“These outfits are so nice! Yoh! Your friend is talented! Look at how good we look!” Molise says to me.

“I never thought I’d be into sotho looks, but these… I’m sold!” I say.

He laughs and says, “you are a sotho bride. You better find it in you to be into sotho outfits.” 

Ruri did the damn things! 

If we look like this, I wonder what the bride and groom look like. She even designed for the king and queen! She will be covered by the media today and I’m so excited for her! 

“We need to leave early, baby”, I say.

“Why?” He asks me.

“Because Mapho and Rea asked us to. The community shuts the street down and if we don’t arrive before them, we are going to spend this wedding on the streets.” I say.

“But that’s where the real groove is!” He says.

“Molise, I’ve never been to the royal house. I’d like my full experience, thank you very much!” 

We both laugh. 

“Besides, I want the kids safe and where I can keep an eye on them – especially because Aus’Maletsoho isn’t coming with us today.” I say.

“We need to let Maletsoho go. She coordinated a whole break-in into our house. I’m still not over it.” Molise says.

He’s never liked her.

But I agree with him. 

“We can’t just fire her without evidence. What if she sues us?” I say.

“Give her a mutual separation agreement then.” He says.

I look at him.

“HR gives it to people they no longer want to deal with in companies all the time. If we give her her entire year’s salary and ask her to never come back… then she accepts it… she can’t sue us.” He says.

“What would be our reason for wanting to part with her in the first place?” I ask.

“She coordinated a break-in into our home”, Molise.

“We don’t have proof!” I reiterate. 

“Eish!” Him.

“The other helpers were telling me that Aus’Maletsoho visits your mom a lot at her man’s house and she’s probably gossiping about us with your mom. Maybe we can let her go and say that we want her to be a dedicated resource to mom… looking after her and all”, I say.

“Who will pay her? The white man, I hope.” He says.

“Ja, I’m sure your step-father won’t mind”, I say.

He bursts into laughter. 

I’m glad he can laugh about it today. Last week, he wanted to chew glass every time someone said that.

We finally call the kids and we leave our house for Mapho’s and Rea’s wedding.

As my kids chat about in the backseat and Molise drives, I chat in the group with my friends.

Mapho keeps telling us that she’s feeling sick and she’s not sure if she will make it through the day. Rea has even organised a doctor for her. We all keep asking if there’s anything that we can do. She tells us to arrive early and make sure that we are always on standby with water. I tell her to keep ginger biscuits very close by. Ginger helped me though both my pregnancies and it kept the nausea under control. She asks me where on earth she is going to get ginger biscuits at this time. She’s already on her way to the royal house.

“Tell your man. He’s surrounded by a million servants. One of them will find you a whole packet by the time you arrive there”, Ruri says.

Mapho tells us that she’s on it.

“Wehweh, are you coming?” I ask in the group.

“You can’t say no. You couldn’t come last week.” Mapho.

“Yes, we are already on the road. We are about ten minutes away“, Wehweh says.

“How’s Mnqobi doing?” Ruri asks.

“He’s doing a lot better.” Wehweh.

“Are you guys coming together?” I ask.

“Yes. It’s us and Sasi.” Wehweh.

“Are you guys back together again?” Me.

“No.” Wehweh.

“Someone please tell Wehweh that Mnqobi made a mistake and he’s really sorry. Wehweh bra! Hai bo!” Ruri says.

Mapho and I send laughing faces.

“How much is Mnqobi paying you to be his advocate in all of this?” Wehweh asks Ruri.

“I just feel so bad for him. He’s been apologising. And Lindiwe is not even worth this tension between you and Mnqobi”, Ruri.

“Ruri, as someone who is about to marry someone you grew up with, please make sure that your loyalty is with me. This thing of fighting in Mnqobi’s corner and not Wehweh’s corner is not cool”, Mapho.

“Thank you, Mapho!” Wehweh.

Ruri sends laughing faces.

We arrive at the royal house and we manage to find parking within the yard. Then, we head to the waiting tent. They are serving finger foods and drinks here. Wehweh and Mnqobi are already here. My kids find Sasi and Banathi’s kids. They ask to go and play. I kind of don’t want them out of my sight.

