My mother, Ati and I have decided to spend Christmas at Reitumetsi’s and Suzi’s house for Christmas. We arrived yesterday, on Christmas Eve and slept over, waking up to Christmas Day today. My dad is somewhere in hell doing the devil’s work. He promised he’d spend Christmas with us, but when we had to leave, he had plans with the local tavern so Christmas is without him this year. 

Tumi’s and Suzi’s house is beautiful. I have never been here before. It is a nice house in an estate. Mama and I slept in one bedroom. Suzi’s parents and siblings slept in the other two guest bedrooms. Ati slept alone in another guest bedroom. 

My brother seems very happy. He even does cheesy things like decorate his driveway and balconies with Christmas lights. I would have said it’s Suzi’s idea, but I saw him with my own eyes dragging Ati outside and making him decorate, “get into the Christmas spirit”, he keeps telling us. Suzi and I decorated the Christmas tree together because her family was not keen to do anything with us. Mama just sat there drinking her tea and watched us decorate the tea while making jokes unprovoked.  

Today is Christmas. Suzi, my mother and I are in the kitchen cooking and baking. We chat about, but I wonder when her family is coming downstairs to help us. We are not their help you know. 

Also, Suzi is crying.

“Suzi, ushup?” I ask her. 

She smiles at me. 

“You can talk to me. What’s up?” I say. My mom side-eyes me.

“My parents and I had a fight. You’d think that I’d be used to them looking down on my marriage and my husband’s family by now, but they get to me all the time”, she says. 

I am actually not shocked. Suzi’s and Tumi’s relationship was special and I’m putting it mildly. If my daughter spent money on a man the way Suzi spends money on Reitumetsi, I’d have a problem with their union too. But, I don’t say that. 

“We had an exchange of words last night and my mom said some really hurtful things, even to Tumi.” She says. 

“Sorry Suzi, hle. It’s Christmas babe. Reitumetsi is telling everyone to get into the Christmas spirit. You’ll deal with your parents afterwards.” I say. 

She chuckles. Then she catches my mom and me off guard when she says, “that man is incredible, hey. I’d marry him all over again. He has his flaws, but he’s mine and those flaws are mine to deal with. I will deal with his flaws just as I deal with the amazing things about him until my eyes close for the last time on this earth.” 

I honestly cannot believe what I am hearing. Her words make me miss Zithulele from my soul and I just feel like this is exactly how I feel about him. My mother and I smile at Suzi. My brothers have always been pricks and weird. I have never imagined them to be people’s husbands. Now a woman is telling me that my eldest brother is amazing and that she’d marry him all over again? I’m just so emotional and my mother as well as Suzi notice. 

“I heard you throwing up this morning. Did you eat something off?” She asks me. 

I can’t exactly say I’m kinda pregnant, but it’s unconfirmed. 

“Ke shup, thank you”, I say. 

“How’s your man?” Suzi. I didn’t think getting into the spirit would be talking about Zithulele. I miss him so much. My throat carries my load of tears. 

She holds my hand. 

“Just call him”, she says. 

“I don’t think I’m ready”, I say. 

“When will you be ready? When you are nine months pregnant?” Suzi. 

“I’m not pregnant”, I say. I’m trying to convince myself here. 

My mother chortles. Suzi smiles. 

“Not talking to him is clearly not making you happy. You miss him. You love him. Don’t let whatever is going on bully you out of a relationship with a man who looks at you the way that he does. Anyone can see how much that man loves you.” She says. 

Suzi is actually a cool person. I think I judged her too quickly. 

I’ll go see Zithulele after Christmas. 

Suzi’s sister walks into the kitchen mid-laughter, cooking and baking between Suzi, my mom and I. She doesn’t greet us. 

“Good morning to you too, Gladys.” Suzi says. 

“Good morning, Susan”, Gladys says. 

“I’m not alone”, Susan. 

Gladys sighs, then says, “Dumelang“. 

My mom and I just say hi faintly. 

“I’d like to make some coffee. Where can I get space to do that? It’s so busy in here”, Gladys says. 

“We are preparing food for the day ahead. You’ll have to wait”, Susan says. 

“Susan, I cannot start my day without coffee. And knowing how you always piss off our parents, I need the coffee to deal with your drama”, Gladys. 

This family deserves a reality show. 

“This is my house. Anyone who is disrespectful enough to try me in my own house will find themselves wanting today”, Susan says. 

Eh! 

“You should tell that to your husband. We can actually afford to pack and make dramatic exists because unlike your husband, we will be leaving for mansions, not shacks”, Gladys. 

Ah! 

“At least he will be leaving to a warm shack filled with love le mofutho wa le lapa. All your mansions have is money and judgement. That’s why I’d never run back there no matter how bad shit gets for me.” Susan says.

Mama and I smile at each other. I think Suzi is growing on me now. 

Gladys walks out of the kitchen.

…

Christmas lunch was very awkward. My mother, Suzi, myself, Reitumetsi and Atisang ate by the pool. We were very merry. Everyone was drinking Sherri except for me. I know I’m pregnant but I don’t know. I don’t want to take the chance. 

Suzi’s family had their lunch in the dining area of the house. Their table was very silent. We just heard crockery and cutlery at war with their frustrations. 

Dessert was the best. Mama made trifle, caramel mint cake and scones. Even Suzi’s family couldn’t get enough. My mom is a chef. I am appointing her. 

In the evening, we played charades. Even Suzi’s sisters joined us this time. Gladys, Suzi and I were on one team. Ati, Reitumetsi and Suzi’s other sister, Henrietta, were on a team. My mom just watched us and was laughing at us. Suzi’s parents went to bed early. 

At 11pm, we all called it a night. I thought about calling Zithulele. I wonder how his day was.

…

Today is New Year’s Eve. I am done not talking to Zithulele. I miss him so much. The last time I saw him was when I asked him to leave my home. I had just found him after a suicide attempt. He had cheated on me and I had told him that I could possibly be pregnant. Now, three weeks later, I miss him and I get sick all the time. 

I start at the club. It’s New Year’s Eve. Even if he went home for Christmas, as a club owner, he should be back by now for a NYE celebration. I know something huge is happening at this club today because my brothers and their partners told me the tickets are sold out and I should hustle some for them. 

“Sho“, one of the barmen finds me and says to me. 

