I’m chilling with my mom and she’s watching some soapie. I think it’s Gomora. She talks about it all the time. When it comes to television, I have a very short attention span. So, I’m busy reading a book while she watches this thing and laughs by herself. 

Then she wants me to also laugh and she says, “Khosi, bheka. Wooooh uthini lo muntu?!” 

She laughs before I can even respond. 

I didn’t see or hear anything. 

My phone vibrates. 

I pick it up and check. 

It’s Msizi. 

I smile before I even open the text message. 

“What are you up to?” He texts me. 

“I’m trying to read a book. But mom is watching some weird show and laughing alone. She wants me to laugh with her and I’m struggling to pay attention for five minutes of the show.” I reply. 

“LOL! I’m going to make you watch that show so you keep mom entertained too. It’s her way of bonding with you.” He texts back.

“We are bonding. I’m sitting right here with her.” I text.

He sends me a laughing sticker. 

“What are you up to?” I text. 

“Just put my daughter to sleep. Now I’m just going through some paperwork for a client of mine. I have to be ready for negotiation first thing in the morning.” Him. 

“Okay, well let me not disturb you. Good luck.” Me. 

“But…” him.

“???” Me. 

“Can you come over?” Him. 

I send him a shocked face.

This guy does know that he lives with his mother, right? 

“And your mother?” Me. 

“She’s in the house. I have my own bachelor pad outside.” Him.

“Msizi, this doesn’t sound okay.” Me. 

“I’m asking. If you show up and you don’t like it, we will go to a hotel.” Him. 

“I’m going to use a private taxi to get there. I don’t want your mother seeing my car parked outside then she comes for me.” Me. 

“I have my own garage. When the door is closed, she doesn’t see the cars parked there. I’ll park one of my cars outside the garage door so that your car can be parked inside the garage.” Him. 

“Lol! So, this is how you sneak girls in all the time?” Me. 

“I’m not sneaking them in anymore. I just want you to come over as and when you please. I don’t want you sneaking in. I want you to walk in. But tonight, I’ll sneak you in because you are uncomfortable with walking in.” Him. 

I don’t reply. 

We have been vibing for three months now. I like him. Why not spend the night in a man’s arms vele? When last did I have the pleasure of doing that?

“Mama, I’m going out neh.” I tell my mom.

“Uyaphi?” She asks me.

“I’m going to uMsizi.” 

She gives me dreamy eyes. 

“No mama, it’s not like that.” I stop her thoughts. 

“I’m not saying no. He’s a good person. He makes you laugh. He’s bringing back my Khosi, not the shadow you’ve been for the last two years and a bit.” She says.

“I do like him. Mara I’m scared.” I say. 

“I know, sisi. But you are only punishing yourself. You’ve made your mistakes, Nobukhosi, and you’ve paid for them. The only person you are punishing now is yourself. Msizi is a good man. And he will make mistakes. He is a human being. That you must just know. But honestly, what have you got to lose?” 

I take a deep breath. 

“I don’t want you to miss out on life just because you made a mistake. The important thing is that you’ve learned all you can from it. Maybe it will be different with Msizi. But you won’t know until you give it a chance.” 

I smile at my mom. 

“Uzoba right by yourself tonight?” I ask her. 

“Hai bo! Kanti uyolal’ amalundi?” 

Why must she be this person? 

Why?!

She laughs. I laugh too. 

“I’ll be fine, sisi. But tomorrow you’ll be back after work angisho? So, we can go shopping for groceries?” She says.

“Ja. Futhi Nomzamo is not back yet from maternity leave, so we knock off early.” I say. 

“Okay sisi. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Uhambe kahle.” 

I’m in my room packing an overnight bag.

As I’m packing, Msizi phones me. 

By the way, I didn’t respond to his last text message. 

“I’m coming. I’m packing an overnight bag”, I say as I answer the phone.

“Good. And you told your mom? She phoned my mom and told her to keep you safe.” He says and he’s laughing. 

This woman! 

“What?!” He hears my frustration. 

“Calm down. We are good. Just come. I told my mom you don’t want to be seen. So, she will give us space.” He says.

“I’m so nervous.” I tell him. 

“Khosi, just come.” He says as he laughs. 

