I am getting better. My son is healed. My daughter is dead. I am exhausted. I am hurting. I am grieving. I thought Mthunzi and I would have had sex by now, him supporting me and me just being vulnerable. But, I’m the unlucky woman in all of this. Whoever he has chosen to give his heart to, she is the one who has bagged the gold that is my husband’s heart. 

Zelda has been such great help. She has been handling the tenders for me: the administration parts and all that. She has been handling the stakeholders and all for me as well. I had to give her a thank you bonus. Not even my PA, operations or finance professionals do what she does for me. I wonder what this girl studied. She is so much more than just a domestic worker. I hear she also came in once or twice to clean the house and organized people to come deep clean the house. They even came to clean the cottage that I have been in since I got this Covid-19. Such a gem. 

Today, Mthunzi is driving Siya and I to the doctor for retesting. We are praying to be Covid negative after today. Siya is sleeping in the backseat as Mthunzi initiates this nonsense conversation with me. 

“I want Mfundo to come live with us”, he says. I just lost a child and he thinks this is the right time to bring this shit up? I actually prefer it when he is with his girlfriend. Clearly when he is with me, he loses his senses. 

I don’t say anything. 

“So? Uthini? Are you ready to accept my child?” He says. 

“Mfundo can’t live with us, Mthunzi. I’ve expressed to you why I don’t want to live with him. I don’t know why you want me to repeat myself”, I say. 

“So you still don’t want to accept my son?” He says.

“You can raise your son. I don’t need to be part of it”, I tell him. 

He nods his head. 

The rest of the drive is silent. 

…

We have tested and now we drive back home. Mthunzi is dialled into a meeting so he is busy conducting his business meeting while I am now chatting on WhatsApp with Pearl. 

“Girl, this man brought me a new admin girl. She was working in the warehouse and now she’s doing mine and your husband’s admin“, she texts me. 

“So? You’ve been complaining about needing a new admin person. What’s the problem?” Me. 

“Well, I’ve asked around about this girl. She is a difficult one. From what I understand, I’ll spend more time managing her than her actually doing her work“, she says. 

“Damn. Good luck girl.” I say.

“How are you feeling? How are you holding up?” She texts me. 

“I have seen better days. I just need to get better now so I can go and see my daughter’s graveyard and hopefully move on with my life. Mthunzi‘s family will be coming over for a cleansing ceremony. You know they don’t like me“, I text her. 

“They should be decent. You just lost a child“, she says. 

“Yes. And there’s Mthunzi‘s child that I don’t want that they still judge me for.” I text back. 

“Who are you chatting to?” He asks me. 

“Pearl. She’s telling me about your new admin person”, I say. 

He nods his head. 

“When is your family arriving?” I ask him. 

“This weekend”, he says. 

“I’ll call Zelda. I’m going to need the help”, I say. 

“To host your in-laws? What will Zelda be doing? All the duties that are expected from you?” He judges me. 

“She’s just going to help me out, Mthunzi.” I say. 

He shakes his head. 

He drives us home in silence. Zelda is good at making umqombothi and preparing slaughtered meat. Mthunzi’s family is the judgemental type. I need the extra pair of hands. 

When I get home, I go to the cottage. I find it deep cleaned, thanks to Zelda. She even got me a new domestic worker. The domestic worker is Dikeledi. We have a serious language barrier problem. It’s bad. She doesn’t understand me and I don’t understand her. She strictly speaks Zelda’s language so when I get stuck, Zelda helps me out. 

I open my laptop with the intention of catching up with all that I am behind with. Zelda has managed my diary and emails, flagged all the important ones that I need to prioritize and indicated those that she has attended to and resolved, but I should read just to be kept in the loop. 

This girl is brilliant. 

I get a call from George. What does he want? 

“Hey”, I answer my phone. 

“We need to leave for Dubai”, he says. 

“How? We are in the middle of a pandemic”, I remind this idiot. If he wasn’t so rich, I’d block his fat ass. 

“We have our ways of getting there”, he says.

“I’ve just buried my child. I can’t engage in sexual activities until the cleansing”, I tell him. 

