My first day as the queen’s lady-in-waiting had me understanding the nature of work that she does, what is expected from her then of course, what is expected from me. She then had to go out and be about being the queen and I flew out to Gauteng to check in on the Onaleruna Khotso College; the school that she has built. 

It’s a stunning school. Everyone is extremely professional. The head office is literally some corporate functional office. I had to get all sorts of reports while I was there. The queen even bought me a suit so that I “represent her well” as she kept saying. 

I didn’t even have five minutes to attend to my cellphone or speak to Terence. I feel like I haven’t seen him in days. And I was with him yesterday. He’s just been acting weird lately. Maybe his baby-mamas are giving him stress again. Asazi. 

I’m back in the kingdom now. The Onaleruna Khotso College branch that is being built in Tholoana Kingdom has now been completed. It’s being built in Tlou, a different province. The reason for this is because the world class school that only rich people can afford to go to is in Tau. This school is meant to be at the standard of the school in Tau, but much more affordable. It should also have more scholarships available than the school in Tau. It’s finally done being built. It has a corporate office – not as big as the one in Gauteng – but there is space for the administrative staff to sit. The school itself is MASSIVE! It looks like a mall. It has boarding school facilities to accommodate 5000 students – from grade one to matric. It does have a crèche, but they don’t allow children in the crèche to board. Good. Boarding school should actually start from grade 8. Why are parents sending kids away so early in life?! 

Ey, but let me not judge. I’m not a parent. 

This school is set to open next week when schools reopen. I was there to collect all the admin stuff that the queen wants to see before her meeting with the staff and team tomorrow. 

I have everything. 

I now drive myself back to the royal house. 

Yes, I got a license. I also don’t know how so fast. I know I went to back-to-back driving lessons, then I went to test. That car rolled so many times. But I got a license. The driving instructor told me that the king said “as long as I can move a car.” So here I am. They gave me an Audi Q7. That’s what I drive. It has a Learner sign at the back and I drive very slow. But oksalayo, I get to where I’m going. People hoot at me until they drive around me. They must fly over me if they have a problem. 

I get to the palace and I park the car. I notice that the queen is not here. I go in and make my way to my office desk – it’s right outside the queen’s office. 

I start working on the documents that I have. 

“Mkhaya, sawubona”, Mme Moholo greets me. 

“Sawubona mkhaya. Are you well?” I say. 

I like her. And we connect because hey, Zulu girls united! 

“I’m good. Ngiyazi ukuthi it’s not in your scope to help me, kodwa you are Thabi’s best kept secret.” She says. 

I laugh then give her what she came for, standing up, so I can show her what I’ve done. I give her the file and say, 

“Khululeka… I’ve made all the phone calls you asked me to make, booked the best service providers after thoroughly analysing them… and I’ve paid them. Okusele nje ukuthi umakoti nomkhwenyane bafike bashade!” 

She hugs me! 

“Thabi is so selfish to keep you all to herself. Nami I need you! Hai bo!” 

I laugh aloud. 

“I’ll leave you to your work neh. Ngiyabonga kakhulu”, she says.

“Mme Moholo”, I call to her. 

“Weh! Wangibiza ngesiSotho kwagcwala umlomo, dade!” 

We laugh. 

“Ushade khona!” I say.

We laugh. 

“Lalela… umyeni wakho… yena nomfowabo”, I begin. 

“Benze njani?” She asks, concerned. 

“Bekufike abantu la ekhaya. These people angered them both very much. They spoke about the Mohale fund, Mohale assets and the throne. I went to security and asked for pictures of the men. Naba,” I say, giving her the pictures. 

“Ngiyabonga sisi. Ngiyabonga kakhulu.” She says, accepting the pictures. 

She walks away. 

I get to my work. 

About thirty minutes into my work, the king arrives at my desk. 

“Where’s my wife?!” He barks. 

“Nkosiyami… she will be here in five minutes”, I say. 

“Clear the rest of her day!”, he says. 

He’s so… 

“Yebo nkosiyami.” 

“I don’t like that nkosiyami word. Morena is fine. And my why is not that ndlovukazi or ndl’enkulu word… she’s no elephant and no big house. She’s mofomahadi or kgosikgadi. Clear?!” 