I arrive at his house around 8pm. I called him when I left my house. He literally lives two townships away, so it takes me thirty minutes to get here. When I was five minutes away, I phoned him. 

So, I find him waiting for me outside. He instructs me to drive all the way in and through the driveway. At the end of it is an open garage. I must just park in there. 

His mom’s house is a township double story. It’s the biggest corner house here. She has her own big ass house and garage. 

Where I park my car, it’s a double garage. I see the Mercedes-Benz that we went on a date with. I park next to it. The BMW is parked just outside the garage.

I climb out of my car as he opens the door for me. 

“Hey”, I greet him and hug him. 

“Kunjani?” He asks me as he hugs me back. 

“I’m okay. Where’s your mom?” I’m really nervous about this. He starts laughing. Then he says, “in her house. Relax.” 

I just shake my head. 

I pull out my overnight bag, toiletry back and handbag out of my boot. He holds two of the three bags for me. I am holding one bag. 

“This is you for one night?” He asks me, laughing. 

He’s such an idiot. 

“Yes, it is”, I say and roll my eyes. 

He laughs even harder. 

Mxm!

He leads me through a door in the garage. The door leads to an open plan TV room, dining room and kitchen. It is so beautiful! It looks like an apartment you’d find in Taung. He even sees that I’m shocked. This was not my idea of his mother’s backroom. 

I look at him. 

“Welcome home”, he says to me. 

He takes me on a tour. This is an apartment, not a backroom.

There is a guest toilet downstairs… yes, downstairs. Up a flight of brief stairs, there is one big bedroom with a walk-in closet and an in suite bathroom. There is also a study section in this bedroom where all his laptops and documents are. 

“This is not a backroom, Msizi.” I say.

“It is.” He says.

“This is a luxury apartment.” I say.

He laughs.

He wraps his arms around me. We start kissing. Then he says, “So you’d live here? Like if we got married, you’d live here?” 

Woah!

Marriage?!

We are there now?!

“I would”, I find myself saying. I didn’t mean to say that. I know I’ve become humble, but when did I become this humble?

“You sure? I’ll break it down and extend it if you need it to be bigger. I don’t mind.” He says.

I laugh and say, “You clearly love building projects.” 

He laughs too.

“Lalela, finish your work. I’ll be here when you are done.” I say. 

He’s wearing shots, a plain t-shirt, sleepers and his spectacles. My nerd, bandla.

“Okay. What are you going to do while I work?” He asks me. 

“I’m going to read. I’m busy reading a novel, Last Wife Standing, and I’m really into it.” I say.

“Last Wife Standing?” Him. 

“Finish your work. I’ll tell you about it when you are done.” I say.

We kiss again. 

“Thank you for being here”, he says to me.

He’s such a nice guy. Sometimes I don’t even understand it. It feels… different.

11pm.

Msizi wakes me up. His couch is so comfortable. I actually passed out here. 

“Uqedile?” I ask him in my yawning voice.

“Yeah. Let’s go to bed”, he says.

I get up from the couch then I follow him upstairs. He’s holding my hand as he leads me upstairs. 

The bed is even ready to just be slipped into. 

But honestly, I want sex. It’s been two long and dry years. 

So, I start feeling him up, initiating it. 

“We don’t have to –

“Msizi, I want to. I want you. I know you are a nice guy and you not just trying to get me into bed. But I want to. I want you.” 

He picks me up and puts me against the wall. 

Yoh, this nerdy professor is caressing me with his lips! 

I’m instantly wet. Instantly. I’m even breathing heavily. I cannot take this anymore. I need him inside of me. 

“Msizi please…” I moan, but as if about to cry.

“What do you want, Khosi? Tell me what you want.” He whispers.

“Fuck me, Msizi. I’m begging you.” I say.

He throws me on the bed. THROWS ME!

I smile at him.

He takes off his glasses. He’s a sexy man!

What?!

He undresses in front of me. 

I also sit up and undress myself.

In no time, this man is ROCKING MY WORLD!

I am moaning. I am crying. If I could speak in tongues, I would. When I orgasm, he orgasms and cums too. We both moan together. My body feels… WOW! 

He climbs off me. 

