Honestly, I miss Mnqobi out of my mind. I’ve had the most difficult time having to accept what he did. It took me back to when my family fell apart because my mom cheated on my dad. My father became an alcoholic. He fell apart right in front of me. I bathed him. I fed him like a child. I had to survive alone while he was in rehab getting better. Now, here we are. It took us forever to recover from that. Then I dated Nkululeko, the serial cheater. Yoh! Have you ever been cheated on so much that you stop caring? That’s what the relationship became. 

I wanted to believe – so badly – that Mnqobi was different. And then this happened. 

I want to believe him when he says it was a mistake and it will never happen again. But I was so angry! I was so angry that I even miscarried a child that I didn’t know that I was carrying. 

I’m disappointed. 

I’m hurt. 

I’m healing. 

I love him. 

But I’m not ready to be his again. 

Yes, I’ve had sex with him. I’m attracted to him. But, I’m not ready. 

I’ve just finished my last class today. I was quite bored and dozing off, so I went into the systems that I use to monitor and manage Mnqobi’s establishments. I decide that I’ll go to a particular one that I need to investigate today because something is not adding up. We leave with Mapho to her hometown in the next week for her wedding and we are all excited. We are obviously planning a bachelor party for her! I mean, hello! But I won’t lie, all this wedding fever makes me miss Mnqobi more and more each moment. 

I head to my place first to get dressed and look hot. I know Mnqobi sent out a PSA to his managers that if I get to any establishment for work, they must let him know. So I wear a nude and off the shoulder bodycon dress that is tastefully up to my knees. I wear my white and nude Jordan 4 retro sneakers… the one with the LV collaboration. Listen! I had to ask my dad’s girlfriend to hustle me a pair when she was in Italy because I couldn’t find them anywhere here in South Africa. She was a real one and pulled through for me. I like her.  I wear the wig I was wearing today… my 32 inch deep curl wig. I seal the look with my diamond studs that I stole from Mnqobi’s collection. I don’t where he gets his stash from, but it’s stunning! 

My friends and I met at my place and now we are using my car to go into the township and have ghetto lunch at one of Mnqobi’s many establishments. 

We arrive here during the lunch time rush and I’m immediately spotted. Between all the hellos and the ma’ams that come my way, we find a seat on the patio of the venue, and security is immediately beefed up. It must be my shoes, my studs, Ruri’s diamond collection dripping off her, Zaza’s wedding ring and Mapho’s handbag. 

I immediately log into the system on my iPad – they don’t know that I can do that – and I’ll be monitoring the movement today. 

“Our outfits are almost ready, guys”, Ruri tells us. She’s designing the entire wedding and yes, the Mohales are paying big money for that. She’s been insanely busy. She’s designing and making Mapho’s dress herself. Imagine! I’m so jelly! 

“I’m so nervous hey”, Mapho says. 

“Why?”

“It’s marriage. It’s just so… final.” Mapho.

“Your man has done it three times. It’s not that final”, Ruri. 

“Yeah, but I plan to do it once.” Mapho. 

“And he’s your one?!” Zaza.

“He is. And that’s beautiful and scary at the same time.” Mapho.

“You’ll be good. He’s your one. You don’t have to worry.” I say.

They all look at me like they feel sorry for me.

“By the way, I’m the single one now.” I say.

They all laugh. 

A waiter takes our orders then disappears. 

“Why are we here again?” Zaza asks. 

“I think these people are stealing from Mnqobi. So I’ve cloned their system. I’ll be monitoring it during this time that I’m here.” I say.

“I thought you were done with him.” Ruri.

“I am. This is work.”

“I hope he’s paying you”, Ruri. 

Mapho and Zaza chuckle. 

“Why don’t you just forgive him and get on with it?” Ruri. 

I shrug my shoulders…

Then I notice Mnqobi’s car park next to mine.

“I can’t believe they phoned him.” I say, a little excited on the inside.

“Yes, you can believe it! You went home to change and look like that. You knew you’d see this man today and you wanted to torture him with that ass and those calves!” Ruri. 

Ithengiswaphi i-filter?! I urgently need to purchase one for my dear friend, Ruri. 

Mnqobi approaches our table as we laugh at what Ruri has said. 

“You are not leaving us here! We take his office. You’ll see what you take!” Ruri. 

“Ladies”, him. 

There’s a sadness in his eyes. He’s had this sadness for the past three days now.

We all say hey. 

“Nikahle?” He says. 

“We good”, Ruri. 

“Makoti… uthini uvalo?” He says to Mapho. 