“Hey. I am looking for Zithulele”, I say. 

“He is in his office. You can go up”, he says. 

“Thanks”, me. 

I make my way upstairs to his office. After two knocks, a woman opens the door. We look at each other. She is gorgeous. 

“Can I help you?” The woman.

Maybe this was a mistake.

“I’m looking for Zithulele”, I say anyway. 

“Thule! Someone is looking for you”, she says as she makes her way to the mini bar in Zithulele’s office. I stand at the door. This situation has become very awkward. 

Zithulele walks out of the restroom and he stops dead in his tracks when he sees me. He is shocked!

After a minute of gathering himself, he comes to the door where I am standing… then he hugs me. He holds me passionately and intimately close to his heart. I feel like crying, but I have to hold myself back. 

He pulls me into his office. 

“This is my sister, Nothile. Nothile, please give us some space”, he says.

She is not happy to leave, but she leaves and closes the door behind her. 

Zithulele and I stare at each other. It is taking everything inside of me to hold back my tears. He holds my hand. 

“I – 

My tears fail me. The stream down my face. 

“I received my results and I wanted to share that with you. When we started dating, I always thought we’d wake up in the same bed on the day we received our results and we would kiss each other for every distinction we got.” I say.

“Not rounds of sex? Just kisses?” He says.

We giggle. 

“I also got a job offer. I got accepted into a graduate programme run by the government. The pay is great and I’ll finally be able to buy my parents a house.” I say. 

“I always knew you’d be great. You are pure talent fused with hard work. I’m proud of you.” He says. 

I smile. 

“And… I’m pregnant. I finally took the pregnancy test. I’ve also been sick a lot. The test came back positive”, me. 

He looks at me. He kisses my forehead.  

“Come here”, he says as he pulls me into his arms. I am comforted. 

…

Now that I have had a good cry and have thrown up, I have sparkling water with a lemon slice in front of me. Zithulele has whiskey in front of him. We are sitting across each other. 

“I miss you, Zee”, me.

He smiles at me. 

“I want to know what being back together with you would mean: would it mean that we are together because we love each other or because we have a child on the way? Would it entail you cheating on me and me just getting used to it now? Or will I be able to trust you and we be what we were when we conceived this child?” Me. 

He takes a deep sigh. 

“I’m sorry for cheating on you, Tlali. I really am. I told you from the first day my brother called you my girlfriend that you are going to be my wife. I still want that. If it were up to me, I would have paid lobola for you by Christmas. What I feel for you and me wanting to be with you has nothing to do with the child on the way. I love you.” He says. 

I nod my head. 

“I need to get going. There’s a lot of traffic headed to your club and I don’t want to be caught in it. Oh and, my brothers and their partners would like tickets to whatever you are hosting here tonight.” Me. 

“Oh, so you really came here for tickets?” He says, laughing. 

I smile. 

“If the answer is no, I’ll just tell them.” I say. 

“No man, tell them to pull through. I got them.” He says and hands me his phone. 

“No it’s okay, I’ll tell them when I get home”, me. 

“Please don’t go. At least spend New Year’s Eve with me”, him. 

“I don’t have anything to wear, babe. Plus I told my parents I’d be back home before the sun sets. I think my mom can see that I’m pregnant because she treats me weirdly now”, I say. 

“Please love”, him. 

“And I need to get some sleep. I’m feeling a bit tired.” Me. 

“Baby, I’ll take you home and you can get some rest. My siblings are all there getting ready for tonight.” 

“No thanks”. I’m not staying there without him. 

“I’ll stay with you. Plus you have some stuff at my place and I’ve bought you some new outfits. I’m sure you’ll find something to wear. Just tell your brothers to come to my place. We will all leave from there.” Him. 

I smile. How can I say no?

“Please? My baby mama?” Him. 

I chuckle.

I call my brothers and they agree to meet us at Zithulele’s house. I send them a location pin and they will arrive together. Reitumetsi gave Atisang his Polo now that he drives a two-door black BMW 4 series M-sport. Levels!

I called my mother to let her know that I will not be coming back. She yelled at me and told me it’s not safe, blah blah blah. I put her on speaker so Zithulele could hear the shit he put me through. I really think my mom knows that I’m pregnant. 

…

It is 19:30 and everyone is waiting for Zee and me because I have been throwing up. Now, I am dressed up and am applying my makeup. My brothers have arrived too.  Zee is lying on the bed in his suit – worn with Jordans of course. I am wearing a black dress with gold jewellery and transparent heels with golden studs. Hair – wig! The best hair rescue ever. It is a 32 inch deep curl wig. 

“Baby”, him. 

“Yes love”, me. 

“Be nice to Susan tonight.” He says. 

“I’m always nice. I invited her here, didn’t I?” Me. 

“Yes… just be nice. You might not give a fuck about her, but I still need to seal my relationship with your older brother. Atisang is cool with me, but Reitumetsi is still distant.” 

“Did something happen? Did he say something to you?” 

“No. But I need a breakthrough. I’m fucking his youngest sister and I want to marry her. Please be nice.” Him. 

“I actually like Susan. I think I judged her too quickly. She’s part of the reason I came back to you.” I say. 

He smiles at me and says, “I hope you told her that – that you judged her too quickly and you like her now.” 

“I’m not telling her anything. The point is, I like her and I will be more than nice to her.” 

He laughs as I finish off my makeup. 

Now we make our way downstairs. 

“Finally!” Nothile says. I have learned that she is Zee’s favourite sister. 

Everyone is already getting drunk on champagne. 

“Sorry guys. We are here now”, me. 

We snap a few pics then head to the cars. Everyone parks their cars and two cars remain with their engines running. In our Velar, my family hops in. Zee and I in the front, Ati and Buhle behind us, Reitu and Susan at the back. Buhle is Ati’s man.

In Phendu’s Range Rover Lunar, it’s Jabu and his wife in the front, Jabu (the other brother) and his wife behind them then Nothile and the other sister whose name I keep forgetting at the back. We lead the way to the club. 

…

When last did you hear Doc Shebeleza’s Ebumnandini? You and me both honey. Here we are today walking into the club and taking media pictures with this song. Obviously, it is an entire turn up now. We are led to the VIP section and there are people sitting there happy to see us. I spot the Mohale twins. They get along well with the Khuzwayo family. One of them practically makes out with Nothile. I take it she is the other girlfriend to one of them. That other one is probably Khotso because Regodise is here with Ona. 

