Things have been weird between my wife and I. Ever since she told me that she feels like she comes second to Lydia’s memory, I haven’t been okay because clearly, I need to go and analyse the kind of husband that I am.. do some soul-searching and try to do better. 

I didn’t go to Venda with Rofhiwa and her kids. I have to choose my wife and how she feels in this regard. Rofhiwa didn’t take it well at all. I told her what Fikile said and how Fikile was feeling. Reahile ended up telling me that I’m oversharing. By the time he said it, Rofhiwa was upset and she was not saying nice things about Fikile. 

She then picked up her cellphone, phoned Fikile and lashed out at Fikile. Fikile didn’t respond. She literally just listened to what Rofhiwa had to say then hung up. And Rofhiwa didn’t say good things. She told Fikile that she’s selfish and has no right to have an opinion or feelings about her mother. She told Fikile that she’s been trying so hard to erase Lydia’s existence in my life that if she could, she would erase her too. Then she told Fikile to never speak about her mother ever again, and that Fikile would never be her mother. When I got home that night, Fikile didn’t say anything to me. She hugged our boys, made sure they took their baths then tucked them into bed. When we had to go to bed, I saw it as an opportunity for us to talk. I tried to talk to her… touch her… hug her…

Rofhiwa was out of line and I wanted to apologise that it had got to that point. Fikile looked at me then said, “This is my house, not Lydia’s house. And if Rofhiwa has a problem with me, she’s no longer welcome in this house. You can tell her I said that.” 

I will never say those words to Rofhiwa. I’m hoping this blows over and Fikile changes her mind. But we are not in a good place. At all.

“Papa”, Khanyisa is visiting us for her midterm break. It’s so lovely to have her here. But she’s aware of what’s happening and she herself picked up the phone and gave Rofhiwa a piece of her mind. 

It’s bad! 

“Hey baby girl”, I say. 

“I’m making coffee. Would you like a cup?” 

“Yes please.”

She goes about the kitchen preparing the coffee. I want my family back.

I want laughter to fill this house again. 

I want my daughters and my wife to form a team again, share things together that don’t involve my sons and me. 

She places the cup of coffee in front of me.

“Thank you”, I say.

“You’re welcome.”

“Have you spoken to Rofhiwa yet?” 

“Nope. And I’m not going to. Rofhiwa had no right to talk to kazi like that. We’ve always been mindful and sensitive to her triggers, but she’s gone too far.”

“Baby girl, I don’t think she meant to.”

“She did, papa. She did! And she had no right. We all have our problems. Hers are not special. I have a mother who threw me away like an inconvenience and to this day, she has no intention of fixing things unless she’s getting money out of it. My dad chooses his wife over me and is okay for us to not have a relationship. Do you see me lashing out at people? Making it other people’s problem? No! I deal with it. That’s what you do as a person. You deal with it.” 

I take a deep breath. 

I don’t know what to do.

“Papa, she told me you’d never be my father… that I’d never be a Ramaru no matter how much I forced myself onto you.” 

She’s crying. 

Why would Rofhiwa say that?

“Am I forcing myself onto you, papa?” 

“No. You are my daughter. No one can tell us otherwise.” 

She just cries. 

I hug her. 

She just cries on my chest.

I lift my head and I notice Fikile piercingly staring at us with so much rage in her aura. 

This is getting worse by the second.

The boys come sprinting into the kitchen.

“Why is sister crying?” Rendani asks me. 

“Mama, why are you just standing here?” Ranwedzi. 

“It’s Rofhiwa”, Gundo says. He’s not even saying ‘sister Fifi’ as they always call her. 

“Is she still fighting with kazi?” Rendani. 

“Sanibonani“, Fikile’s mother walks into the house and says. 

Now Khanyisa is cleaning her face up.

“Hello gogo”, Gundo. 

“Yini? Kushoniwe la endlini?” 

“Rofhiwa is fighting with kazi. I don’t know why sister is crying. Dad is in the middle of the fight.” I’d honestly laugh at Gundo’s analysis of the situation if this wasn’t a serious matter.

“Gundo, ubani uRofhiwa?” The granny. 

“Sis’Fifi.” He says. 

“Good. I don’t talk to disrespectful children.” The gogo. 

Gogo scans the room, looking through each and every one of us. Then she says, “Khanyisa, Ranwedzi, Gundo and Rendani… go upstairs. I need to speak to your parents.”

They are all very happy to leave. They even sprint upstairs. 

