Risuna, Keith and I now live together. Trust me, it’s not the peaches and cream that you are thinking of. He bought some simplex house in Bryanston. It’s close to work for him. It’s a four-bedroom simplex house. Risuna has his nursery. I have my own bedroom – he let me have the main bedroom. Risuna still sleeps with me though. Keith sleeps in another bedroom by himself. 

We are cordial. And I won’t lie to myself, I’m falling in love with him. It’s a dangerous feeling to feel for your roommate. I mean he’s married. His wife still phones him for favours and he gives them to her. That, in my view, makes it more than clear that his heart is still with her. I’m just the woman who carried and birthed his child, like it was always meant to be. I’m scared that if I try to be with him despite the wife element and the fact that we agreed we are doing this for Risuna, I will end up heartbroken. More than that, things will be awkward. I’d feel like I’m also cornering him into not saying no to me because he already feels indebted to me for birthing his son, so why would he say no to some kisses, cuddles and sex? Let me just keep to myself. Let me just co-parent with him. In Keith’s eyes, I’m just Risuna’s mother. 

I’ve just finished showering. Risuna is in the house making a noise with his dad. I guess I’ll make lunch for the three of us. I heard Keith saying something about going to a zoo. I didn’t take him seriously because every Saturday, there’s always something that he has to do with his wife. So now that he’s actually here today. I’m wondering if we really are going to go to the zoo. Plus, I want to take advantage that he’s here and available to look after Risuna so I can go and see Wandi in hospital. 

I wear a cute short but classy dress. Wandi made this for me when I was pregnant and she said the goal after birthing the baby is to fit back into this dress. Today, I fit. It’s tight around my boobs then opens up with flare under my boobs. It’s actually cute. My legs look very nice in it. I comb out my relaxed hair then put a pearl Alice band on my hair. I wear sandals with my outfit. Maybe this outfit will give me a hint of where Keith stands with this situation that he and I find ourselves in. 

“Dumelang“, I greet them as I enter the TV room where they are sitting and playing on Risuna’s play mat. 

I had to give all the gifts that Sizwe got me to Morafe. Keith just took over nje and wanted nothing to do with the gifts that Sizwe got me.

“Hello mommy. You look so beautiful”, Keith says. 

I smile at him. 

“I’m going to make us lunch. What are you feeling like?” Me. 

“Whatever you are making is good with me.” He says.

“I’ll fry some potato chips and make a club sandwich. Is that okay?” Me.

He smiles at me. It’s a yes for him. 

I head into the kitchen. 

They follow me – Risuna is in Keith’s arms. 

“Did you sleep okay?” He asks me. 

“Yeah. It feels different though… not having to work and just being here with Risuna. I hope you don’t feel like I’m using you”, I say.

“Bassie, come on. This is us. We’ve never used each other. I’d never think that of you”, he says.

I nod my head.

His cellphone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket. I see the caller ID. It’s his wife. I’m already annoyed. 

“Hey”.

…

“Sure. What’s up?”

…

“I was actually planning to spend time with Bassie and Risuna today.”

…

“Yeah, but I have a family now. And the agreement was that you give me enough notice so I can plan my weekends properly. I can’t just change my day and drop my son because things just came up with you.”

…

“You are being unreasonable now. This is supposed to work for both of us, not just you.”

…

“Fine.”

He hangs up. 

“I thought you were filing for a divorce”, I say. 

“It’s a bit complicated”, he says.

“I see. Are you still sleeping with her?” 

“Bassie –

“Actually, forget I asked.”

“I’m not sleeping with her, Bassie. I’m not sleeping with anyone.” He says. 

I’m quiet.

“This is just not a good time for her to be going through a divorce”, he says.

“Just like it wasn’t a good time for her to be a mother six months into a pregnancy she made me go through?” 

“Bassie-

“I’m just the idiot biological mother who was sacrificing so much for a man I love more than any man I’ll probably ever know. But I’ve never meant anything to him. His wife has always come first and will always come first. All I’ll ever be is Risuna’s incubator. I’m sure if your wife wanted you and Risuna back, you’d just rip him out of my arms and leave me to sort myself out.”

He stares at me. I don’t know what to make of his stare. 

“Are you joining us for lunch or do you have to go?” Me. 

He’s still a bit… in a state of stillness. 

I just keep moving about in the kitchen. 

…

Basetsana has exploded. I knew this day was coming, but I never expected her to say the things that she has just said to me. I’m sitting in the TV room watching my kid move around and discover what his body can do, I ponder on what his mother said to me. What’s ringing the most in my mind is her saying that she loves me. Bassie and I have always loved each other. I’ve never doubted that she loves me and that I love her. But the way she said to me – after shitting on me about not filing for my divorce – it’s more than the love we’ve had and shared over these years. 

I don’t think I’m going to that lunch that her father invited us to. 

My cellphone rings. It’s Noria.

“Yes?”

“Where are you? Dad is expecting us in the next ten minutes”, she says.

“I’m not coming.” I say. 

She takes a deep breath. 

“Keith, we’ve spoken about this.” She says.

“I’m spending the day with my family today. Send my regrets to everyone.” 

“Don’t do this, Keith. If you want an amicable divorce from me, you will think very carefully about what you are trying to do to me right now.” 

“Do your worst. You can expect the divorce papers from my law team on Monday.”

I hang up. 

She tries to phone me again. I don’t pick up her call. She tries again. This time I block her. 

“I left your food in the microwave. I’m not sure what your plan is”, Bassie says as she takes Risuna. She has a bag and everything with her.

“Where are you guys going?” I ask her. 

She just looks at me then leaves. I look outside the window and I see an Uber picking her up. 

