Thomas and I have bought a house together. A lot has happened for the past year. He proposed, I said yes, but I refused to stay in his late wife’s house. The agreement was that he will not proceed with the lobola negotiations until we have moved into the new house. 

Rofhiwa was extremely upset about the new house. I guess she believed that the house was an attachment to her mother. But I told both her and Thomas that I’m not in their lives to be a placeholder. I respect that they loved her and they want to keep a memory of her, but I refuse to live in her shadow. I don’t expect Rofhiwa to think of me as her mother – even though I think of her as my daughter – but I also don’t want to feel like I’m competing with a ghost. 

So, I told her and Thomas that they are clearly not ready to move on and I’m not interested in any progress in our relationship until they are. 

Thomas and I were broken up for about two long and excruciating months as a result of this conversation. 

When we decided to fix things and try again, the house thing was still an issue, so I stopped sleeping over at his place. He realized that I was serious about this house thing. Within a month, he surprised me with a new house. I was a bit upset because I wanted a say in what my house would look like or where it would be. But I had to choose my battles, and being thankful that we have a new house at least, was a start. 

Rofhiwa seems to be coming around. She even sleeps over at the new house again. I thank God that she takes therapy seriously. I’m sure the therapist told her to get over herself. But I’d never say this to her face. 

Instead, I try a lot harder with her. For example, I got us a trainer who comes to torture us together every morning and she seems to like it. It’s our way to connect. We exercise for an hour every morning then take a thirty minute walk around our estate to warm down. We usually use this time to talk. She lets me into her life and I do what I can to make her comfortable with and around me. Khanyisa joins us, but she ends up being someone’s responsibility to pick up while we are still exercising. So, we always take her stroller with us because when she’s tired, we make her sit in it and we push her in her stroller as we walk. She ends up falling asleep during the walk. 

Today is my amahlabiso and umembeso. Thomas and I are not having a white wedding, so we decided to do the traditional stuff done properly. 

I couldn’t sleep last night because I’m so nervous. I’ll probably sleep when hair and makeup starts. 

My phone rings, it’s my husband. Yes, we signed yesterday. 

“Hello, Mr R.”

“Hello, Mrs R. How’s my baby doing today?”

“I’m so nervous. I couldn’t even sleep.”

“Why? We are already married. No matter what happens this weekend, you already have my last name.”

I laugh and say, “I know. I’m just nervous.”

This is my first time doing this. He kinda has experience. I mean, I’m his third chance. 

“Listen, my love. Everything is going to be great. I can’t wait to see you.” 

Now I also notice that there’s a lot of singing in the background. 

“I see your celebrations have started.” I say.

“They started last night. I even slept in the outside room because of the noise in this house.”

I laugh because Thomas is very capable of that. 

“I love you, baby. And thank you for choosing me.” He says. 

“I love you, my husband. Thank you for choosing me”. I say. 

My sisters, my mother and I are busy doing our hair, nails and makeup. I’m feeling sleepy, so I might pass out during this pampering session in my mother’s TV room. The glass tent is being set up outside and the decor company is already here to start decorating and set up. Sbo has taken Khanyisa to the kiddies salon to get her hair done. The salon opened early to accommodate us and Khanyisa really likes the lady who does her hair. So, we are extremely petty when it comes to that. Only Qinisile can touch Khanyisa’s head. She doesn’t even let me touch her hair unless I’m just brushing her hair neat for school. 

“Awusho Fikile, how come you treat Khanyisa so differently?” Neli starts. 

“Hai! Awu kahle, bo! Awungiyeke mahn, Nelisile. I’m getting bored now with this conversation.” I’m already bored. 

“I’m asking because I need to understand, Fikile. We agreed that we would raise the kids together in this house. But you separate Khanyisa from the others and you cannot even hide that you love her more than you love the other three.” Neli insists on this conversation. 