She looks at me. Then at Fikile. 

“Hlalani phansi nina nobabili.” She says. 

Ja ne…

Fikile and I are now sitting next to each other. She’s sitting on a couch across from us.

“Fikile, umuzi wachitheka kunomama, kwenze njani?” She begins.

Fikile takes a deep breath. 

“Rofhiwa doesn’t acknowledge me as her mother”, she says. 

“You are the mother of this house. And this house is falling apart. My question is why?” 

Fikile looks at me.

Then she looks at her mother and says, “Because I’m hurt, mama.”

“What’s hurting you, Fikile?” 

“The things she said, mama. About me, Khanyisa, Ranwedzi, Gundo and Rendani.” 

“And what made you go and tell children all of those things? Are you trying to make them hate each other?” 

I’m glad it’s her mom asking her these things and not me. She wouldn’t take it well if I’m the one who were asking.

“I needed someone to talk to”, Fikile says. 

“So, you talk to kids instead of your husband? Or even me?” 

Fikile is silent.

“Fikile, have you learned nothing from our family? You have two sisters that you haven’t spoken to in three years – you don’t even know where they are or how they are doing. As a mother, I’m ashamed! And I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you having to live with a house you cannot keep together because waxabanis’ abantwana. If you fight with Thomas, fight with him and leave the kids out of it. If you fight with Rofhiwa, leave these other four out of it. Ok’salayo Fikile, you are the parent in the situation – whether Rofhiwa acknowledges it or not. And you can fix it. You have it to fix it!” 

Fikile is now sobbing.

“Did you not know that umyeni wakho has a child?” 

“I knew, mama.” 

“I specifically asked you if you’d be able to be married to a single father. What did you say to me, nana?” 

“I said he’s not a single father. He has me and I’m his daughter’s mother.”

I get emotional now. She never told me this. Her mother notices me getting emotional. 

“I asked you if she knew that you were her mother. What did you say?” 

They clearly had a very deep conversation before our wedding.

“I said she’s my daughter, whether I’m her mother or not.” 

She’s sobbing. 

I pull her towards me.

I love this woman. 

“Myeke lo, mkhwenyana. Let her cry.”

Hai! 

“Fikile, what changed?” The mother.

She just sobs. 

“It’s fine, we will sit here and wait for you to stop crying and answer me. Because ok’salayo, you will answer me.” 

Hai bo!

Fikile gathers herself and says, “Nothing has changed, mama.” 

Now she looks at me. Yerrr!

“Mkhwenyana“, she begins. 

I’ve always been scared of this woman! I’ve always avoided communication with her. I’m already feeling anxious.

“Yebo mah“, me. 

“Fikile’s father had a conversation with you about managing a daughter and a wife. He asked you how you would ensure that Fikile’s emotional and psychological safety is secured no matter what. You promised him that it wouldn’t be an issue. Are you perhaps disrespecting me because he’s no longer here to hold you accountable?” 

What?!

“No mah, no.” 

“We asked you for one thing, Thomas. One thing. Do you remember what that was?”

Ey! 

“You asked me to make sure that Fikile never feels psychologically and emotionally unsafe because of me.” 

She nods her head. 

“Do you like what you see next to you, right now?” 

I shake my head. 

“Do you like having children that fight?” 

I shake my head. 

“Mkhwenyana, are you unable to keep your house in order?” 

The truth is yes, I’m struggling. I don’t know what to do. But I don’t know what to say to her.

“Mkhwenyana, I’ll sit here and wait for my answer. I don’t mind.” She says.

“I’m going to try my best to fix my house, mama.” I say. 

She just looks at me. 

“Phone Reahile and tell him to bring his family here, right now.” 

This is going to be a long day! A long one, I tell you!

…

We arrive at the Ramaru home, much against Rofhiwa’s will. I wasn’t really given a choice. So here we are. Kazi and Rofhiwa are fighting… featuring papa and Khanyisa. I’m not sure what the fuck I’m doing here. And I know gogo… she’s going to drag me into this shit. And she doesn’t drag in nice ways. I’m not looking forward to whatever is going on here. 

I know my wife has been venting a lot. And I listen, but I’m not trying to be in meetings for it.

My dad needed me in Tholoana Kingdom today for Mohato’s wedding that’s happening tomorrow. We will leave from here. We were supposed to be there by now, but my nose got pulled this way first. My family is calling me all kinds of bitches, but when gogo speaks… I dare you to say pe!

