours are over then leaves when the visiting hours start again the next morning.” 

We both laugh at this. I am sure she and Ona have stories for days about this. We say our goodbyes and my heart is already jumping for joy. 

When I arrive in town, my first stop is Tholoana Fruit&Veggie Market. I buy some fruit and vegetables for myself. I usually do not buy these in bulk because vegetables particularly go off very quickly. I make these kinds of trips twice a month, but I am getting enough to see me through the next two weeks. When I leave, I go to Tholoana butchery where I buy myself meat in bulk. This I can keep in the deep freeze and it will carry me until month-end. I see Zithulele picking out braai meat. He is with a man who looks just like him, but older. Zithulele is actually an attractive man. He dresses so well and has an obsession with Jordan. He is wearing Jordan shorts, Jordan sneakers, and a white Jordan t-shirt. He just got a haircut and he looks nice. I don’t usually like men who wear earrings, but his diamond studs look very good on him. 

He turns around and looks at me. He better not call me Moringa or I will end his life. 

“Tlali, hey”, he says. Good. 

I smile and wave at him. 

He really is good looking and his body is very nice. I can see that he spends quite a lot of time at the gym. His arms… his legs… his ass… he even has abs. 

He is walking in my direction. Gosh! 

“How was Soweto?” I ask him as soon as he stands next to me. 

“It was boring. The party was whack. All the huns were old and their music was even older than them.” He says.

“It was a 60th birthday party, wasn’t it?” I ask. 

He smiles at me. I smile back at him.

“My brothers and I are having a braai at the club. Would you like to join us?” He says. 

“The club?” Me. 

“Yeah, Club Q. Remember I told you that I know the owner. He is letting us use the roof top of the club for the braai.” He says.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping or something? You just got back from Soweto and we have class tomorrow. Even a tutorial or two would do”, me. 

“I’ll just copy from you. You did complete them while we were partying away last week”, him. 

I roll my eyes. 

“Come on, Tlali, you’ve got the rest of the year to be uptight and stuck up. Even the nerds deserve a good time once in a while”, he says. 

This guy has called me stuck up, uptight and a nerd in one sentence then he still believes that I’m going anywhere with him? 

“I’m busy preparing for the term ahead. I want to make sure that everything is in order.” I say. 

“Shup, and I can take you to your place to drop off these things. Then we head to a braai. It’s chilled, I promise.” He says. I do need his car to drop off my groceries at home. It’s a lot. Am I willing to go to the braai in exchange for a lift?

…

By the way, Zithulele has a very nice car for a student. His family must be very rich. 

He parks his Range Rover Velar outside the door of my place just as he always does every time he comes here. I showed him where I live once and he has become very frequent here. I am sitting in the backseat with my groceries, toiletries and an outfit or two I picked up at the mall, so I could attend his event. Also, I just felt like spoiling myself. 

He introduced me to his brother when we were driving here. His name is Phendulile. He seems like a nicer version of Zithulele. Every time Zithulele was being himself, his brother told him that’s not how a man treats his girlfriend. Zithulele would laugh and say, “Moringa knows this is how I love her”. His brother is still trying to figure out who or what Moringa is. 

“How long are you going to take to get ready?” Zithulele asks me as I climb out of his car. 

I look at him, honestly trying to understand why he is asking me such. 

“I’m going to drop my brother and the meat we bought off at the club so they can get the braai started. I’ll come pick you up when you are ready.” He says. 

Okay. 

“An hour tops.” I say. 

“An hour? What will you be doing?” Zithulele. 

“Hai man, just come back after an hour.” Phendulile comes to my rescue. 

Zithulele shakes his head then climbs out of the car to help me bring the plastic bags in. Phendu helps us too. He leaves for the car as soon all of my stuff are lined up on the floor of my room. 

When we are done, Zee and I are alone in the kitchen for a young minute. 

“Why does your brother think that I am your girlfriend?” I ask him. 

“Because you are my girlfriend”, he says. 

Excuse me? 

“I am not your girlfriend. Stop lying to your family and whoever else you’ve told this too. Are you trying to get your real girlfriend to come murder me?” I am actually annoyed. The arrogance! 

“Calm down, Tlali. You are my girlfriend. At the end of this year when we complete our honours year, I’m going to pay lobola for you. Then when God has favoured us, he will give us children – a number that He believes will suit us best. And we are going to make a great team. Coz if the kids only have you, you’ll drive them to committing suicide. If they only have me, I’ll drive them to taking nothing seriously and becoming losers. With both of us, they’ll be the best of both worlds.” I giggle. I don’t know why I’m giggling, but I giggle. When did he think of all of this? 

