Khanyi’s lobola is tomorrow. Fikile and her two sisters seem to be getting along this week. That’s probably because they are ganging up on Latifah and it’s actually funny: the three sisters featuring Khanyisa. 

Fikile was so happy when they arrived on Tuesday. They literally said, “Fiki, we don’t have money to offer, but we’d like to offer support and hands.” 

Fikile cried and hugged them. And it’s been a great time ever since. They stay with their kids in the cottage outside. I think they just asked for that arrangement. But these people only sleep after midnight and are up in the morning. Khanyi arrived on Wednesday and she’s also been enjoying her Aunt Noni and Aunt Neli. 

Today is Friday. 

Latifah showed up today with Sbo. 

And it’s tense! 

I asked Khanyi to make me wings. She makes the best wings EVER! 

So Mthunzi – the chief negotiator – is here and I’m talking to him about tomorrow’s proceedings. The negotiators are Mthunzi, Mfundo, my brother Kenneth – yes, Fikile agreed, and Sibongiseni. Sibongiseni actually asked to be part of the negotiators and I honestly had no issues with it. 

We will also be having umembeso tomorrow. Then next week we go to Tholoana Kingdom for umabo, welcoming Khanyi into the Seete house as well as the white wedding. 

Mfundo and Kenneth arrive. Sibongiseni has been babysitting his wife because the Mbatha sisters featuring Khanyisa have been having her! She’s not getting a break shame. Zero. 

Last night, Fikile asked me if we could move Noni and Neli into one of our properties that we are not using anymore. We have a four-bedroom house in a quiet suburb. We usually buy houses, fix them up and either sell them or turn them into accommodation places. It’s another avenue of money that we have. 

I am more than happy to do that for them. I’m happy that she and her sisters are becoming close again. I’ve never liked it when they fight. I told her that we should rather move them into separate houses because they are adults and they have kids. They should have their own space at this point. So, we can give them three-bedroom apartments each. Fikile was very happy. We said we’d tell them after the negotiations. 

Kenneth and I are also in a better place. He’s retired and is sick. His wife didn’t even tell me. His son now runs Ramsru Holdings end-to-end then takes care of them. That’s good. 

His wife didn’t come because she and Fikile don’t like each other. But I feel like he’s getting too comfortable with Noni for my liking. And Fikile has also told Noni to back off. 

Khanyi brings in the wings and the room full of men are so happy. My heart almost breaks. These were meant to be just mine.

“Don’t worry, I have a lunchbox put away for you”, she whispers to me. 

My girl! 

We chat and eat away. 

Then, I suddenly miss my wife.

I go find her in the kitchen and I regret it instantly!

Latifah: “Fikile”.

Fikile looks at her. 

“May I please have the code to your gate”, Latifah.

“For what?” Noni. 

“I need to open up for very important guests who have come and need to be part of this event.” Latifah. 

“Such as?” Neli. 

Koena and Nene want to run out of here. They are busy with the meat. 

“Khanyisa’s mother. The one woman you all conveniently forget is responsible for birthing this pride and joy that you all hold so dear to your heart.” Latifah.

“Wena uyaphapha kahle hle. Angazi ukuthi usijwayezwa yini ngoba asilona thina isende likaSibongiseni.” Neli.

My Word!

“It fascinates me how you couldn’t give a damn about Khanyi when she was a baby. This child arrived ukhona wena in Sibongiseni’s life. But you were fine to not be bothered and let her grow up in Fikile’s backroom. I’ve never so much as heard that you bought a nappy or a sucker at a taxi rank for Khanyi… but you suddenly know that a woman who gave Khanyi away and never looked back is the person we must all have here? For what?” Noni. 

Latifah wants to cry. 

“Latifah, be as invisible in Khanyi’s life right now as you have always been. We don’t need you here. I don’t even know what you are doing here. Uhambe la if you are bored and stop annoying us. Le nto eyibulale umama wethu! Voetsek!” Neli. 

I actually feel bad for Latifah. 

Maybe Sibongiseni should just come back and babysit her because things are a bit brutal for her right now. 

“Kazi, the gate called. Bathi there are people there claiming to be my mother and her family. I told them my mom is in the house. So, whoever is there is unknown. The police have been called to remove them from our gate”, Khanyi says without a care in the world and walks towards Koena and Nene to help with whatever they are doing. 

…

The women spent a few hours advising Khanyi on how to be a wife to Khabane, a mother to her children and a child in the Seete home. I trust Khanyi. I know she will make us proud. The twins have been here with Khanyi. I miss Rofhiwa. I do. But things do go a lot smoother without her being selfish all the time. This probably makes me a bad father, but I’m glad she’s taken time out for herself. 

