“Sis Wehweh, do you and bhut’Patrick hate my brothers and me?” My little brother asks me. 

First of all, it’s 6am. He woke me up because he was hungry. I don’t know why he didn’t wake my mother up. Now, I’m making him food and he’s interrogating me like this unprovoked.
“Why would you ask me that, Tshiamo?” I ask him. He’s my mom’s and my stepfather’s first born together. Patrick is my stepfather’s child from a previous relationship. I’m my mother’s child from her previous marriage to my father. I live with my father, but visit my mother from time to time. Like now, I’m here because I’m preparing to attend university in another country – Tholoana Kingdom – so my mom and I had to do some shopping for a few things that I will need. I could’ve done this shopping that side. But I guess she wanted to just spend time with me. 
Anyway…
Now my mother and her husband have three kids together – three boys. I asked Patrick to come visit while I’m here. We are quite close. But he said no. Patrick and his father have a rather frightening relationship. They never seem to be on the same page. They are ALWAYS fighting. I don’t understand why my mom doesn’t speak to her husband to make things better with his child. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that she doesn’t want her husband having a relationship with his son. But she always tells me to not judge her until I’ve walked a mile in her shoes. Whatever. We – my mother and I – have a challenging relationship ourselves. She had an affair while married to my dad. She destroyed my father and I’ll probably never forgive her for that. 
Let me get back to this one.

“Tshiamo, why would Patrick and I hate you?” I ask him.
“You guys never come to visit us. And when you come… you always fight with mom. Bhut’Patrick always fights with dad… like the last time he was here, he and dad had a fist fight.”
I heard about that. 
“Lalela boy… Patrick and I don’t hate you, Kabelo or Thabo. All three of you are also our brothers and we love you.” 
He’s not convinced. 
I put a plate of eggs and bread in front of him. He accepts it. 
“Think about it this way… if you fight with mom or your dad, does that mean you don’t love Kabelo and Thabo?” 
He shakes his head. 
“Exactly. It’s the same with us. We fight with them, it doesn’t mean we fight with you guys.” 
He nods his head. But he’s still a bit hurt. Maybe Patrick and I are not being good ‘elder siblings’. 
“Okay ke… how about… Patrick and I take you boys out for lunch today before I go back to my dad.” 
He excitedly agrees. 
I guess I should phone Patrick and make sure he can make it. 
“Why are you studying so far away? What’s wrong with universities in Pretoria? And how come you never lived with us? Why did you choose to live with your dad?”
“Hai bo! Tshiamo! So many questions?!”
“I mean… every child lives with their mother in the event of a divorce. Why didn’t you come live with us?” 
“Some of these questions, boyza… you’ll need to ask mama. Not everything is as black and white as we wish for it to be.” I say. 
“But I’m asking you, sisi”. 
“I do wish that I could tell you, kodwa it’s not my place. You have your relationship with mom, and I have mine. I don’t want my relationship with mom to affect your relationship with her. So, mina nawe must focus on our relationship siphushele phambili”, I say. 
He finally lets it go. 

It’s now 8am and I’m all showered up because I couldn’t go back to sleep after Tshiamo woke me up in the morning to make him food kanti he wanted to talk. I wear a simple black Polo dress, cute beige and brown Polo sneakers, then wear my 30inch caramel blond Peruvian wig on my fresh lines. I wear these stunning diamond stud earrings that my dad bought for me. I have a diamond necklace to match the earrings. I wear my Armani watch with my tennis bracelet. All these were gifts from my dad for passing matric… this and my car – Mercedes Benz A45. 

I phone Patrick. 
“Ntwana”, he answers his phone. 
“Ntwana yami, we owe the teletubbies lunch.” 
“For what?”
“Because sibadala and we are their elder siblings. They feel like we hate them because we are always fighting with the elders”, I say. 
“Yoh ntwana. Mos mina I have a date today.” 
“Ngiyakucela ntwana. Please bandla, please.” 
“Uyahlupha ntwana.” 
“Ngiyahamba in a few days. Uzohlushwa ubani?”
“Ngiyophumula! Yoh, I can’t wait!”
We both laugh. 
“Will you fetch us?” I ask him. 
“Ja. Let me quickly bath. Ngiyeza.”
“And cancel your plans for today neh? We will finish my shopping then you’ll take me back home, to Waterkloof.” 
“Kanti iphi i-A45?” 
“Kanti why unje today? That girl of yours will give you bums even when I’m gone.”
He laughs. 
“Fika ke, I’m waiting for you.” 