“Hey girl”, she greets me. 

I hug her and say, “Merry belated Christmas, happy new year in advance and overall compliments of the season.” 

“Right back at you”, she says as we get out of our hug. 

“This is my sister, Susan. Suzi, this is my sister through the men, Regodise.” 

Suzi looks at Regodise and Regodise looks at her. 

“Do the two of you know each other?” I ask because this moment has become extremely weird. 

“I hope I will not be bumping into that whore you call a sister-in-law tonight”, Suzi says. 

Hai bo! What is this?!

“No, you won’t. We honour our agreements”, Regodise says. 

“Good to know. Because I’m a woman of my word and if I smell that whore and that illegitimate brat of hers anywhere near my husband, my parents and I will deliver on the promise we made to you. It is of paramount importance that you keep your bitch on leash.” Suzi. 

“Guys, I think I’m the only one extremely confused about what’s going on here”, I say. 

Regodise just walks away from us and Suzi seems painfully triggered. 

Susan and I are actually getting along very well. She also seems a lot better than what she was earlier during her interaction with Regodise. Nothile and Khotso are REALLY getting along. Suzi and I are dancing away together while her man is chatting away with my man and Atisang. Atisang’s partner is snapping for the gram. He finally comes to Suzi and me, plots himself in between the two of us and we all take pics for the gram. After a while, a random is taking pictures of us, the Khuzwayos and the Mohale twins. The older brother, Pule, is not here. He doesn’t strike me as the partying type like his brothers. 

I feel my baby daddy wrap himself around me and pulls me to his office. I was starting to feel dizzy vele. I ask him for food as I take off my heels and relax my legs and feet on the couch in the office. He orders the food via his office phone then comes to sit with me. 

“I’m so happy you are back in my life”, he says. 

“Me too, baby”, me. 

“When are you seeing a doctor regarding the pregnancy?” He asks. 

“I was going to go past a clinic today after I met up with you”, I say. 

“We will go see a doctor on the 2nd of January. Nobody is working on New Year’s Day”, he says. 

I nod my head. 

Our food arrives. We eat the slap chips and braaied meat together. When we are done, I have water with a slice of lemon and he has coke. I wish I could have that. The food was good. 

He runs his hand up my thighs. I smile. 

“I missed you”, he says.

“Lock the door”, me. 

He does as he is told, so obviously I reward him on this couch. We connected. We enjoyed each other. We love each other.

We are now fixing ourselves up and he unlocks the door when we are decent. On cue, there is a slight knock on the door then a group of men walk in. I notice Phendu and Jabu, his brothers. Then I see the Mohale twins, the infamous Shaka Maphumulo and the king, Mohato Mohale. This man (the king) ages beautifully, like absolute fine wine. 

“Qwabe”, Shaka addresses Zee by his clan name. 

“Mashimane”, Zee responds. 

“Legoa, a minute”, one of the Mohale twins say. 

“Baby, please give us some space. I’ll catch up with you downstairs okay?” Zee says to me. 

I ask no questions. I nod my head, he kisses my cheek and I leave the office.

I get back to the party and it is still happening. I am very curious about the level of power in that office. I hope Zee is not involved in anything illegal. Even if he is, where does my morality lie? Morena Mohato and Shaka Maphumulo are not exactly known for being saints. 

“Hey girl, you good? Why aren’t you drinking?” Suzi. She’s drunk this one.

“I’m not in a drinking mood today. But you must definitely enjoy”, I say.

“I love letting my hair down. You know, I always have to be this uptight lawyer. Bona fela how awesome I am when I am drunk and having a good time? Monati fela“, she says. She is screaming. 

The next thing we know, this girl is twerking. Then the cutest thing happens: Reitumetsi doesn’t get upset or anything, he just slides R100 notes in her direction. We are all in stitches. I take a video. 

My mom calls. Bathung! I cannot answer the phone in here. It is loud. But I hope she is okay. I show Reitumetsi and Atisang that mama is trying to call. We all look at each other because it is unlike my mother to be calling at 11pm. Something is wrong. We make our way out of the club to try and call her back. We eventually get outside. I call her and put her on speaker. 

“Where are you?!” Mama is shouting and there is commotion in the background”. 

“Mama, I’m with Reitumetsi and Atisang. What’s going on?” Me, I am also panicking now. 

“Where are you?” My mom. 

“We are at a club”, I say. 

“A club? You are pregnant, Letlali. Why are you out and drinking at this hour? You should be at home sleeping”, she says. She is yelling at me. 

My brothers start laughing. Clearly she has told them. 

“Don’t worry, mama. We are looking well after her.” Reitumetsi. 

We see cops park their cars in their masses. 

I hang up my mom’s call and dial Zee immediately. Like I said, he is with illegal powerful people in that office. 

“Baby”, him. 

I take him off speaker.

“Zee, there are cops out here. A lot of them. They look like they are about to raid the club.” I say.

“Where are you?” He asks me. 

“Outside with my brothers.” I say. 

“Stay there. Thanks for letting me know.” 

“They are coming in from the back, baby”, I say. 

“Shit“, he says. 

He hangs up. 

The police are running.  

“What’s going on?” Atisang asks me. 

“I don’t know”, I say. 

The three of us stand there. Some of the police are standing outside. 

They have guns taken out. 

After a while, the police walk out, looking defeated. They mumble something to each other, get into their cars and leave. Zee walks towards us and hugs me. 

“Everything okay?” Reitumetsi. 

“Sho. Sorry about that”, Zee. 

Reitumetsi nods his head and heads back to the club. Atisang follows him. 

“What’s going on?” I ask him now that my brothers have left us. 

Before he can answer me, barmen are taking out bodies wrapped in silver from the club. The Mohale twins walk up to us drinking whiskey. 

I throw up.

When I am done, I hear one of the Mohale twins say, “Legoa, are we going to have a problem here?” 

“No. We good, small”, Zee. 

“It’s almost midnight, let’s go watch the fireworks and kiss our women”, the other twin says. 

How can that sweet mofomahadi birth such humans? 

“I hope one of those women are not my sister. Where’s Gcina?” Zee.

The Mohale twins laugh aloud. 