We look at each other as he lies next to me.

“Can you see me without your glasses?” I say.

He laughs. 

“Be mine, Khosi. Be my girl. Please.” He says. 

“I thought I was your girl already”, I say.

He smiles at me. 

And we go for it again. 

It is 5am and the sun is rising when we stop the rounds. We also realise that we haven’t even used protection.

“I’ll go get an emergency after pill at work”, I say. 

“Okay. I’ll stock up on condoms sometime today”, he says. 

“I feel like sleeping.” I say.

“Call in sick”, he says. 

“I could never do that to Nomzamo. She’s been too good to me. I’ll just get an energy drink and get through the day.” 

“You’ll come back here after work?” He asks me.

“I’m taking my mom grocery shopping.” 

“Then after that?”

“I’m sleeping. You kept me up all night.” I say. 

He laughs then says, “Please come sleep over again? Please.” 

“Msizi…”

“Please, my baby. Please.” 

“Fine. But call me when you come back from work. I’m not chilling here by myself before you get back.”

He kisses me then says, “I can do that.”

…

Today is Gundo’s birthday. We are at Tholoana World to celebrate his birthday. There are so many kids here. Too many kids. I know Tee-le and Mfundo came together with their wives and kids. They both have small kids. Maybe the wives wanted to drive together. 

Mulalo and Mohato have been excited since they got here. They are at that age where they are small to do anything without Rofhiwa and I, but they think they can do everything independently. I can’t wait for Khanyisa to get here. She knows how to regulate them. 

But I’m worried about her and Rofhiwa. They are fighting because Khanyi knew all this time about the church and she didn’t tell her or look out for her. In my view, she looked out for Rofhiwa without Rofhiwa knowing that she was doing that. I respect Khanyi for not telling Rofhiwa about the church. I also didn’t tell Rofhiwa about the church. Rofhiwa is… not the kind of woman you tell about something like the church. She panics too easily, and she cracks too quickly. She has no sense of thinking in difficult times. Had it been her in Khanyi’s shoes when we were all arrested, she would have never responded the way that Khanyi responded. And it’s okay. I don’t love her any less because of it. But she also needs a sense of awareness, realise that she’s not built to be a church wife… and it’s okay. Khabane and I will try to make them talk today. I hope our plan works. 

“Ey, you alright?” Mr R asks me. 

“These kids are making me dizzy”, I say.

He laughs at me. 

He has beer in his hand. Maybe if I get one, I’ll cope with this better. He actually gives me a bottle. I happily open it and down it. 

I see my dad arrive with Sonia. They have Nyakallo and Atile with them. They were invited. Remo and my dad – Khotso – walk in with Rena and Moloko. I see the Seetes arrive as well. 

We greet each other happily and the kids go crazy. 

This is going to be a long day. 

I see Khabane walk in with Khanyi and Ntuthuko… wow, and Ntuthuko’s kids. They are very glued to Khanyi. 

We greet each other. 

Khanyi hugs me and I shake hands with the gents.

“Sis’Khanyi, can we go play?” The eldest one asks. 

“You may. Look after your siblings, neh?” Khanyi. 

“Okay”, they say then they are gone. 

Now Mulalo and Mohau are here hugging Khanyi.

“Hello my babies. How are you?” Khanyi. 

“Good!” They say. 

“We are going to play. But we love you”, Mulalo. 

“I love you my babies”, Khanyi. 

Gone!

The party is happening for the kids. There are people hired to look after these kids. Us guys are sitting together at some table. 

“Leruo is a new dad, man. Nomzamo gave birth to a baby girl”, Tee-le tells us.

“That’s so beautiful, man. Is that why he couldn’t come?” I ask.

“Yeah. Nomzamo and the baby only got discharged from hospital today.” Tee-le says. 

“Nice. Congratulations to him.” I say.

“And how’s Mohato holding up?” Shack asks.

Why would he do that? Why?

“He’s fine.” I say.

Everyone is instantly quiet. 

“Ntuthuko, I didn’t know you had kids.” Mfundo fills the silence.

“Yeah man. I got three. They are already in love with Khanyi.” Ntuthuko says. 

“She has that effect on people. I don’t know how Khabane shares her so well.” Tee-le says. 

