“Ngiyabonga baby. Thank you so much for today”, I tell him.

It’s 10pm. The kids are bathed, fed and are in bed. Homework is checked and whatever needs signing has been signed. 
I had a bad day today. A terrible day at that.  I went to the office that my father and I opened here in Tholoana Kingdom. A group of men were relentlessly cat-calling me today… two even went to the extent of slapping my ass. I called HR to deal with it and the people have been suspended. I also involved the police and opened a sexual harassment case. I still wasn’t okay after that. I phoned Ntuthuko and told him what happened. He came to fetch me from work, but he also wanted names of these guys. HR gave him the details that he requested. I don’t know what he intends to do with that situation. 

“Baby, you don’t have to work. You know that, right?” He says to me. 
“I know, Lala. But what am I going to do here everyday? Alone? The kids will be at school after I’ve dropped them off. You’ll be at work. Mina ngizokwenzani? I’m used to working during the day… I’m either at the office doing legal work or running a business. If I don’t work, I’ll be so bored.” I tell him.
“I don’t want you to be abused. I don’t want men treating you like a piece of meat. I certainly don’t want people spanking my wife’s ass. I’m actually ready to kill those fucken losers that did what they did.” 
I get a bit emotional. He sees me.
“Come here”, he says to me. 
I cuddle into him. 
He holds me. 
He kisses my forehead.
“I felt so dirty, Ntuthuko. I felt sooo… I felt like some sexualised thing nje that they were looking at. I was even terrified that they’d even rape me.” I say, sobbing.
He holds me tighter. Then he says, “Nothing is going to happen to you, Tamia. Nothing is going to happen to you, nkosikazi wami. Nothing. And I’m going to kill those motherfuckers!” 
I just hold him, allowing myself to be safe again. And he gives me exactly what I need… intimacy without the sex. 

…

My mornings are like this everyday from Monday to Friday. I’ve bathed Bonga and Sihle. Nkosana and Thulisa sort themselves out. I just help here and there to make sure that they are all good and clean. Ntuthuko checks last minute signings and double-checks homework. Sihle is usually glued to me in the mornings. So I’m running around with her on my hip. 
Then, after they’ve had breakfast and I’ve packed their books and lunchboxes into their school bags, I drive them to school. I use Ntuthuko’s Range Rover to take the kids to school. It’s the car that can accommodate all the kids comfortably. He complains all the time. He says it’s HIS gift from my dad. I don’t care. It’s the car that makes the most sense for me as a mom car. Please! 
“Any sports today?” I ask them as they hurry through packing their bags. 
“I have netball practice”, Thulisa says.
“I’m trying out for the soccer club”, Nkosana. He doesn’t want to play for school. He says his school’s soccer team sucks, so he wants to play for a club. He’s trying out today. 
“I finish early. Can I go to after care?” Bonga.
“Yes, you may go to aftercare. I’ll pick you up after picking Sihle up, then we fetch your sister from netball and take your brother to soccer. That’s our afternoon. We good?” Me.
They all shout yeah. 
“Okay… now say goodbye to your daddy then we head to school.” I say. 
They get up, hug their dad saying goodbye. I grab Sihle’s bag. She’s still on my hip. 
I bring Sihle to Ntuthuko. He kisses her then kisses me. 
I’m still in jeans and a t-shirt. I usually come back from the school run, then change, then head to the office. 
“Our lawyer is meeting us here at 8:30am. I’ll be back by then.” I tell him.
“We could meet her at the office.” He says.
“Office?” I ask.
“I told my dad what happened. He said I should set up office at your building. They don’t mind us having our meetings there. If it’s okay with you, I’ll definitely be there all the time. I’ll only be out for when I hit the street.” 
“I’d really appreciate that, baby. Ngiyabonga.” I say. 
We kiss again. 
“I’ll phone my PA to set up your office next to mine.” 
“Okay. So, we’ll meet at the office?”
“Yeah. I’m still coming back here to change first though. I’ll tell our lawyer to delay by an hour then meet us at the office.”
“Perfect.”
We kiss one more time then I leave with the kids. 

