Fenya is with Tshianeo, Dikwe’s second wife. Leruo and I need to talk. Seriously talk. I’m cooking and he’s texted me to tell me he’s on his way. I’ve been seeing Paula everyday this entire week, talking and really understanding the beast I’m dealing with here. I’m finally ready to confront Leruo.

I feel his arms wrap around my waist from behind as he kisses my neck. Usually, I’d love him back and give as much as I get. But not tonight. Tonight, we are talking.

“Hello Dr Tloung”, he says. He’s feeling in love today.

“Sit down, Leruo. We need to talk.” 

He’s puzzled. 

I switch off the stone, move away from the stove, pour myself a glass of non-alcoholic wine and direct my attention to him. He’s now sitting down and looking nervous about what we are about to talk about. 

I go sit next to him, drinking my wine. He is looking at me to say something. 

“Ushay’uPaula wena?” I start.

His eyes! 

I know he’s about to lie to him, so I say, “Before you answer that, let me make something very clear. If you lie to me, Leruo, I will divorce you. I will take my son and you’ll never see us again. Think very clearly about your answer.” 

He takes a deep breath. 

He looks at me. 

He nods his head then says, “Yeah.”

His eyes become watery. 

“You have a problem, Leruo. I’m not going to sit here and ask you why or beg you to promise me that you’ll never hit me. You have a problem and you need to get help. That’s the only way that you can save this family.”

“But Zamo, I would never hit you.” 

“You’ve already pushed me out of a moving car. You’ve already held me up against a wall with your hands pressing against throat and interfering with my breathing. You’ve raped me before, Leruo.” 

“Raped?” 

“Yes Leruo. Raped. You’ve forced me to have sex with you after I said no. You’ve sworn at me and told me to be grateful that you made me a mother while forcefully having sex with me. That’s rape, Leruo.” 

He looks away from me. 

“I don’t want an apology from you. I want you to get help.” 

He’s quiet. 

“Paula wants you to give her a divorce.” I say. 

He looks like he regrets Paula and I ever talking and getting along. 

“Why aren’t you giving her a divorce?” I ask. 

“I don’t want to divorce her.” He says.

“I understand. I wouldn’t want to divorce her neither. She protected your ass after you beat her black and blue. I will never be that kind. If you leave bruises on my body the way that you’ve done with Paula, I will ruin you, Leruo Tloung. You’ll curse the day you ever smiled my way. Get help, Leruo! I’m not joking. Get help or you lose both your wives and all your kids.” 

I stand up, take my non-alcoholic wine and make my way to my bedroom. 

I’m sitting on the bed and just thinking about my husband. He needs help – it’s non-negotiable. He better get help because a man that abusive can one day wake up and kill you. I can never just die on my child like that, traumatizing him by him having to deal with the fact that his father killed his mother. Fenyais too sweet for that. And he’s a good child. I don’t want him turning to nyaope to deal with his father’s craziness. Secondly, I’m pregnant. That’s why I can only drink this sugar and not real wine. I haven’t told Leruo yet. 

He walks into the bedroom. He stares at me. His eyes don’t move off of me until he sits on the bed next to me. 

I look at him. 

“I’ll get help.” He says. 

I nod my head. I’m so relieved. At least he’s not being angry and throwing me around. 

“I need you. I need your support. This is not easy for me at all, Zamo. Please don’t leave me.” He says. 

“I won’t leave you. But I cannot be living with you, scared of you because any time you could harm me. Abuse is a disease. It gets worse. One day, you might even kill me. I don’t want that. Fenya doesn’t deserve that. You children with Paula don’t deserve that. And I’m pregnant.” 

He’s shocked. 

I look at him. 

He hugs me. 

I hug him. 

He cries. As he cries – loudly so – he keeps saying, “I’m sorry, Zamo. I’m so sorry.” 

I get emotional too. I just hold onto him. 

“I need you, Ruo. Fenya needs you. Our baby on the way needs you. Please get better for us. Please”, I say through my light sobs. 

He holds me tightly. 

We are now lying beside each other, facing each other. He’s still crying, but not aggressively anymore. 

“I hope we have a girl”, I try to make the moment light. 

He giggles then says, “Why?” 

“Because Paula has two boys, I have Fenya… you already have three boys. You really want another one?” 

He laughs. His smile is so beautiful and his laughter fills my heart all the time. This is how he got me all in love with him. He has a soulful laughter. 

“I want a girl. I’m already raising a mini-you. I want a mini me too. And because your genes are so strong, maybe she will look exactly like your mom. Man, that woman is beautiful.” I say. 

He gets emotional. 

“When last did you go and see her?” I ask him. 

“She doesn’t want me. I don’t go where I’m not wanted.” He says. 

“She’s your mom. So that doesn’t make sense to me.” I say.

“She’s not a mother like you. She’s a bad mother. She let her boyfriend beat her up and rape her in front of us. My mom would be lying in a pool of her own blood and he’d still – 

Okay… it’s beginning to make sense. I hold his hand. 

“Zamo, I’m nothing like that man. I would never rape you while you lie in a pool of your own blood then beat up our child. And Zamo when I told my mom that he beats me up, she said I was lying. Why would I lie about that? Then she let that man rape my sister. My sister, Zamo! I would never do that to a person who is supposed to be my daughter. My sister was his daughter! Imagine what he would have done to me if I didn’t run away and find my way back to Dikwe?” 