“The same way you share Sis’Thuli”, Khabane says. 

We all laugh. 

“Why are you guys signing cows now there at The NFR Legends? It’s embarrassing, dude.” I say to Mfundo. 

People laugh. 

“Ey, it’s so bad. But we are planning to do a whole come back for the team. We are actually going to involve you guys – the Legends of the Legends.” Mfundo says. 

“But we are old now. Some are injured and some are becoming fat. How on earth are we going to play again?” Tee-le asks. 

“You’ll be coming to the gentlemen’s camp. You guys will be involved in the mental strength programme.” Mfundo explains.

“Okay. How long will it be? You know some of us have wives that will probably not be happy with us going?” Me. 

“Ey, my wife is also not happy with me going. We might get spouses to come too.” Mfundo says. 

“Yeeeeeaaaaahhhh!!!” We all cheer.

“I’m also coming”, Khabane. 

“Really? The rugby guy?” Tee-le. 

“Yep. I’m also going on this gentlemen’s camp. I’ll instil rugby aggression in them. Because all you are signing are soft cows right now”, Khabane says and we all burst into laughter.

“You actually have a point. We should have a spirit and aggression slot and get you and some of your teammates to come make these boys beasts.” Mfundo says and we all laugh. 

“But I’ve decided to reduce their salaries.” Mfundo. 

“Yooooohhhh!!!” We all say. 

“What?!” Tee-le. 

“You guys were earning a number one in the league salary, a champions’ league bonus, topping the champions’ league bonus and World Cup placement incentives. These boys are not even in the top four. You paved the way for them with salaries and play. They are just getting the salary, but are not winning. It’s as if we are rewarding mediocrity. No man. We are bringing their salaries down by forty percent. They must earn their way up!” Yoh! Mfundo is brutal. I mean, I know he’s all about the numbers, but damn! 

“Forty yonke, ntanga?” Tee-le. 

“They are lucky it’s not fifty. I could make it sixty percent. That’s what they deserve. Lezi nkomo lezi!” 

We all just burst into laughter. Ja no, it’s a hard time to be an NFR Legend right now. From fan to player. 

“Hey” Rofhiwa whispers in my ear. 

I look up at her. 

“Can I see you? A few minutes? Please?” She says.

I stand up and walk with her towards some open space. 

“What’s up?” I ask her. 

“Papa is upset with me.” She says. 

“Why?”

“Because Khanyi and I are fighting. He’s automatically assuming that I’m wrong. And I can’t exactly tell him that Khanyi is now a thug and she didn’t care to tell me that I’m indirectly a thug too. I did a day in prison and I had no idea what was happening. Khanyi knew and she said nothing.” She says.

“I thought we spoke about this, Rofhiwa.” I say. 

She’s quiet. 

“Can we leave?” She asks me. 

“It’s your brother’s birthday party. Our kids are having fun at this party. You want to leave because things didn’t go your way with your dad?” I ask her. 

“I just don’t feel like being around people.” She says. 

I’m getting a bit annoyed now. 

We are not leaving!

This party is seriously happening for these kids. Getting them to come back to the table to eat is a nightmare and each parent has to chip in because the people hired to manage these kids today are not coping. These kids even laugh at them when they try to calm them down. 

I see Khanyi feeding Ntuthuko’s last born. He is small shame. She’s going to make such an amazing mother one day. 

I saw kazi talking to Khanyi… almost reprimanding her. But they were cool after a while. 

“You ready to reunite the sisters?” Bane asks me. 

“Ja eish.” Me. 

“Come, let’s get it done.” He says. 

Rofhiwa, Khanyisa, Khabane and I are sitting at a table together now. These two are fixing this today. 

“We need to fix whatever is going on here”, I begin. 

Rofhiwa gives Khanyi a bad look. 

Before I carry on, Khanyisa says, “Fifi, I was wrong to not tell you. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings at all. I thought this was something that Bhut’Rea would have to tell you himself. I didn’t think it was my place to say anything. But I realise now that you expected me to tell you and that’s what you would have regarded as me having your back. I’m really sorry.” 

“Thank you. It really means a lot that you acknowledge that. And I’m sorry for treating you like this was your fault. It’s these motherfuckers that have put us in this gangster shit“, Rofhiwa. 