Mohau dives straight to kazi. He is obsessed with her. We always say that he and Rendani compete with their obsession for kazi. And kazi receives him well, smiling and playing with him, making him laugh so much. I even catch Rofhiwa smiling at them. She doesn’t want to, but she can’t help it. Mulalo is her grandfather’s child. She is now resting on his chest. Rofhiwa and I now sit next to Khanyisa and Ranwedzi. Gundo and Rendani are not invited to this meeting. I wish I were them!

Gogo stares at us. All of us. Ja no, she’s going to shit on us today. Only she can do this. Koko Kea is not really a shouter. She just speaks to you and paints the worst-case scenarios, making you feel like shit while instilling the fear of God in you. She goes philosophical unprovoked and by the end of the conversation, you are not really sure what you were supposed to take from her lecture, but your day will remain pap! This one… Hai shame, she makes all of us shit bricks. I can’t wait for Khabane to start being part of this. He is actually in South Africa to pick up Khanyi for Mohato’s wedding. I phoned him to check where he is, and he said he’s at a hotel. He said that he knows things are turned up here and he’s not a mkhwenyana yet, so the drama can miss him. 

Chicken! 

“Thomas, address your family! Ozodelela, uzosakazwa yimi. I don’t care if you grew up with rights or not. If wena awushayiwa, you will remain respectful… otherwise, take me to jail for abuse!” How is this an opening statement? How?! You know, she even has her wrists in the air in a locked-up sign as she says we must take her to jail. 

Yoh! 

Even papa is scared… because will he also be sakazad with a mpama if he doesn’t address his family? 

I take Mulalo from him so he can do his thing. It’s my way of just saying, ‘I’m with you, brother.’

Papa stands up. 

He begins: 

“I want to start off by apologizing to each and every one of you here today… my children – all six of you… including the two upstairs. I’m sorry. We are in this position because I may have treated you unfairly in a way that I didn’t realise I was doing. But I can assure you, that will never be my intention. It never has been my intention. I love you guys so much. This very situation that we find ourselves in genuinely breaks my heart. This is the last position I ever imagine I’d be in with my family – especially because of me.”

The jive with Mr R is that he talks too much. He should have never taken what Rofhiwa said to him to his wife. That’s where the shit started. Then he takes Mrs R’s response and brings it back to Rofhiwa. I’m still trying to understand how that made sense in his head. Like, how did he think things would work out? 

People always say that us non-confrontational people are cowards or whatever… but real talk, we have a gift of foresight. You lose nothing from just keeping your mouth shut and picking your battles. When you decide to be a radio station and every five minutes you are releasing a 99.2 slot, you end up sitting here and apologizing to people for nothing. In my view, Rofhiwa is full of shit and her dad is scared to tell her that. She had no business disrespecting a woman who has done nothing but raise her. She knows more about kazi than she does about her mother. Kazi raised her for much longer than her mother did. Her mother had less than three years in her life. Kazi currently has more than ten years and we are still counting. She stopped using that “my mom” shit as an excuse with me because I never allowed it. That woman is dead and gone. Why is Rofhiwa making her a factor to the point where we are now sitting in meetings and our father is apologizing? Let her try this shit with my dad. I want to see something. Because one thing about Onaleruna Mohale… he will not apologise for things he does… what more for nonsense of this nature?

“Rofhiwa, I explained to you that I treat all of my children differently. And the reason for that is because you are all different. If I treat you all the same, you wouldn’t be able to see and feel the appreciation that I have for each of you as individuals. I will not apologise for that. But I do commit to doing better in our relationship. And with all of you… if you have an issue with how I interact with you as an individual, come to me. Talk to me. I love you all. I have mistakes, even in my parenting. I rely on you to make me better. So, I welcome you to make me better. Please. But if your positioning is comparing yourself to someone else, we will have problems because this is where the nonsense in the issues you raise begin.” 

Onaleruna Mohale would have just said “Voetsek! You are all full of shit and I’ve got things to do.” 

I wonder how I’m going to be when my crazy two start growing up and force me into doing such crazy things. Mulalo is the firecracker. You can already see that she’s going to show me flames. With her, I will probably need to be a lot more like Mr R. I’m still sussing Mohau out. He used to be the quieter one who would sleep through everything. Now, he’s more aggressive. And when he doesn’t get his way, he pulls this face that almost threatens us that he will fuck us up. So far, I’ll have to be Onaleruna Mohale with him.

