I’m sitting in Terrence’s car that is parked outside of Mercy’s apartment. Mercy is baby mama number three. We are here to pick up Tshepo, her son. He’s spending the weekend with Terrence. I’m apparently featuring tomorrow because he has a soccer tournament at school. His mother will not be in attendance, from what I understand, because she has a job. She’s the least problematic baby mama. She’s the reasonable one who understands what co-parenting is and she’s the only one with a job. I decided to stay in the car just to not cause issues because mothers are generally not receptive to their baby daddies moving on. Mercy is a flight attendant, so you already know that she’s painfully gorgeous… I’ll even admit that she’s MUCH more beautiful than me. Of all the baby mamas, I feel the most insecure about her. I wouldn’t be shocked if Terrence still dabbles in sex with her. 

Terrence, Tshepo and Mercy walk out of the apartment building together, heading towards the car. I actually have knots in my stomach now and I cannot stop farting. She’s wearing her uniform and has her makeup on in full. She even has her travelling bags with her. Are we taking her to work or something? Terrence did say that she has work tonight, that’s why we are fetching Tshepo and taking him to his soccer tournament tomorrow. She’s so gorgeous! 

They are at my door now. I’m not sure what to do. Terrence opens the car’s door. He kisses me. I hope my fart doesn’t smell too hard. 

“You okay?” He asks me.

I nod my head and smile.

“Hi Meh. I’m Mercy”, she greets me with the warmest smile ever.

“Hey. How are you?” 

“I’m well, thank you. Thank you so much for looking after Tshepo when he’s visiting his dad. I really appreciate you.” 

She’s very nice.

I just smile at her.

“I thought I’d come introduce myself so you and I can get to know each other. You are around Tshepo when he’s with his dad and I thought it would be important for us to know each other. Plus, I actually like you. Since you’ve been in Terrence’s life, his child maintenance payments are on time. And he did tell me that you played a critical role in settling the fees so the kids could get their reports.”

Terrence has clearly told her a lot. 

“All I want to say is thank you.” She says, holding my hand. 

“Thank you for receiving me so well, Mercy. I honestly didn’t know what to expect. But truly, thank you.” 

She smiles at me.

“Anyway, I need to run.” She says. She looks at her son then says, “my boy, be good for your dad and Mme-Meh neh?” 

They hug. 

“Bye”, she says then heads to a car where three other people dressed like her and makeup just like hers are standing. She unlocks the car then they all put their bags in the boot of the car, then head into the car. It’s a white Polo. You can tell that the owner of the car looks after it very well. Mercy goes into the driving seat. 

Terrence did say that she’s the most independent of his baby mamas. 

Tshepo and Terrence are now inside the car after putting Tshepo’s bags in the boot. 

The car ride is Tshepo asking questions upon questions. Terrence and I take turns answering. But for some reason, he wants me to answer because when Terrence answers, he says, “papa, I’m asking Mme-Meh.” 

So I’m answering as best as I can, also learning that I’m not too bright myself. I’m being asked about trees, different types of birds, what animals live where, the difference between a damn, a river, a beach and an ocean…. Yey! 

Eventually, he gets distracted and excited when I offer to take us to Papachinos. He even says that he’s never been there before. I managed to distract him from the other questions, now I’m answering questions about Papachinos. Nkosiyami! 

Terrence is in stitches, but he does drive us to Papachinos. 

We get to Papachinos and Tshepo sees one of his schoolmates. He is here with his brother and parents.

“Papa, can I please go play with my friends?” He asks his dad.

“Let’s order your food first then you can go”, his dad.

He sulks.

“You need to eat, Tshepo.” Terrence.

“I’ll have whatever you are having. Please, papa.” Tshepo.

“Ribs or burger?” Me.

“Ribs.” Tshepo.

“Chips or vegetables?” Me.

“Chips.” Tshepo says. 

He’s not even giving this any thought.

“Juice or milkshake?” Me.

“Colddrink.” 

Are kids allowed to drink cold drink? 

I hope he’s not going to ask for coke.

