I am sitting in my office and contemplating whether I should reach out to Tebza or not when I get a phone call from my mother’s neighbour. 

“Dumela Aus’Mavis”

“Regodise! There are soldiers in your mother’s house and they are dragging your mother out of the house.” 

I sprint out of my office and run upstairs to Queen Kea’s office while I get Ona on the line.

“Baby!” 

“Ona, fetch Mohale from crèche right now. We need to leave Tholoana Kingdom”. 

“What?!” 

“Get Mohale now!” 

I burst into queen Kea’s office. She’s in a meeting. 

She sees the panic on my face. 

“Please excuse me”, she says to the people that she is meeting with. 

“Keng?” She asks me. 

“We need to go. We need to get out of this country for a few days. Please just trust me. I don’t have time to explain. We need to go.” 

Queen Kea and I grabbed our bags and started running. When we got to the parking lot, the army was everywhere. We took off our heels and started running. 

We get to some mall and we hide in some Chinese shop. 

Ona has been trying to phone me. 

I call him back.

“Baby?”

“Ona, do you have Mohale?” 

“I do. Where are you?” 

“We are at that dingy mall by the university. I’m with your mom. The army was all over the parking lot.” 

“We are coming. Stay there and hide. We are three minutes away.” He says. 

Indeed, in three minutes, a car we’ve never seem before picks us up and morena is driving the car. Queen Kea and I jump in and he drives off. 

I grab my child and I start crying. 

“Baby?” 

“They took my mother. That’s how I knew they were coming. They took my mother”. I say then cry my lungs out. Ona tries to comfort me. Queen Kea tries to comfort me. I know my mother is going to die. I just know. 

When I am done crying and I wipe my tears off my face, we are at the border. We don’t even get our passports stamped, we just cross. We are told to get out of this car and we jump into another one. This one has bags in it and more people are here: Uncle Shaka and some men that I have never seen before. 

Zithulele and Nothile are still in prison. Khotso wanted us to get Nothile out as well, but we honestly couldn’t. He got out illegally. There was no time to save his latest love interest. We are kind of on our own at the moment. With Uncle Qaphela, Aunt Pearl and Gcina dead, a lot of people are looking at morena with a different eye. Uncle Qaphela exposed and compromised everything – then he killed Aunt Nosi. Even he should have known that he was not going to live to tell that tale. Aunt Pearl and Gcina were killed because they witnessed everything and loose ends tend to be very dangerous. One thing that did come out of all of this though is that everyone – and I mean EVERYONE – has an escalated fear for morena. 

Mofomahadi and I are made to drive in one VITO together with Mohale. The men get into another VITO …that one has guns and I saw them. I just have my child in my arms and his baby bag that he was picked up with from crèche. I just pull out his blanket and put him to sleep. Queen Kea is just emotional. She looks at me as if she feels bad for putting me in this position. She looks at Mohale as if she wanted so much more for him than this life that we live. The running away is getting scarier with every experience. She also misses her friend, Aunt Nosi. They had each other and they got through this together. Now, she has me. I’m supposed to be a child to her. She cannot see an Aunt Nosi in me because she will require Aunt Nosi’s survival strength from me – something that I do not have. I’m worried about Tebza. We haven’t spoken since she walked in on Uncle Q being murdered. Queen Kea and I were kept away from that mess for obvious reasons, so I can only imagine Tebza’s trauma because she didn’t even know that the church exists.    

The car stops moving. I look out the window. Ona is being arrested. Morena is being arrested. Uncle Shaka is being arrested as well. I get out of the VITO, handing Mohale to Queen Kea, and I stand next to Ona. 

“What’s going on? Why are you being arrested? What’s the charge?” I ask Ona. 

“They haven’t said anything to us yet”, he says. 

I’m about to go back to that place again.

“Who’s in charge of this operation?” I ask. 

No one says anything. 

“Don’t make me phone Caesar Seobe.” 

Now I have their attention. 

“Who is in charge of this operation?” 

A man steps up to me.

“Why are you arresting these men?” 

“Can we speak in private, ma’am?” The man says to me. 

Queen Kea stands next to me with Mohale in her arms. Suddenly, everyone is hopeful. But me, I’m headed back to a very dark place just to get these men free. 

I walk aside with this man. 

“These men have been running a very tight and dangerous operation. We have three witnesses in witness protection who are prepared to testify against these men. The order comes from the top.” The man explains. 

“Are these witnesses credible?” I ask. 

He nods his head. 

“How sure are you about that?” 