“Baby, listen to me…” 

He’s crying.

“Ruo, look at me.” 

He looks at me. 

I kiss his lips. 

“We will get help together. Okay? You know I’m too in love with you. Uyazi nawe ukuthi ngiyagcwala ngawe. Even if I wanted to, I don’t have it in me to make you go through anything alone.” 

He laughs. 

He knows I love him.

“Can I arrange with a psychologist I know to take step one of your healing process?” 

He nods his head, “You’ll do it with me?” 

“I’ll do it with you.” 

He kisses me. 

“I love you so much, Nomzamo Tloung.” 

I smile at him. 

“I’m going to tell Paula that you are getting help. Maybe after you’ve gone through the process, she’ll let you see her and you guys can talk, you know.” 

He nods his head and says, “Thank you so much.” 

“We will fix this, okay?” 

He nods his head. 

“Paula also asked me to fetch her boys because they have to prepare for school. She said she’d ask Renay, but she’s also going through a lot right now. I told her that I don’t mind having the boys live here. Plus, Fenya loves them a lot. They’ll be here until her treatment plan is done.” 

“Thank you for loving my children, Nomzamo. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.” 

I just brush his face. 

My phone rings. 

I check who is calling. 

“Your son is video calling. Are you good to answer?” I say. 

“Let me go clean my face. You can answer in the meantime.” He says, kisses me then heads to the toilet. 

I answer the phone. 

“Hello baby”, me. 

“Hello mommy.” 

“You good?” 

“Yep. I’m going to Venda with Mama Neo and Khulu Dikwe.” 

“Really? When?” 

“Now. Khulu bought me a new soccer ball and new soccer boots. He said I can join the football junior team at the team daddy played at.” 

The hell?! Shouldn’t I be included in a discussion like that? 

“Ey boy!” Leruo. He does look a lot better now. He lies next to me and comes into the camera. 

“Daddy, I’m going to play soccer like you. Khulu bought me soccer boots and a soccer ball. He also said I can play in the junior team where you used to play.” 

I look at Leruo. He can see I’m slightly annoyed. 

“Give your khulu the phone”, Leruo says. 

As Fenya runs with the phone to find his Khulu, I say to this one next to me, “Don’t start a fight. Please.” 

He’s already irritated. 

“Leruo!” 

“Okay”. Him. 

“Hello?” 

“Dikwe, did you discuss with Fenya’s parents that Fenya will be playing soccer?” Leruo mara! He just promised me that he won’t start a fight.

“I’m his grandfather. I made a decision after seeing how skilled my little one is.” 

“Who did you speak to between Nomzamo and I about that? You are not in a position to make decisions of that nature for my son. You are not his parent!” 

“Ey wena, Leruo!”

It’s getting bad. 

I do only what can save this situation now. 

I undress Leruo, pulling down his pants. I start blowing on his penis. 

He calms down. He stops yelling at his father. He is focused on breathing now and not the argument. 

“Leruo!” The dad. 

“Dikwe, I – I – I –

Lol, shame man, I’m torturing him. 

“Leruo, what’s wrong with you?!” Dikwe, shame. 

Leruo just throws the phone aside. 

“Leruo!” 

Leruo moans.

“Dikwe, hang that phone up. Can’t you hear them having sex?” Neo says. 

I’m so shocked I jump up and run out of the room. Why didn’t Leruo just hang up?! Yoh! How am I going to face these people again?! Yoh! 

…

I’ve just fetched Lethu from school and we are headed into the house. My car is parked and all. Lethu jumps out the car and runs into the house. The helper must still be here because the door is open. I take Zolani out of his car seat, grab his baby bag then also head into the house.

I walk in and see Shack playing with Lethu. Lethu is excited to see his dad. I forgot that it’s his week to have the boys. He lives in some apartment around here in Taung.

“Hello”, I greet him. 

“Hey.” He says. 

He seems to want more conversation out of me. 

“I’ll go pack their bags. I’m coming.” I say. 

“Can I help you?” He says.

“Have I ever needed your help, Meshack?” 

He is silent. He looks at me. Then he says, “I just need us to talk. Please.” 

“No.” I say then make my way upstairs. Zolani dived to his father the minute he saw him. 

I get into Lethu’s room and I start packing for him. I hear the door close. I fall apart. I don’t why I’m being so emotional. I hate that I love him so much. I hate it!

I just feel him holding me. Then I’m the one who is undressing him. I’m the one who is asking for sex because also, it’s been a dry six months. Now he has me against the wall and he is thrusting in and out of me. He turns me around and hits it from the back. I love every minute of it. I enjoy every thrust. I enjoy every emotion. I feel him tensing up and I feel my body getting to the happy place. It’s how we get there together that has us both collapsing onto Lethu’s carpet in his bedroom. 

We are now both trying to catch our breaths as we lie next to each other. 

After we’ve caught our breaths…

“Do you love her?” I ask him. 

“No. I love you. Only you. She was a mistake.”

“A mistake that you had a child with?” 

“Yes. A mistake that I had a child with. I don’t love her.”

