Zee has been making us study at this club most afternoons. It is not as bad as it sounds. This office that we work in is extremely quiet and we really do get a lot done. Zithulele is very focused and I find it unbelievably sexy. Stats is his strong point so he helps me through the stuff that I struggle with in stats. I am stronger with coding so I take him through his challenging areas in coding. I even teach coding in some of the programmes that the royal house has in place to teach young kids how to code. 

We have just finished studying and doing tutorials. We also put in hours doing research for our dissertations. Zithulele leaves to get lunch and I start making copies of my notes so I can share with him. I am using the club’s printing/copying machine. 

I am stapling the notes together when he walks in with braai vleis and pap. 

“Ah ah ah, Zithulele! My trainer is going to kill me.” I say. But the food looks so good.

“You have a trainer?” He asks me. He seems surprised. 

“I do. Can you see how thick these thighs are? I need to lose a few”, I say and giggle. 

“But I love them. Those thighs, that ass – stunning. Then somehow, you have a flat tummy. You are perfect”, he says.

“Thank my trainer. And if you keep feeding me pap and red meat, I’ll lose the flat tummy. Then you are really not allowed to dump me”, I say. 

He laughs aloud. I think he likes laughing because I don’t think I’m funny at all. 

“Your notes, sir”, I say as I hand him his notes. 

“Thank you, my lady”, he says. 

We make our way to the bar and he mixes me a cocktail then gets himself a beer. I open the food packs and we dig in. 

“How do you stay so toned when you eat like this and drink so much beer?” I ask him.

“Are you saying that I’m hot?” Him.

I blush. He giggles. I think he enjoys making me feel uncomfortable. 

“I have a lot of sex and I never miss a day of gym unless its rest day”, he says.

My eyes are wide open at the “have a lot of sex” part. 

He laughs aloud and when he calms down he says, “Man, you make it too easy”. And laughs again. 

“What do you do for fun?” He asks me. 

“Well, I sleep.” I say. We both laugh.

“I go shopping, or window shopping at least. I walk in town and remind myself of all the things that I’ll have and the things that I’ll do for my parents and my brothers when I have money.” I say.

“That’s not fun though. That’s you keeping yourself motivated.” He says. 

I am silent. 

“What kind of things would you do for fun if you had the time and the money?” He asks me. 

I think about it for a moment or two, then I say, “I’d go to the spa and spend the day there being pampered.” I say. 

He laughs. “Again, that’s not fun. What about quad biking? Bungee jumping? Camping? Watching movies? Going to a theme park?” 

“I watch movies on my laptop over weekends. The other stuff sounds dangerous”. I say. 

He chuckles and shakes his head. 

“What do you do for fun?” I ask him.

“I party and have a lot of sex.” He says. 

“You have way too much sex”, I say. 

“I have an appetite. I can’t wait until I share it with you”, he says. 

I blush. He giggles. Like I said, he enjoys making me feel uncomfortable. 

“Why did you and your family relocate to Tholoana Kingdom?” I ask him. He brushes it off with a joke then says, “Tell me about your family”. 

“You are going to have to tell me about your family at some point, Zee. Especially if I’m going to be your girlfriend for a long time”. 

I want him to know that I know what he is doing. Then I tell him about my family.

“Mama works as a domestic servant at the royal house. She is a strong and hardworking woman. She’s actually my best friend. There’s absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for her. My dad… he can be amazing and a horror movie. He used to drink a lot then come home drunk and be abusive. He would chase mama and me down the street with a sjambok when we refused to leave the house so he could sleep with his shebeen girlfriend of the night in our home. I think that’s why mama wanted me to get out the house when she left to work for the royal house. She was scared that something would happen to me on one of my dad’s drunk days, so I’ve stayed at school since the age of sixteen and visit her during weekends at her cottage in the royal accommodation. We made it work and the king has always been generous enough to pay for my education. He paid for boarding school and university through his scholarships and bursaries. Then I have two brothers: Reitumetsi and Atisang. Reitumetsi is a lot like you. He takes nothing seriously. But, unlike you, utsaba s’kolo. He wants to make money fast. He dropped out of school, got a rich girlfriend and now we can’t recognize who he is anymore. This girl has changed him for the worst and I’ll always not like her for that. Atisang is the quiet one of us three. Sometimes, I think he is dealing with a trauma that he has never spoken to us about. He just lives, nje. Nothing matters to him. He always says that if he won the lotto, he would go live on an island and make sure we forget he ever existed. I worry about him the most. He’s also not open, so it’s difficult to reach out to someone like that.” 

He holds my hand. 

“You’ve been through a lot. You deal with a lot. I think you underestimate just how strong you are.” He says. 

A tear races down my face. 