At exactly 5:45am, the gate tells us that the Seete family has arrived. 

It’s time.

–

The negotiations started at exactly 6am. Khanyi has been in her bedroom all this time. The kitchen is buzzing though. I’m sitting with Fikile. As the father of the bride, I’m not allowed to be in the negotiations. I instructed my team to not go any lower than 150k. 

Msomi comes to inform me that they settled on 180k and the Seetes brought it all in cash and in full. 

Nene gets a text message. She shows Koena. Koena ululates. 

I smile. 

Singing breaks out in the kitchen. 

Fikile and I hug each other. 

Fikile gets Noni and Neli. The three of them go to get Khanyi from her bedroom.

I see Maboko and Teboho walk in with Khabane. He looks nice. And he looks happy. I head upstairs. 

My baby girl is a whole wife. 

Fikile and I lead her downstairs. Noni and Neli are leading the singing and the ululating. When Khabane and Khanyisa lock eyes as they walk towards each other, I just know that I’ve made the right decision by giving this union my blessing.

…

This membeso celebration is so beautiful. People got gifts: well, Khanyi’s family: all one million of them! The Mbathas and the Ramarus got gifts. 

Now, lunch is being served. Khanyi is going around talking to people and Khabane is also chatting to his boys. They are such a beautiful couple. Yoh, Hai. It’s beautiful. 

“Daddy, I’m going to play in the playroom with Lalo and Hau and other kids”, Khumo tells me. 

“Have you eaten, Khumo?” I ask her. 

She sulks.

So, she hasn’t eaten. 

“You have to eat first.” I say. 

“But I’m not hungry and I want to play.” She says. 

“You have to eat. If you don’t eat, you can’t play.” I say. 

Tlotlo is on top of me. 

Thuli walks to us with two plates of food. Nene is right behind her with plates of food too. Waiters follow them with bowls of food. 

“Khumo, hlala phansi. We are eating now.” Thuli says.

Khumo starts sulking. 

“Daddy, please.” Khumo says to me. 

“And then? Yini ngaye lo?” Thuli asks me.

“She wants to go play. I told her she must eat first.” I say. 

“So, what’s the problem?” Thuli asks. 

I don’t say anything. I just tell Khumo to sit on her chair. 

She sees Mulalo and Mohau walking towards our table with Reahile and Nandi. She seems to be lightening up a bit. I guess now that her friends are here, she will chill out. 

“Babe, do you need help with that?” Thuli asks Nandi.

I also don’t know how they got to this point. All I was told is that at the NFR Legends Game, Thuli warmed up to Nandi and they talked. Thuli expressed why she was so resistant towards her and Nandi understood. Then Nandi asked Thuli to judge her based on her experience of her, not perception. They’ve been doing playdates together ever since. Rea and I are not complaining at all. They’ve even invited Nene to a few dates and it seems that Nene likes Nandi too. Who knew that the game would bring these women together? 

“Hey guys”, Khanyisa says to us. Khabane is with her. 

The women at this table ululate. Us guys give Khabane a handshake. Then there is chatter and we all start taking pictures together. Next thing we know, our kids ran away from us and they’ve gone to play. 

“I’ll get them”, Khanyi says. 

“Thanks Khanyi. But it’s your day. Eat. Relax. Have fun. I’m going to get them.” Thuli says. 

She’s going to shit on them! 

…

Today is day 2 of the wedding and it is in Tholoana Kingdom. The white wedding is today then tomorrow, it’s the mabo at the Seete home. The wedding is at one of the Maboko Seete hotels. It will be televised – for what reason, I also don’t know. It’s just what the Seetes and the Mohales do. 

We were all told to wear nude and white. That’s the colour scheme for guests. I don’t even know what nude is. But Thuli told me it’s the colours that our bridal party wore at our wedding – the surprise wedding she gifted me with for my birthday. 

Another part to it was anything but black tie. Ey, youngins neh. 

So I’m wearing nude chinos and a white shirt. I’m wearing white sneakers too. Thuli is wearing a white summer dress with gold jewellery. 

Khumo is dressed in a white dress and Tlotlo is in nude chinos and a white shirt like me. 

As we arrive and walk into the venue, Thuli has Tlotlo in one arm, I have Khumo in one arm, then our vacant hands are holding each other. I actually have a perfect family. I love my family. 

We are told to take pictures together. There’s a picture of just Thuli and I. There’s one of just Tlotlo and Khumo. Then there’s one of the four of us together. 