“Their nanny is here. She is on guard”, Palesa says, much to my relief.  Palesa is here with Wehweh and the Khuzwayo brothers. She is one of Wehweh’s best friends from Pretoria and she’s a walking beauty. She did all our hair and nails. She’s here as a guest but to also do the glam for Mapho when the Mohales dress her up. Apparently, she has her own beauty business back in Pretoria. Good for her. I even thank her for letting us use her nanny. It’s the kids nanny, but since Palesa is the one who offered…

Mnqobi looks like he’s in pain. But he’s also looking strong. He’s downing whiskey like it’s water.

“You can’t drink that much whiskey with your medication, Mnqobi”, Wehweh fight him.

“Awume kancane tu! Awukahle! Ung’bangela ukushisa!” Mnqobi replies. 

Did they fight or something?!

Wehweh wants to respond, but Banathi pulls Mnqobi away to go talk to him. 

“Is everything okay between the two of you?” Palesa asks Wehweh. Wehweh does look a bit hurt by how Mnqobi handled her.

“He’s just very moody and snappy since he got out of hospital. The doctor did say that the medication that he’s on will do this to him, but he’s just…” now she’s getting emotional.

I don’t even know where Molise went.

“Wehweh, he’s just been through a traumatic experience. He almost died. He’s really just trying to find his bearings again. Don’t give up on him”, Palesa says.

“Ngimenzeni mina, Palesa? All I’ve done is be there for him..I go to physio with him. I’m there helping him everyday and changing the dressing on his wound everyday. Why must he treat me like this?!” Wehweh is very emotional now.

“And right now he’s upset because Lindiwe and I fought in front of Sasi. What was I supposed to do, Palesa?! Honestly?! Lindiwe keeps provoking me and he lets it happen as if Lindiwe will expose his nudes if he doesn’t do what she says he must do. But I’m the one who doesn’t love Sasi because I fought with her mother in front of Sasi? Actually, Mnqobi can go to hell! I’m sick of him!” 

I’m so confused. 

But I want Wehweh to calm down. 

Palesa hugs her shame. 

I take a look over at the boys and they are staring at us while drinking beer… even Mnqobi.

When Ruri and her family arrive, Wehweh is a lot calmer. I’m so glad.

Khanya has already joined the Khuzwayo brothers and Molise. 

“Wehweh, you good?” Ruri enquires. 

“Agh, I’m just glad to be going back home after this”, Wehweh says.

“Home?” Me.

“Yes, Pretoria. Mnqobi and I could do with some space.” Wehweh says.

“Really, chomi?” Palesa says.

“Yeah. We will drive back together. Mnqobi will go back home with his parents and brother. I’m just sick of him right now.” 

There’s a tense silence.

Ruri looks at me then mimes, “what happened?” 

I honestly shrug my shoulders because I also don’t know. They just bit each other’s heads off in front of us. 

“At least we will go to Michelle’s thing together”, Palesa says.

I don’t even know who Michelle is.

“I really wanted to take Sasi. But I guess this is one of those moments where she has to miss out because Mnqobi and I cannot stand each other right now.” Wehweh says.

“Who is Michelle?” Ruri.

“A girl we went to school with. We matriculated in the same year. She had a kid while in high school. She’s doing a birthday party for her child in SunCity. She invited our entire matric year to bring kids and partners then it will also be a reunion for our matric class”, Wehweh explains.

Abantu banemali yokudlala yaz. SunCity is so expensive! Why would you host people there just so you can show your ex-peers how well you are doing in life? Hai bo! But they must have fun. 

We hear hooters and ululating. The bride has clearly arrived. The royal house gates close because Mapho’s family must bribe their way in. And the community is packed, already singing outside of the gate. 

We all start getting into the vibe and start singing too. 

Yoh! 

Mapho’s family brought traditional dancers with them. And guess what?! 

The Mohales have their own too. 

So while we battle in singing – us ordinary people – the traditional dancers battle in dance. The only things indicating that we are on ‘different sides’ is the gate that stands between the two sides. 