The drive is my catch up session with them. They still have tutors that help them. They were in township schools all their lives. Bonga and Sihle are adjusting better. It makes sense. They are kids. Kids adjust better to stuff. Nkosana and Thulisa struggled a bit in the beginning. But they are adjusting. And our drives are where they update me. I’m also part of the WhatsApp group for parents and teachers. Ntuthuko has zero interest. He just pays for whatever we need. But I do keep him updated and he tells me all the time that he’s so grateful. I’m also part of the school’s SGB. Yep, I’m definitely those moms. But the babies appreciate it. And that’s all that matters right now. It keeps me posted on their progress as well. I love it! 

I drive into the school yard after a rather noisy and chatty drive to school. I have Bonga holding onto one hand, and Sihle is on my hip. My big girl tells me that she and Nkosana will head to class… I don’t have to walk them. I just figure that they don’t want me to embarrass them. So I drop Bonga off at his class – where he neglects me after finding his friends and kissing me goodbye. Then I take Sihle to her class. I’m just so happy that she doesn’t cry anymore when I leave her. Yoh, she used to scream at first. Even her teacher tells me that she’s doing a lot better with even socialising with other kids. She speaks more. She plays more. She even takes a nap during nap time. 

I head back home now. I listen to an audio book as I drive back home. It’s my me time. And I love it. 
I change very quickly for work. I wear black jeans – they still look professional. I wear it with a white t-shirt and a white blazer jacket. I then wear black sandal heels. My weave is still looking amazing. I fix my makeup then I leave. I see that he took the Porsche. I use the Range Rover to head out. 

…

Ntuthuko is nicely settled in his office. Even though he has his Nike tracksuit on, Converse sneakers, simple Nike t-shirt and a Nike cap… an office is a nice look for him. He’s chilling with his dad and some guys I notice from my wedding, but haven’t really formally met. 
“Shambula! Sowufikile!” He says, acknowledging me.
“I can come back later. I wasn’t aware that you are in a meeting.” I say.
“No my baby, come in. You look good! Are you okay?” He says, walking towards me.
“I’m good. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I’ve arrived”, I say. 
He’s now hugging me, kissing me even. 
“Okay. Have you met all these gents?” He says, pointing at the guys in here.
“I remember them from the wedding. I know ubaba though.” I say.
“He’s the most important one. These are our gents very close to us. Khabane, Mohale, Rea, Bab’Khotso, Bab’Maboko, Bab’Zithulele and Banathi.” He tells me just as he points at each of them. 
“It’s nice to meet all of you. I’ll organise some breakfast for you… even if it’s something that’s light. Would that be okay?” Me.
“We’d be very grateful, makoti. Siyabonga”, baba says. 
I nod my head then remind Ntuthuko that the lawyer will be here in about thirty minutes. He kisses me. I leave. 