We are then told to do some rotating stand. It rotates with us and takes pictures as well as videos of us. Only Thuli and Khumo understand how this works, so they go first and do it together. It’s actually funny to watch. 

Now I do it with Thuli. It’s actually fun, but makes me slightly dizzy. We have rotating pictures now. Wow. Then we do one with all four of us. Tlotlo actually cries and I understand. This thing is irritating and doesn’t make sense. 

As soon as we are done with photos and rotating stands and and and… we are led to where people are having light finger foods. I see Rea and Nandi standing with Mfundo, Nene, Mohato and Zari.

Our kids find each other and I’ve automatically lost Khumo. Tlotlo is still stuck to his mother. I take him from her so she can breathe. 

We are greeting people and in no time, we are eating and already having champagne – except for Thuli because she’s nursing. 

“I must say, I was doubtful about this turn out. But people look nice”, Zari says. 

“I never gave it much thought. I don’t understand the concept of white weddings. It’s as if as black people, we are refusing to leave our oppressors’ culture behind. I don’t care for it. I don’t understand it. I actually get offended when I’m invited to one.” Mohato says. 

I’m not really sure what’s happening right now. 

But Nene’s face, Nandi’s face and Thuli’s face are not exactly kind right now. 

“That’s what happens when people suffer from an identity crisis. What do you expect from a Zulu girl raised by her Venda uncle who happens to be married to her Zulu aunt that has dated everyone but a Zulu man?” Zari. 

Hai bo!

“That’s enough. If you didn’t want to be here, you didn’t have to come. But you will not do is talk shit about Khabane and Khanyi at their own wedding. What’s wrong with you?” Rea. 

Mohau and Zari just drink their champagne.

When did Mohato become such a little bitch that engages in such nonsensical gossip? Wow! 

“You know, Rea, I thought you’d be the best man. You and Khabane are brothers in a way that you and Mohato aren’t”, Zari. 

Rea just walks away because this is getting a bit much. And I understand. These two are just here to start shit for no reason. They actually laugh as Rea walks away. 

“Is that funny to you?” Nandi asks them.

Ey, she’s grown enough balls to take on Zari now? I was never ready. 

“It was a question”, Zari says. 

“Well to answer your question, it has nothing to do with you. You are guests at this wedding. The least that you could do is behave accordingly. If that’s rocket-science for you, you are welcome to leave because you are clearly not the target market for this day.” Nandi says. 

“I see you’ve replaced Rofhiwa in more ways than one – ways that extend outside of Reahile’s bed.” Zari. 

“Unlike you, I don’t wake up every morning determined to replace people or compete with people. I make my own impact the best way I know how and it’s up to people how they receive that. So unfortunately, I have no comment for your childish little comment.” Nandi is actually a bit… 

Zari is a bit ashamed to be put in her place. I see Nene and Thuli smiling, trying very hard not to laugh. 

“We were just expressing our opinions”, Zari says. 

“Nobody asked you too. None of us are interested in your stupid opinions. Please keep them to yourself.” Why is Thuli getting involved? 

Ha ah! No! We are not getting involved in Mohale drama. 

Mohato just pulls his wife away. 

It took him long enough. 

“Is Rea okay?” Nene asks Nandi. 

“Let me go check up on him. I’m coming”, Nandi says then walks towards Rea who is now standing with his fathers and their wives. The king brought Sonia to the wedding, not his first wife and queen of this place, Thabi. I wonder.

“Are Zari and Mohato okay in the head?” Mfundo asks. He has his daughter in his arms – the baby, Bayaphiwa. Mbali ran off with Khumo and the others. Bayaphiwa is actually passing out. Take me back to the days when this used to be Khumo. She was such a sweet baby. Now… yoh!

Mohato and Zari are laughing now. I guess it’s about whatever they are talking about. 

We are all now distracted by isiZulu dancers and tshiVenda dancers dancing in their traditional wear. There are drums and whistles at play here. The dancing is beautiful. 

The Ramarus and the Mbathas walk in dressed nude and white, led by these dancers. 

Then the baSotho dancers come in. There is loud cheering. I mean, this is baSotho turf. The Seetes are ushered in by these dancers. 

This is actually beautiful. 

Then, I see my daughter waving at me. Imagine! She’s walking in with the dancers. She’s even dancing next to them.

“Thuli –

“I don’t know that child!” Thuli cuts me. 

Nene and Mfundo are in stitches! 

Everyone finds their kids and we are all told to walk into the ceremony area. 