“Yebo.”

“It’s eya! Eya morena.”

“Eya morena.”

“Why are you terrorising my lady-in-waiting, Onaleruna Mohale?” Thank goodness the queen is here. 

“I was looking for you. We need to talk”, the king says. 

“Okay. I’m coming.” She says.

“Now. It’s important”. 

“I said I’m coming. I just need ten minutes with Meh. Please.” 

He walks away. 

The queen looks unfazed.

“So, where are we with –

“Mofomahadi”, I say.

She’s shocked. 

Then she says, “Don’t let Ona do that to you.” 

“I don’t mind. Lalela, I’ll take you through these in the morning. Some men were here to see Morena and Moholo. Here are their pictures. They were arguing about the throne, the Mohale fund and the Mohale trust.” 

She looks at me then says, “Does Ona know that you are showing these to me?” 

“No. I only spoke to you and Mme Moholo.” 

“You are my lady-in-waiting. Phuthi can find her own assistant. Please don’t get your loyalty twisted.”

I nod my head. 

“I didn’t ask you to spy on my husband”, she says. 

“I know. And I wasn’t spying.”

“What were you doing?”

“Mofomahadi… when you are the queen, everything falls on your shoulders. Your king may wear the suits, sit on the highest chair on the throne and even wear the heaviest crown. Kodwa ukubusa kwakhe rests on your shoulders. You have to know everything so that you can make the right choices or influence him to make the right choices. In my experience as a lady-in-waiting, you never want to know the whole truth when everything has fallen apart. Umorena will tell you about today. Kodwa uyindoda. Men summarise at best. They don’t understand that the facts lie in the details. Mina nje bengikunika the details. And I didn’t tell Mme Moholo because I’m loyal to her. I told her because she can influence Moholo. If Morena is hearing the instructions from you and from Moholo… maybe even from Mme Moholo because they are close, he will do what you need him to do to save the throne.”

“What makes you think the throne needs saving?” 

I take a deep breath. 

“I didn’t tell Mme Moholo this”, I begin. 

She steps closer so I can speak softer. 

“I followed those men to their cars.” 

“They didn’t see you?”

“I’m the help. When it comes to men like that, I’m always unseen.”

She smiles. 

“The men were talking about the throne not really belonging to your husband. Bathi le nto yamosheka ko mkhulu. Something about Mohato’s father not really being  Mohato’s father. Then Mohato naye isn’t the dad to the twins. The rightful king wants his throne and they were going to help fight for the throne.”

She’s SHOCKED! 

“You better not talk about this with that boyfriend of yours”, she threatens me. 

“Mofomahadi, I’m not an amateur at this. You can trust me”, I say. 

“How did the last queen let you go?”

I laugh then say, “I was coming to look for my father. When I went home for new years, she tried to recruit me back.”

“Tell her you are off the market! Let’s meet in the morning. Thank you for all your work today. You did amazing!”

She leaves then I stop her saying, “mofomahadi”. 

She stops and looks at me. 

I give her my phone. It’s open under recordings. 

“What’s this?” She asks me. 

“Ukuthi… iseSotho sihambe sing’dide mina. Bakhulume izinto eziningi la bantu. I decided to record them. You can listen to that so you hear everything.” 

She accepts my phone. 

Then…

She actually hugs me. 

Even she feels awkward after hugging me. 

Now…

She leaves. 

I work another two hours, hoping to get my cellphone back while I’m at it, but the queen does not come back with my cellphone. So I pack up then decide to leave the main house and make my way to my apartment. Maybe I’ll just go to Terrence’s apartment. I’m just not in the mood for his moods. Ai, let me try. If he’s still acting up, I’ll just leave and say bengizobulisa nje. 

–

I walk into his apartment and I find him sitting by himself in the kitchen, drinking whiskey. 

“Sawubona”, I greet him. 

He’s even smoking today. This is new. 

“Yebo”, he says, not even looking at me. 

“Ukahle?” 

He looks at me. The look is deadly. 

“Bengithi ngizobingelela. Have a great evening ahead”, I say. 

As I head out the door, 

“Why? Why did you do it, Meh?” 