“The witnesses have worked with these men. And one of the witnesses is extremely close to one of these gentlemen. He has inside information that he has been gathering for over ten years. It’s enough to bring these men down.” He says.

“I need to make a call. Please.” 

Here goes my soul. 

I dial the number – the one that I was given to call if I needed exactly three favours in exchange for my silence to protect the state. 

“Hello?”

“It’s Regodise Thibane.” 

He is silent. I’ve never called in a single favour in my life. He knows I’m about to compromise his job. 

“You calling in a favour?” 

“I need you to call off the arrest on the Mohales and their associates”, I say. 

The army in front of me is shocked. Ona is staring at me as if I need to explain myself after all of this. 

“Regodise –

“You said no questions asked. I kept my end of the deal. You need to keep yours.” 

“I’m the prime minister of this Kingdom. If I let this go- 

“You have five minutes to call this off. I’m literally two feet away from the king.” 

Even morena is now curious. I hang up. 

Cellphones start ringing. People start huddling into meetings. I’m shaking. I’m hoping that he listened. But he has. He never wants this to get out. 

After the huddling and phone calls, the men are uncuffed. The head of the operations steps to me and says, “You honestly betrayed this country for them? You left the force to protect such people?” 

“Ey! Get the fuck away from my wife”, Ona says. Khotso is also stepping up to this guy. 

“Every other drop of blood that is to hit the grounds of this Kingdom is in your hands – including the blood of your parents.” He says to me. 

That cuts me deep. 

Queen Kea is the one who comes and gets us, directing us back to our respective cars. The cars drive off. 

Queen Kea keeps looking at me and wants answers. I’m not going to say anything. Mohale just gets restless and I take him. I give him the boob and he calms down, enjoying the boob really. I need to get him off the boob. He is almost two years old and he even has some teeth now.  

He even bites my tits sometimes. 

I pass out after he has burped and passed out in my arms. 

I wake up as the car stops in front of some house in some township. 

“Where exactly are we?” I ask. 

“Tsakane”, Queen Kea says, already rolling her eyes. 

Uhm okay…

“Baby, come.” Ona says. He is at the open door. 

Just me? But this house does seem a bit too small to fit all of us in it. 

We walk into a rather humble house – compared to what we are used to. It is a three-bedroom house with three bathrooms – okay, I’ll give them an A for respect. My parents’ house in Mohase is bigger than this house. But I’ll live. There is another couple in here that I do not recognise. They have a small baby with them. The husband is apparently part of the church. Ona, Khotso and I will be sharing with them. 

“You can pick the first room, hun. Your baby is smaller. You need to be the most comfortable.” I tell the lady and she smiles at me. She and her husband seem moved by this gesture. I would assume that makes the most sense. They have a tiny baby. This is no time to pull the royalty card. This lady and her husband take the master bedroom that has an in suite bathroom and a lot of cupboard space. The room is very spacious. Ona, Mohale and I set up in the smallest room in this house, Khotso takes the second biggest room because he has offered to sleep with Mohale. Trust me, he will need the space. 

The problem with these rooms is that they have king-sized beds. This house is not the target market for a king-sized bed. Mohale doesn’t even have space to set up his playpen. Ona will not stop looking at me. I know what he wants. He wants explanations. He wants me to tell him how I got them off and who I called in a favour from. I’ve never been more grateful for Mohale’s noise. He is playing on the bed and singing, so the silence is not getting to us. 

“Onaleruna! Khotso!” We hear a very deep voice yell. It sounds like morena. 

He walks out of the bedroom, kissing me first, then walking out. He doesn’t close the door. Oh well. 

“Nana, please come with us”, Queen Kea tells me. She is peeping through the door. I take Mohale, put him on my hip and follow her out of the room. 

We are headed to a V250. We get inside and we settle on these seats that face each other. Khotso has taken Mohale from my arms. Queen Kea is sitting next to me. The car is moving. 

“Makoti”, morena begins. He is sitting across me. Ona sits on his left and Khotso, with Mohale on his lap, sits on his right. 

“Who did you call to call this arrest off?” Morena asks me. 

I start shaking immediately, much to everyone’s disturbance. Queen Kea holds my hand, calming me down. They still expect answers though. 

“Uhm…” I start, but struggle to continue. 

“Take your time”, morena says. 

“Can I talk to Ona about this, please?” I ask because this is really not a family matter. 

Morena sighs then says, “You can trust us, makoti. We are family. No one will ever touch you.” 

I look at Ona. I’m still shaking. Ona gets up and sits next to me. 

“The driver”, I say to Ona and they do notice that it’s not just us. 