They look at each other and they laugh.

Khanyi stands up and goes to hug Fifi. 

“I don’t want to fight with you. I missed you so much.” Khanyi says. 

“I miss you too. I was so scared. I was in jail, Khanyi. Jail!” Rofhiwa says.

“I’m sorry. It was hard. But we got through it. And we are good.” Khanyi says.

“The twins say you took them on an adventure.” Rofhiwa. 

“Well, it was quite the adventure if you ask me.” Khanyisa. 

They laugh. 

“Well now that that’s sorted”, Khabane says as he stands up. 

“Nope, it’s not. The two of you owe us. We fought because of you! Imagine what papa would say if he found out that you two Tholoana Kingdom boys made his baby girls fight”, Khanyisa.

Khabane and I look at each other. 

“You know, papa would never be okay with boys that turn his house upside down. You definitely owe us.” Rofhiwa.

“What do you want?” I ask.

“A double date to a nice chick-flick rom-com. And you may not fall asleep during the movie”, Rofhiwa says.

Yoh! Yerrr! Khabane is equally annoyed.

“And a holiday… to celebrate my graduation just before my umemulo”, Khanyi says.

“The holiday is on!” Khabane. 

“But movie first!” Khanyi.

She and Rofhiwa look at each other. They laugh. Khabane and I shake our heads. 

At 7pm, the kids are drunk and tired from their own insanity and wild screams throughout the day. Mulalo is crying. I don’t know why, and I’m not interested in finding out why. I just want to go home. I’m absolutely exhausted. I just pick her up. 

“Lalo, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I ask her. 

“Mohau pushed me”, she says. 

I don’t know why my kids fight so much. I don’t know why Mohau always bullies his sister. I don’t get it. When they get along, they get along very well. Then they fight…

“Babe, can we go? Mohau is busy slapping everyone here.” Rofhiwa says and she has Mohau with her. 

“Are you guys leaving already?” Kazi asks us. 

Lalo dives to her. 

“Hello gorgeous. What’s wrong? Are you crying?” Kazi. 

“Mohau pushed me!” Lalo says. 

“Mohau! What did I say to you about fighting with your sister?” 

“Sorry, kazi.” 

“No, say sorry to Lalo.” Kazi. 

“Sorry Lalo.” Then he hugs her. 

I swear the women in this family can handle my kids. They just make me freeze nje.

“Kazi, we are headed back to the hotel. These two must just sleep.” Fifi says. 

“Okay guys. We will see each other next week for Khanyi’s graduation.” She says.

“Definitely”, I say.

“Drive safely. I love you guys”, Kazi says.

We all hug then as Fifi and I plan to leave…

“Rea, hey” Thuli says, catching us before we get to the car. 

“Hey. How are you? How’s life after baby number two?” Me.

“It’s good. We’ve finally caught up with you guys”, Thuli says, then Fifi and I laugh. 

“Listen, you know Tee-le’s birthday is coming up, right?” Thuli. 

“Yeah. Are we celebrating at a strip club?” Me. 

“No!”

We all laugh. 

“I’m surprising him with a wedding. I want you to be part of it.”

“WHAT?!” Fifi and I both say. 

“He doesn’t know, guys. So please, hush hush.” She says.

“But a whole wedding, Thuli? Okay, maybe I’m confused. Isn’t Tee-le’s birthday in four days’ time?” I ask. I’ve never heard of such. 

“It is. And I have it under control. The venue is booked. The decor is sorted. The music is sorted. And now I’m sorting out my bridal party. You, as the best man, will need to help me with getting the guys sorted. I’ll send you the details of the designer who is designing the outfits of the bridal party. Tomorrow, he’s expecting you guys there to take measurements and start making your outfits. All is paid for. It’s just you, Mfundo and Khabane. My girls are Nene, Fifi and Khanyi.” 

She actually has this all planned out. 

“Please Rea. I’ll be sending out invitations tomorrow.”

“You are actually serious.” I say. I’m still in shock. 

“I am. We signed on his birthday. So, this is an anniversary and a wedding celebration. And please guys, don’t say anything to him. Please.” 