At midnight, I was in my man’s arms, kissing him and wishing him a happy new year.

New Year’s Day was spent at Zee’s place. We had a braai that saw to us women cooking away and men braaing away. The Mohale twins were in attendance yet again with their significant others, Regodise and Gcina. Where was Gcina last night? We all know that Khotso spent the night at Nothile’s house.  Nothile is not happy that Gcina was here and she was so nasty towards Gcina. Regodise and I were watching a movie, I tell you. Suzi and my brothers spent the day with my mom at some family picnic that I didn’t attend. I heard one of the twins ask Zee if I were still asking questions about the bodies and if I’m most likely going to go to the police with this matter. 

Everyone left around 2am. 

Today, I was supposed to clean the house but honey, I’m just too exhausted to do that. I called in a cleaning service to do so. I am supervising them while Zee is at the club. 

They finish cleaning at around 6pm and I start cooking. Zee is home by 8pm and as we have dinner together, the conversation begins. 

Me: “Babe.”

Zee: “Yes love.”

Me: “I know that the king and Shaka Maphumulo are participants of the illegal economy. On New Year’s Eve, there was a meeting in your office that seemed very suspicious. There were police that came to your office and left disappointed. Then there were dead bodies that exited the club. Are you just a club owner?” 

He is silent for some time. I stop eating and look at him. He cleans his plate then sits back in his chair. 

Zee: “Are you asking me if I am a criminal?”

I nod my head. 

Zee: “The Mohale family helped my siblings and I settle here in Tholoana Kingdom. The money that we had managed to run with was not enough to keep us going and to start anything in this place, clubs included. You need to have a meeting with the king. We had our meeting and we were linked to another club owner, Shaka Maphumulo. His clubs are in Miami though. But for us to push clubs here, he needed to have a stake in them. Not a financial stake though… their stake is making my clubs – all seven of them in all seven provinces of Tholoana Kingdom, meeting and business points for The Church.” 

Me: “The Church?” 

Zee: “It’s what they call their illegal organization. I don’t do the illegal parts of the business. I set up legal entities that clean the money of their illegal dealings. That’s why they call me Legoa. It represents the white collar cover in the entire regime.” 

I stare at him, speechless really. 

Zee: “Baby, I don’t have to tell you how you cannot have this conversation with anyone. Bad things happen to people who talk. I will never hurt you or allow any harm to come your way. You will see them around at the club and maybe around here. But –

Me: “And your brothers? They are also in on this?” 

Zee: “Yeah. Their clean businesses are retail and IT companies.” 

I nod my head. 

Me: “Mofomahadi had to bury her husband, Reahile Mohale. The official report is that he died in a car accident. But there have been rumours about that being untrue. Will I ever have to bury you?” 

He looks at me and says, “Only if you share information about what I do. You can’t even mention this to your family, baby.” 

…

Today, we are seeing a doctor regarding my pregnancy. We are both excited. 

“Are you excited to be a father?” I ask him. 

He smiles at me. 

“I am. I am even more excited that I’m going to father a baby Moringa”, he says. 

This guy! 

My reaction makes him burst into laughter. 

“Letlali Thokoane”, the receptionist calls me. 

Zee and I walk hand-in-hand into the doctor’s office. 

As we sit down, the doctor begins, “Good day. Your online form states that you wish to confirm a pregnancy?” 

“Yes. I took a home pregnancy test and it came back positive”, I tell him. 

“What drove you to taking the test?” The doctor. 

“My period was late. It has never been late before. Even till this day, I have not seen my period yet. I’ve also been feeling nauseous and have been vomiting a lot”, I explain. 

“Okay. While these are pregnancy symptoms, it does not necessarily mean that you are pregnant. I also wish to advise you that pregnancy tests are not always 100%. I’m not saying that you are not pregnant. I want to make sure that you are prepared for anything. You did well by coming to confirm with me. If you are pregnant, I will refer you to a gynaecologist”, he says. 

I nod my head. 

“Please follow me”, he says. Zee and I follow him to some room. There is a sonar machine there. I lie on the bed, undo my denim pants buttons and lift my t-shirt as instructed. 

“There it is, your pregnancy. You are ten weeks pregnant. Congratulations”, the doctor says. 

I smile. Zee is holding my hand. He is crying. 

“Don’t cry, daddy”, I say to him. He chuckles. 

“Thank you”, he says. We kiss.

On our way home, my mom calls me. 

“Mama”, I answer the phone. I put her on speaker. All my mom does these days is shit on me. I am too emotional to take her in on my own, so baby daddy over here can hear it all. 

“Nnana, your father just called me. He says a letter arrived this morning at home saying that the Khuzwayo family is sending a delegation to negotiate your lobola on behalf of Zithulele. Did you know about this?” I throw my eyes at Zithulele. He doesn’t even look at me. He pretends to be focused on the road. 

But this guy!

“Letlali?” My mom demands my response. I want to say that me also I know nix. But…

“I didn’t know, mama. I would have warned you if I knew.” I say. 

“Nnana, you just finished school and you are about to start working. I know that you are pregnant, but are you ready for this? Zithulele can always just pay damages and the two of you see if it will really last, you know?” I actually agree with my mother. But, I love this man. I do want to marry him. With him, I’ll honestly take it as it comes. 

“I’m ready, mama. I love him. I want to have a family with him, be his wife and still be great at what I do.” I say. He looks at me, touched. 

“Are you sure, Tlali? That he is the one for you? Are you sure that he loves you too and will make the kind of husband that you need him to be?” My mom. 

“Yes mama, I’m sure. There’s no other man I’d rather be doing this with”, I say. 

He smiles at me. Maybe I should not have put my mom on speaker.

“Okay Nnana. The letter says his representatives are arriving this Saturday.” What the hell?! That’s three days away. I throw my eyes at him again. He chuckles. 

“Oh”, I say to my mom. 

“I will ask for leave from mofomahadi so I can prepare properly for you. Suzi said she will arrive on Friday. You need to be home by Thursday.” 

“Mama, that’s tomorrow”, I say. 

“Yes. Be home. From 12 midday on Friday, you will be locked up in the bedroom. Reitumetsi will organise a tent for the people to eat after the negotiations. Your dad has sent a letter to the address on the envelope. He told them to arrive at 4am. By the time the sun comes out, they must have already dressed you up in your bridal outfit” my mom keeps explaining what needs to happen and I see Zithulele getting the shock of his life. I start silently chuckling. 