Morena instructs the driver to take us to the main house.

We travel there in silence. This house is in Tsakane still, but is much nicer than the one we are all staying in. 

Now we are in the living room of the main house. Uncle Shaka and some other men, together with their wives, have stepped out to give us space. They are around here somewhere, I just don’t know where. 

“A few years ago, I was let go of in the army. I was on assignment overseas and my commander in chief raped me and attempted to kill me.” 

Ona’s face changes. His body language just changes. Khotso closes his eyes and shakes his head. Queen Kea is holding my hand, but her face tells me that she is a survivor of rape too. She understands it and somehow, this makes me feel a little less embarrassed and dirty.

“I survived that ordeal, but I ran away. One of his peers found me trying to leave that particular country and he tried to charge me for attempting to go AWOL. I wasn’t taken back to the base and my commander in chief was shocked to see that I was still alive. He was preparing to run for the prime minister title and the last thing he needed was his name dragged in the mud for anything. So, in exchange for my silence, he and his senior colleagues made me a deal. I was to never mention this to anyone for as long as I lived and I’d be given three favours to ask from the government – no questions asked – and they’d deliver. They gave me a card to call whenever I was in trouble or needed to call in a favour. I saved the card, but never intended to use it because his very voice triggers me. I’d listen to him speak on TV or radio and I’d smell him all over me again, and – 

I start having an anxiety attack. I am struggling to breathe. Morena kneels in front of me while Queen Kea tries to help me breathe. 

“Makoti, look at me.” Morena says. 

I cannot breathe. Nothing is registering in my head. 

“Makoti…

I look at him.

“LOOK. AT. ME.” 

I have better control over my breathing now and I focus on morena. 

“Focus. You can do this. This is very important. It’s the only way that we can go back to our lives. You’ve done great so far. You’ve saved us. I need you focused for a little longer, okay?” Morena. 

“Mohato!” Queen Kea.

He raises his hand, indicating that Queen Kea needs to stop talking. 

“Focus. Now tell me, who is the commander in chief that you are talking about?” Morena.

“Our current prime minister”. 

Morena nods his head. Ona is on his feet. 

“Okay. Who helped him bury this?” Morena asks me. 

“I don’t know. But I know at least three ministers in our cabinet were part of this, two current presidents of two different countries and four ministers in other countries.” 

Ona is losing his mind and he is making me extremely nervous.

“Ona, baby –

“Onaleruna, sit down!” Morena says. 

“Morena –

“SIT. DOWN. NOW!” Morena is shouting now. He is not even looking at Ona, but he is so – 

I’m so fearful now that Ona will not look at me the same.

I mime, “baby”. 

I see a tear run down his cheek. 

This makes me cry. 

“Makoti”, morena just wants what he wants and he has no care in the world about what this is doing to my husband and I. 

I look at Morena. 

“Can you write the names down for me?”

I take a phone next to me and type them on the phone. I give him the phone. He nods his head. 

“Thank you”, he finally says then walks out of the area that we were sitting in. 

…

I’m sitting outside a door of a room that my mother and my wife are in. I am listening to them speak. 

Dise: “I can smell him all over again. And I just know, mama, I just know that I’m going to have nightmares. Ona can’t even look at me anymore.” 

Mom: “Nana, none of this is your fault. None of it. And we are so sorry to have taken you back there. We really didn’t mean to.” 

Dise just cries. I just breathe heavily because I honestly do not know how I can rescue her from this. I’m even too scared to walk into this room and hold her. My mom just let’s her cry and she sings for her. 

“Yo“, Khotso says as he walks towards me. 

“Sho“, I say. Mohale is bouncing around and it’s past his bedtime. I don’t even have the energy to threaten him to sleep. I just extend my arms and take him from Khotso. This child has hectic energy. Someone probably gave him a sweet without asking his mother for permission. 

Khotso sits next to me. 

“She needs you, brother.” He tells me.

“How do I even be there for her?” 

“The only way you know how to be – by just loving her. Ona, I’ve never seen you love a woman the way that you love Dise. I’ve never seen you down for a woman the way that you are down for her. And she’s crazy about you. Insanely crazy about you. She would do anything for you. You cannot distance yourself from her now. She needs you now more than you’ll ever know.” 

I literally just cry. I break down and I cry. I have never cried like this before. Something inside of me is breaking. Khotso pulls me in for a hug and I hug him. Mohale is off me now and has walked into the bedroom with my mom and my wife. 

” I miss Fiks”, he says as I recover from the cry. 

“What the fuck?” 