–

We are meeting our lawyer in my office. 
“Well, I have great news and great news”, she says. 
“Okay?” Me.
Ntuthuko is incredibly nervous. 
“Well, all the mothers have actually conceded that the two of you are a better fit to have full custody of the kids.” She says.
“All four kids?” Ntuthuko.
“Yep. When social services started looking into their jobs, they buckled. When they were served to go to their houses, they conceded.” 
Ntuthuko and I look at each other. 
“The social workers wanted to still assess their houses for living conditions because they do have visiting rights. We wanted to see where the kids would be living, how they’d be living, etc, during visits. They point-blank refused. So the decision is that their visits have to either be at your house, your parents’ house, your grandparents’ house or a public place where they can spend a full day with the kids.” 
“But they’ve been living at these places all this time. And they’ve been fine.” Ntuthuko.
“With your financial support, Mr Maphumulo. But still… we are talking about your kids sleeping on kitchen floors or in a house full of so many people that sometimes, the food is not enough for everyone.” 
“That’s how a lot of people live. That’s how a lot of people grow up. Some of us grew up under worse conditions. We live. We survive.” 
The lawyer looks at me. 
I know what she’s trying to ask me.
“My love, what exactly do you want to see happen here?” I ask him.
“The idea was to never cut their mothers out of their lives completely. I wanted to live with them, yes… but those are their mothers. We can’t do this.”
“So what are you suggesting, Ntuthuko?” I ask. 
“I’ll give you both a minute.” The lawyer says then leaves my office, giving us space. 
I look at Ntuthuko. 
He’s still not looking at me. 
“Maybe I should buy their mothers apartments.” He says.
“You are kidding, right?” I say.
He has to be.
“I don’t want my kids growing up without their mothers”, he says.
“So your solution is buying them property? Continue to enable them? Why not tell them to go and find jobs… make a damn honest living for themselves and their children? Like every other mother does?”
“Not everyone grew up like you! Not everyone has had the options that you’ve had in life where waking up and getting a job is that simple! Some people need a little push and a bit of help to be halfway to where you are in life!”
“So you want me to apologise for the fact that my parents actually made sure that I lacked for nothing? That I didn’t abuse opportunities, but rather took those opportunities with both hands and created a stable future for myself? I’m not going to apologise nor am I going to let my husband enable four grown women who refuse to grow up! You’ve been giving them a damn salary all these years… a salary to be mothers! Not one of them thought about saving some money, buying some property… or even renting ke… just show that they are trying AT LEAST! No! Ntuthuko is there! Ntuthuko will do it all! And what does Ntuthuko do?! He does just that!” 
He looks at me with anger. 
“I got a lawyer because I thought that this is what you want! I haven’t known these women for long but I can tell that they are negligent and shit mothers! But if you are okay with that calibre of women raising your children, fine! I’ll cancel the lawyer. We’ll cancel the custody battle. We will take the kids back to their mothers first thing tomorrow morning. Kodwa Ntuthuko, I’m warning you… if you buy property for those women – or any other thing for that matter, WE ARE DONE! I will not be your wife if you are going to be responsible for other women. Your responsibility are those kids. But their mothers… that’s where I get off this bus, bhuti. That’s not the kind of shit that I’m prepared to stay in this marriage for.” 
“So you are threatening me now? When you don’t like something, you threaten to leave me?” He says.
“Cha… I’m making my boundaries very clear. You are only responsible for one woman… inkosikazi yakho. When you start forgetting that, ungitshele. Those are my boundaries.” I say.
We stare at each other. 
His cellphone rings. 
He looks at it. 
He looks at me.
He walks out of my office. 
Mxm!

…

The mothers of my kids asked me to meet up with them… without Tamia. Considering that she gave me quite the heavy ultimatum, I didn’t even tell her that this meeting was happening. They are in Tholoana Kingdom and they are only here for one day. MaNdlovu organised this. She brought them here to talk to me without my wife. And MaNdlovu is right here with them… at my dad’s house… where we are meeting.