“Nelisile, are you even sure that you are a parent? Khanyisa’s mother is not around for her. She’s not, Neli. Since Sbo brought Khanyisa home, how often has she come to check on her child? Or even a phone call ke? I’ve stepped up and taken it upon myself to be her mother. I’m well aware that I’ll never be her mother, but I do want to help Sbo with her and he lets me. Your kids have mothers. Why is it a problem that Khanyisa has one too?” 

“Sbo is her parent –

“Nelisile, stop it! Whatever it is that you are feeling, get over it.” 

“How does Thomas feel about Khanyisa living with you guys?” Noni asks me.

“Thomas is cool. He has a beautiful relationship with Khanyisa. His daughter, uRofhiwa, has a beautiful relationship with Khanyisa. We are just going to be a beautiful blended family and we are all excited about it.” 

“Awusho weh Fikile, I’ve been meaning to ask. Are you sure that Thomas can keep up with you? Phela he’s old enough to be mom’s toy boy”, Noni says and we all burst into laughter… including my mother. 

“Honey, he can handle all of this! Yabona laphaya, insizwa uqobo lwayo. Hai cha! Iyasebenza indoda yaseVenda!” 

“Unamanga! Ithi Mageba!”

“MAGEBA!” 

Noni, my mom and I laugh.

“You know when I’m in his arms, I question myself ukuthi what was I doing namabhobhodlwana all this time when there are real men out there! Hai shame, say what you want about uThomas. But that charming and suave man is unmatched.”

“Weeeeehhhhhhh!” 

Now even the people doing our hair, nails and makeup laugh. 

“Blue pills nyana? Nix?!” Noni.

“Hai phela! Sowudelela indoda yami, manje. He’s not THAT old!” 

We all laugh again. 

“Nisile nina, mantimbazane! Not even your father takes blue pills”, my mom says. 

“Hai mama! You want to tell us that this glow is all natural from ubaba? Asavuma amandlakaMbatha?” What’s wrong with Noni today? 

“We didn’t reach fourty-nine years of marriage on prayer and perseverance alone!” Hai guys! I don’t want to know this about my parents!

We are all screaming and laughing at this. 

“Give me some tips, phela mama.” I say. 

“Lalela ke… have you ever seen me in pyjamas that would make my husband sleep too far away from me at night?”

THIS WOMAN!

“A man must always crave you. To this day, I still make sure that your father sees the underwear I put on every morning, so that throughout the day – no matter what I wear over it – he must look forward to being in the room when I undress again. Sometimes, he takes the underwear off himself!” 

“UMbatha wonke pho?! The same one who sits in that lounge area or front stoep all day long reading newspapers and drinking tea or smoking pipe? That man knows what to do with lingerie?” Noni says and we are in stitches. I don’t think I’ll ever look at my father the same way again. 

“He’s also the same man who is in shape no matter what kind of food you put in front of him. Kuyasetshenzwa egumbini lomshado, ntombo! No wife just goes into bed and sleeps.” 

I’m so done with my mother! I cannot! We are all in stitches and actually peep out the window to look at my dad. He doesn’t even look like he knows how to have sex! Now we’ve just heard about how he keeps in shape! Tjo!

We all look at each other again and LAUGH!

“You must hook me up with that sexy friend of Thomas’. I think his name is Mthunzi.” Neli says.

“Kahle wena! He’s married.” I say. 

“So was Kamva’s father, but his penis wasn’t spoken for.” Neli says.

“Well, Mthunzi’s penis is and no, I’m not helping you come between a very beautiful couple. Besides, have you seen his wife? That woman is gorgeous! Ubuhle bakhe buchitha ilanga, sisi. Mthunzi is not leaving all of that for your basic self.” 

Neli is hurt by this and I don’t care. Who the hell says that? 

…

The festivities are amazing. I’m having so much fun and my husband looks like a dream. Yaz mara my husband is hot. And I’ve seen girls giving him eyes. This one, I’m stamping his forehead that he is mine! 