“Now… Rofhiwa, Fikile is my wife. Lydia is gone. She’s not my wife anymore. And you need to respect that.” 

I look at Rofhiwa because she’s very capable of performing this one. “Lydia” or “your mom” are triggers for her. But then again, gogo is here and she said she will sakaza us, so she behaves.

“I will never stop you from loving your mother… keeping her memory alive… and doing whatever it is that you need to do to feel close to her. But I cannot be part of that with you anymore. I cannot compromise my wife’s psychological and emotional security just to keep Lydia’s memory alive. It’s not fair. And it’s not fair of you to expect that from me. Fikile is my wife. You are my daughter. You play very different roles in my life. The love I have for both of you cannot even be compared. It’s different. Just like she respects you, I need you to respect her.” 

I hope the floor will not be open for questions. This is awkward enough. 

“And lastly, Rofhiwa… don’t ever reiterate the whole ‘Khanyisa is not my daughter’ nonsense. Khanyisa is my child! And I’m done having this conversation with you.” 

He sits down.

Gogo stands up. 

Watsiba, if you could even see her… she’s short, walks slowly and always has her hands behind her back. But when she opens her mouth, she’s a yeses. 

“Iphelile le ndaba. Is there anyone who is opposed to that?” Gogo. 

Ay! 

She just threatened us. Even if someone is opposed to it, they are not raising their hands now. 

“Good.”

“Kancane, mah.” Kazi. 

We all look at kazi. 

“Rofhiwa, I’m very sorry that you feel like I’m trying to replace your mother. That’s not what I’m trying to do. Our roles are similar in that in this house and in this family, I’m Thomas’ wife. And while you told me very bravely that I must stick to just sleeping with him because that’s what I’m here for –

“Fikile!”

“Mah, let me say what I need to say, please.”

“Siyalungisa la, Fikile. And you don’t have that conversation in front of everyone. Eyenu nobabili ekhoneni. This is not the platform to –

“Mah, please. It has to be said!”

Rofhiwa is just still… she’s staring at kazi. 

Kazi continues, “While you told me very bravely that I must stick to just sleeping with him because that’s what I’m here for, I do a lot more in this family as Thomas’ wife. And I’m sure you can relate because even you do much more than just have sex with Reahile.”

Modimo!

“I’m Thomas’ partner… in business and in family. I’m the mother in this house. In this family – whether you acknowledge it or not. Everything inside of me, Rofhiwa, wants to tell you to never come back to this house. This is my house and what you will never do, is disrespect me in my own house ever again! But because I’m a mother in this house, I have to acknowledge that there is no dustbin for children – especially my children, you included, Rofhiwa. I love all of you, whether you know how to reciprocate that love or not. It’s not for you to return anyway, it’s to guarantee you that I’ll always do my best for you. And lastly, I say this with all due respect… this is NOT Lydia’s house and I’m done sharing Thomas with Lydia’s ghost. I never met her. I’ve never known her and I’m sure she was amazing… but I’m done competing with her in every sphere of my life. She won in your heart. She’s your mother. I’ll never replace her. And I’ll always come third to her memory and her position in your life. But Thomas is off-limits. And I’m sure you understand when I say that I have to ask you to stop fighting me for him on her behalf. I’m not going to walk on eggshells in my own house and in my own marriage.”

Yoh! 

I actually flip on this chair because I’d really just much rather fuck off out or here.

Rofhiwa is angry. And if gogo were not here, she’d have jumped over this table and slapped kazi… or at least told her shit back. 

Even Mr R is speechless. He doesn’t have big eyes, but those eyes right now…

Only a woman will do this to a man.

“Gogo, do I have to be here?” Ranwedzi is not leaving. If he leaves, I leave.

“Yes, Ranwedzi. You and Reahile are obhuti abadala la ekhaya. Resolving problems will become your job one day. It’s best you start learning now.” 

“No offense, gogo… but I really don’t want to hear about mama and papa having sex.” Ranwedzi ke-star! STAR!

We all want to laugh. You can see it in everyone’s face… but gogo is on some, “Make sure you stay away from sex then because your children will say the same thing about you!” 

How old is Ranwedzi again?!

He just shakes his head. He needs to snap out of what gogo is trying to do. I feel him. 

“Khanyisa, what is your problem that is making you disrespect your older sister?” Gogo. 

“I don’t appreciate how she spoke to kazi.” 

“Ungenaphi Khanyisa?”

“Ngiyangena, gogo. This is my mother!” 

