2010

It’s finally after school. It’s been a long day and I’m extremely exhausted. This week was test week and test week is just painful. You write a minimum of two pre-exam papers per subject from Monday to Friday. If you do not perform well during test week, your parents are called in and are informed that you are in danger of failing. No one wants that kind of pressure going into the exams. I just finished writing my chemistry paper and now I just want to go home. I’m not even waiting for Maboko today. I will see him later when he comes to “check” me. Matric students finish at 4pm. I cannot wait for another two hours just to go home. 

“Miss Tlou, can I speak with you for a minute?” Mrs Mathule says as students start walking out of her classroom. 
I finish packing my bag then I make my way to her desk. 
“Yes ma’am?” 
“You did very well in your pre-exam papers this week. All the teachers are very impressed with your dedication”, she says. 
That’s great to know. 
“Thank you, ma’am.” I say. 
“We are however worried about you, Miss Tlou. Your relationship with Maboko Seete is very concerning. He is an extremely entitled matric boy who is very selfish. You are not in his position. You cannot afford to mess up because with you, your parents cannot afford to pay for your future. Maboko doesn’t consider that when he drags you to one party after the next. And now you’ve even buried a student.” 
I really don’t know what to say. 

“Is he perhaps the reason that you are not making an effort in making friends, neither? Because your interaction assessments indicate that you are not socially awkward. You know how to network and you keep conversations flowing very well. So, we cannot understand why you do not have friends outside of Gwen Seete – Maboko Seete’s sister.” 

This school analysis everything about you – EVERYTHING!

“Ma’am, I just prefer to keep to myself. That’s all.” I say. 

“Miss Tlou, you are too young to be in a relationship with a man who has this kind of influence over your life. You need to enjoy your life. Maboko Seete enjoyed his life. He is being very selfish by dragging you into a serious commitment before you can even figure out what kind of man you want to be with. At this rate, he will be all you know. And it’s selfish because he has his chance to just enjoy being young and not have the pressure of such a serious relationship.” 

I don’t even know what to say now. She has clearly made up her mind about this and I am not going to change it. 
“I’ve organised for you to see the school’s therapist, Miss Tlou. Your appointment is next week Monday. You’ve worked hard to be where you are. You can go so much further in your life. Just leave people like Maboko Seete alone. He’s not worth it.” 

I take my bag and walk out of her class. This must be the strangest conversation I’ve ever had in my life. 
I bump into Gwen crying. She seems so – I don’t know, man… 
I walk up to her. 
“Hey”, I greet her. 
She faintly smiles at me. 
“What’s wrong, Gwen?” 
“I don’t know. I’m just not feeling okay and I have to wait for Maboko to finish his classes for the day. The matrics finish at 4pm.” 
“Well, I can maybe take you home? We’ll use a taxi, but at least you won’t be alone.” 
“Taxi? Aowa! I’ll call a cab. Please come with me to my GP instead?” 
I nod my head. 
She indeed phones the cab and we wait for about ten minutes before it arrives. We get into the cab and we are driven to her GP. 

Gwen is being examined as I wait in the waiting area. I have a book that I’m busy reading. I keep it in my blazer and read it every chance I get. I still spend breaks alone. Sometimes, when I feel like people, I’ll hang out with Gwen and her grade nine friends – and that’s only because Gwen insists on it. But I’m actually okay marinating in my own company and just reading some books. Maybe this is why my teachers think Maboko is my life and I need help. 

My cellphone rings as I am in the middle of an interesting plot twist in this novel. It’s Gwen. 
“Hey” I answer my phone. 
“Hey. I’m being admitted. I’ve called a cab to take us to the hospital.” She tells me. 
Now I’m really worried. 
“Okay, sure. Do you need me to come there and help you?” 
“No, I’m coming now.” 
We hang up. 
Now I’m really worried. 
I text Maboko: “Hey babe“. 
He does not reply instantly. He must be busy in class. 
Gwen comes out and we make our way to a cab. The cab takes us to the same private hospital that Maboko was admitted in after we got hijacked. 