After the slaughtering, gifting ceremony and all the dancing that has happened, it is time for me to leave my father’s yard. It is 6pm when this happens. I’m feeling extremely emotional. But I’m happy. I’m content. I’m in a good place and I know that this man is going to love me until the end of time. 

Sbo and one of our male cousins carry that kiest that I’m leaving my father’s yard with. We go around the house to tell the Mbatha ancestors that I’m no longer a Mbatha and I’m leaving the Mbatha home to go start a home for the Ramaru family. This just feels so final. Khanyisa is right here next to me. She is also dressed in her little isiZulu maiden outfit. 

When we are finally done, my father hands me over to Thomas. I see Koena from the corner of my left eye and she’s smiling at me. Mthunzi is starting to grey, but he’s right next to her, holding her very close to himself. I don’t blame him. So many of Sbo’s friends asked me for his wife’s number. He better hold a beauty like that very close to him and make sure that her wedding ring is the biggest accessory she has because some people insist on being blind to it. 

My husband takes my hand as the kiest is being loaded into the car. I smile at him then my eye catches Khotso Mohale in a distance. 

I must be dreaming. Why the hell would he be here? What does he want? Yho, I really don’t need Khotso to do this to me right now. We stare at each other for a long time and time seems to just stand still as we look at each other. But you know what, I’m not going to do that to my husband. I’m curious to know why Khotso is here, but he is not worth me disrespecting my husband like that. So, I get into the car with my husband and our two daughters. We drive away and make our way to Venda and I make sure that I do not look back. 

Thomas hired Vitos and V250s to transport us and our families to Venda. We are driving through the night. Sbo is joining us later. He is driving down with his girlfriend. She seems to be quite consistent this one. They went on a date a year ago and we’ve been seeing a lot of her ever since. Sbo has actually taken over my car. I don’t even complain yaz. Thomas even saw it and he gave me one of his cars to drive permanently- he gave me the G63. 

But anyway, Sbo is coming later because he and his girlfriend volunteered to clean up and lock up the house. But they’ll be around for tomorrow’s ceremony. 

“You look beautiful, my love”, he says. 

I smile at him and say, “I saw all these girls giving you eyes. Do I need to make your ring bigger?” 

He laughs. Even Rofhiwa laughs.

“I think so. Do you know my friends at school have a crush on you, dad? It’s very uncomfortable.” Rofhiwa says. 

“What? He’s old enough to be their father”, I say. 

“I know. And I tell them every day that Fikile doesn’t play. She’ll punch them all.” Rofhiwa says and we all laugh. 

She calls me Fikile and I’m okay with it. I really am. It makes Thomas cringe and it makes his skin crawl. But I’ve told him to let it go. I’m only interested in the relationship that I have with Rofhiwa. I couldn’t be bothered what she calls me. What matters to me is how she views me and I’m content with that. 

An hour into the drive and we are all feeling tired. Especially me. I haven’t slept much. 

I cuddle up to my husband and throw a fleece blanket over us. Khanyisa is on top of Rofhiwa and they are cuddled into each other. The best thing about a V250 is the space and comfort it provides. I give my husband a brief hand-job under this fleece blanket. He looks at me as if I’m being unfair because he cannot really make so much as a sound of pleasure because the girls are here and the driver is wide awake. He just grabs my body and holds on to it, refraining from letting out so much as a whim of pleasure. I feel him getting hard and I start giggling. 

“I’m going to get you for this”, he whispers in my ear. 

I just laugh. 

…

This morning, Thomas and Rofhiwa have gone to Lydia Ramaru’s tomb. I’ve only been to Venda with them twice, but even I know that when they are here, their spirits are extremely heavy. They become so heavy and they generally cannot wait to just leave this place. 

When Thomas told me how his wife passed, I understand why he has been so nervous about us coming to Venda for the wedding. He doesn’t have the best of experiences with waking up next to his wife in Venda. 