“You don’t love her, yet you took the most intimate part of our marriage and shared it with her? Gave her what you gave me – a child. I’m supposed to be the only mother of your children. Why am I sharing that title with a mistake?” 

He’s quiet. 

“Reneiloe, I’m so sorry. My love, I’m sorry. Please forgive me, Reneiloe. I’m nothing without you. You are my wife. You are the love of my life. I need you, Reneiloe. I need to be home with you and our children. Please.” He says.

“You didn’t have to hurt me like this, Meshack. I didn’t deserve this.” 

“You didn’t, baby. I agree with you 100%. I’m so sorry I did this to us. I was a dog, Reneiloe. There’s no excuse whatsoever for what I did. It was all me and I’m so sorry, my love. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I promise.” 

I breathe. 

“Please forgive me, Reneiloe Twala – mother of my children. Please forgive, my one and only wife. Please.” 

I’m crying now. But I want to stay strong. 

“What are we going to do about your child? Because she will never live in this house. And I don’t want her anywhere near my children.” 

“I understand. She’s sick. She has bone cancer. The doctor says that she only has a couple of months left to live. There’s nothing more that they can do for her.” 

Now I feel bad. 

“How long has she had it?” I ask him. 

“A year now. She’s been fighting it and I’ve really tried to be strong for her. I don’t like seeing her that way. Plus, after the mother embarrassed you on TV the way that she did, I cut off all financial support.” 

“You supported her financially, Meshack? Are you sure she was a mistake?” 

“She was a mistake.”

“One that you paid? We call those prostitutes!” I say. 

He’s quiet. 

“So, after you cut her off…?” I want him to continue. 

“She moved back home. Her home is in an informal settlement. She stays there with the child. They are far from adequate Healthcare and – 

“So, Meshack… I’m going to stop you right there. You are never supporting that hood rat financially ever again. I feel for your child. She deserves a fighting chance. I miss you and I’m ready to forgive you. I love you, Meshack. So… I’ll allow you to get a full-time nurse for her that will live with them at that house they live in. I’ll allow you to pay for medical processes for her. But that girl…”

He looks at me. 

“Nay, I’ll do anything for you. You know that. I’m just worried that my daughter is dying. A few months from now, it will be as if she never existed. I don’t want to not be with her in her final days. Please.” 

“Then she can live with you at your apartment. My only challenge is that her mother will come and go as she pleases.” 

“But I want to be here with you and our boys.” 

“She’s not living here, Meshack. I’m not Thuli. I don’t live with constant reminders of betrayal.” 

“Renay, please just think about it. That’s all I ask. She can stay with us. Then we don’t ever have to deal with her mother ever again.” 

I’m quiet.

“I’ll think about it.” I say. 

He seems hopeful. 

…

It’s evening. I’m on a call with Thuli. Shack is in the playroom with the boys. He’s moved back in. 

“Girl, how did you forgive Yaya and raise Phendu?” I ask her. 

“I don’t know, Renay. I just did. The situation is angering tremendously when you think about the betrayal itself. Then, the baby smiles at you, proving its innocence in the situation by how much they trust that you’ll do what’s best for them… and you are just blown away.” 

“What if I can’t love his daughter? She’s dying, but I’m struggling to just open my home to her.” 

“She’s suffering because her parents were selfish and irresponsible. Genuinely. But Renay, she’s dying. You may be angry now… but will you live with yourself when she’s gone and you shut her out in her final days?” 

“It’s not fair that this is now put on me.”

“You are right. It’s not fair. Truly, it isn’t. Buy Nay, she’s a child. And as reckless as the parents have been, there has to be a reason why this is falling on your shoulders. There has to be. You going to need God, and prayer will be your best friend in this. There is a teaching and a purpose in all of this, Nay. Truly. You need to seek it.” 

I just cry. 

“I’m dragging Tee-le to church this Sunday. Bring Shack and the kids. It will heal you in places you didn’t know were even broken. Let’s go.” She says. 

At this point, I’ll do anything.

“Okay. Text me the details.” 

“I will. And Nay…” 

“Yes?”

“Yinhle le nto oyenzayo. There’s no shame in fighting for your family and forgiving your husband after he’s made a mistake. Don’t be ashamed. And you are not stupid for wanting his daughter to be comfortable despite how she came into existence. I’m proud of you and I’m here for you.” 

This honestly means EVERYTHING to me. EVERYTHING.

“Thank you, Thuli. I needed to hear that.” 

“I’m not just saying it. I mean it.”

We finally hang up. 

I turn around and I see Shack behind me. His hands are in his pockets and his face is facing downwards. 

“What’s your daughter’s name?” I ask.

He looks at me. Then he says, “Nomusa.” 

I nod my head and say, “It’s a beautiful name. Did you name her?” 

He shakes his head and says, “No. Her grandmother did.” 

I nod my head. 

“Will they allow you to take her?”

“They can’t afford to take care of her. I don’t think they’d stop her from living under better conditions.” 

I nod my head then say, “Will the mother agree to stay away?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Is she going to be a problem in my life?” 

“No. I’ll deal with her.” 

“Okay. Tell the boys what you’ve done – especially Lethu because he’s old enough to understand what happened. Tell them their sister has to come stay with us and tell them why. Then go fetch Nomusa. I’ll prepare one of the guest bedrooms to be her room. On Sunday, we are going to church with all the kids.”