Reahile finally walks out of the house, walking between the king and the queen – his parents. Tholoana, Mohale, Vanessa, Moholo Khotso, Mme-Moholo, Wandi, Melo and Moloko follow them. 

There is absolute silence when they get to the gate. 

The media and their cameras are just everywhere. 

I cannot hear the chatter happening at the gate. I’m too far behind. But I feel Molise wrapping himself around me. Such things make me want a proper wedding hey. Then I think about the finances and the stress behind it, and I’m automatically discouraged.

“Let’s have a wedding”, Molise says.

It’s nice to know that he thinks about it too.

I giggle, brushing it off because I don’t really want to get into it right now. It’s not the time. 

The singing picks up again as the gates open. As the celebrations happen, we are guided to seats. We get to our seats (a couch) and our kids are also brought to us. The couch accommodates all five of us comfortably. My kids want to be playing. They don’t want to witness the wedding. But, the nanny brought all the kids back under someone’s instruction. Fortunately, I packed snacks for them. So I bribe them with snacks to relax. Molemo is on his phone, probably chatting to someone. I must actually check that phone and assess his activity. Wehweh said when I get very suspicious, I must tell her… she will clone the phone for me and I’ll be able to see everything that’s happening on that phone. 

I want to trust Molemo, so I’m not taking Wehweh up on her offer. But no lies, I’m tempted because I’m very curious. I’m most curious ukuthi has his mother tried to reach out to him. And if yes, what they discuss because she hasn’t reached out to me ever since.

Mapho is being gifted by the community right now. They are embracing her and welcoming her into leading them beside her husband. It’s so beautiful. Mapho is so emotional. And I understand. She grew up as one of them. Now to be served by all of them as if she’s never been one of them… Mapho is the type of girl who is not going to be swallowed up by this palace. She loves her man, but even her very walk and language never forgets where she comes from. I just hope that she doesn’t get township guilt where she feels bad for making it out and thus feels as if she owes everyone who is still left behind something. I don’t want that for her. 

When the gifting is done, Mapho is taken to inside of the palace. We are guided to our tables when we then place our orders for lunch and have lunch served to us. 

“I think we should have a wedding”, Molise brings this up again.

“Why?” 

“Because I want us to celebrate our love and our marriage”, he says.

“It’s so stressful though, Molise. And where will we find the time to plan all of this?” I say.

“At least think about it. Please”, he says.

“Fine, I’ll think about it.” I say.

He kisses me. 

I get a WhatsApp message on my phone. I open it. It’s from Mmaneo – Molefe’s wife. 

“Can you talk?” 

I reply and say, “We are at a wedding”.

She replies and says, “yes, you did say.” 

“Is it urgent?” I ask her.

“Ke mama LeKatleho.”

“What about them?” I enquire. 

“They want a family meeting with everyone – including you and Molise. They invited the uncles as well.” She says.

I show Molise the conversation. 

Molise types on the phone, so Mmaneo still thinks I’m chatting.

“What the fuck do they want?!” 

Yoh! 

“Hai, don’t swear! Mmaneo did nothing to us! And she still thinks she’s chatting to me. I don’t want to fight with Mmaneo.” I say to Molise.

Mmaneo responds to the message and says, “they want to discuss Molemo and the fact that you guys kicked mama out of your house.”

Molise laughs in disbelief. But I see his anger is building up. 

He types back, “we won’t be there. Not in the mood to listen to absolute kak! Molise here.” 

I’m glad he put the ‘Molise here’ in because I don’t need to have issues with Mmaneo. 

Mmaneo doesn’t respond.

So tense! 

Our food finally arrives. 

I feed Lelapa as I eat. Phupho is feeding herself, but is sitting on top of her dad. 

“Mom, can I please have social media?” Molemo says to me. 

Molise looks at us.

“Why?” I ask him. 

“A lot of kids at school have it and that’s how they just know stuff all the time.” He says.

“So you want it because other kids have it or you want it because you want to stay up to date with events happening around you?” I ask him.

“Both”, he says.

At least he’s honest.

“What is social media? What apps are we talking about here?” I ask him.

“Instagram. TikTok. Facebook.” He says.

“You don’t need that many.” I say.

