We are preparing to head out to Khanya’s housewarming. I should actually say that it is Khanya’s and Ruri’s housewarming party because Ruri had everything to do with the prep, the decor, the invitations and the theme. But she’s not moving in, so it’s just Khanya’s place. It’s an all-white themed party. 

Yesterday, Wehweh, Ruri and I went to get our hair done. This salon is a branch of a salon owned by Koena Msomi. I knew she had quite a few beauty spas in South Africa, but I had no idea she had branched out to the kingdom. Ruri made us take out membership cards to literally only do our hair here. We don’t mind though. The prices are very PREMIUM, but the work is stunning. 
We all did braids. 
Mine are thin dabret braids with ombré hairpiece… black and caramel blond. Ruri has thin dabret braids too. Her hairpiece is a mixture of white, a very interesting brown and caramel blond. It’s actually so stunning. Wehweh has simple Knotless braids – simple black colour Knotless braids. They look like her actual hair. We are hot okay! 
The funny part was our men coming to fetch us from the salon. They all arrived two hours early then ended up buying themselves food – there is a restaurant just next door the salon and it’s also Koena Msomi owned… the salon goes with the restaurant – then the three of them actually chilled together. I guess what they do have in common is that they are all working men in relationships with university huns. Lol!

I’m dressed in a cute short white dress with white All Star sneakers. My jewellery are pearl accessories… earrings, neckpiece and bracelet. Molise is dressed in white shorts, a white t-shirt and white Cortez sneakers. He looks like a snack! 

“We are going to be back later neh”, I say to my kids. 
Their dad has an arm around my waist.
“Let me take a picture of you guys, first. You look so nice”, Phupho says. 
Molise gives her his phone and we pose for her. She’s having so much fun. 
We finally have to leave. We got them a professional au pair. We even have a small car for her – a polo. She needs to be able to fetch kids from school (we still take them in the mornings). She helps with homework. She does a lot of outside time with them as well. 
Today, they are going to the movies. But it’s back home after the movies. They like their au pair and we are comfortable with her now. We are all happy.
“Please come back to tuck us in”, Phupho and her demands. 
“Me or dad?” I ask.
She giggles. We laugh. 
“We will be back, nana”, Molise says.
We finally leave after hugs and kisses. 

–

This party! 
Everything is white! Even the pool is covered with white balloons. Ruri is so extra! Lol! Wehweh and Mnqobi also arrive. She looks so gorgeous. She has a short jumpsuit on and she’s wearing sandles – all white. She has a white Alice Band on as well.
We greet each other with hugs. The guys greet each other with a handshake. 
We make our way into the house. The hosts are no where to be found. Knowing Ruri, she’s probably still busy with glam. Some waiter is now in front of us offering us drinks. Wehweh and I have champagne. Molise and Mnqobi have beer. Typical. But we find a place to chill and we go chill together. 
“Sho”, Mnqobi greets Khabane. I’ve met him once. He’s Ruri’s brother. He’s here with the wife.  We greet her gorgeous self. She’s so nice. Yoh! 

I see Mapho walking in with the prince of this kingdom. Wehweh and I look at each other. They are walking in with Banathi – Mnqobi’s brother – and his wife. 
In no time, Tholoana is also here, Wandi and Senzi are here… I know these people because of Ruri. But I’m very interested ukuthi uMapho noRea zikhiphani?!
When her man turns to the people he knows, she comes to sit Wehweh and I. 
“Ladies”, she says.
“Heeeeeeeyyyy”, we both say, looking at her to spill the beans.
She giggles. She knows what we want.
“Guys!” She says.
“Spill! You walk in here with the kingdom’s royalty and you going to look at us like that?! Futhi where do you live now? One minute you are in res, the next asikuboni… now you walk into places with Mr Mohale himself?” Wehweh.
I’m just laughing here.
“Baby, I’ll be back just now. We just quickly going to a shop”, Reahile says to Mapho.
“Okay babe”, she says.
They kiss.
Heh! 
Wehweh and I high-five each other. 
Mapho looks at us, shaking her head. We burst into laughter. 
“So, he’s your man?” I ask.
She nods her head.
We are so excited!
“Manje, his vrou?” Wehweh.
“Apparently, they are just a paper marriage now. Nothing more. Because she’s from a royal family, they don’t allow them to get a divorce. So, she’s living in the UK and has moved on with her life. He’s here and has moved on with his life… with me.” 
“And if she comes back?” Me.
“They’d still be over”, Mapho says.
“As long as you are good, babes.” I say.
“Heh! We didn’t tell you! Nawe you are never around!” Wehweh.
She laughs then says, “tell me. I promise I’ll do better”.
“NanguBreezy sleeping with Wandile”. Wehweh.
“WHAAAAAAT?!” Mapho is so shocked! 
“Ja. Yaz that girl neh…” Wehweh.
“Rumour has it she was at the clinic hey”, Mapho says.
“Iza nazo!” Wehweh.
“But guys, you didn’t hear this from me”, she says.
“What didn’t we hear from you? Don’t serve tea without me!” Ruri. She’s so gorgeous. Ubuyaphi?!
We all greet each other and hug. We tell her about Mapho and Rea, and she tells us that she knows. Wehweh and I look at each other, then laugh. 
“Ladies”, Khanya greets us.
“Hey”, we all say.
“Aphi amadoda wenu?” He asks us.
They all walk in now… with cooler boxes.
“We have a bar”, Ruri mentions to them.
“It’s just ice. We plan to chill in one place with just the beer”, Khanya says.
“You are in on this?” Ruri enquires. She doesn’t believe in anything ghetto this one. Lol! 
–
The DJs are on fire. We’ve been snapping picks, dancing together and officially adopting Mapho into our circle. Ruri even has a live on instagram with the three of us in it. 
Now that we are done nyana, Ruri moves us to a place in the house. 
Obviously, we are about to gossip!