“Yoh! You have no idea”, Mapho. 

“Zah.” 

“Bhuti.” 

“It’s good to see you all.” He says.

He and I lock eyes.

“MaRadebe”, he says to me. 

“Qwabe”, me.

“Awusemuhle”, he says.

“Ngiyabonga.” Me. 

I hear my friends giggle like little girls. 

“Singakhuluma?” Him.

“We get your office”, Ruri.

“Huh?” Mnqobi.

“We are not staying here while the two of you disappear. We get your office.” Ruri.

Mnqobi gives her his office key. The three ladies head to his office. 

He and I head to his car… his Range Rover Sport. 

I’m sitting in the driver’s seat and he’s sitting in the passenger seat. I don’t know why, but this is how we find ourselves sitting. 

“You good?” He asks me. 

“I’m fine. I’m just a bit suspicious. That’s why I’m here today.”

“Suspicious?”

“The money that is being cashed everyday and deposited with the banker when he comes here to bank profits does not correspond with the numbers that walk in and out of here for drinks and food; they also don’t correspond with what we spend for stock. So I brought the girls here for lunch, I cloned the system being used here and I’m going to study what goes on here when I get home. If my suspicions are right, the staff here could be stealing from you.” 

He actually laughs then says, “bayang’ntshontshela la bantu?!” 

Now he wants to get out and go beat people up. 

“Ima!” I tell as I pull him back in the car. 

He looks at me. 

“Let me get the evidence first. I could be wrong.” I say. 

“If you are not wrong, there’ll be hell to pay.” He says. 

“Mnqobi, killing people doesn’t solve all our issues. We’ll just end up with a population shortage. It’s not sustainable. In the real world, we just fire people for theft then open criminal cases against them if we really feel like there’s hell to pay.” I say. 

He looks at me. But I cannot make out what his expression is. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Me. 

“I’m upset that people are stealing from me.” I should’ve actually just kept quiet until I knew for sure. 

“That’s not what I’m referring to. You have this sadness in your eyes that I can’t make out.” I say. 

“Angisho you don’t want to forgive me? I’m sad without you.” 

“It’s deeper than that, Mnqobi. And you’ve specifically had it for the last three days. What’s going on with you?” 

Now he gets emotional. 

A tear escapes his eye. 

I hold his hand. He squeezes my hand. 

“Yini? Khuluma nami”, I say. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about the miscarriage?” He says. 

I’m so shocked that I attempt to pull my hand from his, but he holds my hand tighter. He’s looking straight ahead, not at me, even though my entire body is turned towards him. 

I’m suddenly shaking. 

How does he know? 

Ruri! 

No, but Ruri would’ve told me to my face that she did it. It wouldn’t be Mapho and Zaza. Their loyalty is not split between Mnqobi and I the way that Ruri’s loyalty is split. 

“Are you going to answer me?” Him. 

“I knew you’d be hurt. I wanted to protect you from that pain even though you didn’t give a fuck about my emotional well-being when you fucked Lindiwe.”

He’s quiet. 

His face tenses up. 

“But I also felt like my body betrayed me.” I say. 

Now he looks at me. 

“Yes, I was stressed and upset about what you did… but my body showed me no signs that I was pregnant. Then it doesn’t protect my child from the pain its father caused me. The doctor said that it’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with me, it just wasn’t time. But I feel like I lost someone I already knew. He or she died inside of me and I blame myself and I feel betrayed by my body.” Now, I’m getting emotional. 

He pulls me towards him. 

He’s actually here for me. I’m genuinely comforted. I miss this. I miss being with him this intimately. 

I get up and wipe the tears off my face using some pocket face tissue I find in here. 

“Ngiyaxolisa, MaRadebe. I really am sorry.” He says. 

I’m just so tired of his apologies. I’m tired of doing this specific part of our relationship – the part where I don’t know how to forget now that I’ve forgiven him… the part where he keeps apologising as if I haven’t already told him that I know he’s sorry… the part where I cannot stop crying because every angle of this situation has significant parts that hurt me. This part of our relationship is exhausting.

“Lalela, next week is the wedding kaMapho and Reahile.” Me. 

He looks at me. 

“I was hoping that we would go together.” I say. 

“Ngempela?” Him, smiling actually.

I nod my head smiling.

“Ngiyakukhumbula, Mnqobi.” 

“I’m right here, Nomawethu. I just need you to forgive me then let me be yours again.” 

“I’m trying… and I’m going to get there. You just really hurt me.”

“I know. And I’m really sorry.”

I nod my head. 