“Which drink?” I ask.

“The purple Fanta.” 

Weh! 

“Come Tshepo”, his friends are here now. Tshepo pulls a begging face towards his dad. 

“It’s fine. You can go.” The dad.

“Leave your shoes”, I say. We don’t need to be losing shoes and socks. 

He quickly takes his shoes and socks off, even the friend is helping to speed up the process. When he’s done, he’s gives me a hug, says “thank you Mme-Meh”, then runs off with the friend. 

Terrence and I are shown to our table. 

He’s still shaking his head that Tshepo is interested in playing instead of eating. He needs to relax. He’s a child. 

“Are you okay?” He asks me. 

I know what he’s asking. 

I shrug my shoulders.

“Talk to me, baby. I know this thing with your dad is really upsetting you.” He says.

“I just wish that I never came here looking for my dad. It hasn’t served me in any way. I just keep finding out how selfish my parents were. I’m ashamed of the parents that birthed me. It disgusts me that their blood runs through my veins. I wish I never knew anything. I’m so upset with my uncle. He did this purely for selfish reasons. He wanted money out of all of this. I hope the outcome of this shit is worth it for him.” 

He holds my hands. 

I’m shaking now. 

“I don’t want to cry, T”. I say.

He gets up and makes his way to kiss me. 

“Don’t cry. I’m here with you. I’m your family too.”

I giggle.

He kisses me again.

“You know, the Seete people are such nice people. But… they just want me to forget everything and simply be one of them. I just feel like they are expecting too much from me. And I’m not ready for all of that. I’m not ready to be their child, their sister, aunt and whatever else I need to be in that family. I’m a daughter to my mother, T. That’s my parent. That’s my elder. I’m not going to replace all she’s been to me with what the Seetes want to offer me.” 

“I hear you, baby. Askies hle. And you have no business forcing yourself to make them happy. You are the most important person here, not them. And everyone will adjust at your pace and to your pace… okay?”

I nod my head.

“You are beautiful.” He says.

I smile as I wipe my tears away because now I’m crying. 

“I love you, Phumelele”. 

Woah! 

That’s the first time he’s telling me this.

He sees the shock on my face.

“Our sex is great, yes. But I don’t want our relationship to just be about sex. I already have it all with you. You gave me everything. You love my kids. You look after my kids and I emotionally. You carry my financial burden with me. You are more than just my girlfriend. I love you. You are my partner. And I want to love you, build with you and be with you for the rest of my life.”

Now I’m crying again. This time, it’s tears of disbelief and euphoria. 

Now I’m the one who gets up and goes to sit on his lap. He lets me. We kiss. 

“Nami Ngiyakuthanda. Ungumuntu wami wena.”

He smiles.

I smile. 

He wipes my tears then we kiss. 

I actually do love him. 

Our food finally arrives. 

“Should we call Tshepo to come and eat?” I ask.

“Leave him. He will probably eat at home.” 

“Then we should put this in takeaway boxes and ask for a can of Fanta grape.” I say.

He nods his head. 

I call the waiter and instruct her to please pack Tshepo’s food to go. She has no issues. Terrence asks that she rather brings the packaging to us and we will pack the food ourselves… apparently for health reasons. I’ve stopped being shocked and complaining when it comes to Terrence’s conduct around food. 

It’s just us at our table again…

“So babe, I was thinking”, I say.

“About?” Him. 

“Managing finances in our relationship”. 

He gives me his undivided attention.

“I just don’t ever want to see us fighting because of money. Sometimes we are going to be broke and there will be no means to do certain things, but we should be in a position to say that we’ve paid what we’ve needed to pay for. Then on days where we do have a little bit of money, we can do things like this… go eat out, and maybe even go on holidays together or with the kids. But for us to do all of that without drowning in debt, we are going to need to be honest about our finances.” 

He nods his head. Then he says, “I get paid R65 000 a month… that’s my nett salary. From that, I pay R12500 towards my credit cards, I pay R15000 towards my car including insurance, I pay R16900 towards my kids’ school fees excluding child maintenance, then I pay R15000 towards child maintenance for all the kids, I send about R2000 to my mom every month, then what’s left – which is about R3600 – is for petrol, groceries, toiletries, some clothes here and there. Sometimes, I subsidise with my credit cards to get through the month.”