Khanyisa loves it here. She has friends and she wakes up early in the morning and wants to go and play with the kids around this village. Today, we had to stop her and tell her that she’s not allowed outside of the yard, no matter what. So, she’s playing with Tom’s siblings’ kids and I’m just watching them from up here in the bedroom. She’s even caught onto the language and it fascinates me how much of a sponge a child’s brain is. Imagine Sbo’s shock when Rofhiwa started swearing at Noni’s and Neli’s kids in tshiVenda when they annoyed her. Sbo and I couldn’t help but laugh because I don’t even know what she was saying. I told her to say it when Thomas was around and Thomas told her – in tshiVenda – that her words were not nice words. But he was very impressed that she knows more tshiVenda than I do. 

I might as well start unpacking my bags because I have to be here for a week to appease the Ramaru ancestors. I’ve already been welcomed here, so today is just a celebration. 

I bump into my cellphone as I unpack my bag. I forgot that I threw it in here when I was packing because I didn’t want to forget it. 

I check it for anything I’ve missed and I see Khotso’s messages. What does this guy want, mara?

I phone him back because I really don’t want the back and forth via text messages then give Khotso the wrong idea about where I’m at where he is concerned.

“Fiks, hey.” 

“Khotso. What do you want?” 

“You looked beautiful yesterday.”

“Thank you. Now what do you want?” 

“I just wanted us to talk.” 

“About what, Khotso?” 

“About the fact that I’m still in love with you.”

I honestly cannot help but laugh. Is he being serious? 

“No, Khotso, ujwayela abantu kabi, wena. Yaz, I underestimated your audacity.”

“Fiks, don’t be like that.”

“Hai fuck off wena mahn. Voetsek, Khotso! How dare you! Who do you think you are? Not only are you disrespecting my husband, but you are disrespecting me and showing me exactly the kind of woman that you think I am.”

“No, Fikile. It’s not that. It’s just… I miss you, Fiks. I search for you in every woman that I come across. I messed up with you and I’ve been regretting it since the day that you walked out of my life for good.” 

“Khotso Mohale, I’m not doing this with you.” 

“Please hear me out –

“No, you listen to me. You had me for five years. You had five years to show me how you really feel about me – how much you even respect me. You and that family of yours that believes it shits ice-cream went out of your way to make sure that I knew where I stood with you. Anikwazi ukuphatha abantu, nina bakwaMohale. You and I are done!”

“I thought you said you’d always love me.” 

“I will. But from a distance. I’ll probably never run out of love for you, but I’ve definitely run out of patience and tolerance for you and your family. Don’t ever phone me again, Khotso.” 

“Fiks… I’m in Venda. I need to see you. If I don’t see you, I will attend your wedding and this time I won’t be a quiet spectator in the background.” 

“You spent five years with me and you still don’t know what I’m capable of? I dare you to try me.” 

I hang up. 

The audacity! 

Rha! 

Thomas walks through the door as I finish unpacking the last item of clothing from our bags. He looks a bit – I can just tell that he had a difficult time at the graveyard. 

I just throw my arms around him and pull him into a hug. He starts crying and I just let him. 

After he has had himself a good cry, we lie on the bed facing each other. I brush his cheek with my hand and he kisses my fingers. 

“I love you”, I tell him. 

“Promise me that I’ll never have to bury you”, he says. 

Hai bo. 

“I can’t promise you something like that. Some of these things are up to God, baby. We can only do so much. But for as long as I’m alive, I promise to always be right beside you, supporting you and Rofhiwa no matter what. I’m yours, Mr Ramaru.” 

He smiles at me. My man is hot guys! I can’t get used to how yummy he is. 

“Thank you for stepping in and stepping up with Rofhi. She told her mother about you this morning”. 

“She did?”

He nods his head. 

“What did she say?”

“She said that she loves you and she feels as if her mother sent you our way because you definitely feel like an angel on earth created just for us. She said that she’s been scared to let you be her mother because she felt that by doing that, she’d be forgetting about her mom. But after she dreamt about her mother, she knows that her mother understands that she has to move on and give herself another chance at happiness and a good family. She said she’s thankful that you never pushed her nor did you ever run out of patience for her. That’s how she knows that you love her.” 