“Church?” 

“Yes, church. You clearly need Jesus because you are crazy enough to do what you’ve done to this family.” 

…

I’m at home. My car is written off after my car accident. I’m injured here and there, but for the most part, I’m okay. I have a moonboot to support my foot as my achilles is torn. At home, it just my mother and me. My sisters, Rehumile and Reannetse, live their own lives. Nnetse is a student with a shady boyfriend and Humi is married, but is struggling to have kids. She’s had three miscarriages and three failed IVFs. We’ve been telling her to either adopt a child or consider getting a surrogate. She chose to adopt her husband’s children from infidelities instead. My dad passed away a few months after Reannetse was born. My mom has been struggling to move on ever since. I don’t blame her. My dad was an incredible man. I am yet to meet a man who is just like him. My mom stays here by herself. Nnetse lives in Cape Town and Humi lives in Johannesburg. My mom drove to Tholoana Kingdom and fetched me, brought me back home and is just loving me. I appreciate her so much. I spoke to Rofhiwa and told her I need some time away. She hired a more senior manager than me anyway and she will stand in for me too. 

“Tshepi, I’ve made us some tea”, my mom says as she walks into the TV room with a tray. It has tea and biscuits. 

I smile at her and she sits next to me. The TV is not even on. I was just sitting here and wondering if the move to Tholoana Kingdom was the biggest mistake of my life. 

My mom gives me a cup of tea with a smile. I accept it. 

“How are you, my baby?” She asks me.

“Ke shup, mama. I’m just processing everything and wondering if I want to go back to Tholoana Kingdom”, I say. 

“I don’t think you should go back. That place is just too much for you, my baby girl.” She says. 

I actually believe her. 

As I’m about to respond to her, there’s a slight knock on the door. The door is wide open, so the person was clearly announcing themselves. It’s Phathudi dressed in a suit and is clearly coming back from court. 

“Dumelang“, he greets. 

“Papa-Phatsima, dumela“, my mom has always loved him. She forgave him for everything. And he knows it. 

“Le kai, mama?” He charms her further. 

“I’m well. Come in. I’ll go make you a cup of tea too. The water is still hot.” 

He smiles at her. 

She leaves us alone. 

He sits on a couch next to me. 

I look at him and bite my lip. He looks at me too. Then he says, “I heard about your accident and I heard that you were back, so I thought I’d come check up on how you are doing.” 

“I’ve seen better days. I miss Phatsima so much. And you were right, moving to Tholoana Kingdom was the biggest mistake of my life.” I’m getting teary. 

“Hey, come here.” He says. 

I go sit on the couch that he is sitting on and he holds me, allowing me to be vulnerable. 

“She’d still be here if I had just chosen her and not my career.” I say as I cry. He just comforts me, but does not say much. 

After I’ve had myself a good cry, I get up from his chest and I limp my way to the toilet to clean my face. I’m wearing leggings and a long t-shirt. My body is quite full and I fill out pants with my curvy slim-thick body. Phathudi has always loved me in tight things so I know I’m turning him on right now – married or not. That accident saw my lose braids out of my hair and it created patches. So, I cut all of my hair off… it’s VERY VERY VERY short and I’ve died it white-blond. I look good. Broken, but good. 

I clean my face and blow my nose. I hear my mom and Phathudi chat. His tea must be ready. Then when I step out of the toilet, my mom has taken her cup of tea and disappeared into the house somewhere. 

I sit down next to him and take my cup of tea. He’s also drinking his tea. 

“So wena? Ujwang? How are the wife and kids?” I ask him. 

“I miss Phatsima. I miss you. A lot. The wife is great, but she’s not you. The kids are great – kids are always great. But I won’t lie, I miss the family that I had in you and Phatsima.” He says. 

I look at him. 

He looks me. 

“You can’t say things like that to me, Phathu”, I say. But I will admit, I’m being coy.

He smiles at me. 

“You asked me and I’m telling you the truth. I miss you, Retshepile.” He says. 

I blush. 

I don’t even know why. 

He was a bad fiancé to me. 

But I do want to be wanted. 

“So, I have a favour to ask of you.” I say.

He looks at me to continue. 

“Ke kopa ngwana.” I say. 

His eyes almost pop out of their sockets. 

“Hear me out before you say no”, I say. 

He puts his cup of tea down. 

“I want a baby. You and I had Phatsima and she was perfect. I want to have another baby and I want you to be the father of my child. I won’t be a problem, I promise. I’ll look after the child myself. I’ll stay away and invisible from your wife. She won’t even know that we have another child together. I won’t bother you. And if you don’t want us to have sex, it’s okay. We will go to a specialist, you’ll ejaculate into a cup, your sperm will fertilize my egg in a tube or whatever they do, then it will be inseminated inside of me, and – 

“Retshepile, stop.” 

I breathe and look at him. 

“We can’t replace, Phatsima. You do know that, right?” 

I nod my head. 

“We can have ten babies if you want us to have them. I’ll never say no to making and having children with you. But, they’ll never be Phatsima.” 

I swallow hard. 

“Ha o batle ngwana to replace, Phatsima. Right?” He asks me. 

“I miss Phatsi with all of my heart. I’ll never forget her. She will always be my first-born child. But I have to move on. And I’d like to have a baby.” I say.