All I’ve heard is that this guy is living way beyond his means. He gets paid so much money, kodwa zero house nje? The only things that doesn’t depreciate that he spends money on are his children. 

“How many credit cards do you have?” I ask him.

“Two.” 

“Give me one. You don’t need two.” 

He actually pulls his wallet out, pulls out a credit card and hands it to me. 

“How much does this one owe?” I ask him.

“I pay R8500 towards it every month.”

“You are not answering my question.”

“About R150 000.” 

I try my best not to show on my face that I’m beyond shocked! What the hell does he do with money?! 

“Okay… so, I earn R50 000 per month. I save quite a lot of it because all I do is support my mother. That usually costs me about R10 000 a month. Then I get myself stuff like groceries, toiletries, clothes and other essentials. But I don’t spend more than R3000. I use my housing benefit to pay for building my mom’s house because I currently don’t have a house and I can do that. Then, I spend R20 000 a month buying or paying for furniture for the house for my mom. I sometimes send some money to my uncle as well so he doesn’t bother my mother. But it’s never too much money.”

He’s looking at me like… I actually don’t know how to describe the way that he is looking at me.

“I’ll pay for this credit card. And I’ll send money to your mother. I’ll use my savings to settle the school fees for the children for the year. Then we will use this year to save. The extra money you’ll have, you must pay and close your other credit card. Try to pay off your car then try to save. If you can save at least R50 000 this year, we will do a holiday together.” 

“Why are you doing all of this, Meh?” He asks me.

“Because I love you. And you are not going to die from financial depression on my watch. You need your financial freedom back so that we can start making plans for ourselves. One day, we will want a house together. And we should be able to comfortably afford it. We will want to travel the world one day, and we need to be able to afford it comfortably. So for now, we need to live within our means. We have to commit and do the work now. Okay?”

“Why didn’t I just make kids with you?” 

I giggle. 

He smiles.

“Meh, you’ve saved my life. I’ll never forget this. I love you.”

We kiss.

…

We are at this soccer tournament of Tshepo’s. My other two kids are here as well because they all go to the same school and they all play soccer. The only one that isn’t playing sports is my youngest because he’s four years old. But he’s here with the mother to support the older brothers. 

Phemello and Lerato, my other two baby mamas, are here and they are making sure that they make Meh feel uncomfortable. We are here with Meh’s car, so that’s the first thing that has pissed them off. And Meh’s car is a NICE car. It’s a German beast that she drives with a Learner sign and drives at nothing higher than 40km/h. I’m sure this  car felt appreciated for its speed and performance for the first time when I got my hands on it. I’m sure these baby mamas think I’m the one who bought Meh this car. They are just that type. They haven’t even greeted me yet. But my kids came to say hi. Tshepo told them that Mme-Meh took him to Papachinos yesterday and he has lunch for this entire day… yeah Meh made a whole deal about food and snacks for today, calling it umphako. Re tlo bona mo kamaZulu stru. Now all my kids are with Meh and I. And I won’t chase them away. Meh is also embracing them, upsetting their mothers immensely. I’m shocked that they didn’t bring snacks for the day. With what I pay their mothers to maintain them, they should be bringing me food to eat on such days. Meh was telling me about a case yesterday where some man was being cleaned out by his baby mama. He went the legal aid route that Meh is always telling me about and that maintenance money got cut down significantly. I know that she will never come out right and say that I’m being ripped of in the maintenance side of life because she doesn’t want to be accused of not loving my kids or not allowing me to support my kids, but I get what she’s trying to tell me. I’m being chowed by child support. I think it’s time I escalated my case with the legal aid route. I’ve initiated the process. I just need to be aggressive with the motions.

The kids are already asking if they can also visit us for this weekend, leaving with us after this tournament. Meh doesn’t seem to mind. I just don’t have the energy to speak to their mothers. 