When she is done talking, I say, “Okay mama. I’ll see you tomorrow. Would you like us to fetch you before Zithulele drops me off at home?” 

“That would be so nice. Please my baby. Atisang will meet with us in town”, she says. 

“Okay mama. Bye”, me. 

We hang up. 

“4am? 4am Letlali?” Zithulele is spooked by this. 

I just laugh at him. 

“You could’ve warned me, you know”, I say. 

“I did. I told you at the beginning of last year already that I was sending cows to your parents after we graduate then we are going to have children when God sees it best for us to have them”, he says. 

I didn’t take him seriously, to be honest. 

“You know we plan to finish all the lobola in one day right? Just let your parents know. I want to marry you already.” He says. I smile. 

“You know they are going to make you pay for damages right? They already know that I am pregnant”, I say.

“How much do you think they will ask for?” He asks me.

“I honestly don’t know, babe.” I say.

“Reitumetsi told me they wanted R100k from him for Susan”, he says. 

“What?! Well I guess it’s a good thing she paid it herself”, I say. 

He looks at me and shakes his head.

…

Mama is marinating meat while I am chopping vegetables when Suzi and Reitumetsi arrive. 

“I’m so sorry for only arriving now. I was held up in court”, Suzi says running into the kitchen and fixing her doek. 

She respects us yena, I will give her that. 

I smile at her and mama just says, “It’s okay my child. You are here now. Sit down and let us get you something to eat. Reitumetsi can put your bags in your room”.

Reitumetsi says hi to us then makes his way to the room with bags. I give Suzi the last two KFC streetwise 2 boxes that we have left. I tell her one is for Reitumetsi. She says thank you and eats very quickly. Then she grabs a knife and starts chopping with me. 

Mama leaves us to go and attend to the stretch tent that is being pitched outside our shack. The decor people have also arrived and want to start setting up tables and chairs. 

“How are you feeling?” Suzi asks me. 

“I’m fine. I’m a little nervous, but I’m fine”, I say. 

“Don’t worry. Everything will go well. Plus, you have a baby on the way. Mama told Tumi. Congratulations”, she says. 

I smile. 

“We are also trying for a baby, but I have some conditions I have to treat”, she says.

“Don’t rush it. It will come eventually”, I say. 

“Tumi wants kids. I’m scared he might leave me if I don’t give him at least one”, she says. 

“Reitumetsi mustn’t be selfish. Carrying a child is not easy”, I say. 

She smiles at me. I guess we are sisters now. 

“You know, people judged me thinking that I don’t love Tumi. Just because our budgets are worlds apart, does it mean that we cannot love each other?” She says. 

I don’t say anything because I’m one of those people who judged her. 

“You should see how people look at us sometimes and some of the things that they say to us. I’m always accused of being too desperate for marriage that I settled for a lowlife and even paid for my own lobola”, she says.

I’m guilty of that too. But I did not call my brother a lowlife. 

“I love Tumi. I love him very much. Even that child that he has with that Kefentse girl from the royal house – I take care of it financially.” She blurts out. 

“Excuse me? Reitumetsi doesn’t have a child”, I say. Surely I’d know if Reitumetsi had a child. 

She looks at me and rolls her eyes. 

“He has a baby girl. The royal house demanded that he pays damages for impregnating a princess. I paid for it. He has to support the child monthly. I pay for it. That bitch wants me out, but I’m not going anywhere. I will not roll over and let her have my man. I will not be bullied out of my own marriage”, she says. 

I am so shocked. She just keeps peeling the vegetables. My mom walks into the kitchen looking for something.

“Letlali, have you seen my measuring tape?” She asks me. 

“Mama, did you know that Reitumetsi has a child?” I say. 

My mom looks at me then looks at Suzi. 

“Why would you openly talk about something like that? You know very well what kind of trouble that matter brought to the family. We don’t even have access to that child”, my mom says to Suzi.

“Because that’s all you care about. Instead of calling your son to order and rectifying his mistakes, you make it seem like I did nothing wrong”, Suzi says, getting emotional. 

Never in a million years did I think my mom would condone this kind of behaviour. How could she do this or let Reitumetsi get away with this? Suzi is looking so sad. 

“Susan, stop talking about this thing. E fetile. Let it go”, my mom says. 

I look at Susan. 

“Where is my measuring tape, Letlali?” My mom is irritated now. 

I shrug my shoulders. 

…

There is singing in the kitchen. Suzi and I are locked up in my room now. People keep coming to see me. They leave R200 notes as they sit to talk to me and advise me about marriage. Candles are lit everywhere because we don’t have electricity and we need light. But music? Darling, there is singing and drums being played outside. Who needs music when you are from a black family in Tholoana Kingdom? 

I keep dosing in and out of sleep. I am feeling tired. 

My phone rings. It is my hubby-to-be calling. 

“Hello my baby”, I say. 

“Sthandwa sami… mama wengane yami. Are you okay?” Him. 

There seems to be quite the party wherever he is as well. 

“I’m okay, baby. I want to sleep soon. I am exhausted. Yho, you should see the money that has been left here by the women of the community”, I tell him. 

“They gave you money? For what?” He asks me, quite intrigued actually.

“Well, the elder women in the community come into the room that I am locked into to talk to me about being a wife. Before they start talking, they have to present money before me”, I say. 

He laughs. 

“This is a business mos. We should get divorced and married again in the next two years. How much are we talking here? ” 

“I can’t with you”, I say, chuckling. 

“Okay, did they at least teach you how to fuck me in five different pornographic positions?” 

“Bathung, Zithulele!” 

He dies of laughter. 

“Thule, did you ask umakoti what you were supposed to ask her or seniyajola? We have to leave here at 2am and I need to get in some sleep.” A woman in the background says. It sounds like one of the sisters. 

“Baby, I’ve been asked to ask you what you general skirt size is. This is for what they are preparing to dress you up in tomorrow when we are done paying lobola for you”, he says.

“I’m a size 34”, I say.

“She’s a size 34. Now get out of my room”, I hear him say. 

“You should be sleeping”, the sister.

“Siza, get the fuck out of my room.” He yells now.