“Okay. Instagram and TikTok.” He says.

“That’s fine. But I need to regulate so I can do cellphone raids any time, right?” Me.

He nods his head and says okay.

“And, I must follow you on all your social media platforms”, me.

“Ha!” Him.

Molise laughs. 

I think Molise thinks that my parenting is funny. 

“Those are my conditions.” I say.

“Okay.” He says.

“What’s social media?” Phupho asks us. 

I look at Molise. He’s still laughing. Mxm.

…

The bride and groom are happy. Their stuff is done. Mapho is dressed in her Mrs Mohale outfit and she’s now being preached to by the experienced wives on how to do this marriage thing right. Reahile is chilling with us right now – the gents – and we are just talking. Wehweh left with Palesa after Mapho was presented to us as Mrs Mohale. Zah is chilling with the other ladies somewhere else and the kids are going crazy somewhere in this yard. 

“Wehweh just left and didn’t tell me anything”, Mnqobi complains. 

“Yeah, because you’ve been treating her like shit. Yini nah?! Unes’chitho?” Banathi says to him. At least it’s coming from his brother.

“Kunini ngincengana noWehweh to take me back? She still fucks me and behaves like my wife, but she won’t even take me back as her boyfriend. What am I? A placeholder until she finds someone better? And Ruri told me that she’s vibing with someone else. Why is Wehweh doing this?! What haven’t I done to show her that I’m sorry?” Mnqobi. He’s so angry. 

“You fucked your ex – who is your baby mama – on an instagram live. You have a sextape with another woman on the internet. And you taped it while you were still with Wehweh. Would you be as forgiving if her ass was all over the internet and someone else’s penis was inside of it?!” Banathi.

“I know. And I’ve apologised. I don’t know what else to do”, Mnqobi says in frustration.

“You don’t get to decide when she has to stop being hurt, bra”, Rea says.

“I don’t know what else to do. I really don’t. I love Wehweh. I don’t want to lose her. And it makes me mad that someone else could be fucking her”, he says.

We are all quiet.

Mnqobi looks at me. 

“What?!” I say.

“Has she said anything to Zah. She’s closest with Zah.” He says.

I laugh. 

“Please. Is she fucking this guy?” Mnqobi asks me, desperate.

“Nah, they not fucking. Apparently, they tried and she just couldn’t do it. She even stopped seeing him because he almost raped her. He kept saying that she used him and now she won’t fuck him. Wehweh gave him 50k and told him she’s paying him back for everything he’s ever done for her. But she never wants to see him again,” I say.

Now he’s mad.

“Who the fuck is this cat?” Mnqobi.

“Mnqobi, you are focused on the wrong thing here. Focus on getting back with Wehweh. Do something cute to show her that you want her back and that you love her.” Banathi.

“Like what?!” Mnqobi.

“Book out a cinema. Take her there and make her watch a movie-compilation of all your happy moments together… the stuff that you miss the most… the stuff that kept you together and made you make promises to each other”, I say.

“Damn. Are you that romantic with Zah?” Rea. 

“I want us to have a wedding. But she doesn’t want one”, I say.

“What kind of woman doesn’t want a wedding?” Mnqobi.

“Exactly. I fucked her up. The first few years of our marriage were not great and it’s all my fault. I don’t know how to fix this jadedness that I’ve embedded in her.” Me.

“Ever thought of a surprise wedding?” Rea. 

“No no no! Don’t do that. Women want to have their weddings and they want a say on what that day will look like. The stress, the yelling, the arguing… they enjoy all that shit man. Some women wait years to put together money just to have that experience. Don’t surprise a woman with a wedding. This is not a movie. In real life, that woman will accuse you of controlling her if you dare take away such a big day in her life”, Banathi says. 

“So what can I do?” I ask.

“Yaz bafwethu… I’m the single one here. Why are you coming to me for answers?” Banathi says.

We all laugh.

I’m glad he’s not as depressed anymore about losing his wife. Her death really did a number on him.

“We will help you think of a way. I should probably catch up with Wehweh”, Mnqobi.

“She’s gone to Pretoria”, I say.