“I’ll see you in an hour”, he says. 

“I am not your girlfriend.” Me. 

He just smiles at me then closes the door. 

I start off by unpacking the plastic bags. I pack everything where it is supposed to be. I then put on some RNB music and file my notes. I was watching YouTube videos of introductions into the course work we will be doing this year. 

I put my notes into files and place my work on my bookshelf. 

I take a shower. When I am done, I give my face a good skin care routine. I can’t wait to start working so that I can afford makeup that won’t make my skin breakout like this. There’s nothing wrong with the makeup, my skin is just very sensitive and I do not have R8000 to just spend on makeup. Today though, I bought myself expensive foundation at the Mac store. No takeaways for the rest of the month.

I start applying my makeup when I am done lotioning my body and mixing my prima with my sunscreen on my face. 

I look nice. My braids are still decent, but shame it is time to let them go. Thank God I bought hair extensions, so I can do my hair this weekend. I will undo it tonight then wash it. I have very nice relaxed hair. It’s very long and very thick. I love it. 

I let my braids loose and put a cute rose gold alice-band on. 

Now to dress up. I wear blue denim pants that are torn at the knees. I wear a white hemp that has two buttons to cover up the breasts then flows outwards. I wear white sneakers that I bought for R50. They work though. 

I want to tell Zithulele that I am ready but ke, I don’t have his number.

…

I am fixing my studying timetable when my phone rings. I’m still waiting for Zithulele and it has been more than two hours. That is a man who definitely knows how to make a woman wait. 

Dee is calling. I’m honestly not in the mood so I do not answer. 

She calls again. I do not answer. 

She sends me a text that reads: 

“Hey babe. We at the gate. Please let us in. We just want to swim. The postgraduate res has the best pool“. 

I switch my phone off. 

At 6pm, there is still no word from Zithulele. I shower, get into my pyjamas and spend the rest of the evening watching series and undoing my hair. I’m actually hurt.

…

I know that Moringa is upset with me for standing her up and I know that I need to fix things. I know that she will treat me like I’m a piece of shit – she’s not the type that will let this slide so easily. I just know it. 

I love how she keeps me on my toes, I really do. But I also hate it because women are not supposed to make a man feel as if he owes her the full story. Moringa does that to me. She controls me in the way that she moves, the way that she looks at me, the way that she smiles and the way that she carries herself. The worst part about it is that she has no idea that she does this. 

I want things to get serious between us. If things get serious between us, I will need to let her in. Knowing Moringa, she is going to want to know things and possibly even control things. For some reason, I am okay with that. There are things that I feel for Moringa that make me miss Nobuhle. And there are also things about Moringa that make me realise that she will have a bigger impact in my life than what Nobuhle did. Most importantly – and I suppose this is unfair, but I need it in a relationship – Moringa knows how to survive. I’m upset with Nobuhle for not surviving that day. I’m angry at her for not thinking within her moment of panic. I didn’t stop to look back and see if she was running with us because I expected her to run with us when we all took off. She stayed and she died with my child. Moringa is sharp. She thinks quickly on her feet and when it’s time to run, she runs. When it’s time to survive, she survives. I respect that the most about her. 

“Legoa, that girl of yours – the one that you are spending a lot of time with… is she someone important?” Khotso asks me. It was always going to be him who was going to enquire about Moringa. Ona just goes with it. If he sees me with someone else tomorrow, he won’t be bothered or have any acknowledgement of the fact that Moringa pulled through for him with Dise just a few nights ago. Khotso needs to understand at all times who he needs to respect and who he can treat as “one of many that are not worth mentioning.”

We are all in the club, my brothers, the Mohale twins and I. We had work to do. There was a heist that took place over the weekend and we are sitting here cleaning the money. My classmates are all either fast asleep or preparing for class. It is 6am and I am cleaning illegal money before class. 

“What girl?” Jabu asks. He never knows anything. He lives in his wife’s panties. 

“Thule has a girlfriend”, Phendu says. 

Jabu seems – I don’t know – I’ll go with concerned. But I can’t read this emotion off his face. 

“I like her. A lot. She’s a beautiful woman and she’s smart as hell. I want to see where this goes. It is my wish to marry her at the end of this year. But with that one, you just never know.” I say. 