“Thuli –

“There you are. Tlotlo has been crying for the last five minutes. Nothing is working so we all assume he wants his vending machine”, Tee-le says. 

Thuli now focuses on Tlotlo and Tee-le as if she didn’t just drop a whole bomb on us.

“Hello papa. Hello cuteness. Hello Tlotlo ka mamakhe. Hello my boy”, Thuli is now making her son smile. 

Tee-le watches them with the biggest smile on his face. 

Thuli mara! 

…

Today is my birthday. I’m reminded by Thuli waking me up at ungodly hours and telling me that we are having a full day of activities today, so I must wake up. 

I don’t know where my children are. But they are not here. Yesterday, I had to go fit a very nice suit! I love it! It was everything stylish. 

“Are you ready to go?” Thuli asks me. 

She didn’t even give me sex. It’s my birthday and she hasn’t given me birthday sex.

“Where are we going? I ask her for the fiftieth time. 

“You need to trust me. Come on. In a few hours, it will make sense. I promise.” She says.

I’m not sure how I feel.

I don’t like not being in control at all. I don’t. 

Thuli drives me to the Michael Angelo hotel. 

What’s going on?

She comes up with me. We get to some room and when we step in, Khabane, Mfundo and Reahile are in here. I actually laugh. What are these fools doing here? 

I greet them. 

Then I go back to Thuli. 

“Baby, I’ll see you later neh“, she says to me. 

“Love, what’s going on?” I ask her. 

She kisses me. 

“Soon, my love. Soon.” She says.

Then she leaves. 

Now I’m with these guys. 

“Gents, what’s happening?” I ask them. 

They all laugh.

“Don’t worry. You are going to be a happy man today.” Reahile says.

We spend some time at the spa getting massages and getting groomed. It’s actually a cool morning. 

Then we have breakfast, just the four of us. It’s actually pretty cool. And I like this hotel. People are nice or they simply mind the business that pays them. 

Now, we are getting our hair cut. We are all looking pretty fresh by the time that we are done. 

We head back to the room that Thuli left me at. There are suits laid out for us. There’s the suit that I was fitting. These three have suits too – different, but beautiful suits. 

I find a note and a gift on my suit. 

I open the gift first. It’s a diamond pinky ring. I love it! It’s perfect. It even has my initials on it. I’ve always asked Thuli to buy this for me on our wedding day as my groom gift. 

No!

There’s no way!

I can’t be having my wedding today!

Fuck! It’s also my wedding anniversary. 

I open the letter. 

“Meet at the altar, myeni wami. Happy birthday. Happy anniversary. Happy Thuli and Tee-le day. Love, your bride.“

There’s no fucken way!

“SURPRISE!” These three idiots say to me.

I’m actually crying. I cry and I laugh at the same time.

“You have a crazy wife. And before you get mad at us, she bullied us into this.” Khabane. 

I laugh. 

“Get dressed. We have to get the wedding started.” Reahile says. 

Yoh! I’m blown away. I’m even shaking! How did I miss this? 

…

I am being walked into a venue by my mother. She knew too?! 

Yoh I’m so shocked! 

And as I walk in, the venue is FILLED to capacity. Everyone is dressed in white and nude. Thuli told me that this colour is nude. Everyone is dressed in it. My three groomsmen – honestly, I would have chosen these exact men in this order – are dressed in black suit pants, white shirts and nude suit jackets. My best man, Reahile, is dressed in nude suit pants, nude shirt and nude suit jacket. I’m wearing nude suit pants, a white shirt and a white tux jacket. We look so nice! So nice! 

I take my place in front of the priest. 

My mom goes to sit down. 

I see Khumo walking in throwing flowers on the ground. I actually laugh! She knew too?! She tells me EVERYTHING! How did she forget to tell me this?! Tip nyana?!

She gets to the end of the isle and I kneel down to kiss her. My baby girl. 

“You look so nice.” I tell her. 

“Thank you.” She says and hugs me back. 

She goes to sit down. 

Khanyisa is the one who walks in first in a nude dress. She looks nice. Ja no. I can’t believe I didn’t suspect a damn thing! 

Rofhiwa walks in after Khanyi, also dressed in a nude dress. 