Gwen is filling out forms and I’m helping where I can to make sure that she’s comfortable and settled. My phone rings as the nurses are going through admission questionnaires with Gwen. I also see that I have over twelve text messages. It’s Maboko calling. He was probably trying to text me and saw that I wasn’t replying. I didn’t even feel my phone vibrate with all his text messages. I step out of the ward and answer my phone, “Hey babe.”
“Hey baby. Are you okay? Why aren’t you answering my text messages? Where are you?” 
“Maboko, I’m fine. But I’m at a hospital.” 
“What?!” 
“No, baby. I’m not the one who is sick. Gwen is.” 
“Gwen?” 
“Yeah. I found her not looking fine at school while she was waiting for you. We got a cab together and I accompanied her to her GP. The GP then recommended that she gets admitted and transferred her to a specialist. So, we are at the hospital now.” 
“What’s wrong with her?” 
“I don’t know, Maboko.” 
“Okay. I’m on my way.” 
The call ends. 

Gwen is fast asleep and I’m reading my book as I’m seated beside her. I still have no idea what’s wrong with her. Maboko walks in with the Mohale twins. He looks extremely stressed. Ona looks stressed, but he also looks like he was trying to keep Maboko calm the whole way here. Khotso is staring at Gwen with concern. 
Maboko hugs me first. He kisses me then asks me if I’m okay. I nod my head. 
“What’s wrong with her?” Khotso asks me. 
“I don’t know.” I say. 
I really don’t. 

Moments later, Maboko’s parents arrive. 
“What happened?” Maboko’s mother asks in great panic. 
“She felt sick at school and Tebza helped her get here.” Maboko explains. 
“Did she say anything about whatever is wrong with her?” The dad asks me. 
I shake my head. 
Everyone is extremely panicked. 
“Babe, I’m going to head home now. We will talk later, okay?” I tell Maboko. 
“You don’t have to leave, baby.” He says. 
“I have to give you guys some space.” I say. 
He looks sad. 
“We will talk later, baby. I’ll be fine.” I say. 
“We will also get going. We will drop you off at home.” Ona offers. 
I nod my head then we leave. 

I get home and find that my mom and Tiisetso are already here. Tiisetso is crying, so I know that she failed something and she’s struggling with corrections. My mom is a teacher, but she struggles to teach people who have learning challenges. Tiisetso is not academically strong. She’s really not. But she’s a hard worker. My mother doesn’t appreciate that about her and she will shout at Tiisetso for failing and not understanding work because it embarrasses her. 
“Dumelang“, I greet them. 
“Hello Teboho”, my mom. 
I just go to my room because my mom is in a mood and I’m not in the mood for her. 

I throw myself on my bed and just let my body rest. I’m so tired. I grab my phone and text Maboko to let him know that I’m home and check in on how Gwen is doing. 
While I wait for him to reply, I start googling affordable schools that Tiisetso can attend that will cater to her strengths. I don’t like what my mother is doing to her and I’m sure it’s worse at school because mama is also Tiisetso’s educator. 
I find a few options. I take out my notepad and start making notes. I write down the pros and cons of each of these schools based on their websites. When I am done, I look at them and choose the top three. 

I phone the first one. I ask about their programmes, their sports programmes and other elements that they have for students. Tiisetso is good in things like acting or working with her hands. I enquire about their cultural programme and how they use these different interests to support the academic overall programme. I phone the other two as well and ask the same questions. On these phone calls, I’m asking them about their bursary options or financial aid for students. I even tell them about the student I’m enquiring about… she’s in matric and I just want to position her for options after matric. A matric is not good enough if it will not do anything for you. Two of them offer to do capability and strength assessments with the student I’m enquiring for. I agree and take dates from them. I take their banking details to pay for these tests and promise that I’ll bring Tiisetso tomorrow and bring payment as well. 
Now to sell this to Tiisetso. 
Maboko phones me…
“Hey babe.” I answer. 
“Hey love. Can you come and meet me outside? I’m up the corner from your house. I drove past your house and saw your mom’s car. I don’t want issues.” 
“Okay baby. I’m coming.” 