“What?!” They all say, including Khanya who’s been quiet all this time. He’s been laughing and been quiet. He should actually help us. Him and Ruri survived Thendo. 

“Yeah. She left with Palesa to go back to Pretoria. They are attending something in SunCity. She wanted to take Sasi, Gugu, Zozo and Ziwe. But because you guys are fighting, she didn’t want to ask you”, I say.

“Hai ndoda! Sowumoshele Abantwana manje. We are going to South Africa! And I need to see Palesa. Yerrrr! Ishambula leliya.” Banathi says.

Now we all laugh. 

“You know that Wehweh is trying to set you up with her, right?” Khanya says.

“For real?” Banathi says with the biggest smile on his face.

The rest of us die of laughter. 

These guys are actually funny! 

…

One week later…

I can’t believe that Zah dragged me to this fucked up meeting. It was proposed by my mom and my father’s brothers. I’m already not interested. 

All my brothers are here. Zah and Mmaneo are serving us tea and biscuits. We are at Molefe’s house. 

Zah and Mmaneo are both dressed in doeks, long dresses, and those scarves you put around your shoulders. My wife looks good though. She’s stunning. 

Mmaneo and Zah try to leave, but the uncles make them sit in this meeting. 

They sit next to each other on a one-seater couch. I also don’t know how. But they are squeezing in there together. I’m not sure how sustainable it will be for them to be uncomfortable throughout this meeting. 

“Molefe. Makoti. Why are you not living with your mother?” The eldest uncle asks. I’m so glad this question is asked to Molefe because he is the eldest. I’m given way too much responsibility for a third born. 

“Mme is not the easiest person to live with, malome”, Molefe says.

“Were you an easy child to raise?” My uncle.

“The difference is that I didn’t ask to be born. Mme made me willingly”, Molefe. 

I can’t help but laugh. That’s such an honest yet unexpected response. 

Everyone looks at me. 

I stop laughing. It was funny, but anyway…

“Makoti, are you unable to look after your mother-in-law?” My uncle asks Mmaneo.

Mmaneo just faces the floor and says nothing. 

“It was my decision to have mme leave. Please direct your questions to me and leave my wife alone”, Molefe.

I actually respect him so much right now. So much! He’s making me more amped to protect my wife and I when questions come my way.

“Molise, I believe you threw your mother out of your house”, my uncle says.

“I didn’t throw her out. I told her to go live at a very nice and expensive facility where she would get the care that she needs. They have programs there that will keep her busy throughout the day with people her age. That’s not throwing someone out.” I say.

“Why?! What’s wrong with her living with you?” One of the other uncles asks me. 

“Mme lied to me about Molemo. She allowed her son, Katleho, to pass on a child that’s not mine to me. Now I must make a plan for that child because Mme allows the deadbeat father to be a deadbeat. Mme doesn’t care about me. I’m just a means to an end to her. She wants money and houses and an expensive lifestyle from me. She doesn’t see a child in me. So I gave her the luxury life that she wants from me in a luxury granny village.” I say.

My mom looks at me so heartbroken.

“Bashimane… are you happy with how you are looking after your mother? Is this what your father would have wanted?” Another uncle.

“With all due respect, malome, if we are going to talk about expectations and what we believe my dad would have approved of or not approved of, we will need to have that conversation as honestly as possible. I am not prepared to sit here and tap-dance around issues here as if I don’t have things to do. When we were growing up, it was grilled in our mindsets that Molefe would be ntate’s heir because he is the eldest son. We all had to get used to it. Nna, I went out and started my own wealth because I knew that I wasn’t going to get so much as R2 from ntate. Ntate died and we found out that he had land wherever and it was left to Molefe. Molefe and mme sold that land and only they know what they did with that money. None of it came to me. Now I’m the one that is expected to behave like the eldest one here… looking after mme and her ridiculous demands. Fine, she stayed with my wife for me for four years. But my wife looked after her too. In fact, my wife is the most tolerant one of mme out of all of us here. My wife is the only reason we took Mme back after Molefe and Mmaneo threw her out of here. And I don’t blame them. I didn’t want her back in my house – especially after she pushed Molemo on me knowing very well that he’s not my son. Then he brings boyfriends to my house! To my bedroom! Mme o ntlwayela masepa! Come to think of it… she never protects me! Ever! She pushes everything on me to protect her other sons. Maybe she hates me because I didn’t wait to be handed things, but I worked for my things. But if the end result of this meeting is to have mme come back to live with me, it’s not happening. And the option to move into the village that I booked her into no longer stands!” I say.