Now I’m getting emotional. This is too much. 

Now he wipes the tears off my face and I say, “Thank you for loving Khanyisa and letting her be part of our family. Thank you for our family – our two beautiful girls – and for the fact that you and I have each other.” 

We kiss. 

I might as well tell him about Khotso now, so he’s prepared in case Khotso decides to behave like the brat that he and his brother are. 

“Baby”, I begin. 

“Yes?” 

“My ex phoned me.” 

He looks at me to elaborate. 

“He says he’s in Venda and he wants to meet up with me, else he will disrupt today’s celebrations.” I say. 

He starts laughing. 

One thing about an older man… he knows what he brings to the table and no kid is going to shake him. 

After her has had a good laugh, he says, “What does he want?” 

“Apparently me. He wants me back.” 

“And you? Do you want him?” 

I shake my head. 

“Are you sure?” 

“I’m not Mrs Thomas Ramaru by mistake.” 

“Then we’ll let security deal with his crazy ass.” 

I love this man. 

My phone beeps. I look at the message.

“Eish, I really need to sell this property”. I say. 

“Why? It’s a good investment.” He says. 

“I know. But, it’s becoming a burden now. Every now and then, I have to go and check up on it to make are that all is in order. I don’t want to go back to Tholoana Kingdom ever again.”

“Then we will pay someone to do it. You make good money with that property, baby. And that money has come in handy for your business and for the girls. I’ll take care of it if you want it off your hands.” He says.

I smile at him and say, “Please?” 

We kiss. 

One of his brothers walks into our bedroom without even knocking.

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry!” He yells. 

He’s so unnecessary. We are just kissing. We are not doing anything.

“What do you want?!” Thomas yells at him.

“We wanted to just let you know that the Mbatha family is here. We need to start getting ready and start the day.” He says.

“Cool.” Thomas.

The brother disappears again. 

…

To say that I’m exhausted would be an understatement. I’m so thankful that I don’t have parents in law. The only thing that woke me up this morning is the heat. But I managed to make everyone some breakfast and I’ve been downing cold water ever since. 

“You’ll get used to the heat, don’t worry.” Rofhiwa tells me. 

“How long did it take you to get used to it?” I ask.

“I was about Khanyi’s age. That’s why she’s so used to it by now”, she says.

“Maybe I’m menopausing”, I say and Rofhiwa is in stitches. 

I just giggle. 

“Rofhiwa, I just want to say thank you for allowing Khanyi and I into your family. You know none of this would have happened if you were resistant to us, right?” 

“I just want my dad to be happy. I want to be happy again. The two of you have completed our family and we thank you for the laughter and smiles that you’ve brought back into our home and into our lives.” 

I smile at her. 

“You know, I can barely remember my mother. I wasn’t even five when she passed away. I have pictures of her and I know she was beautiful. I speak to Mfundo a lot.” 

“Mfundo?”

“Aunt Koena’s son?” 

“Oh yeah… isn’t he a tad bit older than you?” 

“Not as old as my dad is compared to you”, she says and I laugh. But that’s not sliding again in the future. Also, she said it with a smile so for the sake of my marriage and our relationship, I’ll take it that she meant no harm nor shade. 

“Mfundo lost his mom too and has been raised by Aunt Koena”, she says. 

I didn’t even know that Koena was not his biological mother. They are so close. 

“He told me that it’s okay to still want to have another mother. It doesn’t take away the mother that birthed me. Nothing and no one ever will”. 

I smile at her. 

“So, I might never call you mother… but please know that I take you as my mother.” She says.

I just hug her. 

“Kazi!” I hear Khanyisa call for me. 

“Khanyi!” I yell back. 

“Where are you?!” She yells.

“In the kitchen”, I say. 

She walks into the kitchen comfortably located on Tom’s hip. 

