Lydia

“You are pregnant again?” This is my parents’ reaction. I think I need to name this child “Again” because everyone’s reaction is just… I mean, I shouldn’t expect anything more than that because this was also my reaction when the home pregnancy test came back positive.

“Is he going to marry you, at least?” My dad.

Thomas and I have not exactly had the marriage conversation. But he is a family man, so I know that marriage is coming.

“Lydia, you are not even thirty. Why are you having all these babies by this man before he even makes an honest woman out of you?” Mama.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. The point is what are we doing now that we are in this situation? Thomas hasn’t even paid damages for Rofhi yet, now there is a second child on the way?” My dad.

“Rofhi must come and live with us. You and Thomas can live with the one on the way. Rofhiwa is my child.” My mom.

That’s not happening. I’m not going to let that happen and I don’t foresee Thomas agreeing to that suggestion neither.

My parents are arguing about this situation, making suggestions as well and completely ignoring me and leaving me out of the conversation. Thomas is also very hard to read. I am not sure if he is excited or not.

We are back in Gauteng and he has been quite distant. We talk, but it is mostly about work. That’s the one thing that I’m good for in his eyes. Work. Oh, and giving him the one thing that Pearl couldn’t give to him – children. But I don’t think he loves me. You just know man when someone is just not in love with you. It’s not that he treats me badly or anything like that. He treats me extremely well and for the most part, I am happy when I am with him. But he doesn’t make my tummy tight and my head light. He doesn’t give me butterflies or makes me blush like a teenager in love. I don’t have that effect on him neither. We just don’t have the spark in our relationship. Mama is right. Is this honestly my life from this day forward? I am young. I still have a chance at love. I am the one making myself unattractive and unwanted on the market, pushing myself into a corner where I will have no other option but to stick with Thomas no matter what.

“Lydia!”

“Mah?”

“Thomas is at the gate. He is driving in. Now is the perfect time to talk about this.”

“To talk about what?”

“Hello everyone” Thomas walks in and greets.

“Ramaru. How are you?” My dad.

“I’m well thanks.”

“Sit down. We need to talk about all these babies that my daughter is birthing for you. You still owe us damages for Rofhi, you haven’t married her yet and she is already expecting your second child.” My mom.

I was really hoping that this conversation would happen at a later stage in life. Maybe at baby number three or something. Two babies are surely not that bad.

“We didn’t plan to have two kids in such a short period of time. I didn’t mean to disrespect you in any way and I will make things right, I promise.” Tom says.

“Your promises are not good enough anymore. Lydia and Rofhi are moving back in with my wife and me. We thought we were doing what was best for Rofhi when we let Lydia move in with you, but I see that we made a mistake because you just turned my child into a wife for free. Lydia and Rofhi will move back with you after your wedding and after you’ve paid damages for Rofhi and Lobola for both Rofhi and Lydia.” My dad.

“Yes. I agree with you, my husband. In fact, you should leave with Ramaru and go fetch Rofhi’s and Lydia’s things from Ramaru’s house. This nonsense stops today and it stops right now.” My mom.

Now my parents are forcing me to marry Tom. I’m not mad about moving back in with them. I can do with Tom and I just taking a few steps back and thinking about what we really want. Maybe now that we live apart, we will retrospect a bit. He is not disputing my parents’ suggestion, so I suppose the feeling is mutual.

I walk my dad and Tom out. Tom and I are not even holding hands. We just talk about him contacting his uncle the minute that he gets home and he will put pressure on them to speed up the process. I tell him that we will see each other at work and he can come any time to see Rofhi. I don’t plan on keeping him away from his daughter.

I am back in the house now and I find my mom in the kitchen. I take a big sigh.

“This is for the best, Lydia. You cannot just be the woman who gives him babies, but not his wife. That’s not how this works.” My mom says.

“I’m not disputing that, mom. And I’m not fighting this.” I say.

“Then what is making you so sad? You’ve been depressed since we spoke to Ramaru.”

I sigh.

“Are you happy, mama? With dad, are you happy? Did you marry him because you love him?”

She looks at me like I am being silly.

“Why would you ask me something like that?”

“I know that you had your first child at sixteen. Did you marry dad because the two of you had a child?”

“I married my husband because I love him. I don’t know what you are asking me.”

I nod my head.

“What’s wrong, Lydia?”

“The sparks between Thomas and I are dead. I don’t get butterflies in my stomach when I am around him anymore.”

“Do you think that those butterflies live in your stomach?”

Trust my mom to be salty for no reason when I actually need her advice.

“Lydia, you broke that man’s marriage. You were running around with him when his wife was around. At the time, you had no problem running around with him regardless of how it made his wife feel. Now you have him. So when you are not his mistress you don’t have butterflies in your stomach anymore? They were there when you were his mistress. Stop it, Lydia! Stop it!”

If my mom is trying to make me feel like shit, it’s working.

“You will marry that man, do you understand me? And you will make that marriage work! If you need to literally swallow butterflies for them to live in your stomach and keep your marriage to him alive, then so be it. This was all about you until you drove his marriage to the grave before it’s time. From there, it stopped being about your butterflies. The minute you started giving him babies, it stopped being about you. Be a woman and stand up for what you started. I hope I’ve made myself clear.”

“But mama, I don’t owe Thomas marriage just because things didn’t work out between him and Pearl.”

She looks at me like I’m high.