“What exactly what she doing at your restaurant vele?” He knows what I’m asking.  How the hell did he get himself into that mess?! 

“She came to ask me to take Sasi because she and Banks were separating. Her other three kids went to her mother eMhluzi because Banks’ family didn’t want them. And she needed to start over… find her way back into her career.” 

I see.

“You know she used you, right? She wanted a sextape scandal to break back into the industry.” I say. 

“I only realised that after she grabbed her phone from recording us and ran out of my office.”

I nod my head. This is actually really painful. 

“She had interviews lined up to talk about the sextape, dragging you and me into innuendos to get ratings… she even had a reality show deal where the core of her storyline would be the sextape and us basically being a blended family with drama on screen.”

He’s so defeated. 

“I got lawyers involved. All her interviews were cancelled. And the reality show deal is off the table for her. She came to see me, attacking me about taking bread out of her mouth. I told her if she kept pushing me, I would tell you to open a revenge porn case against her. I haven’t heard from her since.” 

He’s still quiet. 

“Do you see what you compromised us for? This is the calibre of women that you now have being familiar with me because your penis serves us all. And I’m the one that is still protecting you from her shit. What hurts me the most is that it’s not her that I’m worried about when it comes to our relationship, it’s you. To you, it seems like she’s the one that got away… the one you drop anything and anyone for. She sees that. That’s why she chose you to do this with and chose us to do this to.”

“Wehweh – 

“I have to go.” I say and climb out of the car. I’m now realising just how pissed off I actually am. My sadness is actually becoming anger now. 

…

I’m busy with an assignment in my house when security calls me to tell me that four kids are at the gate looking for me. When I asked for their names, Sasi said “it’s us, Auntie Wehweh.” 

I let them in. 

I hope this is not Mnqobi’s sick ways of trying to win me back. 

I open the door and they are already here. 

“Hey guys”, I say. 

It’s Sasi and Banathi’s three: Gugu, Zozo and Ziwe. 

“How did you guys get here?” I ask them. 

“A private taxi. We don’t have money to pay him so he’s waiting at the gate.” Sasi says.

Hai bo! 

“Okay, come in. I’ll go pay him. You guys go upstairs, get out of your school uniform and change into your clothes. I’ll be back now to make you lunch.” I say.

They come in and run upstairs. 

I close and lock the door then I go to the taxi with my purse in hand.

“Dumelang”, standard greeting I had to learn in this part of the world.

“Hello.” 

“How much do the kids owe you?” 

“R700.”

“Ha!!”

“They climbed on without money and only told me when we got here. I could’ve left them there.” 

You know what?!!!!

I just give him a R1000.

“Thank you, my sister”, he says, now not even rude anymore.

“Ubofunda ukukhuluma nabantu. These are children. Ayikho nje into oyikwatele”, I say then walk away. 

As I walk past the security gate…

“Wehweh”, Malume says. He’s the security guard on duty today. 

We have a good relationship. I cook for him when he has night shift and I’m not having sex with Mnqobi somewhere out there. I also order him lunch. His favourite is Chicken Licken lunch meals with coke. So I get him those when his on duty during the day like today.

He’s from KZN. He and Mnqobi get along very well. He just likes me because we both speak isiZulu in this part of the world.

“Yebo Malume?” Me. 

“La bantwana bathi no one picked them up from school. Bathi they waited and waited but no one came. Now that I think about it, there’s a car that’s been roaming around here as if inspecting your movements. I think uKhuzwayo is in trouble.” 

I’m worried now.

“Ngiyabonga Malume. Ngiyabonga kakhulu.” I say. 

I jog to my duplex. 

I’m not sure what to do.

I get into my place. 

Sasi and Gugu are already making food for the four of them. 

I lock the door. 

“Guys… when last did you speak to your fathers?” I ask them.

“This morning at breakfast. Granny took us to school today.” Gugu.

“Sasi, do you still have that phone?” Me.

Sasi shakes her head then says, “mommy took it from me when she found it.”

I’m panicking now.

“I need you guys to go pack what you can in a bag. Pick one big bag and share it.” 

They take sandwiches and oblige, taking Banathi’s youngest – who is three – with them. 

My emergency bag is already packed. 

I planned for such moments. 

I hope Mnqobi is okay.

I try to phone him, no answer. In fact, he’s phone is off. 

I try to phone Banathi, phone is off. 

I try to phone Ruri, she answers. 

“Friend”, she says.

“Is there trouble?”

She takes a deep breath then says, “Yeah.”

“Do I need to run?” 

“You can’t. They are already outside your gate. They’ll break in soon.”