…

Khabane is walked down the aisle by his parents. He is wearing white pants, white sneakers, a white shirt and a very nice nude blazer with gold beading. It actually looks proper! He looks like one hell of a man. 

I now get up to go stand next to him. I am his best man. I have his rings. He and Khanyi just chose to do the walking down the aisle without Ruri and I. Ruri is the maid of honour.

Now, Khanyi is being walked down the aisle by kazi and papa. She’s so blessed to have these two people as her parents. I would give anything to have them be my parents. She’s covered in a veil. Her dress is… I’m not sure how to explain it. There are a lot of pearls at the top part of the dress. Then the dress opens up at the bottom in a princess format, but it’s only feathers that make up that part of the dress. As weird as it sounds, it’s different and it’s beautiful. Everyone is taking pictures of her. 

As she gets closer, I see that she’s crying. 

They stop a bit close to the altar. 

Khabane walks to them.

Kazi hugs him. It’s a long hug. Then she kisses his cheek. Papa shakes his head then gives him a long hug too. Finally, papa unveils Khanyi. She looks amazing. The room is filled with ululating. Khanyi hugs kazi. Then she hugs papa. They finally go sit down. Khanyi looks at Bane. He takes her hand and they walk to the alter holding hands. They find Ruri already waiting. Khanyi gives Ruri her bouquet. 

These two are now saying their vows… and no eye is dry in here.

Khanyi: “Sawubona“

Khabane: “You realise that after today, it’s dumela“

Khanyi: “I do. And I’m looking forward to it.” 

Khabane: “Why me? Why choose me?” 

Khanyi: “Because you waited for me… and you loved me throughout the journey. You never gave up on me. You never do. That’s who I want to do life with… someone who understands that I’m human and I have my flaws. But you never give up on me and you love me throughout the journey. It also doesn’t hurt that you are so good-looking.”

We all laugh. 

Bane blushes.

Khanyi: “And why did you choose me? Even before I chose you?”

Khabane: “Because there can only be one Mrs Khabane Seete in this lifetime. There are the obvious things such as you being the most beautiful woman my eyes love looking at.”

We all laugh again.

Khabane: “And your warm and inviting personality… those are the obvious things. But the things that no one knows is how our hearts talk to each other without us even engaging in the conversation. It’s how my soul finds a home in yours by you just being around me. You are the only person that makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs because the air is right and the birds are right on time for everything. You hold me close to your heart when I’m happy and when I’m sad. You celebrate me and you crown me king even when I don’t deserve it. Yes, there will be mistakes and things we have to get through. But I know we will get through it because we are Khabane and Khanyisa. I just look forward to watching my heart fall more and more in love with you because I only experience those kinds of feelings with the only Mrs Khabane Seete that there will ever be.” 

Yeses!

Khanyisa: “I’ll love you even when you wake me up in the morning for no reason”. 

Khabane bursts into laughter. 

We all laugh. 

Khabane: “And I’ll love you even when you speak Zulu to me after promising me today that you look forward to speaking Sotho for the rest of your life.” 

Now Khanyisa bursts into laughter. 

This is beautiful. 

I think they’ve forgot that there’s a priest here and that he’s here for a reason. 

But…

The rings are finally being put on fingers.

Khabane: “Khanyisa, with this ring, I thee wed.” 

Khanyisa: “Khabane, with this ring, I thee wed. I don’t ever want to see it off your finger – especially when you leave the house.”

We all laugh again.

Now they kiss before they are even instructed to do so. 

SMH!

…

Today is the second part of the traditional wedding. This is where Khanyi is taken to the Seete home. I’ve just finished dressing up and I make my way downstairs. My wife, children and I live with my dad’s second wife, Sonia. My two siblings, Atang and Nyakallo live here too. Atang and Nyakallo are mom’s kids. They are very young- pretty much young enough to be mine and Nandi’s kids, but we love it here. We really do. Mom and Nandi get along so well! The kids are best friends. Atang and Nyakallo don’t seem to comprehend that they are rangwane and rakgadi. They perceive themselves as big brother and big sister. 

I find mama and Nandi dressed up. The kids are dressed up. And the kids are busy being fed. They look so beautiful. 

“Good morning”, I kiss my wife on the lips then kiss my mom on her cheek.

“Moooooooooorrrrning”, Lalo says with her small little voice. 

I kiss my kids. 

“We need to get going. Is the old man coming with us?” I ask. 

It’s not mom’s week to have my dad in the house, so he didn’t wake up here this morning.

“He says he will meet us there. He’s helping Maboko prepare for the welcoming”, mom says. 

