I love being a mom. I really do. My daughter is gorgeous and she is everything I wake up and look forward to looking at. I am having issues coming to terms with the fact that I’ll be leaving her at home as I prepare to go back to work full time. I was there on a part-time basis because hey, I am Lydia Khalo. 

My mom is convinced that she is my daughter’s nanny. She is even talking about going on early retirement just to spend her days with my baby girl. My mom helped me find a crèche for her. Thomas and I have paid for the year and this morning is her first day there as well as my first day back at work. 

My mom is here crying, saying that Rofhiwa is too small for crèche. My irritation is that we have been discussing this for weeks now. Thomas and I have made a decision. Now mama is delaying everyone from starting their day because she is Rofhiwa’s deputy parent? What annoys me more is that Thomas and I had a huge fight about Rofhiwa starting crèche. He also believes that she is too young to start crèche and his suggestion was that I take two years offwork. 

Imagine! 

“I told you it’s too soon”, Thomas says to me. I am five minutes away from choking him because he knows that Rofhiwa is going to crèche whether he likes it or not. 

“I’ll stay with her. Let her stay at home for a few more months. I will stay with her. When she is bigger, I promise you, I will take her to crèche myself”, my mom. 

My dad is pleading with Thomas to convince me to let my mom stay with Rofhiwa. He says that Rofhiwa is bringing a kind of peace to my mom that she lost when my siblings passed away in that horrific accident five years ago. I see what he is talking about and I’ve seen it too. That’s why my mom’s obsession with my daughter unsettles me. Rofhiwa is her own person who will grow into her own identity and make her own decisions, probably piss me off along the way, but the point is, she will be her own person. Just her – not any of the children that my mother has lost. We cannot enable this. 

“Baby, please let your mom stay with Rofhiwa. We really need to get going. Mthunzi is officially on paternity leave and I am really feeling it without him.” Thomas says to me. 

“Mama, I’ll see you later”, I say. I cannot say anything else to her because she has officially annoyed me. But shame, I am grateful for her in my life. 

… 

Palesa got the managing executive role that she had been gunning for before I left on maternity leave. There is a new executive head of department who has been appointed in her old role. His name is Harry. He is a nice guy from the UK. But Palesa has been dragging me to meetings with her all day and I have been doing a whole lot more work with her than I have been doing with Harry. Harry doesn’t fight it much. He just expects me to answer his phone calls every time he needs me and I cannot drop the ball that makes him look bad. As long as these two boxes are ticked, he honestly couldn’t care less what I do in a day. I think he also appreciates how close I work with his boss. He uses it to his advantage at times. 

Camilla and Kique have left. They’ve gone back to Mexico, so we all breathe a little better around here. A new chief of operations was also appointed to replace Pearl. His name is Thamsanqa. Thomas seems to be building a boys club around here, but I will not lie, the B in business no longer stands for bitchiness. 

It is 7pm. Palesa and I are still working on a report that has to be published to the public and on the company’s website in the next two weeks. Palesa has less time to be a bitch in this position. What I appreciate the most about her is that she treats me like an employee, not Thomas’ girlfriend. 

“You ladies still working?” Harry walks into Palesa’s office and asks. 

“Can we help you, Harry?” Okay, she’s nice to me. She’s still a bitch to everyone else. 

“I was hoping to have a quick chat with Elle, please?” Harry. Shame, he is so polite. 

“She’s busy. This report takes priority”, Palesa. 

“I understand. I just need her for something equally urgent that Thami needs from us”, Harry. 

“The numbers?” I intervene. I know what he is talking about.

“Yeah”, Harry says.

“Let me come to your office and take you through the deck. It’s done”, I say.

“Thanks, Elle”, Harry. 

“What numbers are these?” Palesa enquires. She is a bit of a micromanager. She has an unexplainable insecurity since she assumed this managing executive role. I wonder why. 

Harry explains to her what we are talking about and she insists that she wants to be in this meeting. 

Now, I am taking both Harry and Palesa through numbers, predictions, areas of improvement and areas that cost us OPEX money unnecessarily. 

It is 10pm when Thomas walks into Palesa’s office with his briefcase.

“Baby, we need to get going”, Thomas says. He doesn’t give a shit about the fact that we are busy on a report that is needed in the morning. 

“Boss, five more minutes please. We need to send this to Thami tonight”, Palesa. 

Thami walks in behind Thomas. 

“The report, Harry”, Thami says as he walks in. 

“It’s done, Boss. Elle is just taking us through it.” Harry says. 

“I might as well join the meeting then because I will require the same walk through”, Thami says. I briefly met him in the morning. 

“Palesa and Harry will have to take you through it. Lydia and I have to go. We are headed to Mthunzi’s house for a quick meeting. He is willing to meet with us during his paternity leave, so we are not showing up there at midnight”, Thomas. 

“Okay. Elle, please send this to me and I’ll take it from there”, Harry. 

I do just that then leave with Thomas to this meeting that I had no idea we were attending. 

We arrive at Mthunzi’s house. He has a very nice house and his wife is gorgeous. He has an old son. He cannot be Koena’s son. Koena is young. But Koena gets along very well with Mfundo, the elder son. Their baby boy is adorable. He is a week old, but he already looks like Mthunzi and Mfundo. His name is Thingo. Koena and Mthunzi look very happy together. 

The men have gone to Mthunzi’s study, so it’s just us ladies now. Mfundo has gone somewhere with Thingo. 