“Sanibonani”, I greet them as I sit at a vacant chair.
“Hi”, they all greet me. 
“Singabe sesipholis’ amaseko. Asihlale phez’ kwendaba. Ntuthuko, what you and Tamia are doing is wrong. Ngeke uhlukanise ingane nonina. You’ve called lawyers and all sorts of people onto these people… and for what?! That wife of yours? Does that woman really love you? Ntuthuko, you used to be good people to these women. Kukho konke, you recognised mothers to your children… to Maphumulo children in them. And you helped them effortlessly without complaining. What happened?! You met Tamia and suddenly they were just the trash that you are now treating them as? UTamia loyo is not even a parent. How do you give her this kind of power to make parental decisions over the mothers of your children and your children?! Hai, Ntuthuko! Hai khona! We not saying you shouldn’t fall in love. But please, bring your brain to the party too.” MaNdlovu. 
I’m quiet. 
“Ntuthuko, my child is only two years old. You’ve ripped her out of my arms and gave her to a woman that didn’t birth her. And for what? Because your wife is upset that I left the child with her out of anger? You’ll take the only mistake that I’ve ever made in my entire life as a mother and make such a permanent decision with it? Don’t you want Sihle to know me, Ntuthuko? Does it make you happy that she recognises her as her mother? Yaz she didn’t even want me when we went to your father’s house to ask for our kids back. That ripped my heart apart, Ntuthuko. I know that things didn’t work out between us, Ntuthuko. But surely you don’t believe that I’m the bad mother that your wife is making me out to be.” Nomfundo tells me. She’s even crying. 
I’m still not saying anything because I genuinely don’t know what to do about what I’m being told right now. 
“We know that we cannot provide for these kids without you. And we certainly can’t give them lobukhazikhazi that you give them. We are poor. Our parents can’t afford to buy you cars. And we will still need you, Ntuthuko. We will still need your help. We are asking that you don’t do this. This case has already been won before we even go to court. We have nothing compared to you and Tamia. That’s our reality.” Bavumile. 
I’m still silent. 
The other two are just looking at me like they’ll murder me for this. They are too angry to even speak. 
“Ntuthuko… baba… Mashimane omkhulu… ngiyacela mina khehla lami… mzukulu wami… ngiyacela that you don’t discard these women. I’m sure you can afford izindlu nje elokshin for them… where they’ll house your children while you and Tamia have your life… your own children where Tamia can do as she pleases with them as their mother. Kodwa laba bona… these are not her children. However, they are yours. And the reality is that they have to be okay and with their mothers whether that makes Tamia okay or not. Sekucela mina, Mashimane. Iba idlozi elihle eliphilayo for your children. Ungacabangeli unshado wakho kuphela.” MaNdlovu says. 
I’m still quiet. I don’t even know how I’m going to start this conversation with Tamia. We are already in shit. 
“Are you going to say something?” Nomfundo says. 
I just stand up and leave this place. I hear yelling, but I just leave. I’ve already been threatened with a divorce. I’m not trying to lose my wife. 

I drive around a bit, trying to figure this whole thing out. Even if I buy these houses, how do I tell my wife about them? Because I’d rather be upfront about it than wait for her to just find out. And Tamia can be hectic. She will not just divorce me. She will throw everyone on the street. I’d have to kill her to contain the matter, and I don’t want to kill my love. I love her. I want her to bury me, not the other way around. I know what this will do to her… to my marriage… to her family… to my kids even… my kids love Tamia. I know what this picture will look like in the long run. And while I’ve heard what MaNdlovu and the mothers have had to say, none of it is worth me risking my marriage. I just also don’t want to be that heartless bastard that separates mothers from their kids just because I can. I don’t know what to do. Ikhanda lami liyaduma nje. If there’s one thing that I’d ever advise anyone, it would be to never have kids out of wedlock. 

Before I know it, it’s dark. It’s about 10pm. I decide to drive home. I don’t even realise that my phone battery is dead. 

I get home just after 10:30pm. I park the car in the garage then head into the house through the door that connects the garage to the house. 
MaNdlovu is here. 
Yerrr! I just know! I just know that she pissed off my wife! I just know! She even brought these women here with her. Yoh! Yoh! Yoh!
“What are you doing here?!” I’m actually pissed off. 
“Don’t talk to me like that wena, Ntuthuko! Awusakwazi ukukhuluma nami?!” MaNdlovu.
“Yeses! You are actually a bunch of poisonous snakes nina! Amasimba wabantu nje!” I find myself saying.
“UTHINI?!” MaNdlovu says. I’m already jogging up the stairs to find my wife. 
I find her in our bedroom with two packed bags. She’s crying. But she’s dressed in a tracksuit and sneakers. She has her handbag over her shoulder and two bags that she’s wheeling out with her.
“Tamia! Baby!”
She stares at me. What the fuck did they say to her?! Why is she leaving?! 
“Baby, please.”
“I’m leaving, Ntuthuko. I am done!” 
What?! 
“Tamia, don’t do this.. please.”
“It’s what you want, angisho?! YOU AND YOUR FUCKEN FAMILY BETRAY ME LIKE THIS?! I LEFT MY LIFE FOR YOU! I CAME HERE FROM A FAMILY THAT LOVES ME AND WOULD NEVER TREAT ME LIKE THIS, TO COME AND RAISE FOUR KIDS I DIDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO WITH AND FOR THE MAN THAT I LOVE! THEN YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HOST SECRET MEETINGS WITH YOUR LEACHING BABY MAMAS, AND YOU DECIDE TO BUY THEM HOUSES?!”
“I DIDN’T BUY THE HOUSES. AND BABY, I’M NOT GOING TO!”
“I DON’T FUCKEN BELIEVE YOU! I REMEMBER OUR CONVERSATION THIS MORNING! CLEARLY, THIS CONVERSATION IS NOT HAPPENING FOR THE FIRST TIME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!” 
“TAMIA! BABY, PLEASE! CAN WE PLEASE JUST TALK ABOUT THIS WITH YOUR BAGS PACKED BACK INTO THE CLOSET AND AFTER A GOODNIGHT’S REST. NGIYAKUCELA MAM’MAPHUMULO.”
“FUCK YOU, NTUTHUKO! FUCK YOU! FUCK THAT OLD HAG SITTING ON MY COUCH AFTER DISRESPECTING ME! AND FUCK YOUR BABY MAMAS!” 
She pushes me out of the way then drags her bags down the passage and down the stairs. 
My kids are even awake. They are looking at her leave. Sihle is crying. Bonga won’t stop asking her where she’s going. Nkosana is trying to stop her. Thulisa keeps asking me what’s going on. 
I’m so dumbfounded.