I walk into the dining area where ‘the family’ is having breakfast. 
“Good morning family”, I say. 
“Hi sisi”. My brothers. 
“Sawubona ntombi”, my stepfather. 
My mom just looks at me. 
“Boys, Patrick is fetching us in the next two hours. Please get ready after breakfast.” 
“Niyaphi?” Stepdad. 
“Out for lunch before I leave.” Me. 
“Manje you are not eating breakfast?” My mom. 
“Cha. UNkululeko is outside waiting for me”, i say. 
“Ubani uNkululeko?” Stepdad. 
“Her boyfriend”, my mom. 
“Aren’t you a bit young to be dating?” Stepdad. 
Angalinge ang’jwayele kabi lo. 
“And why akulanda la endlini? Iph’ inhlonipho?” Stepdad. 
“My dad doesn’t give me issues. If kune nkinga, I can always just go home and stop coming here”, i say. 
“Awukahle! Nomawethu!” My mom. 
“Hai! Khuza indoda yakho! Angang’jwayeli kabi! Akang’zali! He knows exactly who my father is. It’s that man you were married to when he was busy sleeping with you”, I bark. 
“Nomawethu Radebe!” My mom yells as she stands up from where she is sitting. What is she going to do? Hit me?! 
I just leave the house. 

–

I’m sitting in Nkululeko’s BMW X6 now and we are talking. We are parked at some park. 
“Ngiyaxolisa about all of this, Nomawethu. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen”, he says. 
“Nkululeko, I think it’s time we let this relationship go hey. We’ve been doing this for five years. Your behaviour never changes. Manje seyifike lapho where I cannot keep taking it anymore. Intombi yakho ikhulelwe futhi akekho umuntu ongazi ukuthi uyalobola next weekend.” 
He’s super shocked that I know. Everyone is talking about it. Even the girl herself posted about this.”
“Wehweh- 
“Nkululeko, you’ve hurt me enough. It’s enough now. I’m going to school in a different country. Ungiphatha kanje while I’m here, how will you be when I’m in another country? Ngiyakucela… please let this go. I’m tired.” 
He looks at me. 
I’m actually getting emotional. 

He was my first everything. He was my first boyfriend, my first hug, my first kiss and my first sexual experience… my only sexual experience actually. Wandile hates him. Wandile is my male and only best friend. We’ve been best friends since I was nine years old. 

“So, you are going to another country with that Wandile of yours?”
“This is not about uWandile! This is about how you’ve treated me since our relationship started. I was fourteen when I started dating you – in grade eight. You’ve cheated and cheated and cheated… you’ve never respected me! I don’t even know why you want me to be your girlfriend because nje you’ve never shown me that I’m enough for you. It’s always been Wehweh and someone else. I’ve always been an option to you. I don’t want to resent you, Nkululeko. So asihlukane before I do.”
He’s quiet for a while. Then he says, “I did love you, Nomawethu. I still do. And I’ll probably never stop loving you. At least promise me that you know that.”
“I’ll never be able to promise you something like that. I’ve never felt your love. Kodwa ke, I don’t wish you bad things. I wish you all the best in your marriage. Be a good husband and a good father. Be better to her than what you ever were to me. I’ll find someone who will love me the way that my love language is understood. It’s not you. And it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. You were just not for me. And it’s okay.” 
He’s silent. 
I climb out of his car. 
He climbs out too. 
We meet outside and we hug. 
“When the time is right, I’ll make you uMam’Ndlovu wami.”
I laugh. 
He laughs too. 

…

Lunch with the boys was great. But now I’m home with my dad. We are having dinner together. I don’t know where his girlfriend is. I know she exists. I’ve just never seen her around. 
“So, you are leaving me now huh? With your brother?” 
My brother has his own mother. He’s older than me. He also lives here with us. 
“What are you going to do when I get married?” I ask him. 
“I’m going to live with you and your husband. He must know ukuthi uyintandokazi yami wena”. 
We laugh aloud. 

“Baba”, I say with a more serious tone now. 
He looks at me. 
“Ngiyakuthanda”, I say. 
“Nami ngiyakuthanda ndodakazi yami.” 
“Futhi ngiyabonga.” 
“For?”
“Everything. Baba… you raised me alone when mom left us. And it was difficult. I know how shattered your heart was. You couldn’t even be a father to me. Kodwa you were with me. Then you got yourself help, and you made sure that I never needed anything… not just financially – emotionally and mentally too.” 
He gets emotional.
“Making the decision to leave was difficult. Ngizoba yini without you kodwa?” 
“You are going to be great. You are one of the strongest women I know. You are my daughter… unguMaRadebe wena. I love you so much my baby.” 
I smile at him. 
“You are going to go out there and make me proud. I just know it.” He says. 
“I broke up with Nkululeko.” I tell him. 
“As happy as I am to hear that – because I hate that boy – how are you doing?” 
I laugh first actually… because wow. 
He also smiles at me. 
“I’m fine. It’s been a long time coming. Futhi I wanted this to be concluded and not take any of it with me to the kingdom. I’m serious about my fresh start.” I say.
“I’m very happy to hear that. Ungahambi ke uyoqoma esinye is’lima le emazweni please.”
I laugh aloud.
He laughs too. 
“It will just be me and your brother here now. Isizungu!”
I laugh. 

…

Today I’m hanging out with Wandile… my bestie. 
We are driving around Pretoria and talking nonsense. We always hang out when he’s home for varsity holidays. Now, we go back together to one university. I’m so excited. 
We also decide to go eat lunch together. 
Wandile is not exactly rich. His family is okay. But he mostly studied through scholarships and is now on a bursary from my dad’s company. Our families are relatively close. He knows everything there is to know about me just like I know everything there is to know about him. People have had the most interesting things to say about our friendship, but ke, we are what we are. My mom loves him. She wants him to be my person person. I don’t see him like that. At all.