The line goes dead. 

Shit! Shit! Shit! 

I take the poison that I have in the house and put in water in my sink. I take a dishwashing cloth, wet it, then wipe as many glasses as I can with it. Tumblr glasses. 

I put the poison away and drain the water. I even throw the dishwashing cloth away. 

I run upstairs and tell the kids to hide the big bag. I tell them that people are here to probably hold us hostage or kidnap us. But they only accept food and drinks from me. They don’t even make it for themselves. They must relax and know that I will not let anything happen to them. 

There’s a knock on our door.

I take a deep breath and say a little prayer in my heart. 

I take Ziwe and put her on my hip. The other three are next to me as we make our way downstairs. 

I open the door as if I were not expecting these people. They are not even cops. 

“Put that child down, sfebe!” One says as he has a gun pointed in my face. 

I put Ziwe down. 

Thankfully, they don’t tie us up. They let us sit together in the living room, but on the floor. My cellphone is confiscated. I did delete Ruri’s call because the first thing they did was check if I’d spoken to anyone. 

–

It’s now 8pm. We’ve been sitting here since 3pm. Sasi and Zozo are awake. Gugu and Ziwe are asleep on the ground that we are sitting on. Imagine being kidnapped in your own house?! No one has eaten, drank anything or went to the toilet… including these men. I think I can start my plan now. Lord, be with me. 

“Bhuti”, I say after I’ve cleared my throat. 

The one on duty to watch us looks at me as if he wants to ask why I’m opening my mouth. 

“The kids are hungry. Can I please just make them something to eat.? Please? It’s okay if you want me to starve, but please let the kids eat.” I say.

“Fine. But you also make me something to eat.”

I nod my head and say, “okay.”

“Ey! Follow your dad’s slut to the kitchen”, he says to the kids. 

Yoh! I don’t why that stabbed my heart so much. Zozo, the eldest of the four, picks up Ziwe. I pick up Gugu and we make our way to the kitchen. They sit around my kitchen island. This guy sits next to them with his gun on the kitchen island. 

I cook… moving as quickly as I possibly can in the kitchen. 

“Bhuti, do your colleagues also want something to eat?” I ask.

“Ja, cook for them!” He’s so rude. 

But I make chicken, rice and gravy. Quick stuff. I then mix juice in a jug. He’s watching my every move. I’m so scared. I’m so uncomfortable. As long as he doesn’t touch the kids. 

The food is ready. I dish up for him and the four people outside that I’ve now learned are there. 

I put five glasses on the tray with the jug of juice. 

“Cold drink?” He says. 

I pull out some coke from my fridge and also put it on the tray. The glasses are the ones I’ve wiped with poison. 

I give him the stuff. 

“Your kids can go upstairs to eat. You will sit with us outside as we eat. If you or your kids try anything stupid, ngizokunyoba wena! Do you see le zinqi zakho ezinkulu… ngizozi chamela!” 

Yoh! I’ve never felt more cold in my life. 

I tell Zozo and Sasi to go upstairs with the other two and the food I give them. I didn’t give them anything to drink. I tell them to stay there until I come for them. 

They nod their heads and leave. 

I’m now outside with these men as they eat away at my food like hungry pigs. These are probably upset employees. 

They finish the juice and coke from those glasses, even rinse the glasses and have water. 

The one watching us pushes me back in the house. He sits on the couch. 

He starts dozing off. That’s what the poison does, it makes you sleepy then does the rest while you are asleep. At least I’m kind enough to not make it a violent death. As he sleeps, thinking I don’t see him, I look out the window to see if the others are asleep or what. They are. I don’t know if anyone else is coming or what, so I sprint up the stairs and tell the kids to leave everything. Zozo takes their bag and each one takes a backpack – their school bags. I take my emergency bag and we follow each other to the kitchen. They quickly load their backpacks with biscuits, chips, crackers, sweets and Ceres juice. We get out of the house. We don’t go to my car. We use the complex’s back gate to leave then head into the mall using the mall’s back gate. I’m carrying Ziwe. The other three are jogging as fast as I am. Sasi is holding my emergency bag. 

I lead them to the navy blue Havel H6 GT that I bought and parked here. Zozo and Sasi put the big bags in the boot. Zozo sits in the front seat. The other three sit at the back, the two year old tucked neatly between Sasi and Gugu. I lock the car. I start the ignition then leave the mall. No one says a damn thing. They all actually end up sleeping, except for Zozo. I don’t even have a phone. That’s the only thing that I didn’t think of when coming up with my escape plan. Yoh!