I’m in so much disbelief. I’m struggling to process what is happening here. 

Nene walks down now in a white and nude dress. It has some bead work on it here and there. She looks really nice. I’m assuming she’s the maid-of-honour. But the married one. Apparently, the married ones have a different title. Ja, she’s probably that. 

I see Mulalo and Mohau walking in with the rings. 

I actually laugh. 

They are not even walking in. They are running in. 

I look at Reahile. We both just laugh. My goodness! 

Then finally, everyone stands. I see my wife come in. She’s wearing a massive pearl-white princess gown that has beading and lace work. I don’t know how to describe this. I just know that she’s stunning. She’s perfect and she’s mine. 

Now she’s standing in front of me. I’m in so much disbelief. I’m even shaking. 

“Are you okay?” She asks me. 

“No, I’m not.” I say.

Everyone laughs. I’m seriously not okay. Every person in this venue right now kept this information from me. I’m not okay! 

I don’t even hear what the priest is saying. But when he asks Thuli to say her vows first, I almost snap back into the moment. 

“Remoletile…” She begins, then she cries. 

“I’m sorry. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.” She says. 

I hug her. 

We are holding hands again. 

“Babe… everything about our relationship has been a surprise. When our relationship started… okay fine, that wasn’t a surprise for you.”

Everyone laughs. 

“But to me, it was a surprise. Just as we were enjoying life together, we have our surprise beautiful baby girl… our queen Khumz.”

“Yeeeesss!” Khumo shouts from somewhere. 

Everyone laughs. 

“Her in all her awesomeness.”

People laugh. 

“Then we started planning our wedding, only for that to be put on hold by another surprise… our son… our little king Tlotlo. So, I decided that I’d surprise you with a wedding because our life is a ball of blessed surprises.” 

You just here “hmmm” all over the venue.

“Tee-le, I love you so much. Sometimes, it just feels as if I cannot love you more than I do. It feels like I’ve reached the peak of love. Then I wake up every morning loving you so much more.” 

I see every couple holding on tightly onto each other’s hands. 

“I’m honoured to be your wife and the mother of your children. I’m blessed to get the opportunity to love you in this lifetime. But I’m divinely favoured to have my love for you reciprocated so beautifully by you, and to be loved in abundance by you. Thank you for everything, my love. I vow to continue to celebrate you every day… as my husband, as the father of my children and as one of the most amazing individuals I’ll ever know in life. Khumo and Tlotlo will grow up one day, leave our nest and go live their lives. I’ll still be here, growing with you, losing teeth with you… loving you even when you walk away from me when we argue and I feel like throwing something at you for it.”

People laugh. 

“I will keep loving you when life seems easy and when life is at its most difficult. I vow to learn how to speak seSotho…”

“Yeaaaahhhhh!” I say and I clap my hands. 

Everyone laughs. Even her. 

“Okay, I practiced this… Kea o rata, monna waka. Ke o rata kajeno, kao sane le…” She pauses.

“And forever!” She forgot the sotho word for that. 

We all laugh. 

I love my wife, man.

“Thank you for choosing me, Remoletile Serame… for making me your Mrs Serame. I will love you, honour you, and be the partner you need in me until the end of time. Happy Thuli and Tee-le day, my love.” 

I just kiss her. 

The priest is trying to tell us that it’s not yet time and people are laughing. But this is my world. She’s the best decision that I have ever made.

Now it’s my turn to say my vows. 

“My breathtakingly beautiful and incredibly thoughtful wife… mme wabana baka… ngwetsi yahaSerame… my Thulisile Sim’lindile Serame. What you’ve done today can never be undone.” 

She bursts into laughter and everyone else laughs. I smile at her.

“I cannot believe that you kept this from me… that you convinced all these people – including my boys – to keep this from me”.

Everyone is laughing. 