“You know, I work hard because I want better for my family. I want to see mama rest. I want spa dates with her where we are pampered all day – mostly her because she works so hard and nobody takes care of her, you know. I want to give Reitumetsi options. I want him to get married for love and be able to provide for his family the way that a man should. I don’t want him to feel worthless and bow down to whatever his girlfriend puts him through just so he could have stuff that he wants. I don’t want him to be her bitch. It hurts me that he is becoming just that. I want Atisang to get professional help with whatever he is dealing with. I don’t want him feeling like he is just taking up air in our lives. We love him. And I need him to know that. And my dad, I want our financial stance to stop stressing him out and putting him under the influence of alcohol that will one day drive him to kill us.” 

“You putting way too much pressure on yourself, Tlali. Their lives are not your responsibility.” He says. 

“Then why do I feel so responsible for them? I found Atisang twice, trying to commit suicide. The journey of finding a knife and getting a chair to stand on so I could cut the rope he hung on haunts me every day. Then I had to sit with him in my arms and let him cry. Then he made me promise not to tell anyone. What if he tries it and I’m not there? Then nobody finds him and he dies? You know, sometimes I feel like when he talks about going to an island and making us forget about him – I feel like he’s talking about dying.” 

He jumps off his chair and he pulls me off mine. He holds me in his arms and I feel so safe. His chin rests on the top of my head and his arms soothe me. I fall apart. It’s as if I needed to get a lot off my chest and I’m just letting it all out in this man’s arms. 

There is a knock on the door then the door opens. He tells the person he is coming. The person leaves. He doesn’t stop holding me. When I am done crying, I look at him and say, “thank you.” 

He wipes my tears with his hands and kisses my cheek. 

“You can attend to business. I don’t want to distract you. I need to call my mom and ask what she needs me to get for this weekend.” I say.

“This weekend?” Him.

“My brother is paying lobola for his girlfriend”, I say. 

“Okay. Let my mother-in-law know that we will pick her up on Friday, go to town and get everything you need, then I’ll take you guys home.” He says.

“You don’t have to do that.” Me. 

“I want to. Please allow me to. Ngiyakucela.” Him. 

I smile at him. He smiles at me. 

“I’m not your girlfriend”, I say. 

He laughs aloud and leaves the office. 

…

The first date

We are at one of these restaurants that the queen owns. It’s a beautiful restaurant. It is small and intimate. It is the kind of place you come to for celebrations of events that are sincerely close to your heart and actually mark something significant in your life. 

“You look beautiful”, Zee says to me. 

He said he’s brought me here to apologise for standing me up and I can consider this to be our first date. I went to Legit to get myself a cute dress and as usual, Legit did not disappoint. I am wearing a cute yellow dress that falls off my shoulder on one side. I have put it together with black block heel sandals and I’ve tied my braids up into a top bun. I have made the make-up turn me into a model – as always and my faux gold neck piece and studs have sealed the look. I know I look beautiful. And he looks handsome too. He is wearing black jeans, a simple crisp white t-shirt and Jordan sneakers. Those blinging earrings in his ears make him a sight for sore eyes indeed. 

“Thank you for bringing me here. This place is really nice.” I tell him. 

“Only the best for you, beautiful lady.” He says. 

The waiter comes to our table to take our orders then leaves to let us be. So naturally, we talk. 

“So tell me, if I were to take you home after this and ask to spend one hour with you before I head back home, what would you have us do?” He asks me. 

“We not having sex tonight, Zithulele.” 

He laughs. I just smile. 

“I’d get you to help me prepare for my tutoring lesson tomorrow.” I say. 

“You tutor?” 

“Yeah, at the royal house. The queen has this programme that she runs for girls in no-fee high schools. Those schools don’t really have much and her aim is to have them exposed to computers and skills for the future. I tutor coding.” I explain. 

“Wow. You are quite the different one, aren’t you?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, people your age are more focused on their own success and are always running towards the destination they want to end up at. You find time to bring everyone on the journey – giving of your time and knowledge to girls who will probably never remember you. The queen does these things because well, she’s the queen and she has to look after her people. What’s your reason for doing these kinds of things?” 

I look at him as I ponder on what he has just said. 

“Well, when people like the queen use their platform to help people who are in a bad place in life, or come from a bad place in life like me, I honour that. If the royal house was not so kind to me to have paid for my education, where would I be? I’d be another domestic worker in some city house of Tholoana Kingdom. The government may have its flaws and agendas for being nice to people who need them to be nice. But regardless of their intentions, their actions put us in a better place. I’m in a better place. So why not share that with people who, like me, are trying to get out of poverty and never go back?” 

He nods his head at me as if agreeing with me.

“I heard she wants to open a school.” He says. 

“It’s still a conversation. But I think it’s a good idea. It’s supposed to be a school that will bridge the extreme poverty and the extreme wealth, putting an equal platform and providing opportunities for everyone – rich or poor alike – to have a chance at being something other than their circumstances.” 