Ja no, I’m in shit. 

…

It’s been hours now since they’ve left. Bassie’s phone is off and I’m getting really worried. I text Senzi, Wandi’s husband. Maybe he knows something that Wandi may have mentioned to him. 

“Yo. I’m looking for Bassie. I’m wondering if you’ve heard anything?” 

He replies instantly saying, “They are here with us at the hospital. Don’t stress, Wandi’s mom is driving them back home in a few.“

That’s a relief.

“Thanks bro“, me. 

He sends me a thumbs up. 

I wait another hour before Bassie walks in. Risuna is passed out in her arms. I get up and take their bag from them. She goes to put Risuna down. 

He’s up and crying now, so I guess Bassie is bathing him. It’s always war when this happens. Then, it gets better when she breastfeeds him. That’s when I go and drain his baby bathtub. I try to help as best as I can. 

Now, we put him to sleep together. 

When he’s asleep, Bassie and I go the TV room. I guess we are going to talk. She’s pissed off. 

“The card is blocked”, she says. 

“Huh?” 

“The card that you gave me that’s supposed to have money for Risuna and me… it’s blocked. That’s why Wandi’s mother had to bring us back home. We couldn’t get and Uber back because the card is blocked.” She says. 

“That’s not possible. That’s my account. I’d have to block it and –

Shit!

Noria blocked our cards. 

“I’m sorry. It must be Noria trying to get back at me for not making it to today’s event and me saying that she will have the divorce papers delivered to her by Monday.” I say to her. 

“Why is she blocking your account? How can she do that without your consent?” She asks me. 

“Listen, I’ll sort this out.” I say.

I give her another card. 

“This is an account she didn’t know about and still doesn’t know about. Use this until everything is sorted, okay?” 

She stares at me. 

Then she says, “How bad is this going to get?” 

“I don’t know. She’s not going to make it easy. And with her father running for some government position, she cannot afford a divorce right now. So, it will be bad.” I say.

“Keith, why don’t we move to a smaller place? Something more affordable. We don’t need all of this. Then when the dust has settled, we can come back to this life. I’ll even go back to work. But if you insist on this life, it will be easy for her to hold you hostage.” She says. Wow, this woman!

“I want the best for my son… and you”, I say. 

“We know. Teaching a child the value of suffering is teaching him what’s best. He will be fine.”

“I don’t want you to go back to work.” 

“Then we have to move. But if we stay here, I’m going back to work”, I say. 

I nod my head. 

She turns to walk away from me, but I hold onto her wrist and she turns to face me again. 

“I love you too, Basetsana.” I tell her. 

She gives me a look that I cannot understand. 

She pulls her hand from me. 

She pulls her dress down. 

It’s finally happening.

I take off my t-shirt and pull my shorts down. Then I carry her to my bedroom. That’s where my condoms are. 

We are kissing all over each other. 

I put her down on the bed. 

I get my condoms. 

I see her staring at my wall. Oh shit. She’s never been in here. I have an A0-sized photograph of her and my son on the wall. I love them being the last thing I see every night and the first thing I see every morning. 

“Keith –

I sit on the edge of my bed. I’m really horny. But I have to focus.

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just… I want you guys to be the last thing I see every night and the first thing I see every morning. You are my purpose.” I tell her. 

“Keith, why did you marry her? Why didn’t we end up together? I mean, since we were kids, our story was written in the stars.” 

I can’t even answer her. 

“I cried myself to sleep on your wedding day.” She tells me.

“I’m sorry, Bassie. I really am.” I tell her. 

I hear her sniffing and I see her wiping her tears.

“I’m going to sleep. Goodnight, Keith.” She says. 

She walks out of my bedroom. 

I find myself crying too. 

It’s morning before I know it and I don’t feel like going to the kitchen. I know she’s up because there’s noise of dishes and pots. My son sleeps in a lot, so he’s probably still fast asleep. 

I check my email. 

I see something from Noria. She’s asking me for a meeting before we meet with the lawyers. I just ignore it. 

I have to put on some big boy pants on and go face Bassie. 

I wear some pants then walk out topless. She saw me all the way naked yesterday. I saw her all the way naked too and she is looking like something I’d tap any day and any time. 

“Good morning”, I greet her.

She’s in shorts and a tank top. She looks really nice.

“Hey”, she says without looking at me. 

“You slept okay?” I ask her.

“I had to help myself after you had me all heated and didn’t finish”, she says and giggles. 

I laugh too since she opened that up for me. 

“I’m sorry. But to be fair, you left me”, I say.

She looks at me and laughs. 

“I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to-

“Bassie, please. Honestly, I’m glad we spoke about that. We needed to talk about it.” I say. 

“I just don’t want us to –

I pull her into a hug. She hugs me too. I kiss the top of her head. She is quite short. 

“I was also up all night looking for cheaper places we could stay in. I found a promising one. It’s a two-bedroom apartment in a place called Boksburg, in the Eastrand. It’s very affordable. It’s a quarter of what we are paying here”, she says. 

“You know we don’t have to do this right?” I say.

“I know. But I want to. When the time is right, we will have what we really want”, she says. 

I lift her head up towards my face. I kiss her. She kisses me back.

“I’ll go view the place today. If you are free, we can go together”, she says. 

“I’d love to go with you. But I have to meet with my lawyer. I trust your judgment.” 

She smiles at me.

“The lawyer is coming here. So you can use the car.” He says. 

“You sure?” She asks me. 

“I promise”, me. 

We kiss again. 

“Can we finish what we started last night?” Me. 

She laughs at me. 

Risuna cries. 

“Your turn, daddy”, she says. 

I laugh and go get my son.