Zelda

Since the lockdown started, I have been knocking off earlier to abide by the curfew rules. Mrs Msomi has just been on a war path. I’m in mourning, I cannot engage in conflict or find myself in the middle of heated arguments. It frustrates Mrs Msomi that sometimes, I’ll just look at her and not respond to her yelling. That woman can yell! And she is damn rude. 

Mthunzi fetches me every morning then takes me home every afternoon- as per instruction by Mrs Msomi. Sometimes, I can see it on his face that he gets annoyed with her because she has a way of treating him like one of her employees. 

I am in the cottage right now going through some paperwork that Mrs Msomi asked me to sort out for her. Puseletso is cleaning in here. She keeps looking at me as if there is something that she wants to say to me. But I am not entertaining her or Sonto. I cannot engage in conflict. I am in mourning. 

I left Mafikeng already arguing with people because people were already claiming my child’s clothes and gadgets. I am not even ready to deal with the fact that I have to give his things away and no one has the right to force me into doing that. I packed all of his things – every last belonging he had – and I brought it back home with me this side. I have put all his things in his room in my house and I keep the lamp on there so it never is dark. 

“Zelda”, Mrs Msomi walks in and says.
I look at her, acknowledging her presence. 
“I would like to ask you to please move into the house for the duration of this lockdown”, she says. 

My eyes widen. This is a disaster waiting to happen. I think she is trapping me. Maybe she has got wind of the fact that I am sleeping with her husband and now she wants us in the same house 24/7 to really catch us out. Is she out of her mind? I cannot move in here. 

“You will stay here in the cottage. I’ll only come in between nine a.m and six p.m as those are the working hours. Any time after that, I will not be here and I will respect your space”, she says. 

I do not think that this is a good idea. Did she run this past Mthunzi? What did he say? How did he even allow this to happen? 

“Zelda? Earth to Zelda”, Mrs Msomi says. 
“I’m sorry, Mrs Msomi. I just really need my space right now. I don’t think moving in here is a good idea right now. I need to feel close to my son and I can only do that when I am at home”, I say. 
She bites the side of her mouth as if wanting to hold back something she wants to say. 
Finally, she nods her head and leaves the cottage.

I take a deep breath and throw myself backwards on the chair that I am sitting on. A message comes through my phone, an i-message. It is Mthunzi. 
“You look beautiful“, the message reads. 
“Where are you?” I reply. 
“In my study. There are cameras in that cottage. Sindi installed them some time ago. That’s why I don’t come down there to see you“, his text reads. 
That bitch. 
“Then why does she want me to stay here?” My text. 
“She wants what?” Him.
“You read right” me. 
“What did you say?” Him.
“No.” Me. 
“Good. I’m staying over at your place tonight.” Him. 
“Okay. Plus, my seven days lapsed yesterday.” Me.

After burying my son, I had to abstain from sex and not eat meat for seven days. Mthunzi has been supportive about it and has definitely ensured that I am emotionally comforted. 

“What time do you knock off? I’m already packing my condoms.” Him. 
“LOL. We still have an entire day ahead of us. Calm down Mr Msomi.” Me. 
“I like it better when you call me Cakes.” Him. 
“LOL. Now you are exposing our bedroom names?” Me. 
“They are already making me hard.” Him. 
“Goodbye Cakes.” Me. 
“Goodbye baby.” Him. 

When I look up from my phone, Sindi’s HR manager, Lizelle, is standing in front of me. 
“Someone special?” She says to me as I wipe my smile off my face. 
I just shrug my shoulders. It’s none of her business. She sits down in the chair in front of me. 
“My sincere condolences to you and your family on your loss, Zelda”, she says. 
“Thank you”, I say. My tears are suddenly stuck in my throat. 
“How old was he?” She asks me. She is actually far more compassionate than Mrs Msomi. I suppose as an HR manager, it is part of her job to be this compassionate. 
“He was eight. I was preparing to bring him up here to live with me.” I say. 
She holds my hand. 
“I know it’s Covid, but I just had to. When I lost my child, I needed a hug.” She says. 
“You lost a child?” I enquire. 
“Yeah. He had leukemia. We spend a lot of money trying to save him, but in the end, God’s will prevailed.” She says. 
A tear races down my face. 
“How did you get through it?” I ask. 
“I had to realise that he didn’t belong to me. He may have come into being through me, but he belonged to God. That’s why God gives them free will, even when we try to force otherwise. God merely took back what belongs to Him. It was painful, I won’t lie. My marriage even ended because of it. I comfort myself in the fact that I was the best parent that I could be for him and he is no longer in pain. He is resting now”, she says. 

We share a long moment of silence, pressing onto each other’s hands. It’s as if we are praying for our late children. 