Hai bo! 

Ngiyenzeni manje mina?

“Why did I do what exactly?” I say. 

“Give my mother cash behind my back”, he says. 

Oh that! 

I walk into his place, put my handbag down, take my jacket off, kick my heels off then sit next to him. 

He’s still not looking at me. 

“You needed help. And from what I understand, I’m your partner. Ubani omunye obekazokusiza?”

“Why didn’t you come to me and just give me the cash straight?! Why go to my mom?!”

“Because you never came to me and told me what was going on. Bengiyokuqala kuphi mina?”

He’s quiet. 

“Did I do something wrong?” I enquire because he’s really pissed off. The fact that he’s not returning the money to me tells me it went to use. Manje silwelani? 

“Meh, you didn’t have to go to my mother! Or what?! You want her to see that compared to the queen’s lady-in-waiting, I’m not man enough?!”

“Angiyi kholwa ke le!” I’m genuinely in disbelief. 

He looks at me. 

“YAZ UYANGISANGANELA WENA!” 

Now I’m shouting because I’m pissed! 

“I WAKE UP NEXT TO YOU EVERY MORNING, YOU ARE STRESSED! YOU ANSWER YOUR PHONE THROUGHOUT THE DAY AND EACH CALL LEAVES YOU STRESSED! I FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO YOU EVERY NIGHT AND YOU ARE STRESSED! WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO?! WAIT FOR YOU TO KILL YOURSELF THEN MOURN ON A MATTRESS FOR YOU?!”

He looks at me.

I’m angry hey! 

“KAHLE HLE WHEN YOU ASKED ME FOR A RELATIONSHIP, WHAT EXACTLY WERE YOU ASKING FOR?! ASIBAMBISANI KANTI MINA NAWE?!” 

He’s still just staring at me.

“UTHULILE MANJE?! YAZINI – 

I get up from the chair. My plan is to March out of here! Futhi I don’t have a phone tonight, so he won’t be able to reach me. 

But he pulls me into forced hug. 

I’m just still. 

I feel myself getting emotional. 

“Thank you”, he says to me, locked in this hug. 

I close my eyes and take him in. 

I hug him back now. 

“I’m sorry. And I’m truly thankful.” He says. 

I come out of the hug. 

We look at each other.

“Lalela… I’m not your baby mamas. Siyabambisana la.”

“I’ve just never been with someone who does what you did for me. Meh, I don’t want you to carry the consequences of my shit. That is not why I’m with you.”

“Your financial situation is going to affect me. I need to know about it because when we plan, we need to be realistic.”

“I’ve maxed out my credit cards. My salary lasts me exactly three days. Debit orders slice me up first, then it’s the kids.” 

I nod my head. 

“The kids changed schools to a cheaper school. I’ll at least have some slight petrol money now.” He says. 

Okay… I will not panic. What he’s basically saying is that he’s broke. I come from poverty. I’m trying to get out. 

“Bowuzathula ngalokhu until when? Ngapha ungifuna ingane. What are we going to feed that child?” 

He’s quiet. 

I take a deep breath. 

“We need a plan. We can’t be in this position at the end of the year. We need to draw up a budget and stick to it. If your baby mamas are going to insist on taking us out of budget, we will go to court. I’m sure the courts will even make you pay less for maintenance.”

“You think so? Because I’ll go to court tomorrow if that’s the case. I just never wanted to go to jail for not maintaining my kids.” 

I shall exercise my right to remain silent. 

Actually, I cannot…

“You can speak to a lawyer and explore your options.” I say.

“With what money, Meh?” 

“Legal aid. It’s free. The royal house pays for it – especially for royal house staff members.” 

“Really?!”

I don’t understand what he means by really! 

Outside of ibhodo, what does he know?! 

…

Today, Maboko and Teboho are taking me to meet my dad’s family. I understand that he has passed away. I don’t know the details. Refiloe didn’t come because Ntate Seete was not her father. She and Maboko just share a mother, not a father. 

I told Terrence about today. But he has a meeting with legal aid today to understand his options regarding the maintenance of his children. 

Maboko and Teboho fetched me. They all think that my driving is a joke. Okusalayo ngizofika yaz. 