“Okay. You do know that I’m not just going to make a baby with you and just leave. I want to be part of that child’s life.” He says. 

“And if your wife says no?” 

“It’s my child. She has no say.” 

I run my hand up his thigh. His body becomes hot and his eyes become smaller. He puts the cup of tea aside then starts kissing me, rubbing his hand against my body under my baggy t-shirt.

“I’ll give you a baby”, he says between our kisses. 

I stop kissing him and look at him. 

We are holding hands now. 

“But, I have a condition.” He says.

I look at him to elaborate. 

“I want us to get married.” He says.

“How? You are already married.” I point out. 

“I’m married traditionally. We haven’t signed. I can still have another wife.” He says. 

“Phathudi! You want more than one wife? Sithepu?”

I’m so shocked. 

“Kea o rata mama-Phatsima. And if I give you a child, no other man will raise my child with you.” 

Bathung!

“I’m honestly shocked. And will your wife agree? We do need her permission.” I say. 

“Let me deal with my wife. The important thing at this point is… will you marry me?”

Yoh! 

…

I’m getting dressed for dinner. I’m taking my mom out. She never eats out and we haven’t really gone out since I got back. So tonight, I’m treating her. Insurance also finally paid out for my car and I was able to get a new car. I got a Mercedes Benz C250. I opted for this car as opposed to the big car that I previously had because I wanted to get my mom a new car too. She’s been driving her Toyota Corolla since before I graduated from university. I phoned Mercedes Benz and asked what they can give me with what I had budgeted. I wanted two vehicles. I bought my mom’s car – Mercedes Benz A250 sedan – cash, then put a deposit to my C250 so I’ll be paying next to nothing as a monthly for my car. Mom’s car is black and mine is white. She was beyond excited when both cars arrived. I cannot drive yet because I’m injured. But she will be driving us with her new car. She said she’d give her Toyota to her brother.

“Retshepile! Let’s go!” She yells. 

I roll my eyes. I quickly finish up my make-up then I head out, grabbing my bag and purse. 

I get into the living room, ready to leave, and my mom is still on the phone with people telling them that I bought her a Mercedes-Benz. My sisters have already been phoning me and asking me if I’ve won the lottery. I’ve never been in the business of explaining myself to anyone. I’m not about to get into that business now. 

We finally leave and we use my car because I won’t be driving in a while and mom will be using her car to go to work and meet up with friends. My mom is a teacher, and she has a life. She and her friends have girls’ trips and once a year, they do international trips. My mom is driving. We chat as we make our way to Dihlabeng Mall to go have our dinner.

“Humi is getting a divorce”, my mom tells me. It took her long enough. Her husband has been in prison for six years now. 

“She’s going to need us”, my mom says. 

“For what? Kgape has been in jail for six years already. She’s been on her own.” I say. 

“Bathung, Tshepi. Divorce is not easy.” My mom says. 

“It’s not life-threatening neither. She’ll be fine.” 

She looks at me, judging me. Then she focuses on the road again. 

“She says she can’t afford the house and the cars and the schools anymore. So for the kids to continue going to school at their fancy private school, she has to sell six cars and remain with one, then sell the house and move to a three bedroom house.” My mom says.

“So her divorce is going to be difficult because she has to sell cars and a house. Why did she need seven cars? And why did she need a seven-bedroom mansion? She’s the only one who can drive now, so she only needs one car. She lives with just her husband’s kids, so she doesn’t need a mansion.” 

“Tshepi, have some mercy!” 

“No mama. Humi has never been the brightest smartie in the box. She doesn’t think. She doesn’t have foresight and she has kids she’s committed herself to looking after. She hasn’t even found a job yet. Kgape kept making money for her from inside prison. What is she going to do when the money runs out? Bother Nnetse and I?” 

“She’s your sister, Retshepile.” 

“You’ve always babied her the most and she’s older than Nnetse and I. Hai mama.” 

“Tshepi –

“I don’t want to talk about Humi anymore.”

She’s quiet. 

Then she says, “What’s happening between you and Papa-Phatsima?” 

I start laughing. She smiles. Then I say, “He says he wants us to get married.”

“Heh eh wena!” 

“Yoh mama. Phathudi wants me to be his second wife. Imagine!” I say, still laughing. 

“So, will you marry him?” 

“Nope.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I know Phathudi. He doesn’t just forgive. I hurt him. And I embarrassed him. I won’t be happy in that marriage. He will make me pay for what I did. The only thing I want is a baby.” 

“Ngwana?” 

“Yeah. I’m ready. I asked him. He said he’d give me one if we got married.” 

“But how do you want a child out of wedlock?” 

“I want the child and not the husband, mama.” 

“Retshepile!”

“I’m having my baby. If Humi is allowed to be pathetic, then I’m allowed to have my baby.” 

She’s quiet. I guess the bit about Humi hurt her feelings. But it’s true.

“Phathudi just doesn’t know it yet. I’ll initiate an affair with him. And we’ll just have sex until I get pregnant.” I say. 

“So, you want to trap him?” 

“I don’t want anything from him. I just want a child. After I have the child, he can go back to his wife and kids.” 

“Tshepi, what did Tholoana Kingdom do to you?” 