“Woah! Marriage? Haven’t you been together for five minutes?” Ona. 

“I know all I need to know about her. Besides, she’s been with me for five minutes. I’ve been with her before she even noticed me four years ago.” I explain.

The guys laugh at me. 

We finish up cleaning this money and people get ready to leave and start their day. 

“Let’s have dinner tonight at my place. Siza will cook and we can meet your new girlfriend. Surely we must know her if she is about to become our new sister.” Jabu says. 

“That’s actually a good idea. Are my wife and I invited too?” Phendu. 

“It does sound nice, but today will not be great. She is kind of mad at me. I was supposed to spend time with her yesterday and I flaked because we had that meeting with pope and bishop. I’m honestly thinking of ways to get back in her good books right now.” I explain.

“Oh ja. She was expecting you to pick her up for the braai.” Phendu. 

“Does she know what it is that you do for a living?” Ona asks. Those are the things that concern him, not whether or not we are in love.  

I shake my head. 

He nods his head and says, “Get her flowers, maybe some chocolate and fuck her. She will be fine. But don’t answer any questions about where you really were and what you were doing.” Ona says.

“Maybe next time when we go do work, she can stay at the royal house with Fiks and Dise. It might be good for her to start getting used to you just disappearing, you know. Spending time with Fiks and Dise will also limit her questioning you.” Khotso. 

“Plus, Dise tells me that they talk. So, they are probably forming a friendship.” Ona.

Now, you need to understand that I can have any woman on this planet. Any! If I wanted a mute bitch who doesn’t challenge me, I’d have no problem finding her. I have no plans of changing Moringa from who she is to what these men believe she should be with me. If anything, I have plans of telling her everything one day.

“Jabu, let me fix things with her today then we will have that dinner some other time.” I finally respond to my brother’s invite. 

He nods his head. 

“ZITHULELE!” 

I know that voice. I just want to run away. The gents are already laughing and Khotso is removing the money we’ve been counting into a bag, then under my desk. 

I am silent. I am anticipating her walking in through the door. I tell this girl so many times that this is a place of work. She cannot just parade in here and do as she pleases. I’m irritated because I’ve only fucked this girl once and it wasn’t even that great! But now she thinks she owns me and she can do as she pleases. When she doesn’t get her way, she cries. 

She walks into the office and stumbles upon all of us gents ready for her to enter and just be herself. 

“I’ve been calling you!” She says, paying no mind that there are people here and we don’t just fight in front of people. This is why we can never be a thing. I don’t wife hood-rats who have no basic home-training. 

“I know!” I say. 

This seems to hurt her. Good. 

“Why haven’t you been answering my calls?” 

“I was with my girlfriend. And I’m tired of you calling me every time I am with her. She’s asking questions and you are not significant enough in my life to start shit between her and I.” 

“Girlfriend? Girlfriend, Zithulele? What am I to you?” 

“Nothing!” 

“Nothing? Nothing Zithulele? Really?” 

She comes flying at me like a crazy bird escaping out of a cage, slaps me and throws her handbag at me. 

“Who do you think you are?! Is this what you do to people? You take people for granted wenaZithulele! You are full of shit! I am nothing now? When you fucked me, I wasn’t nothing. Now I’m reduced to nothing because you are – 

“Now that you’ve got that off your chest, can we vow to never see or call each other again? Please!” 

The look she gives me! 

“You better pray that I never meet this girlfriend of yours because I will tell her exactly who you are!” She says. 

“Why would she care? She’s the one who’s got me. You are just a bitter fucked bitch in her world who slept with her man and expected the world to care. You are more stupid than you look if you think you would move her.” 

She comes at me again! This time, she’s hitting me with her heels and Ona grabs her, dragging her out of the club. She must be on her way to work. She is wearing a suit and expensive heels. She used my card to pay for those heels, so I know they are expensive. 

“Maybe you need to let the bad bitches go. This new girl of yours doesn’t strike me as the type that will deal with all of this.” Khotso says.

…

I surprisingly had a good morning. I went to the postgraduate res gym and worked out. The trainers here help us get fit for free, so I train with one because honestly, I am so lazy. I need the push. 

I then had a good breakfast and got to campus early so I could push an hour in the library. I am still a little bit hurt about Zithulele standing me up, but today is about gratitude. I’m grateful for everything else that went right. Which, honestly, is everything but him. 