I quickly change out of my uniform because I’m still dressed in my school uniform. When I’m done, I make my way to see my boyfriend. My mom gives me a side-eye as I walked out. But she’s still treating Tiisetso like a child, so she doesn’t have time to shit on me. I’m getting Tiisetso out of this situation as soon as I can. 

I get into Maboko’s car and he just seems so stressed. He comes in for a kiss and I kiss him. I hold his hand and he just looks like he wants to cry. 
“Gwen is pregnant”. He says. 
My eyes widen. 
“What’s wrong with that girl? How can she be so irresponsible? And now Cam has passed away and –
He takes a deep breath. 
“She’s going to take a sabbatical from school and will be home-schooled until she gives birth. Please keep this to yourself, babe.”
Who am I going tell? All five of my imaginary friends? Or maybe that psychologist that I have to go and see. I’m just sad that now I really won’t have the option of chilling with people anymore. 
I just kiss him. 

“Can we hang out tomorrow? I’ll book us into a lodge for the day.” He says after some time.
“Sure. But it will have to be a bit later. I’m taking Tiisetso to Cathlone High and Searcy College for assessments.” I say. 
He looks at me in an enquiring manner. 
“She’s not academically strong and I don’t think her matric will do much for her after she has obtained it. My mother doesn’t want to see it and she is more focused on the fact that Tiisetso is embarrassing her than she is focused on the possibility of Tiisetso not blossoming at that school. So, I’m going to take Tiisetso to these schools. I’ve made the appointments for her. Now I just need to convince her that she could possibly have to go back to grade eleven.” 
“You are going to make a brilliant mother one day, you know that? And you should consider teaching. Most teachers don’t even pick up what you’ve picked up.” 
I just smile at him. 
“I’ll fetch you guys in the morning”, he says. 
“Are you sure?” Me. 
“Yeah. Then when we are done, you and I will have our day together.” He says. 

I smile at him. Then I begin, “Mrs Mathule called me to the side today. She says that you are very selfish for being in a relationship with me and that you will ruin my life.” 

He is getting angry. 

“She even booked me an appointment with the school psychologist because she thinks that our relationship is affecting my social skills at school.” I continue. 

He shakes his head. 

“Is that how you feel?” He asks me. 

I shake my head.

“Do you want to see that shrink who has nine cats and dirty toe nails?” 

I laugh because I cannot pretend that was not funny. Then I shake my head to indicate that I do not need to see the psychologist. 

“I’ll fix this, okay? I’m sorry she did this to you.” 

We hold hands and smile at each other. 
Then we suddenly see my mother walk past the car. It’s the walking that basically screams that she wants us to see that she saw us, but she will not cause drama because she’s Mapula Tlou and she’s just not that kind of mother. It wouldn’t be good for her “mponeng” profile. 
“Should we kiss and give her a real show?” Maboko suggests. 
I just laugh and get out the car, making my way back home. 


Present Day

Khabane is still fast asleep because it is a Saturday morning and that’s just what he does on Saturday mornings. Tebza and I are just having sex, a lot of it. We just both woke up early and  our bodies were in need of each other. I love my wife. I’m thankful for my wife. She is such a beautiful individual. She has an incredible heart. She just knows how to heal me. As I make love to her, I’m taken back to our teenage years where I was the first man to touch her like this and even have sex with her. She’s always trusted me to be vulnerable around me and with me. She’s always trusted me to be her first in a lot of things. She may have not been my first experience with a lot of things, but she was my first love – my first and ONLYlove in this lifetime. 