Silence.

…

Fikile and I are on our way to Fifi’s house. Thomas and Mthunzi have gone to collect the meat from the butchery. Today is Fifi’s and Rea’s housewarming. Mfundo took the boys and went to sort out the snack bar. The planning of this thing is making me feel this is an event. But Fikile is a bit down. Her boys left with Mfundo too. 

“Have you spoken to Khanyi about all of this?” I ask her. She’s been very stressed about this issue. 

“I speak to her telephonically every day. She’s been at Fifi’s house since that night. I spoke to Fifi and she says she’s fine, but we all need to talk.” She says. Before I can respond, she says, “I don’t understand what Sibongiseni was thinking, Koena. I don’t get it. If he wants Khanyisa back, why doesn’t he just talk to me. Since when is Sibongiseni afraid or hesitant to come to me and tell me he wants her back? Why bring Latifah and Sibongile?” 

“If he came to you, Fikile, Ungavuma wena ngoKhanyisa?” I ask her. 

She’s sighs. Then she says, “Khanyisa is old now. It will be her choice. If she wants to go back to her parents, she will say so.” 

“I get that, Fikile. But I’m asking you… Wena Fikile Ramaru, if Sibongile and Sibongiseni say they want Khanyisa back and Khanyisa wants to go back to them, what will you do?” 

She takes a deep breath then says, “there’s nothing that I can do. I’ll have to let her go and support her. I’ll always love her.” 

“How will you feel, though?” I ask her. 

“Honestly, it will feel as if my womb has been ripped out of my body.”

I actually hold onto my stomach. I felt that. 

“I wept that night, Fikile. Thomas had to stay up all night and just hold me as I wept through the night. My body was hurting in places I never even knew existed. I don’t want to lose any of my children, Koena. I don’t. But if I have to let them go, I will. Maybe at some point, I must just accept that my children are my three boys. My two girls… any day, they can be taken from me. As much as I love them, I have to prepare myself.” 

This really makes me sad. 

“I eavesdropped on a conversation between her and Thingo. You know they FaceTime all the time.” 

She looks at me with a hopeful face. 

“She loves you, Fikile. You are her mother. She recognizes you and only you as her mother. She called Sibongile by name throughout their conversation and when she spoke about you, she kept saying ‘my mom’ – not even kazi.” 

I see her be a bit more hopeful. 

“She’s angry that Sibongiseni for doing what he did. She’s angry that they disrespected you. And she wants to kill Latifah.” I say and we both laugh. 

“I’m beginning to get worried about that statement. She threatens to kill Latifah so often that I’m beginning to feel like she means it.” She says then we laugh. 

“But I also need a word with Latifah. Usenyathel’ inyoka emsileni manje. I never wanted to have issues with that girl because I love and respect my brother with all my heart and soul. But now, we have a problem and now, she will tell me what her problem is with Khanyisa.”

“Not at the party today, neh”, me. 

She just focuses on the road then says, “Not my kids! Angihleki when it comes to my kids. She’s officially poked a bear out of fucken hibernation.” 

Yoh hai! Yoh yoh yoh! Lord, let us not see a movie at a today. 

My mom, Mthunzi’s mom and Fikile’s mom slept over at Fifi’s and Rea’s place last night to help with the mqombothi. They are already a scene and a half. 

It’s 4am now. When we arrive, we will slaughter and open the house properly. Then it’s the party with friends. May God be with us today. 

Fikile and I arrive at the house just after 04:16am. We bring out the groceries and take them into the house. It’s raining. I’m worried about the event, but I also remember that young people don’t give a shit. They’ll party in the rain.

“Mama, is that everything?” Nene asks me. 

“No, there’s more in the boot. But get the boys to fetch it.” Fikile says. 

The three of us laugh. 

We walk into the house and make our way to the kitchen. She briefs us, “I sorted the dough for lidombolo yesterday. We can just cook it and prepare it today. Khanyisa made samp, pap and rice. Now we are busy making meats, salads and other sides. The gogos are making ulusu.”

“So much food?” Me. 

“The whole of Tholoana Kingdom is coming. The entire royal house is already here.” Nene. 

We walk into the kitchen and it’s so busy and buzzy. There’s also cooking happening in the kitchen that’s in the cottage outside. Khanyisa is with the gogos outside, cooking with the black pots. As to where they found izinkuni is beyond me. Nene is also there in the mix. 

Fikile found something to do and now she’s busy. I find a knife and help her chop too.

“Hey”, some woman says. 

“Weh! Sonia, you are here? Where is vrou number one?” Fikile says and laughs. 

“She’s too busy for us. And apparently she doesn’t like you.” This Sonia person says as she grabs a knife and starts chopping with us. 

“Why? What did I do?” Fikile. 

“You don’t have to do much to be hated by that one”, Sonia says and they laugh. 

“This is Koena. Koena this Ona’s second wife, Sonia. The cool wife.” Fikile says. 

We laugh together. 

We chat about until Ona’s mother calls all the people with the Mohale surname to go talk to their underground gang. 

The Mohales leave then we, non-Mohales, keep going here. 

Mthunzi and Thomas walk in, soaking wet. They are followed in by Mfundo, Thingo, the three Ramaru boys, Zothile, Nene’s son Liso, and Mbali – the honorary boy.