“You need to come fit your outfit for tomorrow,” she says.

“Siza, you pissing me off now. I’m talking to my wife. Please leave!” He says. 

Siza laughs and says, “Nothile, Thule is in a mood again”.

“Siza, buya nawe la. What are you doing in Thule’s room?” Nothile replies.

“Thank you! Now get out!” 

She finally leaves.

“Baby, are you still there?” Him. 

“I’m still here, my love”, me. “What’s happening there?” I ask. 

“My family is here as well as the lobola delegation. They even brought aunts and uncles who turned their backs on us when our parents died, so I am not exactly excited about having them here. I made it very clear that when we leave your house tomorrow, I don’t want to ever see these people ever again. They must disappear like they disappeared all those years ago, calling us children to criminals”, he says. There is so much rage in his tone. 

“Baby, we don’t need that energy. Tomorrow is a good day for us. Then we are going to have a baby together and start our own family. A family that is free from past mistakes. Don’t let them do this to you, please babe.” I say.

He changes the subject and says, “Baby, pack your stuff neh. We plan to pay all the lobola tomorrow. I want to come back with my wife.” He says. 

I giggle. 

“Tomorrow this time, you will be resting in my arms. I can’t wait”, he says. 

“Tlali, another mama is here.” Suzi tells me as she runs in. She was probably having a quickie with her man. She looks weird.

“Babe, more money has arrived. I love you”, me. 

“Call me when the mama leaves”, him. 

“Shup“, me.

I hang up. 

…

“Banyana, wake up! The Khuzwayos are on their way”, my mom says. Suzi slept with me in my room. For what, I don’t know. 

I moan and pull the blanket over my head. Suzi is up and on her feet. 

“Letlali!” My mom.

“Mama, I’ll bath after Suzi.” I say. 

My mom disappears.

“Babe, I’ll boil water for you. Nna, I’ll go bath with Reitumetsi. I missed him last night.” She says. 

I stick out a thumbs up from under the covers. I don’t know how they are going to bath together in a dish, but hey… 

There is already a noise in the house. People are already singing. 

“Baby! Baby!” I jump at the voice of my soon-to-be husband. I don’t see him in the room. 

“Baby!” Again. 

My phone. Gosh. We passed out while talking over the phone last night. Why didn’t he hang up? 

“Baby?” I put the phone to my ear and respond. 

“Your mom is hectic. But you should be up. We really are on our way”, he says. 

I then notice the chatter in the background. 

“Why didn’t you hang up the call?” I ask him. 

“Because I wanted to feel as though you were sleeping next to me”, he says. 

“But you showered, got dressed and you now on the road”, I say. 

“I know. Anything for you, my love.” He says.

“My battery is dying and the powerbank is also flat.” I say.

“It’s fine. I’ll talk to you when I see you later today. Phendu will be with the uncles. He will at least be able to point you out as the bride. Who will you be coming out with?” Him.

“Suzi. It will just be the two of us”, I say. 

“Okay love. Wake up. We are now thirty minutes away”, he says. 

“LETLALI!” My mom is losing her mind now. 

“Baby, please wake up and go bath”, him. Yeah, he is scared of my mom like that. 

I hang up. 

I roll out of bed and make the bed. By the time I am done making the bed, Suzi brings in the boiled water in the dish we bath in. 

“Thanks so much, Suzi. For everything. Kea leboha, ausi waka“, I say. 

She just smiles at me. 

“Are we going to the club afterwards?” She asks me. 

I look at her puzzled. 

“Tumi says he spoke to your man. Apparently, there is an after party at the club”, she says.

“I know zero about these plans”, I say. 

“Maybe it’s a surprise”, she says. 

My mom barges into the room. She lays down my brown seshweshwe dress on the bed. She lays down the one that Suzi will also be wearing. 

She looks at me and smiles. Her sister walks in with a red sanna marena (a traditional sesotho blanket). Her sister hands her the blanket. My mom smiles at me and says, “Here is the blanket that you will leave your father’s yard in”. 

I suddenly feel overwhelmed. This is actually happening. I am getting married. 

I just hug my mother. I wish we keep our relationship as it is. She is the strongest woman I will ever know. 

I bath and get ready in my room. Suzi comes in to take my now dirty water that I have bathed in. I am still not allowed to leave the house. At exactly 4am, the Velar and the Lunar park outside our gates. There is now dead silence. Suzi and I sit by the window to witness everything.  

Six men, including both Phendu and Jabu, are amongst these men. Jabu is the one who starts shouting our clan names as found on Google, my friend. 

Suzi and I proper chuckle. 

My phone is off now. My battery is dead. 

They yell our clan names for about twenty minutes then some kid runs to the gate. I do not know who this kid is. 

The kid stands at the gate and looks at them. 

An exchange of dialogue happens between them. We can’t hear much that’s not being shouted. We see Jabu give the kid R100. The kid runs back to the house. Jabu now starts with the clan names again. This time it’s only for a few minutes. The child comes back with one of my uncles. There is dialogue again. Jabu gives my uncle a bottle of Glenfiddich whiskey and a stack of 100 rand notes. My uncle smiles and opens the gate. 

This is going well. 

After thirty minutes or so, Suzi and I are called to be presented to the negotiators. The Khuzwayo negotiators need to be able to single out their bride. Phendu identifies me successfully. 

“Letlali”, my uncle, the chief negotiators begins. 

“Ahe malome“, I reply, careful not to look him in the eye.

“Do you know these people?” He asks me. 

“Eya malome“, I answer. 

“Do you know what they have come here to do?” He asks me.

“Eya malome“, I reply. 

“Kea leboha ngwana ausi waka“, my uncle says. 

Suzi and I leave. 

After an hour, there is fighting. Suzi and I look at each other. I start getting nervous. My phone is off, so I can’t even call Zithulele and find out what’s happening. I ask Suzi to borrow her phone. She was charging it this morning in her car. She gives it to me. I dial Zithulele. I look out the window and see him fighting with one of his negotiators. He looks at his phone and answers it. 

“Hello”, him. 

“Babe, what’s happening?” I ask him. 

He takes a deep breath. 

“Your family is trying to bankrupt me.” He says.

“Zithulele, put that phone down. Women have no place in these things. Tell us what to do. Should we tell them that we are not interested and go?” The uncle.