Now we lie naked next to each other, facing each other. She seems to be dozing off again. She must be tired. I peck her lips and she smiles at me. 
“I’m worried about you”, she tells me. 
“Why?” I ask her. 
“You are dealing with a lot, baby. And I know that you don’t want to sell this house. I don’t think you should do it just to prove a point to Gwen.” She says. 
“So, what I should do, baby? Because I’ll never allow her to –
“You are not allowing her to do anything, my love. People deal with grief differently and Gwen has never known when or how to employ emotional intelligence in anything. I admit, her approach is selfish and has elements of bullying. You cannot control that. But you can control how you react to all of this. You just made a decision on impulse without thinking twice about it. This is a house that you share with your sisters and that also brings you closer to your mother. Letting it go just to prove a point to Gwen will not heal you any faster, my baby.” 
“It’s just that… Gwen is just sooo… 
“Why don’t you buy her out of the house? She can live in it when we move out, but she doesn’t throw her weight around. And when she acts out of pocket again, you will be well within your rights to kick her out.” 
I chuckle and tell her that “this is a brilliant idea. I’ll even get Refiloe to buy it with us then you, me and her can co-own it together. The house is currently worth fifteen million. If we buy her out for twenty million, she can even afford to go and buy her own house.” 
“Twenty million rands is a lot of money to give to Gwen… she’s never had the responsibility of handling money before. Money of that amount is going to subject her to being a victim of crime or she will spend it with her friends, blow it, then become your problem again.” 
I look at her. She’s always been good at coming up with good solutions for issues like this. 
“Let’s pay it into a trust. She will get three hundred thousand rands to just waste on herself then hopefully put down a down payment for a decent house or apartment. Her choice. Then on a monthly basis, the trust will pay her a salary. Before she gets the nett of her salary, the trust will pay for her rates and taxes and anything else she needs to maintain the property. Then it will pay for her bond. She has a car, so she doesn’t need to buy a new one. After paying her responsibilities, she will get a salary of thirty thousand rands monthly and she must live on it. If she wants more, she can find a job. She needs to grow up, babe. This is the only way.” 
“You are brilliant, you know that. I completely support this. Then this will be a family house. We will keep the staff to continue to live here. They’ll keep it clean and well-maintained. That way, if any family member has to come by to visit, they have accommodation – especially Refiloe. Then when we have family events, we can have them here.” 
She nods her head. 
“Do you have twenty million in your bank account?” She asks me. 
“I have it tied up in investments, savings and trusts for Khabane’s education. But I can take a loan from one of the –
“No babe. My pay-out has finally cleared from my US job. After tax, I have ten million rands converted from dollars. I was going to invest in property or something, but I want this house for you. I want you to keep a part of your mom with you.” 
I brush her face. This is one hell of a woman. 
“I can put five million together. I’ll speak to Refiloe to put in another five million. Let’s buy Gwen out”, I say.
“Are you sure you want to do this? She might never forgive you, Maboko.” 
“At this point, I don’t care. Things have been about her for far too long.” 