“Thathani. Natsani! All of you.” Nene attacks them with medication. She’s a doctor, so we trust. But Thomas and Mthunzi laugh, obviously at how she speaks and honestly, Fikile and I are over reprimanding them on this. Fortunately, Nene is such a trooper. She doesn’t even care. They all drink up. Then she recommends that they get dry clothes. Each person brought things for their man and kids, so they are sorted in no time. 

“Hello mommy”, Khanyisa attacks Fikile with a hug and love. She has an NFR raincoat on with Reahile’s name on the back. It’s wet. She was cooking with the gogos outside. 

“Hello my baby. Uzogula wena!” Fikile. 

Khanyi still has her hands wrapped about Fikile. 

“I’ll be fine, mama. The gogos bahlekisa njani“, she says. 

“We miss you. Ubuya nini kini?” Fikile.

“I had to help udadewethu. Uyazi mos nawe ukuthi izandla azikho. As they settled in, Rea couldn’t live on takeaways bandla.” Khanyi says and we all laugh. She’s such a funny child. 

“But I’m coming back soon. Don’t worry.” She says. 

“Good. Nathi we miss you, phela.” Fikile. 

“Is that my baby girl?” Thomas. 

“Hello papa”, she says and now ambushes him with a hug. 

“When are you coming home?” Thomas. 

“Bakithi! Let the child visit her sister. Hai bo!” I say. 

“Thank you, Aunt Koena.” Khanyi says and we laugh. 

“Nooooo… I miss my daddy-daughter dates.” Thomas. 

Fikile laughs as she serves Thomas, Mthunzi and Mfundo with tea. 

“Siyabonga babekazi wesizwe“, Mfundo says and we laugh. Now that I think about it, all these kids call her kazi. 

Thomas is rubbing her bum. These two! 

The Mohales join us again. Rea and Fifi finally greet us and bring the babies to us. They are growing so much and so fast. 

We greet them with plenty of love. 

“Hai bo, asidleni phela! The umqombothi is brewing and overflowing. Livumile icamaku.” My mother-in-love says. 

Kana she’s getting married soon. We’ll be doing this for her soon. 

“Can we have dikahari hle? I’ve been eyeing those since I could smell them.” Ona says and we laugh. 

They do smell nice. I can relate. 

“Heh eh wena! Dikahari for breakfast? There are eggs, bacon, sausages, mushrooms, tomato, croissants, cereal – 

“I want dikahari. That’s all I ask.” Ona. Remo is in shock. 

“Count me in. I’d also like a plate. With pap and cabbage, hle.” Khotso. 

We are all laughing. 

“I think all the men would appreciate some pap, cabbage and ulusu. Dikahari lezo.” Mfundo. Imagine! 

“Ey, aniphakeleni la bantu! Akudliwe. This house will be full of strangers now now then we will really run out of food. Akudliwe before kudakwa!” My mother-in-love. I’m glad people find her funny and not forward or offensive. 

Lol! 

All women are in shock. But we dish up and the men are happy. Us ladies, we stick with food that was meant to be eaten in the morning – except for the grannies. 

As we are within our meals and laughter, Latifah, Sibongiseni and their two kids walk in. Yaz I don’t know what the children’s names are.

Fikile’s aura just changes and the Mohales suddenly look ready to protect her. 

“Sanibonani“, Sibongiseni says, looking straight at Fikile. 

“Why did you bring this one here?” Okay, Mthunzi’s mother needs stay out of this. 

“Mama- ” 

Mthunzi tries, but…

“Hai Mfundo. This thing of people wanting to be diplomatic about everything makes it okay for people like this girl to walk over people and do as they please phez’ kwama khanda wabantu. And then the AUDACITY! THE AUDACITY to show up here just nje as if she didn’t just try to remove Khanyisa from her home because unomona!” 

“Umona?” Okay, Latifah is entertaining this and disrespecting elders in our presence. 

“Yebo! Umona! Your children will never have what Khanyisa has. They’ll never be half of her. And it eats you up. Every time you see Khanyisa, you ask yourself “why not my kids? When is Fikile taking my children and giving them all of this?” Shame dade, it’s not coming! So, you thought you’d ship her away from her father and Fikile, umyise le kwa-hell to Sibongile. Wrong me if I’m correct”. 

This woman! She’s watching too much Gomora, and in her head, Zodwa is her friend.

Latifah is losing her temper. Sbo is looking at her wanting answers too. 

“You are not welcome here. Bayasaba ukuk’xosha angisho? Mina ngiyakuxosha ke on their behalf. Voetsek! You are not welcome here!” She says. 

Latifah looks at Sbo. 

“Can we talk?” Sbo says, looking at Fikile, Thomas and Khanyi all at the same time.

Fikile walks out first. 

Thomas and Khanyi follow. Sibongiseni walks out last after them.

Eish. 

“Wena! You are still here?” Mama – my mom – says to Latifah. Please! She does not need this kind of influence. 

Latifah just walks out. 

“Is everything okay?” Khotso asks. 

“Wena! Don’t you dare! And stop staring at my child. Wakuhlula nisajola angisho!” Fikile’s mom. 

These grannies are going to give us a headache today. Can the party just start!