“Mapho was still telling us about Breezy being at the campus clinic”, Wehweh says. 
By the way… I had forgot about that.
Wehweh and Ruri are lying on the bed in here. Mapho is lazing around on the longer couch in here. I’m lazing around on the single occasional chair. We are having wine and snacks. The party is still heavy out there. 
“Guys please… you did not hear this from me – although all the med-students are talking about it – but still…” Mapho.
“Our lips are sealed. Buwa!” Ruri.
“She came into the clinic badly beaten. She was even passed out when she arrived. After tests were run, she was severely injured and it was concluded that she was sexually assaulted and badly beaten up”, Mapho.
“Bathung wena! Rape?” Ruri.
“Isn’t she a prostitute?” Wehweh.
“Surely, even prostitutes have the right to say no”, I say.
“Ja… but – “ Ruri doesn’t finish her sentence.
“But what, chomi?” Me.
“But think about the men that she sleeps with for money. They are powerful men who go to prostitutes to have the kind of sex that they do not have with the wives or partners that they respect. They are not going to pay money to have respectful sex with a prostitute. And these prostitutes know that the R9,99 sex can be abusive. So, when they get to the police station and open a case, ba tlo reng?” Ruri Mara. We are laughing at the R9,99 sex, because wow.
“Yaz this girl… I want to hate her because her actions are honestly nauseating. But I feel so bad for her. She just comes from such a hectic background”, Wehweh says.
Yaz uWehweh is such a nice person.
“Wehweh, she slept with Wandile”, I remind her.
“MIHLOLO!” Ruri.
We all laugh.
That time her man is so calm. She’s clearly the entertainment in this relationship.
“My dad did some research on her and her family. He didn’t want me sharing with someone that nobody really knew. And it turns out this girl is a prostitute so that she could look after her family because the mother is an irresponsible whore”, Wehweh says. Also, she’s calling someone’s parent a whore.
“Lovely! So being a sex addict is a family secret! I still don’t forgive her for sleeping with Wandile though”, Ruri says. 
“Maybe we should try help her get a job on campus or something. She can’t live like this. These men will kill her one day”, Mapho says.
“Mapho, these men buy her clothes, groceries, give her cash to maintain that pussy. What salary will match that?” Ruri.
“Ruri, how do you know this stuff?” I just have to ask.
We all laugh.
“I know things. My mom makes sure that I know things so that I don’t fall into stupid traps”, she says.
“Hawu! You guys are in here?” Khanya says.
Rea, Mnqobi and Molise are right behind him.
“Did you miss us?” Ruri asks Khanya. 
Molise is already kissing me. 
Rea is also getting comfortable, sitting on the couch that Mapho is on and putting her feet on his lap.
Mnqobi and Khanya sit on the floor, right in front of their women, leaning their backs against the edge of the bed. Ruri brushes Khanya’s head. Wehweh starts massaging Mnqobi’s shoulders.
“So the two of you are a proper couple?” Ruri asks Mapho and Rea the one question that’s been burning all of us. But none of us have Ruri’s balls.
Rea laughs. Mapho blushes.
“Okay, Mapho is shy, I’m excusing her. Reahile, buwa! What’s going on?” Ruri.
“Ruri, why are you such a bully?” Rea.
We all actually laugh. Ruri is a bully shame. 
“We want to know. Wena leMnqobi… you forget that I’m the one who will need to put in good words for your women to your mothers. I need to know what I’m vouching for”, Ruri says. 
Mnqobi and Rea laugh. 
“Yes Ruri, Mapho and I are together”, Rea says.
“Aren’t you married?” Wehweh asks. 
I’m just quiet because these are sensitive questions hey. 
“Just on paper, babe. That marriage is a whole T.I. – it’s been travelling on this road too long trying to find its way back home, but everybody knows that it’s dead and gone.”
WE ARE IN STITCHES! 
STITCHES!