There is a tense silence in the room now. 

My wife is so… I don’t know how to describe it. But it’s not good. She actually feels the most for my mother.

“Ausi, you have a boyfriend?” One of the uncles ask my mother. She doesn’t respond. 

“We need to find a way forward. Ho salang ke mme wa lona. And the two of you that are married… your wives need to take on their responsibility of looking after their mother-in-law.” An uncle, the eldest. 

I can just see Zah trying to volunteer, but I give her a look to not even dare.

“The last time that we were at Molise’s house, we all agreed that Rapulana, Letsatsi and Katleho would rebuild that house that was done away by the heavy rains. The plan was for mme to go back home eventually once that house was built. How far are they on that?” Molefe.

Silence. All three of these younger ones look away, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Rapulana is even older than me. But we group him with the young ones because he behaves like them.

“Well?!” Me. 

“We haven’t had the finances to complete the project”, Katleho says.

“Just like you don’t have the finances to look after your own child? You selfish brat.” I find myself saying.

Silence. 

“Malome, everyone has a role to play here. These three are not exempt from the responsibility of looking after our mother just because they are not married and just because mme excuses them from looking after their own kids. They hide too much from responsibility and it’s not fair that everything falls on Molefe and I. So, I’m not taking mom back. Her boyfriend took her from my house to live with her. She can go back there or come to live here with Molefe. These three need to go build that house then maybe I’ll consider sending help to clean and cook for them. Maybe. I’ll see how mom treats me between now and when her house is standing”, I say.

The wives look at each other.

The conclusion of the meeting was that mme would stay with Molefe and Mmaneo. Zah said she’d come in and help from time to time because Mmaneo is a nurse so sometimes, she works night shifts. My brother is sometimes gone for a week because he is the driver for the NFR Legends, so when they play away games, he travels with them and returns when they return. Zah just has a soft spot for mme. Zah and I also have work and school, but we made living with her work. We did offer to get them a domestic worker who is reliable and trustworthy to help them out – especially with mme. They were very happy. So Zah and Mmaneo will be interviewing candidates on Wednesday when Mmaneo has her off days. I think she gets three days in a seven-day cycle. 

Zah and I are back home now. The kids are asleep when we arrive. 

She jumps on top of me. 

Okay…

She starts kissing me, demanding sex basically. 

Not that I mind, but what the fuck?! 

She undresses me and I lift up her dress. Then we fuck right here in the kitchen. 

When we are done, we lie on the kitchen island naked.

“And what was that?” I ask her.

“You just turn me on”, she says.

“And the wedding thing…” 

I can bet you R50k that one of those men spoke to their women and the women told Zah how I feel about the wedding.

She climbs on top of me. She starts riding me. 

What has got into Zah?! 

But it’s so good. So fucken good! 

“Why do you want us to have a wedding?” She asks as she rubs her breasts while riding me hard and good. 

“I love you, Zah. I want to make up for how I treated you in the beginning. I want you to be proud of our marriage… to be proud of me as your husband.” 

Now I moan because fuck!!! I’m being served. 

“Say it again”, she says now hopping on my dick. 

I can’t speak. 

I’m controlling myself from exploding. 

She hops faster… harder… 

I can’t hold out. I explode in her. But she’s not done. She turns around. Her perfect back faces me. She rides me facing the other way. 

“Zah, you are killing me”, I say.

“Tell me why you want a wedding”, she says.

I repeat what I said, speaking through the passion I’m experiencing right now. 

She licks my toes as she shakes on me.

Fuck! 

She climbs off me and runs to the toilet. I’m still pulling myself together, catching my breath and trying to understand what the fuck just happened to my body. 

She comes out of the toilet, picks her clothes up from the floor then says, “okay. We can have a wedding.”

Just like that?! 

What just happened?!