I make my way to our first seminar and find Zithulele already sitting next to my seat. I sit on the other side of the lecture room, next to the white people in the class. Even they are shocked. I don’t care. His face drops. I’m quite sure that if he had my number, he would be texting me. I thank God for this miracle. 

We sign the register. 

“Who is missing today?” The professor enquires. 

We all look around and no one says anything. 

“Zithu, who normally sits next to you? Where’s Moringa?” The professor enquires to the class’ hysteria. 

Zithulele does not chuckle. He knows he is going to pay for this. 

I raise my hand and when the prof looks at me I say, “My name is Letlali. I’m happy for you to call me Tlali, but anything outside of that I regard as bullying. I doubt you’d want me to go to the dean and report this now, would you?” 

The professor is stunned. 

“My apologies, Tlali”, the prof says. 

Everyone in the class is taken aback. 

Good. 

After our two hour seminar, I sit in the lecture room and wait for the class to leave. I want to be the last one out so that I don’t bump into Zithulele. Then I’ll run to the bus and leave for my place. I’m obviously done talking to this guy. Now that the class is clear, I pack my notes and textbook, print the slides used today with the lecture room printer, then head out. 

“Tlali”, his voice calls out to me. Shit. He waited for me. But I keep walking. 

“Tlali, I’m not going to run after you”, he says.

“I don’t want you to”, me. 

“Tlali, please stop. Ngiyakucela. Please.” I finally stop. I turn around and look at him.

“About yesterday – 

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I told you, I’m not your girlfriend.” I cut him. 

“I feel like I have to. We had plans and flaking isn’t my thing. I don’t want you thinking that of me.” 

“Why do you care what I think of you?” 

“Because I really like you, Tlali. It took me three years to get your attention. Now that you actually know who I am, I don’t want to mess this vibe that we have. And clearly I have because you acting up. You acting up because you upset. And the only reason that I can think of that has made you upset about yesterday is that you like me too and I hurt you. I’m sorry”, he says. 

“You are very presumptuous, aren’t you?” I say.

“Look Tlali, if I’m wrong, it’s cool. I’ll leave you alone. In this day and age, no means no and I respect that. I don’t want to romanticize forcing you to be with me when you’ve made up your mind about not being with me. That’s not chasing anymore, that’s gender-based violence. So tell me right now to fuck off, and I will. It’s against my will because I’m serious about marrying you at the end of this year and having a family with you. But if that’s not what you want, shup jo, I’ll leave you alone.” He says. 

I don’t want him to leave me alone.

“I’m a guy who says what he means and means what he says. I need the same from you.” Him.

“I’m scared, Zee”, I say.

“Of what?” Him.

“Of you. You are everywhere and you have women all over you and a million girlfriends. You wake up and leave your place, seeing potential girlfriends everywhere.” I say. He chuckles.

“I do like you. I don’t like the fact that I like you, but I do like you. And I’m scared that you’ll hurt me.” I confess. 

“Baby girl, I don’t have a million girlfriends. I sleep with a lot of girls, yes. I promise I use condoms all the time. I don’t see potential girlfriends everywhere, not everyone can handle me the way that I believe you can. And if you let me be yours and you be mine, I’ll stop fucking around. I promise. You don’t have to be scared of me. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to make you my wife.” He says. 

I giggle. 

“I’m sorry about yesterday. I really am.” He says. 

“What happened?” I enquire. 

“A crazy fuck buddy showed up and was acting crazy and breaking shit. I didn’t want to expose you to that”, he says. 

“Serves you right”, I say and laugh. I should be angry, but I’m laughing. 

“Had I known you’d take it this way, I would have definitely fetched you”, him. 

“If there is one thing I’ll ever ask of you is that you keep these women far away from me. That’s all I ask.” I say. 

He nods, hugs me and says, “Okay girlfriend.” 

I pull away from the hug and say, “not so fast. I like to be courted. So until I hear you ask me to be your girlfriend and I say yes, I am not your girlfriend.” 

He laughs out loud. Literally. I giggle. 

“I have to go. I have a strict study schedule that I need to stick to.” 

“We can study together at the club”, he says. 

I look at him, puzzled. There seems to be more to this club than what he is letting on.

“I got a job as the manager, so I kinda need to be there and make sure everything is in order. I’d really appreciate the assistance and company”, he says. 

“Okay”, I say. 

Just like that, we leave.