…

Three months later

Today, Molise’s eldest brother is getting married. We only arrived yesterday morning because I had school. But I made gemere at our place and baked scones as well as the wedding cake. I’m a very good baker. We travelled with all of these, and my mother-in-law is still not happy. 
Let me tell you the tea on how the sourness started. 

Mama phoned Molise and told him that his eldest brother, Molefe, is getting married. Molise was excited for his brother. Then, he was requested to come up with the R10 000 for the lobola. Molise protested, stating that this is not his bride. Why must he pay the lobola? And why is Molefe getting married if he’s not ready for it? He mentioned that he paid his own lobola for his wife, what’s special about Molefe that his lobola must be a community project? The mother then saw it necessary to mention that my lobola was R100 000, so why is R10 000 an issue? I didn’t even know how much my lobola was. I really didn’t. But clearly, it hurt her because she’s bringing it up unprovoked to prove a point that has nothing to do with Molise’s issue. 
After a lot of bullying from that woman, Molise and I took out the R10 000 for the lobola. 
Then we got bullied into paying for the wedding. You know, when we were discussing it, we were actually laughing because we were so irritated. We didn’t even have a wedding, but we must pay for other people’s weddings? It was not a good time for us. 
So to be economic, I asked my mom to cook. She has a catering and events company. We paid her to do the entire event. I volunteered to do the wedding cake. Then we sent R5000 to mama for generic groceries to do the traditional stuff. We sent the groom R20 000 to do everything else. Molise’s mother had the nerve to phone us and shit on us, saying that we are taking over the wedding and it’s not our place. Imagine! 
So, we stopped taking her calls all together. Molise would just phone her to update her that he has work, so we cannot arrive a week earlier, or I have school so we will arrive the day before the wedding. So, as it stands today, she’s not talking to us. We arrived and she didn’t even say hi to us. At least she was happy to see my kids though. Should we be grateful?

Molise’s mother made the mqombothi. She’s angry that I wasn’t here at the beginning of the week to start it, but it’s fine. 
I’m outside now with my mom’s team. She didn’t come. My family and Molise’s family are not great. The team brought their own gas stoves that they are cooking from, but everything is set up. 
We don’t know how many people will be in attendance, but this is the village. It’s very possible that the whole village will be here. So, the tent accommodates 600 people. Each table accommodates 10 people. It’s black couches around the round tables – so it’s more of a chilled setup than Tiffany chairs and straight tables. The colour scheme is black and glass with a trim of gold. Then around the tent is grass decor, putting us in isibaya almost. I love it. It’s beautiful. The bride and groom will be sitting in the middle of the tent, then the guests will be surrounding them. I think that’s genius. Maybe I should have a wedding and have my mom do the decor for me. This is nice. 
Right next to the tent is a second tent with couches set up to accommodate 100 people. This tent is the bar and food station. The bar will be serving beer, ciders and cocktails. 

“This is beautiful, baby”, Molise says to me. 
I don’t even know when he got here. I’m avoiding his mother and I’ve been outdoors since I bathed and bathed the kids. Molise wraps his arms around my waist. 
“I was thinking the exact same thing. I was even thinking of us having a wedding”, I say. 
“We should”, he says.
I laugh then say, “Nah… something in me doesn’t sit right with spending a lot of money so people can come eat while watching you dance and kiss”. 
He laughs aloud. 
“Thank you for this”, he says after he’s done laughing. 

“Yoh! This is so BEAUTIFUL! Yoh! The vrou is going to be so happy. There are also so many fridges full of beer. Nahana!” Molefe says. He hasn’t even bathed yet. 
“When are you going to bath? Isn’t your wife already on her way? Your guests will arrive soon”, I say. 
“I was on my way to bathing when I saw our entire yard and street transformed like this. Even people that we didn’t invite are now bathing to come here.” Molefe says. 
We all laugh. 
“But seriously guys, I also wanted to say thank you for everything that you’ve done for me. I’ll never forget this.” 
Molise gives him a handshake. 
I take a hug. 
“And I heard you having sex last night”, he says. 
I look away because I’m actually embarrassed. 
“Well let’s hope you won’t make us pay for it tonight with it being your wedding night and all”, Molise. 
Nicely played. 
He finally leaves to get ready. 
–

The wedding is nice. The important stuff is done and now it’s the after party. I’m so glad I brought Aus’Maletsoho with me. It’s so busy here. I told her I’ll pay her extra just as long as my kids don’t leave her sight. She’s been doing very great at that and I’m so thankful. My girls pulled through. To be honest, I didn’t think they would. This place is so far! But Wehweh, Ruri, Mapho and their men drove seven hours to be here and I’m so grateful. They look dashing too. 
We partied shame! 
Yoh, we had a GREAT time. 
Now…
My husband and I are having sex in the restroom. Imagine! 
I’m so glad I’m on contraceptives. So glad! This guy is an entire sex bomb!