“I know. Since she left, I cannot even think straight anymore. I am with Nothile because I feel close to Fikile in a weird way when I am with Nothile. I know it’s not fair. I keep looking for Fiks in the women I fuck, but I cannot find her. I fucked up, Ona. When it came to Fiks, I fucked up big time.” 

I look at him. I’m actually shocked. 

“I think I want to see her while I’m here in South Africa”. Khotso tells me. 

“And then what? You know that she has moved on and she doesn’t seem as if she’s willing to walk away from this life she has now with that Thomas dude.” 

Khotso is crying. 

“I loved her”, Khotso says. 

I put my hand over his shoulders. It’s my turn now to let him breakdown. 

“I should have just married her”, he says. 

I really don’t know what to say.

“Let her go “, I tell him. 

“I can’t. I’ve tried to let her go, but my heart will not let me.” He says. 

I look at him. 

We are driven back to our house in the V250. My mother gave Dise some sleeping pills. She said she will take them after she has put Mohale down because he is defeating all three of us tonight.

“I can put him to sleep because he will be sleeping with me tonight, if you don’t mind”, Khotso says talking about Mohale. 

“Are you sure you want this little person in your bed? He kicks and takes over a king-sized bed.” Dise says. 

Khotso laughs then says, “I’m sure. I really don’t mind.” 

“We will get Nothile out, we just need some time.” Dise. 

“I understand, don’t worry about it.”

Dise is taken aback by how casual Khotso suddenly is about this. 

“I’m so sorry about everything”, Dise says. 

Khotso nods his head. 

I can tell that he’s extremely hurt and he does wish that his feet could carry him to where his heart currently is – with Fiks. Maybe taking Mohale will not be a bad thing for him tonight. 

“Dise…” Khotso. 

Dise looks at him. 

“Your parents are safe. They are in Lesotho. We made sure of it.” Khotso. 

Dise looks like she wants to jump for joy and hug him. 

“And they are going to pay, Dise. All of them. Those who hid it are as bad as the one who did it. They will pay. I’m sorry for what they did to you”. Khotso. 

Dise looks like she wants to cry. 

I hold her hand. She is shaking again. She starts struggling with the breathing again. I pull her face towards my chest and she starts calming down again. 

“I love you”, I tell her. 

She holds on tightly to me. 

“I’m taking him tonight”, Khotso. 

I feel sorry for him. Mohale is a demon today.

“I’ll be forever grateful”, Dise says and we all laugh, including Mohale. Someone gave this boy sweets.

…

She is sleeping peacefully. It’s morning already, but I don’t have the heart to wake her up. She is so beautiful. 

I just look at her peacefully sleeping and I instantly want to cry. Rape? She’s been stained by rape? I genuinely have no idea how to be there for her, how to tell her that it’s okay. She’s done all the fighting alone anyway up to this point. But why is it hurting and haunting me as if it’s happening to her all over again and only this time, I actually witnessed it happen? My greatest fear – something I fear more than dying – is hurting her. I feel as if I am the reason she is hurting all over again. Morena pushed her and she’s breaking. I don’t know how to stop her from breaking all together. I really don’t. 

“Didn’t your mother tell you that it’s rude to stare at people?” She says, but her eyes are still closed. I actually giggle because I think she was trying to be funny. 

“Your mom has the best plug for sleeping pills. I slept like a person who is not concerned about paying bills”, she says and now I actually laugh aloud. Who says that? 

She smiles at me. Her eyes start to slowly open. She’s still smiling at me.

“Hello husband”, she says. 

I brush her face and say, “Hello wife”. 

“What are you thinking about so early in the morning?” She asks me. 

“You and how strong you are to have overcome what happened”, I say. I can’t exactly say that I’m thinking about how damaged she is. 

“Ona, I know this is awkward. You don’t have to pretend. It’s the reason I broke up with the guy I was in a relationship with at the time. He behaved as if he was the one who was raped.” She says. 

“Really?!” 

She nods her head and faces upwards. 

“I know that it’s the worst form of violation to a person. Someone might as well just kill you than leave you raped. But I didn’t ask for this to happen and I won’t survive in this marriage if you are going to make me feel like I asked for it.” She says.

“I don’t blame you for what happened”, I try to defend myself. I really don’t. 

“You touch me like you do”, she says. 

I look at her, then I also face upwards. 

“Baby… I don’t know how to be there for you”, I confess. 