“But this is why I love you. You are one of the most thoughtful people I know. Your heart pumps love and happiness alone. You are one hell of a mother, and an even better wife. Sharing space, time, a home, a life, a marriage and children with you is a daily reminder to me of how much God genuinely loves me. He created you – in all your incredibleness – just for me. You are an amazing woman. Any man would be blessed to have you. But you are right here in front of me right now, saying “I do” to me. Me, Tee-le Serame? Sometimes, I cannot believe my luck. I knew from the day that I first laid eyes on you that you were going to be my wife. You were not even looking at me at the time. But I knew.. I just knew… God wouldn’t make my heart pump as hard as it did every time I was in your presence – for nothing. So, I knew this moment would happen even before you had dreams of me. But I had no idea that I’d be surprised with a whole wedding on my birthday two children later.” 

People laugh. 

“Thuli, my love… I love you, baby. I love you so much. There will never be another woman fit for me because you have honestly shown me the miracles and wonders of love. I loved you before the kids. I loved you before our lives became so busy with everything but lazy Sunday filled with sex and movies.” 

“Wooooohhhhh!!” The audience is very active today. 

Now everyone laughs. 

“I will love you even when our home is no longer noisy with our kids’ screams and opinions… and it’s just us on lazy Sundays, losing teeth and pensioning away together… figuring out new ways to have old age passion and sex.” 

People laugh. Even Thuli laughs. 

“I just want to say that I want to be your safe place… even when it’s uncomfortable to find safety with me. I am for you as you are for me. I’ve given myself over to you, moratuwa waka. Only death can do us part.” 

She hugs me, holding me tightly. 

Before I know it, I’m kissing my beautiful bride. People are cheering and applauding us. 

I’m one hell of a happy man! 

..

The wedding reception went into the early hours of the morning. My mom took my kids with her to her room. Tee-le and I retired to our bedroom after 4am. And obviously, we had an entire bang-fest. I’m happy. I’m such a happy woman. My husband is happy. He’s a very happy man. We went to sleep well after 8am and my body is still recovering from all that sex and all the sex positions explored just to thank me for being amazing. 

“MOMMY! DADDY! MOMMY! DADDY!” I hear little voices yelling outside our hotel door.

I open an eye and Tee-le is throwing underwear and a gown at me. 

I just wear the underwear and the gown, then head back to bed. I’m so moeg.

Tee-le gets the door.

I hear him talk to my mom briefly, then he comes back into the bedroom with Tlotlo in his arms and Khumo running ahead of them. She jumps onto the bed and starts jumping on the bed. 

“MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!” Khumo has no peace. 

Tee-le puts Tlotlo on the bed and he starts slapping my face, pulling my ear… konke nje. 

“Why?! Why?! Why?!” Me. 

Tee-le laughs at me. 

I sit up now on the bed. 

Tee-le kisses me. 

“DADDY!” Khumo. 

“Close your eyes!” Tee-le. 

Khumo blocks her eyes with her tiny hands.

Tee-le kisses me, brushing my boobs as he kisses me even deeper.

“Finish daddy!” Khumo. 

He just stops.

I laugh at him. 

“When are they moving out again?” He whispers to me.

I laugh aloud. 

“Maybe we should shower and get ready for breakfast.” He says. 

“What time is it?” I ask. 

“11am.” He says.

“Mommy, when are we going on honeymoon?” Khumo. 

Tee-le is shocked. 

I laugh and say, “That’s the last part of the surprise. We need to shower and get to the airport. The four of us are honeymooning.” 

“There’s no way!” Tee-le says then laughs! 

I love it when he’s so happy. 

…

We get to the airport just on time to have our bags wrapped – I had pre-packed all our bags – and check in. Our flight is in an hour, so we are able to eat once our bags are crossed. 

We go to Spur. It’s my favourite restaurant and Khumo is very addicted to it too.

I have Tlotlo in a baby chair next to me. He still just drinks his bottle. No solids for him yet. Tee-le is eating while feeding Khumo her chips and burger. I’m eating while I feed Tlotlo his bottle and keeping him distracted with my cellphone. He discovered it a few months ago and his life changed forever. 

Lol!

“Love, when did you plan all of this?” He asks me. 

“I’m good neh?” Me.

“Too good”, he says. 

We laugh. 

“For you, my love, I’d do this again and again and again.” I say. 

“You are my wildest and sweetest dreams come true.” He says. 

I smile at him. 

After forty minutes, we are boarding our plane – first class of course to accommodate the two babies on board. 

Within a few minutes, we are taking off to the Dominican Republic.