“Dumelang”, oh gat! The mothers are here now. I’m chilling on a camp chair with my four year old sitting on top of me. There is another camp chair available, but Meh chose to sit on the floor, on top of our picnic blanket. 

“Hi”, Meh says because I have not yet replied to their greeting.

“We’d like a word with the father of our children please”, Phemello says. She thinks because she has two of my kids she runs shit here. 

Meh gets up from the floor. 

“Love, you are not going anywhere. They can speak to both of us”, I say. 

“Tshepo’s game is about to start. I’ll just be there. We are here to support.” Meh. 

“Support what? Do you have a child perhaps?” Lerato says. she’s also the one who slept with me while I was with her friend. Now they both hear talking shit. 

“I don’t go around making babies out of wedlock. My womb is not that cheap. And the last thing I’d ever want to be is a desperate fool like you”, I never saw that coming from Meh… neither did these two. They are so embarrassed. Meh has long walked away from us. 

“How dare she”, Phemello says in a threatening tone. 

I look at her. 

“HOW DARE SHE! AND HOW DARE YOU ALLOW HER TO SPEAK TO US LIKE THAT! WHO DOES THAT BITCH THINK SHE IS?! OUR WOMBS ARE CHEAP?! THESE WOMBS CARRIED YOUR CHILDREN, TERRENCE! YOUR CHILDREN! THESE WOMBS WERE IMPREGNATED BY YOU! WHY ISN’T YOUR PENIS BEING SHAMED?! YOU ARE ALLOWING YOUR BITCH TO SLUT-SHAME US FOR GIVING BIRTH TO YOUR CHILDREN?! HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE SHE! FUCK BOTH OF YOU! FUCK YOU!” 

Even her friend is shocked that this one is losing her mind like this. Shocked, I tell you. The fact that she didn’t tell Meh all of this tells me that she has a hint of fear towards Meh. And I’m actually quite okay with that. 

She walks off. 

“We just came here to tell you that the kids want to go back to your place with you. We were telling you that we’ve agreed.” Lerato says. 

“You didn’t need to disrespect my girlfriend to tell me that”, I say. 

“She’s not their parent, you are.”

“Yet they’ll be in her care when they leave with us”, I remind her. 

“You know… I know someone like her is the best thing since sliced bread after you’ve damaged people like us. But she’s not better  than us. And while you may be convinced that she is, we ask that you don’t start making our children think that the woman you fuck is better than their mothers.” With this, she walks away. 

–

We are driving back to our place now. All the kids are sitting at the back of: two in the immediate backseat and two in the added seats that occupy part of the boot. Their conversation is loud! Loud! 

“Thank you for today, love”, I say to Meh. 

She smiles at me. she seems a bit disturbed. 

“What’s wrong?” I ask her.

“I’m sorry about what I said to your children’s mothers.” She says.

I take a deep breath. 

“I didn’t mean to disrespect them. I felt attacked and… actually, there’s no excuse. Ngiyaxolisa. Nabo ngizoxolisa kubo.” 

“No, don’t do that”.

“I don’t want them to think that I-

“Baby, they had it coming. Yes, what you said was a bit extreme, but they came at you first. What did they think was going to happen? That you’d just keep quiet and let them play hopscotch on your head? No, leave them. I know that you are sorry and that’s more than enough for me.” 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah”.

“I just don’t want a situation where mina nabo siyazondana. We don’t have to be friends, but we don’t have to hate each other. We have the children in common.” 

“Meh… stop stressing like this. Please. Bathu ba don’t want peace. They want war. So please… don’t put this on your shoulders. Don’t do that.”

She’s quiet now.

I run my hand up her thighs. 

She’s wearing a dress that lets me easily access her smooth thick thighs. 

I slip a finger into her panty. 

She looks at me. 

She looks at the kids. 

They don’t even care about us. 

I play with her clitoris. 

She physically moves my hand away from her and says, “drive!” 

I laugh aloud. 

Chicken!