“And Mofomahadi? Is she coming?” I ask. 

“Who knows? You know ukuthi this is her world. We just breathe in it. She does what she wants when she wants to do it.” 

No lies detected there! 

We decide to use one car. 

I’m driving. 

Nandi is on the passenger seat. 

Mah is sitting with the kids at the back. Obviously, we are using her whip! I mean…

I phone Khabane and tell him we are close. When we arrive, the gate is already open for us and we drive in. I see both my dads’ cars here. I find a parking and park the beast. 

As we make our way inside, we hear singing. When we enter, we join in the singing and the dancing. 

“You good?” I ask Khabane.

He just smiles at me. 

“Yimi ozobuza umthetho, angisho?” Ntuthuko says. 

“You are what?” Khabane. 

“Lalela la, this is a Zulu woman. Kuzoba nomabo la. Before you can even dress her up in Sotho bridal stuff, it has to be clear that she’s not being forced to do this. Kumele kubuzwe umthetho“, Ntuthuko says. 

“And I hope uyagida. Because if she says she is not being forced, kumele ugide“, Banathi. 

They are seriously stressing Khabane out. I don’t understand why they are doing this. But I find Khabane’s reaction extremely entertaining. 

“Dude, I’m a rugby guy. Do you see how huge I am? Do I look like I can lift my leg above my waist and throw myself to the floor? There’s a reason why the Zulu skinny dudes do this. I’m not one of them.” Khabane says. 

Even our parents are laughing. When did they get here? 

“Khabane, don’t let them do this to you. Just take your wife’s hand after she is done ukusinathen go dress her up ngesiSotho”, Nandi says. 

“Thank you, Nandi.” Khabane.

“Short cuts?” Pope.

“Kodwa baba, if we are being fair, uRea didn’t traditionally dance umthetho mawubuzwa kimi” Nandi. 

“Thank you, Nandi!” Khabane yells.

“Eh ndoda, there are cars at the gate”, Ntuthuko says. 

“It’s them. There’s a Rolls Royce with number plates that read RAMARU GP. DAMN!” Banathi. 

We are all told to shush. 

I try to look for my kids. 

“Playroom”, Khabane says. 

I forget that my twins are familiar with this house. 

Well, I’m at ease then. 

Before we know it, the Zulus are out-singing us in the Seete yard. Khanyi is covered in a blanket. The singing leads everyone to the hired glass tent. 

The Seetes and Maphumulos get gifted with blankets and grass mats by the Mbathas/ Ramarus. Well, I got a blanket and a grass mat at the umembeso and I really felt happy that they still consider me part of their family. And it’s singing throughout the entire practice. When they are done, Ntuthuko insists on standing up. Then he yells, “UYABUZ’ UMTHETHO! UYAYITHANDA YINI LE NDODA NOM’ AKUYONA IMVUMO YAKHO UKUTHI UYISHADE LE NDODA?!” 

Even Khanyi laughs. She looks at kazi and laughs. They were not planning on doing this part of the wedding at all and you can see it. Khabane wants to tell Ntuthuko to stop this, but Ntuthuko yells again, “UYABUZ’ UMTHETHO! UYAYITHANDA YINI LE NDODA NOM’ AKUYONA IMVUMO YAKHO UKUTHI UYISHADE LE NDODA?!“

Aunt Noni gives Khanyi a spear and a grass mat. She whispers something in Khanyi’s ear. Then Khanyi starts singing. She stands up from where she is sitting, singing. All the Zulu people – including Nandi who has clearly forgotten that she’s Sotho now – join in the song that Khanyi is singing as she’s making her way to where Khabane is sitting. 

She sings and when she gets to Khabane, she kneels. She extends her hand. Banathi whispers something in Khabane’s ear. Khabane shakes Khanyi’s hand. 

They smile at each other. 

Khanyi gets up from the ground, singing a different song now. All the Zulu people present – including Nandi MOHALE – stand up and start dancing. Then Khanyi drops the grass mat at Ntuthuko’s feet. Ntuthuko does a Zulu traditional dance. Khabane stands up. He makes his way to Khanyi and Khanyi MAKES him dance – as if payback for that impromptu thing Ntuthuko did that she wasn’t warned about.

We are not letting Bane go down alone. Us Sotho people stand up and we also show off that we can dance too! 

It becomes a sing off and dance off between us and them. 

But…

An hour later, Khanyi is brought back to the crowd, by Aunt Tebza, as a Sesotho woman – Mrs Seete. And she looks amazing. 

I wish them everything beautiful that life has to offer.