Wandile and I enjoy a junk meal from KFC. He’s a KFC guy. And I hate that place, but I stomach it for him. 
As we eat in my car – him in the driver’s seat because he’s been driving and me in the passenger seat – we chat.
“I broke up with Nkululeko.” 
“I wouldn’t expect any less. He’s marrying Lesego next week. What were you going to be? His main chick turned into his mistress?” 
“Geez dude, thanks.”
“I’m sorry… it’s just.. I’ve never liked him. I always thought that you deserved better.” 
“He never liked you neither, so I guess the feeling was mutual.”
He looks at me.
“And I know Sanel doesn’t like me.”
Sanel is his girlfriend. She’s from KZN but also attends school at Tholoana University. She and Wandile have been together for three years now. She’s hated my guts from the moment that Wandile told her about our friendship.
“She’s going to have to understand. Wehweh, you’ve been in my life when I had nothing to offer. If anyone cannot appreciate who you are to me and in my life, that’s too bad.”
“She might ask you to choose, Wandile.” 
“Then I’d choose you.”
“I wouldn’t want you to. I don’t give you what she does. She’s your home and I know that you love her. I’m just your friend.” 
He gives me a look that I cannot read. 

When we are done eating, we head to his home. I’m going to say goodbye to his mother and younger brother, then go say goodbye to my mom, then I’m ready to go. 

“Nomawethu, sawubona”, Sandile greets me. Sandile is Wandile’s younger brother.
“Sandile, Ukahle?” I greet him with a hug.
“I’ll be better if you leave me with that beast of yours that has four pipes”, he says.
“Never!” Wandile.
We laugh. 
Wandile’s mom enters the kitchen where we are standing and chatting. 
“Wehweh, sawubona”, she greets me with a hug. 
We are actually super tight. She calls me the daughter she never had. When she was ill and Wandile was at TU (Tholoana University), I’m the one who came in to bath her, make her food, look after her and make sure that she and Sandile are okay. We have quite the bond. 
“I’m so glad that the two of you are going to be in one place again. At least I know that you’ll be looking after each other again.” she says.
“Kodwa intombi kaWandile is ready to fry me”, I say.
“Awukahle! Ini kaWandile?! When did Wandile get a girlfriend?” The mom. Please don’t tell me that Wandile never told his family about Sanel.
“Since he was in  first year. USanel, mah”, me.
“Sanel?! Umlungu?!” The mom.
Sandile cannot stop laughing. 
“No… hawu mah. Sanel is short for Sanelisiwe. Umuntu and she’s all the way from KZN.” 
“Wandile! Umuntu omnyama ozibiza ngoSanel?! Really?! And KZN?! She’s in this country! Ukumletha nje simbone simazi… lutho?! All this time, I genuinely thought that Wehweh is your girlfriend.”
Sandile is literally rolling on the floor laughing. 
“So when am I meeting this Sanel?” The mom.
“Ey mah!” 

–

We are now at my mom’s place. In true Khethiwe Sefoloshe (her new marital surname) style, we don’t talk about my outburst with her husband.

My mother is a corporate professional. She took leave today to do some last minute shopping for me and my move to the kingdom. So, Wandile and I are going to visit her so I see her before we board our bus.
I decided to travel by bus because Wandile cannot afford a flight and I am not going to run up the kilometres on my new car just to drive to Tholoana Kingdom. My car will be sent to me – my dad will organise. So, Wandile and I will bus together to the kingdom. 

“Wehweh, Wandile… ninjani?” My mom greets us giving me yet another bag. 
My stepfather and half-brothers are here.
“Siyaphila mah. Wena unjani?” Wandile.
“I’m good. Are you ready for your trip?” 
“Yep.” Me.
“Why don’t you just drive your car? You are on a bus anyway.” My stepfather says.
“It’s too far. We’d rather be driven” , I say.
“I guess that makes sense. Nihambeni kahle”, he says. 
“Patrick promised me he’d be here to wish me well. Ukuphi?” I ask.
“Really?!” Stepfather.
“I’m here! I’m here! Yoh, traffic!” He says running into the house. 
We all greet each other. The dad seems happy. My mom told me that they currently not on speaking terms. They have the weirdest relationship I’ll probably ever know. 

We all hangout – including my half-brothers. Mom even prepares food for us. We ate. The boys washed dishes while my mom and I caught up. I told her that Nkule and I broke up because of the baby on the way as well as because of the marriage that’s on the way for him. She was worried that I’m not falling apart. But I guess she’s glad that I’m not traveling alone. Wandile will make sure that I cry if I need to cry. The pressure that people put on Wandile and I to be a thing is just weird. It’s as if people don’t believe that a male and a female can be close without sex being involved. Ay! 
But it’s time for us to leave. We need to get on our bus and start making our way to the kingdom. 

Hello Tholoana Kingdom!
Hello University Experience!
Hello well-needed beginnings!