“I pay you a lot of money to not be getting excuses and attitude when I require your services. I have secured tenders to keep you afloat and respected in that pathetic marriage of yours. Why am I spending more than five seconds on the phone begging you to do your fucken job?” He says. He is getting angry now. 

“I need to be cleansed for my daughter’s passing, George, please.” I plead with him. 

“I’ll be there in thirty minutes. Be ready”, he says.

I have myself a good cry before getting up and going to pack. I phone Zelda and brief her that I will check emails and respond accordingly when I get to Dubai. I ask her to keep holding the fort for me and to handle the Msomis. I will try my best to be back on time for the cleansing. 

She agrees. 

I am packing and talking to her at the same time. As I hang up the phone, I see Mthunzi standing at the door of our room. I feel so bad that I am about to be a bitch towards him, but to George, I’m an employee. 

“Going somewhere?” He asks me. 

“Yes. Away on business.” I say. 

“You not waiting for your Covid tests to come back? Or perhaps the cleansing for your own daughter? Or Zelda will do all of that for you?” Him. 

“I feel fine. I’m sure I’m Covid negative now. And I’ll be back for the cleansing.” I say.

“How are you even traveling under these restrictions?” He asks me. He is not being nice in his tone though, I must add.

“The people I am traveling with have their ways”, I say. 

He nods his head.

“Is your family coming this weekend?” He asks me. 

“Yes. Mbali was their grandchild too”, I say. 

“Good. Then tell Zelda not to come. They can do your duties for you seeing that we did, after all, pay lobola for you. They are sitting with our cows. If they didn’t prepare their child for marriage, its best they do what needs to be done”, he says.

This disrespectful motherfucker!

“Who do you think you are?” I ask him. 

“And you not leaving your son with me while you go to Lord knows where to do Lord knows what”, he says. 

“Excuse me?” Is he really doing this to me right now? 

“We agreed to stay in this marriage for the child we actually shared together. Siya is not mine. You’ve more than insulted my ancestors by making him grow up with my surname. Take your son to your parents or his father and give me my divorce. Mbali is gone and so is our marriage.” He says. 

I thought he forgave me for making Siya outside of our marriage. Why is he doing this to me? Why now? What am I supposed to do without this man? And of all times, I have to deal with this now? 

“Mthunzi, don’t do this”, I beg him. My tears are streaming down my face now. 

He turns around and walks away from the bedroom. What the hell am I going to do? 

I phone Zelda. She answers after three rings. 

“Hi Mrs Msomi”.

“Zelda, I need your help. Desperately so.” I panic. 

Mthunzi is back at the door, angry this time. 

“What do you think you are doing?” Mthunzi aggressively asks me.

“You don’t want to help me, so leave me alone.” I yell back. 

“Zelda must now come here and clean up after ukuncola kwakho?” Mthunzi. 

“Zelda, could you please come and stay with Siya for me while I’m away? Please?” I continue my conversation with Zelda. 

I don’t even hear her response when Mthunzi grabs the phone from me and tells Zelda not to bother coming to take care of Siya. He hangs up and runs to Siya’s room. I run after him. He carries Siya over his shoulder and runs down the stairs. I am running after him and screaming, “What the hell are you doing? Stop it! Put my child down, Mthunzi! Put him down!” 

Mthunzi doesn’t hear me. He is a man possessed. Siya is confused. My poor baby. 

I keep screaming. Dikeledi is looking at us and doing nothing. 

“DK, lock the doors!” I scream. 

Oh shit, she knows not what I speak! She looks at me as if I’m crazy. 

We are now in the car. Mthunzi is driving. I don’t know where we are going. I’mso scared now. What is this man going to do? 

After a twenty minute drive, I see us drive in Diepkloof towards my mother’s house. No no no, he wouldn’t do this. My family doesn’t know anything about Siya’s paternity. 

I start crying again. 

“Mthunzi, don’t do this”, I beg him. I’m in tears. 

He doesn’t hear me.

He parks outside my mom’s gate and hoots. What the hell? Neighbours will come out and hear my business? Aowa! No! 

“Okay! Okay! We will get off. Please, don’t do this in front of all these people that have now come out to see this show.” I beg him. 

I see my mom walk out of her house too. 