…

Today, I’ve brought my kids to my mom’s place to see my mom. I’m also here to just see her. I miss her and that mouth of hers.  Meh is working today, so she couldn’t come with us today. She even gave me R2500 to give to my mom for I don’t know what. But they spoke on the phone so my mom knows what this is for. My mom better not extort my girlfriend. I will not have it. 

“Mama, why is Meh giving you R2500?” I ask before I hand it over to her. 

“Keng wena?! It’s none of your business”, she says. 

“Mah!”

“It’s for my trip to Durban”.

“You going to Durban?” 

“Yes. Waka came to visit me the other day. She visits me a lot”, she says. 

This I know. I’m happy they like each other.

“While she was here, Mme Leburu came over to remind me and ask me to go on the trip. I had said no because I knew I wouldn’t have money to go. Waka then asked me when was the last time I went on a trip. I told I’ve never been on one. She told me that she’d pay for me to go if I take her mother with because her mother is from KZN but has never been to Durban. So she’s paying for both her mom and I. This R2500 is the last payment and I must make payment tomorrow. I even have her mom’s number. She’s so nice. I can see how she raised such a gem.”

Why doesn’t anyone tell me these things?! Why?!

I give her the envelope full of money. 

She ululates. I’m not impressed that I knew nothing. But I’m also grateful that Meh just took care of it. I’m really grateful. I really have a partner in her. I truly believe that she’s my one. 

“So le tsmaya neng?” I ask her.

“At the end of this month.” 

That explains why she’s going back home at the end of the month. She told me her mother will not be around so she needs to go and look after the building of the house because her uncle is useless. Now I know where she’s going and why. 

“Okay. Pocket money?” I ask.

“Waka said she will give it to us”, my mom says with so much fondness. 

“It’s okay. I’ll take care of that”, I say.

Now she’s super happy. 

“You know, this girl is good for you.” She says.

“I know. She has us living on a tight budget right now so that I can clean up some of my debt. She’s even helping me pay it off. I don’t even know how to thank her.” 

“You can thank her by being a good man to her. Motho ole ke mosadi-sadi! We all can even see the impact of her presence in your life. Your siblings and their partners can also see it. It’s all they talk about.”

Nice to know that I’m the topic of discussion.

“The mothers of my kids don’t like her at all… except for Mercy. Mercy is actually cool with her. These other two…”

“Let me tell you hhe ngwana waka… you are going to have to choose whose happiness is more important to you because I can tell you now, trying to make everyone happy will have you in constant fights with everyone. And Waka looks like the kind of woman who will leave you if you don’t know how to set boundaries straight. So if you want Waka happy, it will be at the expense of the mothers of your children. If you want them happy, it will be at Waka’s expense. You take your instructions from where you want your happiness to be”, she says.

I nod my head because I actually agree with what she is saying to me. 

“I think I want to get a lawyer via legal aid and have the maintenance that I pay for the kids reviewed.” I say.

“I’ve been telling you to do that for years. Your siblings have been telling you to do that for years. These women have been living off your money and you don’t even see it on the kids”, she says.

“You guys wanted me to get a lawyer. I couldn’t afford a lawyer. Legal aid is free.” 

“Use them. Go with proof regarding everything that you do for these kids and tell them why you can no longer afford it on your own. Your lawyer will help you prepare for all of it.”

I nod my head. 

“Do you plan to live with these kids at some point?” She asks me.

“Probably not. Their mothers would never let it happen. And I cannot be that unfair to Meh. She already doesn’t want to have kids with me.” 

She’s shocked. 

“Why?” My mom asks me.

“She says we cannot afford to have a child. We need to make a plan for the four that I already have. I also think she just won’t have kids with me unless we are married. She told Phemello and Lerato that her womb is not cheap. They took intense offence to that, especially Phemello. Meh did apologise to me for saying that. She even wanted to apologise to them, but I told her not to.” 

My mom cannot believe her ears. I don’t know if this is a good thing or what.

“But it’s okay… maybe I shouldn’t be having more children. Maybe she’s doing me a favour.”

“Tjo!” She says, clapping once. Literally.