“Mooooooorrrning”, she says. She still looks slightly sleepy. 

“Good morning, gorgeous”, I say.

Thomas and I kiss. 

“Kazi, you are not allowed to kiss boys.” 

We all laugh at this. 

“But we are married.” I say.

“No! It’s not allowed.” 

“Okay baby girl, I’m sorry.” I say. 

We all sit around the table in the kitchen and we start eating. In the middle of the chatter and the laughter, the flippen Mohale twins walk into the kitchen. As to how they came into the yard is what confuses all of us even more. Yho! This is so unnecessary. 

“Dumelang“, Khotso greets. 

Thomas stands up and I stand up with him. 

“Sisi, bengithi –

Sbo stops behind the twins as soon as he notices them. 

He walks in and stands next to Thomas and me. 

“Fiks, I just wanted to talk.”

“Uyadelela wena. You are clearly confused about the fights you should be picking”, Sbo says. 

“My man, I don’t mean any disrespect, but – 

“I’ll kick you, son. I’ll moer you! You have no business being here.” Sbo is really not backing down.

“Fikile, when you needed your closure, I gave it to you – 

“That was before she was a married woman”, Sbo.

“Hai mahn! I’m not talking to you! What’s your problem?” Khotso. 

Sbo steps up ready to take Khotso down and Ona steps up to him. Thomas steps up to both of them.

“Guys, please go upstairs. Please.” I tell Rofhiwa and Khanyisa. 

Rofhiwa scoops Khanyisa in her arms and rushes upstairs with her. 

“Fiks, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll never forget you. And if you ever miss home and want to come back, my heart will always be open and ready to receive you. I’m letting you go because you’ve begged me to. And I’ll respect that, even though I don’t agree that I should let you go. Just know, even if it’s ten years from now and you find yourself wanting to come back to me, just come back. For as long as I walk this earth, I will wait for you. Even if I get married and have kids, it will always remain customary marriages because I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll leave you alone now. But baby, I’m yours forever, even if you are not mine right now.” Khotso says. 

Now Sbo really punches him and Khotso lands on the ground. Ona pulls a gun out on Sbo. 

“Ona, seriously?!” Me.

“Who the fuck do they think they are?” Ona. 

“Ona, put that away! What kind of people are you? How do you bulldoze yourself into someone else’s house then you have the audacity to pull out a gun on them?” Me. 

“Fikile –

“Please leave! Both of you! Get out!” I say. 

“Fiks –

Thomas grabs Khotso by his clothes and throws him out of the door. Ona wants to point the gun at Thomas too and I stand in front of Thomas.

The security guards at the gate walk into the house and look at Khotso and Ona. Khotso and Ona look at them. 

“Mr Ramaru, is there a problem?” 

“Who are these people?”

“We don’t know.”

“And you are asking me if there’s a problem? What am I paying you for exactly?” 

Thomas and security have a conversation in tshiVenda, then we see the police arrive. 

“A miss Rofhiwa phoned us and told us that there are intruders in the house.” The policeman says. 

Eish… the thing is… Ona and Khotso cannot afford to be processed anywhere by any law enforcement office. They are not law-abiding citizens – at all.

“Nah, we were leaving”, Ona says then he drags Khotso with him off the Ramaru property. 

I’m so embarrassed! 

Thomas can see it. He just kisses my cheek then steps outside to speak to the police and his security guards. 

“Sisi? And then?” 

“I’m so embarrassed, Sibongiseni.” 

I sob and Thomas walks in. 

“Please just give us a minute”, he tells Sbo. I sit down on a chair closest to me. Sbo leaves the kitchen.

“You’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about. You are a beautiful woman. I’d behave like him too if I were to lose you.” 

I laugh. 

He pulls my head in and kisses my forehead.

“I’ll fucken shoot him the next time he comes anywhere near you. But I trust you. We are good, baby.”

It’s the maturity for me! Imagine Khotso’s reaction if he were in Thomas’ shoes? 

I just kiss my man.