She finally breaks the silence and says, “Sindi tells me that she asked you to move in and just work from here all together and you refused?” 
“I am happy to travel to and from work. I am not exactly comfortable living and working here”, I say. 
She nods her head and says, “Sindi is in the process of applying and possibly winning a deal with the department of health. She will need you around here to assist with the kids and the work that will be done during these processes. Some of the work will require you to work after the curfew and business hours that have been set.” She says. 
“I am very happy with that and keen to do the work, but I can do it from home. If I start slacking, then I will move in. But for now, please let me be in my space. Besides, I love Mbali and Siya with all my heart, but right now, I can only give myself to them minimally.” I say. 
She nods her head and says, “I understand”. 
“Thank you”, me. 
“I will chat to Sindi. We will set up your new role expectations for the next few weeks and have you sign it before you go home today. I believe Mr Msomi is taking you back home?” She says. 
I nod my head. 
“Do you know who he is having an affair with?” She asks me. 
“Why would I know that?” I immediately go into defence mode. 
“I’m just wondering. He travels with you with the most, so maybe you may have seen something. Sindi is not taking this particular affair well. She has never cared before. But I think this time, she has honestly lost him. I think this is the one side piece she actually wants to get her hands on”, she says. 

I feel like this is a message for me. I get this weird feeling that they know it’s me – I am Mthunzi’s other woman. They just need proof then they will pounce on me. 

“I can’t help you because I don’t know. To be honest with you, I don’t care to know because this is none of my business. I have my own issues to worry about right now.” I say. 
She shrugs her shoulders and stands up.
“I’m here if you need to talk. All the best, Zelda”, she says. 

“Thank you. Take care”, I say. 

…

4pm strikes and I am on my way home. I left the house after saying goodbye to Mbali and Siya. Mthunzi and I are on our way to my place now. 

“How was your day?” I ask him. 
“Busy. We have so much to do and so many challenges to deal with. I hope you don’t mind that I will be dialled into meetings tonight. After 11pm though, I will come to collect on my promise.” He says this as he touches my thighs and smiles at me. 
I chuckle and say, “I don’t mind, Cakes. If you need anything, just shout. I’ll happily be your assistant if it will make your life a little better.” 
“You are the best. Thank you, baby”, him. 
A call comes through his phone and he answers it via his Bluetooth answeringoption.

He spends the rest of the drive on the phone and I just let him. I use this time to go through pictures of my son that are on my phone. A tear escapes my eyes. I need to heal, I just don’t know how. We arrive at my place (that Mthunzi has now put a fence and garage around) and open the electric gate. He drives in and I get out of the car. 

My TV room has also turned into a study of some sort. I have Wi-Fi, thanks to Mthunzi needing to work at times when he is here. I get dinner started and his calls move from his cellphone to his laptop.

I send him some food and tea, carefully putting it on the side coffee table next to the study desk. I leave and start taking a shower and when I am done, I wear lingerie. 
I lie on the bed and I just cry. I miss Mohavi so badly. I haven’t spoken to my mother since I left. We didn’t fight or anything. I think we just both need our space. I let Thabiso keep one of his photo albums. I don’t know why I did that because he does not deserve it. But I did. 
I get off the bed and wear a gown and doek, just to enter my little boy’s room respectfully. I just sit in here, surrounded by everything that used to belong to him and I let my heart out in my silent cries. 

I realise that I have been in here for three hours when Mthunzi walks in, takes off his shoes and sits next to me. We sit in silence for about thirty minutes. I just cry and he doesn’t stop me. He lets me cry. He lets me just feel all that I am feeling and is hoping that this is a step closer to my healing. I notice that everything inside of him wants to crash and sleep. He is exhausted. I don’t know how he is keeping his eyes open. But he sits in silence with me and mourns my son with me. 

After thirty minutes, we walk back to our bedroom. I take off the gown and he just smiles at me. I finally notice that he is fascinated with my outfit. I smile back at him. I walk towards him and he walks towards me. We meet each other half way and we just kiss. I undress him as we caress each other with kisses. Then, what happens next is something out of this world. He bends me over the bed and rips my lingerie off me. This is painful, but then he shoves his penis inside of me and he just pounds on me. Every stressful thing that has consumed him is released through each violent thrust he inserts inside of me. When he reaches his climax, he moans so loud, my neighbour probably heard him. I fall to the floor and feel my body heal. He goes into the bathroom and I hear the shower go off. I lift myself from the ground and clean myself up. 
I then lie in bed and just listen to my body respond to what just happened. 

He walks back into the bedroom naked. He throws himself on the bed, lying next to me. 
“Are you alright?” He asks me. 
I don’t say anything. I’m also not sure how I feel. 
“I’m sorry for what I just did to you”, he says. 

I want to change this subject. If we talk about this any longer, he will have me feeling as if I have been raped. 

“What if your wife is tracking your car?” This is the distraction question that I come up with. 
He looks at me, concerned.
“I’m serious. She asked me if I know who you are having an affair with. Lizelleasked me the same question today. I think she is worried and this time, she wants to know who you are with.” I say. 
His body tenses. 
“Mthunzi, I love you. I am in love with you. What I feel for you is not something that should hurt anyone. I want to be with you because we make each other happy. I don’t want to be attacked or find myself in a spin off against your wife, verbally and physically fighting over you… taking what we share and bastardising it into nothing more than just a sexual affair”, I say. 
He looks at me. He brushes my cheek. 
“I love you too. I just cannot divorce her right now.” He says. 
“I’m not asking you to divorce her. I’m just asking you to be more aware. I don’t want her to find out about us neither. It will not end well.” I say. 
He takes a deep breath. 

As we say our goodnights to one another at 1am, I get a text message from Sindi. It reads, “Can we meet tomorrow at 9am. I will ask Mr Msomi and make sure that fetches you and brings you here on time.“
I reply, after showing it to Mthunzi, and say, “No problem. See you tomorrow morning.”