Tamia stands at the door separating the garage from the house. She turns around, looks at me then at the mothers and MaNdlovu. Then she says, “I’ve phoned the police. These five are trespassing. If you even want them to spend the night here, you better buy me out of this house. Until then… if I so much as hear that they stayed an hour after I’ve left here, I’ll sue the shit out of all you. They’ll all work for me for the rest of their lives. I want them out of my house, Ntuthuko!”
“Ey wena! Who –
“YOU!” Tamia cuts MaNdlovu.
“You don’t ever talk to me! EVER! Angilahlwanga mina ekhaya. And unlike these four, I don’t rely on you begging my baby-daddy on my behalf to feed me. Don’t ever talk to me again. The whole Maphumulo family must just stay the fuck away from me. Kungenjalo, you’ll get what you are looking for! You must not know who I am”.
Then she leaves. 

I don’t even know what to do. 
“Ntuthuko –
“Get out of my house! All of you!” I yell.
“Hai bo! Ntuthuko!”
“Or you waiting for the police that Tamia phoned to get here? I’m not going to bail you out! Take what will leave with you, and get the fuck out of my house. You got what you’ve been wanting all this time. Now that my wife has left me because of you, you can all fuck off!” 
I then head upstairs. 

I phone Senzi. 
“Yo!” He’s in high spirits shame.
I just cry.
“Ndoda, yini?”
“Tamia left me.”
“What?!”
“She left. I don’t know where she is or if I’ll be receiving divorce papers tomorrow. But she’s gone.”
“What happened?! MaNdlovu and my baby mamas.”
I tell him everything that happened. He’s just so silent.
“Bafo, I don’t want to lose my wife. And she wants nothing to do with me or our family.” I tell him.
“Shit. She hasn’t even phoned Wandi to let her know where she is. Look, I’m in South Africa right now. But I’ll drive down tomorrow, okay? You can’t be alone right now.” 
I just cry. 
What else am I going to do?

…

Two weeks later…

Today, my family and  Tamia’s family are meeting with Tamia and I to resolve our issue. I haven’t seen or spoken to Tamia since she left. She even blocked me. I’ve been suffering, losing weight even… missing her. My kids left with their mothers. Their mothers just took them. I haven’t seen or spoken to them neither. The mothers phone me everyday wanting money. I didn’t even send them a cent. They took the kids, they must make a plan. 