…

13H30

My house is full of people and vibes. Someone organised a glass tent. I don’t know who and I don’t know why. But it’s there. There’s a buffet set up of food. A lot of food. There is a whole snack bar that the kids have invaded and are overindulging in everything sweet and unnecessary. Suddenly I’m glad that my twins don’t what sweets are yet. Then there is an actual bar! Full of alcohol! Guys! People are partying and having fun though. 

Reahile found the Tholoana Kingdom people that remind him of home, so he has deserted me. 

I go look for Khanyi because she wasn’t okay after baba and Latifah left. But I bump into kazi first, so…

“Hello gorgeous” me. 

She and my dad were being inappropriate as always.

“You know PDA has an age restriction, right?” I say. 

They laugh. My dad takes Mulalo from me. Mohau is somewhere with Khanyi. He stays in her arms. 

“Are you okay? Both of you?” I ask them.

They both smile at me. 

“No matter what, always know that you’ve done a brilliant job with us and you continue to do an amazing job. No one can ever tell you otherwise. I still need a phone call from you guys every day. Khanyi aspires to be exactly like kazi and wants a husband just like you, papa.” 

They laugh. I continue, “Ranwedzi insists on being next to you all the time. Gundo always says that his best friends are his parents. I’m not even joking. Ask him who his best friend is and he says it’s his mom and dad. Rendani can’t even leave your bed. You guys are amazing parents. I only pray to be half of you to Mohau and Mulalo. You are incredible. We are all blessed to have you. Screw Latifah! We’ve never liked her anyway.” They laugh. Then they hug me. 

“I love you guys”, I say.

“We love you, baby girl.” My dad says. 

Now, I’m looking for Khanyi. I find her under a giant umbrella with my child wrapped in a blanket and sitting between her crossed legs… with Khabane lying his head on her thigh. These kids and rights! This place is full of old people and this is normal for them? 

“They make a nice couple neh?” Rea says to me. I didn’t see him stand next to me. 

“I’m just scared of what will happen if my parents see this instead of us.” I say. 

“Bane mara“, Aus’Tebza too.

But she’s charging to them yelling, “Khabane! Wahlanya?!”

We follow her. 

“Ey Luna! Respect us! What’s wrong with you?!” Aus’Tebza.

Bane is not even bothered. 

“Bane, what will you say when Fikile and Thomas see this?” Good, she’s scared of them too. 

“But we not doing anything, mama.” Bane mara. 

“Stop this. Get your head off her thigh! And if you can’t behave, I’ll make you come sit with your dad and I?” 

“Mama!” 

“No Khabane. Be respectful. Bathung!”

Bane sits up now. 

Both he and Khanyi are not bothered.

“Khanyi, two minutes tu.” Me.

She gets up, bringing Mohau with her, and we walk to the outside cottage. 

“What’s wrong?” She asks me. 

“I was checking up on you. You’ve been down since Latifah and Baba left.” I say.

“Oh that? Kazi slapped Latifah”. She says. 

“Wooaaaaahhhhh!!!!” When did Rea get in here?! 

But he closes the door and listens in. 

“They were telling each other off then kazi got fed up and slapped her. It was that mpama that makes one eye cry.” Khanyi says and we laugh. 

“But kazi went off at baba, hey. It actually broke my heart. Then we found out that Aunt Noni and the jealous one are in on this too. Then found Sibongile and convinced her to get my child, convincing her that kazi didn’t deserve to raise her child and she must go get her child back, kazi can’t tell her anything.” 

“What the hell?!” Me. 

“Dude. Something is wrong with these people. Like, Sibongile didn’t even want me. Or she couldn’t afford me. Whatever. Kazi took me off her hands. How could she disrespect kazi like that because people she doesn’t know convinced her to?” Khanyi is really hurt. 

“You know, my mom once traded Mohato and I in for drugs and some dangerous deals she got herself into. She told them that we are princes and if they need money, they must phone the Mohales and they’ll get what they want. Then we’d be forced to live in these dodge hotels with scary men who were selling drugs and prostitutes until my mom would come up with money to buy us back. Sometimes, we’d witness them beat her up and sell her to dangerous men. And she didn’t give a shit. Our lives became stable when our dad found us. But my brother suffers terribly from mental illness because of that. Our parents are people too – they can be fucked up because of their selfishness.” Rea says.

Khanyi seems taken aback then says, “Why do they just have us? Just because biological clocks are ticking or they decide to be reckless one night, they make us and bring us into chaos. We don’t ask to be born. They conceive us. And then this is how they traumatize us? It’s not fair! Having kids should be more than competing about age, societal expectations and whatever else puts pressure to have kids they cannot afford – not just financially, but emotionally too.” My Khanyi. 

I just hug her. She hugs me too, almost sobbing in my arms.

Rea hugs us both. 

“Bane is here for you”, Rea says and we laugh. 

At least he made the mood a bit lighter.

“You going to be okay?” I ask her. 

“Yeah. Bane and I are going for a drive.” She says. 

I take Mohau from her saying, “My child, please.” 

Rea laughs. 

“Enjoy”, I say. 

She laughs and dashes out. 

The rest of the day and night is mingling and catching up. I spend most of my time with Thuli and Zari. They are sleeping over with Mo and Tee-le. 

The day ends when the sun comes up for the next day.