We are having breakfast that Tebza prepared for us. Khabane is also here at the table with us. The three of us are having a good time until Gwen climbs down the stairs with four suitcases. Tebza and I look at each other. 
“Rakgadi Gwen, where are you going?” 
“I’m moving out, KB.” 
“Why?” 
She is silent. She puts her bags next to the door then walks up to Tebza and I. She stands in front of us and says, “I accept your offer.” 
We look at her – puzzled. 
“I heard your little pillow talk this morning about buying me out of this house. I’ll take the twenty million.” She says. 
“You were eavesdropping on our conversation?” I ask her. 
“Yes. And on you having sex.” She says. 
Tebza is slightly embarrassed. I’m just annoyed. I basically don’t have privacy around here. 
“I’ll take the offer on condition that you don’t put it in a trust. Give it to me straight.” 
“Out of the question”, I say. 
“Why? You think I’m too irresponsible?”
“You are too irresponsible”. 
“Maboko, akere you want me out of your life? Refiloe is the better sister and that’s who you want as a sister and not me. So, give me the money and I’ll disappear from your life as you wish.” 
Something is wrong with this woman.
“I’m not giving you twenty million. It’s the trust or nothing.” 
She looks like she wants to cry. 
“I want to go and live in Spain”, she says with tears stuck in her throat.
Tebza unintentionally rolls her eyes. I just chuckle. 
“So, I need the money”, she says. 
“Then go find a job”, I say and continue eating my food. 
She cries a bit. 
“Rakgadi Gwen, please don’t leave. We are a family. Whatever is wrong, we can fix it.” Khabane says. I actually feel like crying. My son adores Gwen. 
“I have to go, baby. Sometimes we all just need a break from each other.” She tells Khabane. 
“When will the break be over?” Khabane. 
“I don’t know, KB. I don’t know.” With this, she turns around and leaves the house. 

I bath Khabane while Tebza prepares for our movie day. Khabane is making us watch the Harry Potter movie series. We haven’t spent a whole day indoors before. I’m not really a movie person, but I’m definitely looking forward to this.

“Daddy, I really love you.” My son tells me as I bath him. 
I could just melt. 
“And mommy is a lot happier since we came back. I think she really loves you too. And I think she was sad a lot in LA because she missed you.” He says. 
“Well, we are never going to be apart again. I love you and your mommy a lot too.” 
“I know. Uncle Ona said I should never buy anyone presents if they don’t make me happy like mommy makes you happy.” 
“When did Uncle Ona say this?” 
“The other day. It was my girlfriend’s birthday and I wanted to buy her chocolate. Uncle Ona asked me if she makes me laugh and if she’s beautiful. I told him that she’s really nasty, but she writes me letters every day to tell me that I’m not allowed to play with other girls because she’s my girlfriend.”
What the fuck am I hearing?! 
“You have a girlfriend?” I ask. 
“Yes.” 
“And you bought her chocolate?” 
“I was going to, but Uncle Ona said she’s a crazy b-girl and I shouldn’t. I don’t know what a b-girl is.” 
It’s Ona. He was probably going to slip up and say bitch, then he remembered that my son is six. 
I actually chuckle because wow! 

We head back to the TV room and find the couches set up nicely for the movie day. We have popcorn, wine gums, whispers, juice and finger snacks. This is going to be a nice afternoon. Khabane is also extremely excited about this. 

As we start the movie, Tebza’s phone rings. She answers it and puts it on speaker. She does that a lot. 
“Teboho, hello?”
“Hi. Is this Mrs Teboho Seete?” 
“Yes, it is.”
“My name is Charmaine Phokane. I’m calling you from the Nthatisi Mohale Mental Wellness and Wellbeing Centre. Is this a good time to talk?” 
Tebza and I look at each other. 
“What is this about?” Tebza enquires. 
“I have a Miss Gwen Seete with me requesting to be admitted into the centre. She needs a R50 000 down payment for her first thirty days of treatment. We also need someone who will be responsible for her staying fees here. She gave us your name.” 
Tebza is not sure what to say. 
“Please admit her. My husband and I are on our way to your facility. We will make the payment when we arrive.”
“Okay, ma’am. You will find her in the waiting ward when you arrive. We cannot admit her without the adequate down payment.” 
“Okay. Thanks.” 