“We should go to the hotel with the gang”, he says as we get dressed. 
“You want your mother to hate me neh? She already does, but now she will loathe me.” I say. 
“She’s not even talking to us”, he says. We both laugh. 
We walk out of the toilet holding hands, but still talking. 
“Let’s just take our kids and go have fun. The gents have a whole evening planned”, he says. 
“By gents you mean Rea, Khanya and Mnqobi?” I enquire. 
“Yeah. They are really cool guys”, he says. 
“You really like them neh?”
He looks at me and is suddenly shy.
“I must say, I’m pleasantly surprised”, I say.
“Why?” He asks me.
“I don’t know. You just seem a bit… you didn’t strike me as someone who would be versatile enough to hang out with my varsity friends and their boyfriends.”
“Their boyfriends are not in varsity though”, he says.
“Yeah, but still. You could’ve easily not given the situation a chance. But you did. And I’m thankful. Kea leboha”, I even go there with the Sotho.
He smiles at me then kisses me.
“I finally found you”, his mom’s voice interrupts our moment. 
We both look at her.
“Let’s go talk in the house”, she says then walks off.
Molise and I look at each other then head to the house too.

We are now sitting in her bedroom. It’s just the three of us. 
“You were not in the room when makoti was being advised on how to be a wife”, the mom says to me.
“I didn’t know I had to be there”, I say. 
“Ke wena makoti mo. Why wouldn’t you be required to be there?” The mother. 
“Lerato is married to the eldest son. She’s the most senior wife. I didn’t know that in me being junior to her, I’d still be in a position to advise her”, I say.
“Why didn’t you ask?!” Now she’s shouting at me, and I don’t appreciate it. 
“Would you have replied? You haven’t even said hello to us since we got here!” I’m glad Molise is intervening because I was also getting irritated with the fact that he’s not saying anything.
The mother just looks at us. We look at her. 
“Are you at least going to stay here for a month?” The mother asks me.
“A what?!” Me.
“A month. You need to teach her how to be a makoti ya mo hhaye”, she says.
I look at Molise.
“Mme, Zah and I are leaving tonight.” Molise says.
“WHAT?!” The mother.
Eh! 
“Mme, you didn’t prepare us for any of this. You can’t just make demands on the spot.” Molise.
“Clearly, Zanolwazi’s parents didn’t prepare her for marriage. She doesn’t even use the name that we gave her here upon marriage. She still calls herself Zanolwazi.” 
“When exactly was I being prepared for marriage? I got married at eighteen. Or you forgot?”
“What else was my son supposed to do to honour you? Akere waphapha wena?! You opened your legs for men as a teenager and got pregnant. Who else was going to marry you?!”
I literally find myself slapping her. I don’t know when my hand and brain disconnected. I’m even shaking. That’s how shocked I am.
Molise is in disbelief. 
The mother looks at him. Then she looks at me. Then she gets up and physically attacks me too. I’m glad she did this because now, I’m not the evil bitch that hit my husband’s old and cruel mother. 
He finally stops the fight.
I attempt to walk away but she says, “I’m not done talking! SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW!” 
I’m just so angry. 
“Mme, we are leaving!” Molise.
“I SAID SIT! BOTH OF YOU!” She yells.
We sit.
He holds my hand. I’m glad. Because I’m going to murder this old bitch! 
“When are you extending this house?!” imagine! 
Yoh, I just chuckle now because wow! And she’s even aggressive in her ask.
“You are the kids that have money, and you must look after this house. Ever since Zanolwazi and the kids left, wena Molise, you stopped supporting me. Wena Zanolwazi, are you here to build or break down this family?!” 
“Mme, why am I the one doing that? Molefe is the oldest child son in this family. This is his responsibility, not mine.”
“Molefe cannot afford it like you can. That’s why you will do it!”
“Interesting… because if papa had money, Molefe would be his sole heir. But we must all club in to help the heir when the inheritance doesn’t do what it needs to do?! How exactly does this heir thing work?!” Molise.
Now she slaps the shit out of Molise. 
“Love, get the kids. We are out of here!”