“Today was my first day back at work. I thought I’d miss my baby, but I was really happy to be back at work yaz“, I tell her.

“Really? I need to come to you so you can prepare me to go back to work. I get anxiety by leaving him just to go to the gym”, Koena says to me. 

“He’s a week old. You’ll eventually get used to it. It’s good that you have at least started leaving him and doing stuff without him”, I say. 

“I think I’m quite attached to Thingo because I lost my first son. So, I just fear not having him close to me every second of each day”, she says. 

She is so vulnerable. I suddenly miss my daughter. 

“He is a guardian angel. He made sure that Thingo arrives safely through you”, I say to her. “He will always be a part of you”.

She smiles at me. 

“I need to lose my baby fat, too. What’s your workout programme?” I ask her, changing the subject and also because I do need to lose this baby fat. 

“For now, I honestly just jog and skip. I try to do 5km a day then I skip. I need the cardio to get rid of the fat. Then I’ll start with the toning. I’m thinking of pole fitness”, she says. 

We both laugh. I like this girl. 

“Let’s do it together. I’m keen”, I say. 

We high-five and agree. 

We chat about until the men are done. Then when they come back to the kitchen, Thomas and I prepare to go. 

… 

Thomas

I love Lydia. I do. She started off as one of the girls I normally slept with, but didn’t want anything more from them because honestly, no one was a better fit for me than Pearl. Pearl and I had our issues, but I loved the hell out of that woman. 

I met Pearl years ago when my father was still running our family business and I was working as a junior manager in that company. We were at a club in Pretoria. Pearl was a flight attendant at the time. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever set eyes on. I loved how her smile always invited me to talk to her, get to know her. I got to know that she had a small daughter back home in KZN and her daughter’s father was in prison. 

Pearl and I brought out the best in each other. I wondered why she never brought her daughter up to Gauteng. The first time I brought up the topic of bringing her daughter to Gauteng, she told me that her flying schedule was too hectic. I understood. Then, I got her a job in one of my dad’s other companies as a receptionist. I thought this would help her bring her child up. I was committed to this because I was looking forward to having a child in my life. I wanted to spoil that child and just do stuff for her. 

My father passed away then I had to take over the company. I then stopped nagging her about bringing her daughter up. When she got pregnant, I stopped wanting her to bring her daughter to my house. I was going to have my own. Suddenly, it mattered to me that her father will one day come out of jail and demand his daughter back, whether I raised that child or not. 

I married Pearl and I knew she was my happily ever after. Then, she lost our child. Our relationship was up and down from there onwards. The last miscarriage she had, she swore to never have another child. I thought it was because she almost lost her life. But, that statement was extreme. She also started having an unwarranted attitude. She just cared about money, making money and having more respect for money than she had respect for me. 

The affairs I had never fazed her. In her head, the affairs were harmless and she would forever remain Mrs Thomas Ramaru. Then came Lydia. Even she knew that things had changed. Lydia isn’t the prettiest woman I have ever had. In fact, Pearl is much more beautiful than Lydia. So, her looks are not what captured me. I think with Lydia, I had a second chance. This second chance was giving me a chance at being a father. So when Lydia got pregnant with my daughter, she won me over. I am still in love with Pearl, more than I’ll ever love Lydia. But Lydia made me a father – a complete family man. I love that about her. I love what I have with her. I love that enough to stay with her and be faithful to her. I am not ready to marry her though. I need to mourn my marriage to Pearl. 

I miss having her sitting in an office opposite mine. Every time she was pissed off about something, she would walk across to my office and give me a headache. But, her language cracked me up the most. She had an interesting way of describing things that upset her. I’d find myself laughing the minute she left my office. 

She had good business sense, too. Lydia is just a subject matter genius. Lydia is a soldier, not a leader. Lydia will make you look great with the work that she does, but she is not a leader. Pearl was a leader. Pearl and Lydia would have made one hell of a team. I just got in the middle of that when I slept with Lydia,so I have to live with it. 

Rofhiwa is in my arms right now. She is the most beautiful thing I have in my life. She makes me love her mother and not just love what her mother gives me. I was catching up with Pearl’s new boss, Richard, before Rofhiwa started crying in her nursery and grabbed my attention. Pearl is doing well. I didn’t expect any less. She will always do well. She is driven enough and she wants money too much to not do well. 

When my daughter caught my attention, her cry reminded me of what I’ve wanted in life more than success – a family. My daughter reminded me of why I will always choose Lydia moving forward. Lydia gives me a family. Her parents even contribute to that family. My daughter has stable grandparents in the absence of my parents. I’ve never even met Pearl’s family nor have I spent time with them. My delegates went to lobola her then we signed at home affairs. I met her daughter once. Pearl and her daughter fought all the time, that poor girl couldn’t expose me to any other side to her except that angry and cold side to her that Pearl always brought out in her. 

Lydia is fast asleep. She must be exhausted. We must make another baby. I like her better at home, being a mom and the woman in my life. At the office, she is brilliant, but I prefer her at home. My daughter has her eyes, but everything else is all me. 

My baby girl smiles at me. She is perfect. I brush Lydia’s face with my left hand as my daughter rests in my right arm. 

“Thank you for our daughter”, I whisper to her. 

I put a light peck on her lips. 

Miss Ramaru here in my arms is up and is not looking forward to sleep any time soon. It’s me and her for the evening I suppose.