“I don’t need you to be there for me, Onaleruna. I don’t. I was there for myself. I went through that shit by myself. Not even my parents know. His smell and his touch and his whispers stuck with me no matter how hard I tried to wash them off me, and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. There was a point where I had to be drunk to go to sleep. Then, I’d go days without bathing because I thought that if I at lease smelled of body odour, I wouldn’t smell him. Ona, I’ve been there for myself and I don’t expect you to go back to that place just so that I can have someone to go through this with. I’m past it. I was prepared to never even talk about it again, but here we are.” 

I’m silent because she has honestly hit me with a ball of shock. 

“I just want you to be my husband, Onaleruna. I want you to look at me and touch me like I’m the most exciting toy you could ever play with – not like I’m the girl who got raped and you happened to get married to. I don’t want your pity. I want your goofy and obnoxious self all over me, loving me and raising our son with me.” 

She is crying as she says this.

“It happened, Ona. I wish it didn’t. I wish I could erase it from my memory and from my body. But it happened. I’ve chosen to move on from it. I need you to do the same.” 

I’m still quiet. I’m crying too. 

She turns on her side and wraps her arms around me. 

She pulls me towards her and I cry like a little bitch. I hold her so tightly and she holds me tightly too. 

“Baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you. I’m sorry I didn’t come into your life sooner. I’m sorry morena ripped that band aid open again. I’m so sorry.” I keep saying. I don’t know why I feel so guilty, but I do. 

“Baby, I’m sorry I’m putting you through this.” She says between her sobs as she comforts me. 

We just hold each other and cry in each other’s arms. 

Then…

She starts kissing me. 

I catch my breath and I kiss her back. 

Something comes over me and I grab her thighs and throw her on her back in the bed… then we make love like we never have before. 

“I love you, Regodise. I love you!” 

“I love you, Ona. I love you!” 

When we are both satisfied, we both collapse on the bed. 

She laughs. 

I smile at her and look at her. 

“We must cry together every single day if that’s how you are going to do me”, she says and we both laugh now. 

“Guys, now that you woke the entire house up, Ona we need to get going,” we hear Khotso say on the other side of the door. We hear Nathan – the other guy in this house – laugh and his wife giggles.

Regodise is mortified!

I cannot help but laugh at her face. It’s hilarious and it’s really not that serious. 

Dise and I just finished showering and she has also finished bathing Mohale. 

“I’m not going to the kitchen”, she says. 

“It smells really good out there. Why are we starving ourselves?” I ask her because really, everyone in this house – with the exception of my almost two year old son – has sex. We just had a well needed explosive sex session and we love each other. 

“Onaleruna, I’m so embarrassed. They heard us!” I don’t understand why she is being like this.

“Baby, come here.” I call her pulling her towards me. She has Mohale in her arms, so I hug them both. 

“Baby, we all have sex. We needed our morning. You are my wife. I’d have sex with you on a hill for the world to see. I’m not ashamed.” 

She tries to push me away as I laugh at her. I honestly don’t understand why she’s so embarrassed. 

She finally laughs and lets loose.

“Let’s go eat. Penelope prepared breakfast.” 

“Who’s Penelope?” 

“Nathan’s wife.”

“Who’s Nathan?”

“The couple that’s in here with us.” 

“Who are they, vele?” 

“Hai, Regodise! I’m hungry!”

She laughs.

Dise and I walk into the TV room together with Mohale on her hip. This place doesn’t even have a dining area. We have to eat with plates on our laps in a TV room. Hai!

Dise gives me Mohale then goes to dish up for us. She first asks Khotso, “K, o shap with juice and everything else?” 

I think Penelope dished up for him. 

“I’m good. May I please just have another glass of juice.” 

“Cool”. 

After a few minutes, Dise comes back with a tray of a plate of my food and juice for both Khotso and me. She puts it on the coffee table. At least this house has a coffee table. Then she brings a bowl of warm water where I wash my hands. Everyone is looking at us weird. She’s not bothered. She’s too embarrassed that people know that she has sex. 

She finally brings her own plate of food and a small baby bowl of food for Mohale. 

We are all eating now and Dise is eating while feeding Mohale. 

“Madam, it’s just you, me and the kids today. We have SABC channels on here and nothing else. We cannot even go to the mall.” Penelope says. 

Dise is staring at me as if expecting me to say that Penelope is talking shit. 

“It’s just for a few days, baby. Trust me.” That’s all that I can say. I catch Khotso and Nathan giggling on the side.

“So, what are Penny and I expected to do with two babies?” 

“Hang tight, my love.” I say as I kiss her and everyone laughs at this. 

We leave as Penelope and my wife wash the dishes and Mohale playing while Nathan’s newborn baby are within their sight.