My heart sinks. I collapse on the bed. I start crying. 

“Baby”, him. 

“They are trying to ruin this for us, aren’t they?” Me. 

“The money they want me to pay for damages is very high. Not that I have an issue with paying the money, but it’s the principal I am not happy with. Tlali, I didn’t rape you. I will be taking care of you and the baby. And I am marrying you”, he says. 

My mom runs into the room.

“Who are you talking to?” My mom asks me. 

“Mama, why are your brothers and papa’s brothers sabotaging me like this?” I ask her. 

“Is that what he is saying? We can fine him further”, my mom says. 

“Mama, he is not your bank or your financial solutions to your problem. This is a cultural practice that is designed to bring two families together and this family thinks they’ve won the lottery?” I am so upset. 

“Letlali, how could you speak to us like this?” My mom says. My aunts are now inside also complaining about me being disrespectful. My dad is in here too now and one of our chief negotiators. I am breathing heavily now. 

“I am getting married with or without these lobola negotiations taking place. The government has stated that I am of age. Passa yaka yadumela.” I say.

My parents are so hurt. 

“Get out of my house”, my dad says. 

I am so shocked. 

“Papa bathung“, my mother. 

“She has already decided that she is not my daughter, akere? How dare you disrespect me like this and how dare you embarrass us because now you want to get married?” My dad.

“I have embarrassed you? You are the one embarrassing me. You are practically selling me to the highest bidder. I love Zithulele and I want to have a family with him. You just want money. You are greedy!” I yell. 

“Just shut up le wena!” My mom. 

“Get out!” My dad is yelling now. 

“Papa! Calm down! Bathung. Keng ka wena! Stop it! Let’s go to our bedroom and talk about how we will fix this.” My mom. 

My dad and I have a staring match. 

I just sit on the bed now that it’s just Suzi and I. Zithulele keeps calling back on Suzi’s phone and I am not answering. I am frustrated. I want this to be over. I want to just leave. 

“Should I answer?” Suzi asks.

I don’t say anything to her neither. 

Reitumetsi walks into the bedroom. He throws himself on the bed. Suzi starts brushing his head. I am pissed. 

“I’m glad your family didn’t do this shit to us”, he says. Bloody fool! 

Suzi doesn’t even entertain him. She even sees that this is not the time nor the place. 

“Sis, mom is talking to dad. We already know it’s going to be okay”, he says. He is part of my negotiators.

“How much was dad asking for?” I ask him.

“One hundred and fifty thousand rand for you and eighty thousand rand for damages”, he says. 

“Is that stupid fuck sick in the head?! Has he lost his fucken mind?!” I’m yelling at the top of my voice.

“Ssssshhhhhhh, wa rasa“, he says, calming me down.

I cry again.

“What is wrong with our father, Reitumetsi?! Wahlanya?! Does he ever think before he opens his mouth? Who does that? Two hundred and thirty thousand kao fela?” I say through my sobs. 

“Eish Tlali”, he says. He and Suzi are calming me down now. 

“Papa ha nnahaneli, Reitumetsi. How is that family supposed to treat me once I’ve left this house after all of this drama? Keng? Is he in debt?” I say. 

It hits him hard. 

“I’ll help mama fix this. I’m sorry okay.” Reitumetsi says then kisses my forehead and leaves the room.

I hear my mom and Reitumetsi now yelling at my dad. He yells back then he is silent. After another twenty minutes, Reitumetsi calls the Khuzwayos back into the house. 

Suzi shows me a text from her phone. It reads, “I love you, Mrs Khuzwayo.” 

“May I?” Me. 

She gives me her phone. 

I dial his number. 

“Let’s run away and go sign at home affairs, baby”, he says as he answers the phone. 

I just sob over the phone. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry”, he keeps saying. 

“My father hates me. He hates me”, I keep saying. 

He is trying to calm me down. My mom walks in with sugar water. She gives me the glass of water and takes the phone from me. 

“Zithulele, you can’t be talking to Letlali right now”, my mom says. 

“Sorry mah, I didn’t mean to disrespect you”, he says. Suzi’s phone is quite loud. 

“I’m going to calm her down now. This stress is not good for the baby. I have fixed this okay. Trust me, my son”, my mom says. I am even moved. Zithulele is quiet for some time. Then he sighs. He then says, “thank you, mama”.

They hang up. 

I cannot even drink this water. I cannot keep still. I am crying and pacing. Then the first ululating is screamed. I have never been more relieved in my life. As the ululations fill the house, my mom has me crying in her breasts. Suzi gives me the water with sugar and the calm finally kicks in. Suzi fixes my makeup and it is now time to see my husband. 

My delegation sings behind me as I am led to where the Khuzwayos are located in the tent. They are also singing, it’s like a battle of the choirs. There he is. My husband. He smiles as our eyes connect. He makes his way to me with his delegation behind him. And when we meet halfway, we kiss like we have never kissed before. I even release a tear. He looks incredible. He smells incredible. He is mine. 

We hold hands and walk down the street together, indicating that we are now officially married. 

When this parade is done, the Khuzwayos dress me up in their isiZulu attire. The skirt is quite heavy, but I feel great. 

Umembeso is done and my dad is nowhere to be found. Apparently he left when my mom told him that if he messes things up for me, she will leave him. I have my mom to thank for this. Atisang accepts my father’s blanket on his behalf. We have lunch then at 4pm, my bags are packed into the Velar and I leave with the Khuzwayos.

There is arguing downstairs. Intense arguing. I sprint out of bed as if I am being shot out of a cannon and throw up the minute I get to the in suite bathroom. I feel super dizzy and keep on throwing up. I hear the door open and close. I cannot even go and check who it is because I am still throwing up. It is Zee. I can just smell him. 

He wets a face cloth and puts it around the back of my neck. 

I finally finish throwing up and rinse my mouth. He puts the wet cloth on my forehead as I lie on his thighs now that he is sitting flat on the floor and I have had a sip of the sparkling water he has just given me. 

“Your child is really planning on making this difficult for me”, I say. 

He holds my hand and just sighs. He is depressed. 

“What’s going on downstairs?” I ask him. 

“I want those people who neglected us as kids when our parents died to leave my house. I never want to see them again”, he says. 

I get up. I sit on top of him, my legs spread at his torso. He rubs my thighs and ass. I have no panties on.