I’m at home… my dad’s house. Apparently, Tamia didn’t even want this meeting. She basically said that she wants nothing to do with the Maphumulo family. MaTango, MaNgobese and MaNdlovu are here. The only granny that’s not here is MaKhumalo. She’s in eMtubatuba with Luhle. The other three came here. MaNdlovu is not even remorseful for what she did. And I’m actually blaming her for all of this. For an elder, she behaves like a child. 
“You okay?” My mom asks me.
I shake my head. 
“We will try to fix this. Let’s just hope that umoya wakhe uphansi after these two long weeks, you know.”
I get emotional. 
Bab’Zithulele, Bab’Khotso, Bab’Ona and Bab’Maboko are all here. They were my negotiators for her lobola. They have to be here for the issues as well. 
Everyone believes that MaNdlovu shouldn’t be here. She triggered all of this. But she wants to be here. She says Tamia is just being spoiled and she’s not going to stand for it. 

The Khumalo family is finally here. I go settle with my people at a dining table… the dining table that we will be having this conversation at. 
I see Tamia’s family walk in with her family. My eyes only see her. She’s so beautiful. She’s dressed respectfully… doek over her head and a stylish Louis Vuitton throw over her shoulders. 
The Khumalo family and representatives sit down at the dining table. Tamia won’t even look at me. My mother holds my hand. Yoh! 

Everyone here is talking except for Tamia and me. She’s just staring at me as I am staring at her. Her dad is going on and on about how we all don’t respect his daughter. MaNdlovu insists that Tamia is selfish, spoiled and unprepared for marriage! Her family is to blame because they raised her like this. And instead of turning her away when she got home like they should have, they embraced her and allowed her to disrespect her husband by blocking me. The Khumalos insist that they didn’t discard of Tamia and they’d even support her if she opted to divorce me. That’s where I got up. Everyone looks at me.
“Tamia and I are not going to get a divorce”, I say.
My family is looking at me.
“T… Mam’Maphumulo… I’m sorry… for everything. For all of it. And I’m most sorry for not protecting you from all of this.” I say.
“Protecting her from what?! Awu hlale phansi wena Ntuthuko uyekele ukubheda la!” MaNdlovu.
“Mah! Uwena owenze yonke le-mess. You interfered in my marriage for no reason and you are the reason that my wife ended up leaving me.” 
“I helped you! Yini yona le?! She just leaves and blocks you! Do you associate such behaviour with a wife?!” 
“Mah!”
“Shut up, wena! Shut up! Let’s talk about the real reason that we are here… because we are talking about everything else except that. UTamia took children away from their mothers! It started off with her stopping Ntuthuko from supporting those children –
“UNAMANGA!” Tamia snaps at MaNdlovu, cutting her short.
“Uthini?!” MaTango.
“Do you see what I mean? Udelel’ ukufa lo mntwana lo!” MaNdlovu.
“I won’t sit here and take this! Hell no!” Tamia. Now she stands up, intending to leave. 
“Nonkanyiso”, the dad.
“No baba! No! I’m not going to sit here and have this woman attack me! Then she lies! Amdala kangaka! No wonder we are in this mess! She calls herself a problem solver, but she has no honest bone in her body! She’s manipulative and usile!” 
“Hai bo, makoti! Usuyayinweba phela manje.” MaNgobese.
“I didn’t even want to come here! I told you this would happen. This family hates me and according to them, uNtuthuko should be married to his four baby-mamas.” Tamia.
“Vele!” MaNdlovu. 
“This one just wants everyone to be miserable like her. She doesn’t like the fact that she’s in a polygamous marriage, manje we must all follow suit!” 
“Ngizokushaya!” MaNdlovu.
“And you will do time for it! You’ll have people your own size in prison dealing with you… doing the rest of us a favour!” Tamia says to MaNdlovu.
When she’s like this, there’s no talking to her. She’s not here with us anymore. She’s where her anger has taken her and it’s bad. 
“Wena  Ntuthuko, nawe this is what you want, angisho?!”
“No baby, it’s not.”
“It’s not?! Really?! Because I made my boundaries very clear to you and you still tap-danced on them!” 
“It wasn’t like that, baby.”
“What was it like? Huh?! You have meetings with your baby-mamas without me now? Meetings you don’t even tell me about? Huh?! About kids that I created a home for! That I gave up my 9 to 5 for so that I could be present in their adjustment? I bent over backwards for you and those kids… this is how you and your entire family thank me?!”
I’m quiet now. 
Then she breaks my heart. 
She takes off her ring and puts it on the table. Everyone is now shocked. Then she says, “I’ll give you what you want. I’ll dissolve this marriage then you can go and be with those women… make your family happy! Make more bastards and litter them all around like a cat! I don’t give a fuck! We are done! You’ll hear from my lawyer moving forward.” 
“Tamia… baby.” 
She’s already walked out. I want to run after her. I do. But my legs are not carrying me fast enough. 
I flip the dining table. It’s heavy, but it’s flipped and broken into half right now. Everyone is shocked! No one knows what to do with me right now.
“TAMIA!!!!!” I roar like an angry lion. 