…

Tebza and I arrive at the centre. Khabane is holding onto my hand as we walk through the doors. We find Gwen in the waiting area with her bags. I look at her and she looks at me. We don’t greet each other. Tebza is the one who hugs her. 
“It was either this or suicide. I’m committed to working on myself. Please don’t give up on me.” Gwen says.
“In a R50 000 per thirty days facility?” I enquire. Gwen thinks that we’ve got money to play. 
“I don’t want to make the news for being in here and this place secures my privacy.” She says. 
“Gwen, haven’t we done this song and dance before? You come here. You waste our money. You don’t finish your programme. You leave because you think you are better, then you come home to drive us crazy again”. I say. Tebza will not say these things to her and I understand. But I’m not wasting my money on Gwen just because she feels like being a baby. 
“Maboko, I’m trying. I really need your support, abuti waka.” 
“Tebza and I are not your parents, Gwen. You should have phoned dad to come and take on the responsibility that you want to put on Tebza. I will not allow it. Khabane doesn’t even cost us the way that you do.” 
This statement really hurts her. 
“Maboko, please don’t do this to me. You know that Lebo doesn’t give a damn about me.” 
“Did she tell you that?” I ask. 
Silence.
“I’m not paying for this. I’ve phoned dad and Lebo. They should be here any minute.” 
“Maboko! Please!” 
“Dad is your parent. Not me. Not Tebza. Baby, let’s go.” 
I think I’ve just reached my breaking point with Gwen. I’ve been everything that she needed me to be all these years and I don’t know what support from her feels like. I have my own family now. Khabane needs all of me. Gwen is so taxing. I know that being her deputy parent will require too much of me. 

“Are you okay?” Tebza asks me. 
I just nod my head.
We are waiting outside for my dad and Lebo. They arrive and walk towards where we are standing. 
“Ey, monna!” 
“Sho, timer.” 
“Are you good?” 
“Yeah. Aus‘ Lebo. Ushup?” 
“Ke shup, Maboko. Wena?” 
“I’m good thanks. Dumela makoti“, Lebo greets Tebza. 
“Dumela, Mme Lebo. Dumela, ntate”, Tebza greet them. 
“Hi gra’ma… hi grandpa”, Khabane. 
They greet Khabane and focus on me now.
“What’s going on between you and Gwen?” My dad asks me. 
“A lot. And it’s been going on for a very long time. You and mama enabled it and now I’m just at a point where I’m not interested anymore.” I tell him. 
“Maboko?” My dad. 
“I have to get going, timer. Take care. Aus‘ Lebo, you look nice. Look after yourself”, I say then take Khabane and walk away. 

Tebza spends about twenty minutes talking to my dad and Aus‘Lebo. She walks back to the car after speaking to them. She gets in and straps herself. She seems a bit upset with me. But I am not going to even address this. I just drive off. We are both very quiet and we listen to these things that Khabane is watching on his iPad. 
After a few minutes, we see him dozing off. He eventually gives in and puts his iPad down, lies down on the backseat and sleeps. Tebza and I have not said one word to each other and the first thing she says to me is, “Maboko, I’m pregnant.” 
I almost lose complete control of the car because I’m so shocked. 
She does not look at me. 
“What if our kids have the kind of relationship that you and Gwen have? Is that what you want for them?” 
“That’s an unfair question, Teboho.”
“How is it unfair exactly? You are doing all of this shit in front of Khabane. Do you not think he’s taking all of this in and learning this behaviour from you?” 
“That’s unfair and you know it.” 
“What’s unfair is how you are treating your sister. Gwen has always been this way. You know that. She hasn’t changed.” 
“Maybe that’s the problem!” 
“No, Maboko, that’s not the problem. The problem is that as a family, you all taught her that it’s okay for her to behave like this. You all kept quiet when she was around, then gossiped about it behind her back. You let this shit fester and become what it is. As a family, le thlokile nnete. What did you think would happen? This is a result of you enabling Gwen’s behaviour. Now you want to just toss her aside when she needs you to support her on a very brave decision that she has taken to get help.” 
I’m quiet. 
After a few minutes, I tell her, “Our kids will not be that way.” 
“How do you know that?” 
“I wouldn’t let them.” 
“You think Lydia and Joseph wanted this for you and Gwen?” 
What’s Tebza’s problem? 
I just turn on the radio and drive us home. She keeps looking at me with an unforgivable eye.