We are in their car now driving there. I’m sitting in the backseat. Teboho is sitting on the passenger seat in the front, and Maboko is driving. Their car is very nice. I don’t know what it’s called. But it looks, feels and smells expensive. The interior is cream white nje. You can see that they drive this car when it’s just them. I’d never allow a toddler in a car like this. Teboho is wearing a very nice beige dress, a brown doek and a white shawl. She has on white sneakers. By the way, she’s a makoti kwaSeete. I’m wearing a dress too. But no doek, no shawl. Just a denim dress and sandals. I didn’t ask what would be expected of me. I don’t know why, but I feel really angry. The Seete people don’t have a right to know me. I also feel like they are disrespecting my mother. They should speak to her and ask for permission to do whatever it is they want to do for me today. I feel like I’m betraying her. But Maboko asked me really nicely, and no one can say no to Maboko. He’s just such a nice yet stern man. 

“I don’t want to change my surname”, I blurt out. 

Maboko looks at me through the rear view mirror. Teboho looks back at me, turning her entire body to face me. 

“I don’t care what happens today. I’m not changing my surname. I’m not going to hurt the parents that raised me like that.” I repeat. 

“But… Seete is your identity. You – 

“Cha. Seete is a man that found children who were his children’s age attractive enough to impregnate. Linda was a selfish person who used sex to hurt people. I’m ashamed that those two people are the people that birthed me. But they are not my parents. The best thing they ever did was to give me away to people who raised me with love, thoughtfulness and respect. I am the daughter of Sizakele and Mandlenkosi Khumalo. I am uKhumalo… uMntungwa, uMzilikazi, uMashobane. I’m not going to change that.”

They look at each other. 

I just fold my arms and look out of the window. 

We arrive at some mansion. I’m instantly overwhelmed. My mom should be here. She really should. 

I follow them inside the yard then inside the house. There’s catering and a lot of people here. Kanti this is an entire event?! Why am I so angry?! 

“Dumelang”, Teboho greets first. 

She’s embraced very well, everyone refers to her as makoti. They also greet Maboko and receive him well. 

Maboko introduces me to everyone… from aunts to uncles to cousins, right up to Joseph’s widow whom they refer to as Aus’Lebo. Apparently she lives in this mansion. She lived here with Joseph. They had no children. Joseph only had two kids: Maboko and Gwen. Gwen passed away. So it was just Maboko all these years. Now there’s me. I think I’d feel better if there were more of us amavezandlebe wakhe. But nope… Linda was the only slut brave enough ukuzalela le ndoda ivezandlebe. I’m actually embarrassed. 

But shame they receive me so well. They hug me and embrace me, as if excited to meet me. I see a huge picture of him on one of the walls in here. He was a good looking man, just like Maboko. In the picture, he’s smiling… as if smiling at me. But I just want to pull him out of that picture and punch him. My heart is just filling up with anger and resentment. 

I don’t ever understand what these people are saying. They speaking Sotho so that automatically leaves me out of the conversation… I just focus on them when Maboko says, in English, “she’s not changing her surname.”

Everyone is now looking at me with shock. Bathuswa yini?! 

“Why not?” Aus’Lebo says. 

“I’m not going to disrespect my parents like that.” I say.

“But Joseph was your father. We are all your family”, she says. 

“He didn’t claim me while he was alive, why would I claim him now?” 

“He didn’t know about you. Had Linda told him the truth from the beginning, he would’ve raised you himself. Joseph loved all of his children.” Aus’Lebo.

“Joseph was selfish. Wasn’t Linda Maboko’s girlfriend and at some point Maboko’s wife? Indoda eyinjani eyilala nentombi yengane yakhe? Is that how he loved his children?”

There’s silence. 

“I don’t want that man’s surname next to my name. I’m ashamed and embarrassed enough that I’m a product of amanyala! Don’t make me wear the proof of that on my identity!” 

With this, I leave the room. I stand outside the house and just find myself balling in tears. I don’t understand what’s going on inside of me right now. I cannot explain nor define my feelings. I wish Zolile never mentioned any of this. I wish I died believing that my parents are my birth parents!

I feel someone hug me. 

It smells like Teboho. 