“You owe Rofhiwa and that baby you are carrying a stable family. You owe them a family that is dignified and respectable. You owe Thomas commitment and consideration because he gave up everything to do right by you and Rofhiwa. You owe your father and I some dignity and respect for protecting you and your dignity after you recklessly pulled apart and broke that man’s family for a few quickies. You think this is a game? Going into people’s marriages and sleeping with their husbands just because you can? How arrogant are you to not even understand the gravity of what you have done?”

“It’s not just me, mama. Thomas consented to this too. That relationship and the creation of our two children – that was mutually consented by both Thomas and I.”

“And he is sticking to his side of accountability. Now, you need to stick to your side. You have embarrassed us enough. Thomas is going to be your husband. If he is not beating you up, I can live with you not having butterflies in your stomach. You will marry him. Period.”

I just look at my mother. She goes back to cooking whatever it is that she has been cooking.  

…

Thomas

My uncles have promised that we will go pay Lobola and damages to Lydia’s family this weekend. I am all alone in this big house and I miss my girls big time. I am actually okay with marrying Lydia. Maybe this is the push that I needed to make things right. I can be with her for the rest of my life. We can raise our little children together and grow well with them. I do love her. I understand how seasonal things are in a relationship and marriage. We will be okay.

The silence is extremely loud in this house. I have phoned Mthunzi to come by and hang out with me. He told me he cannot leave because he and his wife are having a braai for their children, but he invited me to come by and join them. I am going. I am tempted to phone Lydia and ask her to join me, but I am slightly scared of her mother. It is so difficult to believe that we were once peers – her parents and I.

My phone rings and it is Lydia. I guess I am on her mind as she is on mine.

“Hello my love”. I answer.

“Hey baby. I didn’t think I’d miss you like this already. It’s only been two days.”

“I know. I am also not coping as well as I thought I would. I’m on my way to Mthunzi’s house. He and his wife are having a braai for their kids. I can’t stand the silence in this house without you and Rofhi.”

“Please come fetch us before my mom drives us crazy.”

We both laugh.

“We just want to spend the day with you. Rofhi keeps calling for her dad as well. She misses you.”

“Okay. Are you sure your parents will be okay with that?”

“We just spending the day with you, babe. We not eloping.”

“Okay. I’m coming then.”

…

The Msomis are very welcoming. Lydia and Koena get along extremely well. They have disappeared into the kitchen and have set up quite nicely for Thingo and Rofhi to play around. They are walking around and running around the playpen that has been set up for them. Mfundo is here braaing with Mthunzi and I.

“I’m telling you, I’m not moving out of here after matric. Mom said I can stay. So you must buy me a car and I’ll drive to school every day.” Mfundo tells his father.

“You need to get out of my house. This house is mine and my wife’s house. Thingo is also leaving at eighteen”. Mthunzi says.

We all laugh.

“Ramaru, you have a daughter, so you can keep her in your house until she gets married. But I’m not keeping grown ass men in my house.”

We all laugh again.

“Lydia is probably going to kick my Rofhi out of the house. She is the type to do that. I cannot even imagine having anyone marry her.” I say.

“Ja no, you have problems, my friend. I’d like a daughter, but when I think about what the Mfundos of the world put girls through, I’m thankful for my boys. Mbali could handle herself well and she was my bestie. But I don’t think I can raise another girl.”

We are all laughing.

As we eat, Thingo is sitting on his mother and Rofhi is sitting on her mother. We are all eating and chatting away.

“I need to start inviting my girlfriend to these things.” Mfundo says.

Mthunzi instantly looks at Koena, ready to crack up.

“Mfundo, you have a girlfriend?” Koena asks.

“Hawu mah, I’m a hunk though. Girls are looking at me and I am noticing the pretty ones too.” Mfundo is proper trolling his mother here.

She sighs.

“Aren’t you a bit too young to be in a serious relationship right now?” Lydia.

This poor guy has two women asking him about his sex life. He is a teenager. Of course he is having sex.

He is now blushing and not responding.

“Mfundo, do we need start having a talk about sex?” Koena.

“Dad spoke to me about it.” He says.

“I know. I think you need a female perspective on this, you know?” Koena.

This just got extremely serious. Koena is not laughing. Mthunzi is uncomfortable.

“We will talk, mah. Don’t worry.” Mfundo says.

She nods. But it’s not the nod that us men like to see. There is an awkward silence at the table.

Koena breaks it, thank God.

“Girl, you know I’ve started my pole fitness classes”, she tells Lydia.

“I need to join you. I’m really struggling to lose my baby fat after Rofhi. But now, I’m pregnant again.”

“Whaaaaat?” Koena.

Mthunzi shoots a look at me.

“I know. It wasn’t exactly planned, but here we are.” Me.

“Well, congratulations?” Koena says unsurely.

“Thanks. He is paying Lobola and damages this weekend”. Lydia says.

“The two of you are really going through quite the time in your life right now. We should celebrate.” Koena says.

“I agree. I say we go to a strip club tonight. Then baby you can show us some of the tricks you’ve learned.” Mthunzi.

Koena blushes and we are all laughing.

“I’m keen. Let’s do it.” Lydia.

She must really enjoy Koena’s company. When did she become this open-minded? She’s keen to go to a strip club with me?

“Ramaru, what do you say?” Mthunzi.

“I’m in”.

“Baby?” Mthunzi asks Koena.

“Okay” she shyly says.

We all laugh.

“Can I come?” Mfundo.

“Nooooooooooo”, Mthunzi and I say.

“Why not?” Lydia.

“It’s not happening, babe.” Me.

We all laugh.

I think hanging out with this couple is going to be good for us. This might be a frequent thing. I like this. And I think my wife-to-be loves it too.