“Is she not Rofhiwa’s mother?” 

“Only Rofhiwa can answer that question. With her, we never know.” 

“Khanyisa, I’ll moer you!” 

“I’m answering your questions! I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong!” 

Khabane is going to see flames here! Attitude ekana?! Yoh! I’ve never seen Khanyisa like this. No one ever has. And we are all shocked more than anything… even gogo in her strictness.

“Rofhiwa’s and Fikile’s issue is addressed and has passed. So, you should be fine now.” Gogo. 

Khanyisa rolls her eyes. 

“KHANYISA!” 

“Fine. It’s done because that part of the issue is squashed. But I’m not over her coming for me because papa and I are close.” 

“Angazi kwa-coming for you lokho kusho ukuthini. But Khanyisa, she was overwhelmed with emotion, and –

“That’s the problem! When is Rofhiwa never overwhelmed with emotion? Every day thina sidl’ ama-emotion kaRofhiwa because her mother is dead? My mother is useless. My father is doesn’t want me. I’m technically an orphan. So, if we apply Rofhiwa’s model to life, I should be mad at everyone and make each person’s life a living hell every time they are around me. Would that be acceptable, gogo?”

“Mntanami, this is not how we do things. Please, my baby.”

Khanyisa starts crying. 

She’s coughing and hiccupping through her words as she says, “Do you know how much I love my sister, gogo? The only sister that I have?”

She cries. 

No man… the fuck is wrong with Rofhiwa? Khanyisa bothers no one! No one!

Mr R wants to get up and hug her and you can just see that he’s scared that Rofhiwa will start accusing him of favouritism again. 

“I love Rofhiwa with my whole heart. For her to say I’m not papa’s child… and that I’m not her sister… what have we been doing this whole time then in our relationship, Rofhiwa? WHAT?!”

Rofhiwa gets up and hugs her. 

I’m glad she’s realizing that the fixing has to come from her. All of us must ban this “My dead mom” shit from Rofhiwa. Look at what she’s doing? She didn’t even know the woman. She died before Rofhiwa could have any memory of her. Now Rofhiwa is fucking up relationships with people who love her in the name of “My dead mom”?

Khanyi’s cry is making all of us emotional. Kazi keeps shaking her head as she silently cries. Papa is also emotional. Even I didn’t realise that I’m crying. What moves me the most is Ranwedzi standing up and hugging both his sisters. He is taller than both of them. 

“You guys are stupid. Why are you fighting if you love each other?” Ranwedzi. 

Khanyisa and Rofhiwa both laugh.

This makes us all smile and wipe our tears. 

Gogo is staring at us like she is about to slap all of us. 

“Hlalani phansi, bazukulu.” Gogo says. 

The three of them sit down.

“I want you all to listen to me and listen to me carefully…

There’s nothing more heart-breaking than family fighting and hating each other over useless things. If we all actually assess why you were fighting, not one of you can give me a definite answer on that. But nilwe kwaze kwafika la. And for what? Why? 

Fikile, all the children in this house are yours and when you interact with them, fighting or not, you are a mother! Nina nonke la… Fikile and Thomas are your parents. I don’t want to hear anything else. Are we clear?!”

“Yebo gogo.” We all say.

“ANGIZWA?!” 

“YEBO GOGO!” We all say loudly.

“Everyone is sleeping here today. Izinhliziyo zizobhodla before anyone leaves this house.” Hai, gogo! 

“Gogo, we have to go to Tholoana Kingdom. Iwele likaReahile liyashada. We are supposed to be there already.” Rofhiwa says…

Then she stares at us. 

“Nami gogo, kumele ngihambe. Khabane is waiting for me.” 

“Khabane is in South Africa?” Ranwedzi asks. They have a cool relationship. 

Khanyisa nods her head. 

“Tell Khabane to come here and show some respect. Sowulandwa emakhoneni wena?” 

I laugh to myself. Yes, Khabane, itla. 

“Gogo –

“Akuhanjwa kuze kufike uKhabane. Rea… phone him and tell him I’m calling him!” 

I call Khabane WITH PLEASURE! 

“Ngicela ningixolele, I’m going to lie down a bit.” 

Kazi says then gets up from the couch.

“Fikile –

“Hai mah, please.”

She walks out. 

Mr R looks like he’s about to cry. 

“Travel safely, guys.” Mr R says. Then he also leaves the lounge area.

Gogo looks like she wants to cry too. 

This is far from being fixed.