–

She phoned me. 
Apparently, Wandi and Morafe spoke to her. They were here. 
She asked to meet up with me at our house. 
I’m arriving now. Alone. I see her car is here. So I know she’s here. 
I’m praying that everything will be okay. 
I walk in. 
She’s in the kitchen, sitting on some chair, drinking wine and crying. 
I find a seat next to her. 
She has a bandage around her wrist and hand. The table hurt her when I flipped it. I didn’t realise she was still around when I did that. I just saw her ring off her finger and her walking away from me. I just became something that I didn’t even recognise. 
She looks at me. 
I look at her. 
I want to kiss her so badly. I want to make love to her. I want us to be us again. 
“Where are the kids?” She asks me.
“Their mothers took them that night you left.” I say.
“So you’ve been talking to them? Have they moved into the houses that you bought for them?” 
“I didn’t buy those houses, T. MaNdlovu asked me to. I didn’t agree to doing it.”
“Did you disagree to doing it?”
I’m silent. 
She gulps the wine from her wine glass. 
“So what now? We are back to paying these women salaries for being mothers to their own fucken kids?” She says.
“I haven’t been able to think about it. I just needed to make things right with you.”
“What exactly does that entail?” 
“For starters, you never taking off your ring again. Tamia, there’ll be no divorce here. We paid a lot of money on three fucken weddings to promise each other that only death can do us part. How dare you take your ring off on me.”
She gets emotional.
“Tamia, Ngiyakuthanda. Kakhulu. Ngifunda ngawe everyday that I can love a person this much and still have room for more. I’ve made mistakes in my past… mistakes that have led me to where I am right now. I have kids that have come from those mistakes, and I have to be responsible for them. I don’t have a manual on how to deal with this. I don’t! I need you to understand that.”
“I need you to understand that I’m on your side here. You are the one who teams up with your family to betray me! You disrespect me! You disregard me! You hurt me, and then you tell me bullshit about me having privilege as if I’m the one who paid fate to ensure that your baby-mamas don’t amount to real mothers.” 
Yoh, UTamia uyakhuluma bafwethu! 
“I can’t be with you if the lines will be blurred. Your responsibility starts and ends with your kids. When you start blurring the lines by being responsible for their mothers, I’m not going to tolerate that. I won’t. You’ve taken kids out of a good school… a good and stable home… for what?! For you to continue to be a cash cow to women who put our marriage in this situation?! How have you helped your kids right now? By setting them back? By creating further instability in their lives? I’m not going to tell you how to be a parent. Clearly, I want more for those children than you and their mothers combined. But I’m not coming back to this house or to you until I have security that I will not be disrespected in all of this.” 
“Tamia, come on! Baby, what do you want me to do?”
“I want a legal and binding document that is signed by you and your baby-mamas that sets out clear terms and conditions of your parenting and your financial support to your kids.”
Umunt’ uvele azibambe ikhanda! Yoh! I suddenly miss being single.
“Fine. Phone a lawyer.” I say. 
“No. Because I’m the bitch separating kids from their mothers. You do it. And when it’s done, you can phone me. I’m out now.” She says, leaving.
“T… please don’t leave.” I beg her.
“I have to. I’m not going to be with a man who thinks this is okay. You know what to do to make me come back and stay.”
“At least wear your ring.” 
“Until you start treating me like your wife… you don’t deserve for me to wear you ring like I am your wife:”
Then she leaves. 
Ja neh! 
Don’t have kids out of wedlock!