“We are your family now. We want to make you happy more than they want to make you sad”, I say, bringing his one hand to my stomach. 

“You are perfect. You are too good for me”, he says.

I pull down his shorts and his erect penis slides into my vagina.

“You are my husband. You are the father of my child. You are perfect. I wouldn’t have you any other way”, I say.

I ride him this time. My experience in sex just keeps growing with him. Now is about him. I want him to feel the way he made me feel the first time we made love. 

“This one is for you. Do what you need”, I say. 

Then, I’m flipped on the toilet floor and fucked. Literally. 

I feel his anger. I feel his frustration. I feel his everything. It is rough. It hurts. It is not nice. When he orgasms, he groans painfully. I am even crying. 

Then he is vulnerable. It is so weird. I cradle him in my very painful hands. I keep kissing his forehead as he breaks down in my arms. These people being here has triggered him very badly.

“I’m a terrible person, Tlali. I’m a terrible person”, he keeps saying through his cries. I am trying to calm him down, but he is at his breaking point. 

“Lindiwe, Tlali. Lindiwe.” He says. 

“What’s wrong with Lindiwe?” I ask, I am also panicking now. 

“She was his daughter. Her father sold us out. Her father handed my parents to the community. But Lindiwe did nothing wrong. She did nothing wrong”, he says. He is balling in tears. 

I am so confused. 

“We raped her then I let them traffic her”, he says. 

My body tenses up. 

I have stopped soothing him even.

“I deserve to die, Tlali. Please just let me die. Letlali I’m begging you, please let me die”, he says.

I just hold him. At this point, what else can I do? 

I managed to calm him down and wait for him to go to sleep, just like I used to do with Atisang when he felt suicidal. I searched the room for anything that could be a weapon to harm himself and I locked it up in one of my drawers. I then took a shower and wore a brown dress that is just above my knees. I wear white sandals and tie my braids into a bun. I make my way to the kitchen to fix Zithulele and I something to eat. Everyone is doing their own thing, so I greet whoever I stumble across and go about doing my own thing. 

“We are going to take the aunts and the uncles back to Soweto”, Nothile says to me. She, Phendu and Jabu are now sitting on the barstools in front of me. 

I nod my head. 

“Is Thule going to be okay?” Phendu asks me. 

“I don’t know. He is really upset. But, I’ll take care of him”, I say. 

The siblings look really hurt.

“You know, our family has really hurt us. A part of us will always be messed up because of that. But, something tells me that you’ve already seen that in him and yet you are still here”, Phendu. 

“I love your brother. I really do”, I say.

“He is lucky to have you.” Nothile.

“And he’s really looking forward to being a father”, Jabu. 

The siblings chuckle. 

I didn’t get that impression when he asked me to let him die, so I don’t share in this moment.

“It’s going to be okay”, Nothile says as she holds my hand.

A tear races down my face. 

“Even if it isn’t, I’ll still be here with him and for him”, I say. 

Nothile comes around the kitchen counter and hugs me. I really need this hug. 

“We have to get back to our lives now as well, but we are only a phone call away. Call us if you need anything”, Phendu says. 

“Thank you”, I say. 

…

It is 7pm now and I am watching Legacy. Zithulele walks down the stairs and finds me in the TV room. He sits next to me. He is not exactly sure how to be. I put my hand on his thigh and he releases a sigh of relief. He takes me into his arms and lays my head on his chest. 

“I’m sorry”, he says.

“For what?” I ask. 

“For putting you through this”, he says. 

“You can’t kill yourself. I cannot be a widow at such a young age and I cannot raise this child on my own. You said it yourself, I’ll mess this child up without you in his life”, I say. 

He lets out a chuckle. 

“If you don’t want to live for me or yourself, at least live for your child”, I say. 

“I want to live for you. It gets hard sometimes. I know I need help. I’ll get it. I just don’t want to lose you”, he says.

“You are not going to lose me. The traumas of your past are not your fault and I’m not going to leave you because you chose to survive. But you are good now. You have a nice house and you have me. We are about to start our own family. This thing with your parents and everything that happened in Soweto is behind you now. You need to deal with it and let it go. If you don’t, you going to destroy yourself faster than you worked to rebuild yourself. Just talk to someone, baby. Go to therapy. I’ll be here. I’m here for you. Zithulele I am your wife, your Moringa.” 

He laughs aloud.

“If I could, I’d fix you. I’d give anything for you to be okay again… for you to be who you were before your parents passed away. But, I don’t have those kinds of healing powers. I will take care of you. I will love you. I will build with you. But, I cannot live my life feeling that if I am not next to you, I might come back and find you dead. It’s going to drive me crazy. I start work next week. I need to know that I’ll come home every day and be able to cook for you. I need to look forward to coming home knowing that I will fall asleep in your arms every night. I need you to promise me that when it gets too dark, you’ll call for me. I need you to promise me that you will never attempt to take your own life again. Ke a o rapela, monna waka. Please.” I’m in tears as I say this. 

He is too. 

He kisses me. 

“I promise, Mrs Khuzwayo”, he says. 

Then he is on top of me and we fall asleep on the couch after a steamy sex session.

…

We have not see how Zandile is paying for the shootout at Maboko’s wedding. We will witness the intervention of the church through Zithulele’s point of view just before we go into Teboho’s and Linda’s version of how everyone is dealing with the aftermath of the tragic shooting. Kabelo is fighting for his life and Linda is nothing but there for him while trying to get her mother out of prison. Zolile is putting immense pressure on Linda to use her connections – such as Maboko and the Mohale twins – to help their mother. But is Linda even in a position to ask for favours from the same people that have handed Zandile over to the church? Lol! What are we saying? Of course she does! They have enemies in Kefentse and Pule, and Linda is getting desperate! What’s that saying about the enemy of your enemy being a friend again? Linda plans to remind us! Teboho and Maboko are still dealing with Gwen’s continuous outbursts and it gets to a point where Maboko HAS HAD ENOUGH! He possibly makes Gwen pay for the tab that she has run up over the years that Ona has been promising to make her pay for!

Tag a friend and let’s make our reading circle bigger! Catch the next episode of In Too Deep tomorrow at 19H30. Tues-ing Between The Two has never come short of drama on our Tuesday evenings.