“Get the fuck out of my car!” He says. 

“Siya, come”, I say as I climb out of the car. Siya doesn’t ask any questions. We both climb out of the car then only now I notice that I’m not wearing shoes. 

Mthunzi drives off, leaving us here without a damn thing, but my cellphone. Siya and I walk into my mother’s yard then into the house. I get into my old bedroom and I cry my lungs out, scream my lungs out actually. How is this happening to me? How? I hear chatter in the kitchen between my son and my mom. My phone has been vibrating non-stop. Fuck! It’s George. 

I hear a knock on my mom’s door. My mom gets the door then I hear her calling me. I go into the kitchen and George is there, playing with my son, his son. My mom is serving him juice. 

“A word?” He says. I am a mess. My eyes are swollen from all the crying. I don’t even have damn shoes. I haven’t even told my mom what’s going on. 

I walk out the house and George follows me. We get to his car and he opens the door for me. I climb inside the car. He climbs in and the first thing he does is punch me in my stomach. It is so painful that I scream. His driver drives off. As the driver drives off, this man beats me up. He says nothing, but he beats me up in every part of my body except my face. When he is done, he finally says as I catch my own blood from touching the interior of his car. 

“Do you have any idea how much money you have cost me?” 

I am crying. I am in pain. Someone can actually just kill me right now. I want him to take out a gun and shoot me right now. He would have done me one of the best favours in the world. 

“Sindi, I don’t care about your problems. I really don’t. You are hired by me to simply make me money using your looks and your vagina. And I pay you handsomely. I pay you in kind, in sex, in cash and in business deals. Why do you keep doing this to me? Why?” He keeps saying. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry. This will never happen again”, I say between my sobs. 

“It should have never happened. You are lucky that we could get a girl to go in your place at such notice. But this is the last time. You are not special. You do what everyone is expected to do. Understood?” Him. 

I nod my head. 

“Now, what’s going on with that moron you married?” He asks me.

“He wants a divorce and wants nothing to do with Siya”, I say. 

“Hence you back in the township? Sindi, I told you to abort that child, didn’t I? I told you having this baby is going to be a problem. Why don’t you ever listen to me?” He says.

“He’s my son. I’ll take care of him”, I say. 

“We will take you back to your mother now. After that cleansing of yours, I’ll move you into a nice house. You can stay there with Siya and a maid and a nanny. It’s big enough. Pack your shit and leave that man. I’ll get you a new car too. But Monday, we have work to do. Understood?” He says. 

I nod my head. What choice do I have? 

“Clean yourself up. I’ll send a masseuse to come give you a good massage. Today never happened and it will never happen again. You know I can end you,Sindi. Don’t make me end you”, he says. 

I am still crying, but I nod my head and am taken back home. 

I shower in the outside room. It belongs to my brother. He is not here, but his girlfriend is. She is sleeping, so she didn’t see me come in to shower. When I step out in a towel, she is awake. 

“Hi”, she greets me. 

I’m not her fucken friend. Why is she talking to me? I just get out and get back into the house. Siya is asleep and my mom is in the kitchen drinking tea and reading the Bible. I’m still in my towel, but I owe her an explanation. I sit down. 

“Sindiswa, what’s going on?” She wastes no time. 

“Mthunzi and I are getting a divorce. He has moved on with another woman and I refuse to stay in that marriage. I’ll go get my stuff after the cleansing for Mbali’s death then move into my new house”, I say. 

My mom shakes her head. 

“That man that just left… he is Siya’s father isn’t he? Siya is the spitting image of him.” My mom says. 

“Yes. But Mthunzi knew and he raised Siya with me. We are divorcing because he cheated”, I insist.

“Or maybe the chickens have come to roast. You cheated and brought a child. He just cheated. I don’t believe that’s what’s ending your marriage. But anyway, this is your home. I’d like Siya to stay here with me. Your life is very unstable. That little boy needs some stability. He just lost a sister, you and Mthunzi are all over the place and that man you left with makes me very uncomfortable. Let me help you with Siya”, she says. 

I cannot argue with that. I just nod my head and I thank my mom through my tears. 

“Go get dressed sisi, I’ve made dinner.” She says.

C2 General