I let myself be vulnerable and cry in her arms. 

We are now sitting on a bench outside of the house. Maboko brought us Ice Tropez drinks. It’s sweet and cute, but I don’t know if the taste is worth the price tag on each bottle. I noticed Ruri, Khabane and Khanyisa arrive with Khabane’s three boys. There are kids playing in this massive yard. 

“I take it you didn’t like Linda”, Teboho begins. 

“She was always the cousin that looked down on everyone… especially us. My parents and I were poor. So her mother and her looked down on us a lot. We just never had a relationship. We were fine in our poverty. We had a functional family and we loved each other. They had all the money in the world, but they had issues nje ezingasuki phansi.” 

“I hear you. She and I never clicked. From day one nje, we were at war and the trophy was Maboko. But I will give it to her… she definitely put up one hell of a fight. We went to the trenches nje. I just never got to see a positive side to her at all. But I’m sure she had some good qualities. Maboko couldn’t shake her off his system and married her. I’d call him to come tell us about positive Linda, but I’m too much of a jealous wife”. 

We both laugh. 

I love the honesty. 

“Lalela… I’m so sorry for me being the reason that you almost left your husband. You guys have such a beautiful family. Linda almost ruined this. That’s the thing with selfish people… they recklessly and shamelessly break people’s families and ruin lives. Nginamahloni ngempela.”

“Bona Phumeh… you need to let this anger you have against your parents go.”

“Parents?”

“Linda and Joseph. They are dead. You are the only one that’s being eaten alive by this thing.” 

“It’s easy for you to say”, I say. 

“No, it’s not. I know what it’s like to be so hurt by Linda that it eats me up alive alone.”

“Because of Maboko?”

“Not even. Linda and Kabelo – a boyfriend she had – raped me.”

WHHHAAAAAATTTTT?????!!!!!

What animal was that woman. 

I suddenly feel cold. 

“They taped it so they could show Maboko that I cheated. I was drugged so I couldn’t fight them. I went back home after that then found Maboko and Linda having sex in a bed I shared with him… I felt like he was rewarding her for what she did to me. Of all the times he cheated on me with her, that was the time that hurt me the most.”

She even lets a tear slip. 

“So, I left and went to LA. I started my life afresh there… away from Maboko leLinda wahaye. Then I found out that I was pregnant with Khabane. I still didn’t come back. I knew Maboko was in LA looking for me. But I was dealing with his betrayal and how Linda had violated me. I also wasn’t sure if my son was Maboko’s or Kabelo’s. I was beyond relieved when Khabane came out looking like Maboko’s twin. I named him Khabane because he’s my precious and valuable warrior in so many ways. With him, I win Maboko in the end. And… he clearly was already inside of me when Kabelo and Linda violated me. And he survived that. I raised my son in LA for the first few years of his life. I got therapy and healed. I needed to heal so I could raise my son. He needed me. When I heard that Maboko and Linda were getting married… I came back. She didn’t deserve to win without me putting up a fight like she put up a fight every time Maboko chose me.”

We both laugh. But I’m crying because she’s telling me the most mind-blowing story. I’ll also look at Khabane so differently now, appreciating even the reason and meaning behind his name. Wow!

“I came back. Maboko and I eventually got back together. I was prepared to never tell him about what Linda did. He’d never recover nor forgive himself. Linda died with Maboko not knowing. I let her die without him knowing. But he found out about it eventually. He ended up in hospital. We took a while to recover from that. The guilt almost killed him. The shame. The embarrassment. What it almost did to me… it almost killed him. And where’s Linda? She died not feeling bad for what she did. Even Kabelo. So Phumeh… Linda died not feeling bad about what she did to you. Don’t carry this to a point where you stop living your life, and dedicating your energy to Linda’s selfishness.” 

I hug her.

We have a moment. 

When we come out of our hug, she wipes her tears then says, “when I’m not around, you can ask Maboko what was amazing about her. I give you permission.” 

We just laugh. 

I’m not going to do that. 

“Let’s go. The Seetes have their things, but they are nice people shame. Let’s go be nice. It’s just one day.” She says. 

We hold hands, down what’s left of our drinks then head back to everyone else.