“And you believe in that dream?” 

“I do. The queen’s heart is in the right place. No matter the flaws of the government, she really means well when it comes to her people. I also value that Onaleruna married Regodise and not Thato. Regodise ke motho and she understands what this country needs – she is not removed from the other side of wealth. She and the queen will do great things for this country.” 

“Are you familiar with Regodise?” 

“We know each other in passing, but we are not friends or anything like that. However, since she and Ona have pulled us into their drama and I have seen their baby on a screen, I think it is safe to say that we are familiar.”

We both laugh. 

“She put my name forward to take over her job as a sub-warden at her res. She is so thoughtful”, I tell him. 

“So, you are moving?” 

“I need the money. So yeah. I am being interviewed next week, so if I am successful, I’ll move. I’ll just have to sneak you in and out. It’s not like the postgraduate res.” 

He is not happy with this. I giggle. He notices and shakes his head.

Our food arrives and we dig in. 

“So what are your interests? Where do you see yourself after we graduate?” I ask him. 

“I’m into business and making money. I love money. I respect money. And I work hard to make sure that I never lack for it. I want to be able to take care of my family and build generational wealth for my children so that they don’t have to suffer the way that I did just to be financially comfortable.” 

“How did you suffer, exactly?” I ask him. 

He eats his food and does not answer my question. Okay. 

“Legoa.” A man says to Zee as we eat, interrupting our moment. They shake hands. It’s one of the Mohale twins. Oh well, the other twin is here too. And they are here with two women. One of them is Regodise and the other is a woman I have seen on social media forever posting the other twin. Her name is Fikile Mbatha. 

“Sho. You good?” Zee. 

“Yeah. You?” The twin. These twins are identical. I haven’t yet discovered how we tell them apart. 

“Hey. It’s so good to see you.” Regodise says to me. 

Now that these guys are all chatting about – which is rather rude considering that Zee and I are on a date – I stand up and chat to Dise. 

“It’s great to see you too.”

“Do you hang out with these guys often?” She asks me. 

“Nope, just the one who claims that he is my boyfriend.” 

“Isn’t he your boyfriend?” She asks me, chuckling. 

“He is, but I’ll never confirm it to him. He must keep courting me until I’m tired of him.” 

Regodise and I laugh aloud at this statement. 

Fikile leaves us and settles at some table set up for four. They must have reservations. 

“Well, you must hang out with us more often. Our men are quite close and I don’t think Fikile likes me much”, Dise says and we both burst into laughter again. 

“You are carrying that baby very well.” I tell her. 

“Thank you so much”, she says. 

We were all shocked when we heard that Ona impregnated a village girl from Mohase. We all thought crazy Thato was going to kill this poor girl, but now she won. They must name their child “the one who conquered”. 

“Plans after your evening with the lovely lady?” I hear one of the twins ask Zee as Dise and I chat. Now our focus is on their conversation. 

“I’ll probably drop her off at home then call it a night.” Zee says. 

“We are working this evening, so we got a house where we will be staying until Sunday. Join us. The pretty lady will spend the night at the royal house with Fiks and Dise. I know she’s doing work for my mom tomorrow.” 

Zee looks at me. 

“No thanks. I’ll stay at my place tonight.” 

“Come on. We will have so much fun together. Please. I insist.”

I look at Zee. Everyone is looking at me now. 

“You can’t say no to a pregnant woman. Your eye will be weird.” She says and I laugh then agree to the request. 

We all chat a bit more then they finally leave our table.

What work is he doing with these two grown and spoiled rascals? 

Zee and I eat up our meals, he pays the bill plus a tip, and then we leave the restaurant. Zee is actually a gentleman. He opens the door for me and all those beautiful gestures. It is a bit chilli, so he throws his blazer jacket over my shoulders. I smile at him. I like him. I really do. 

My place is not far from this place so we are there in no time. Zee comes out of his car and leans against it. I stand in front of him, his blazer jacket over my shoulders. He smiles at me. 

“Come here.” He says, opening his arms towards me.

I walk closer to him and he wraps his arms around me. I turn around and my back is against his front. His arms are wrapped around my waist. This is very cute. 

“Thanks for tonight.” I say. 

“You are most welcome.” He says. 

“Tell me, what work do you do with the Mohale twins, legoa?” I ask. I am curious. 

He breathes heavily. 

“It’s just some part-time work that I do to pay my bills and stay in school.” He says. 

“But you work at the club. Does that not pay you enough?” 

“Not really. And besides, is there such a thing as enough pay?” 

“Those rascals are trouble makers. I hope I won’t ever have to come visit you in jail one day. Because I will move on, find someone else and be with them.” 

He laughs. 

“I’m serious.”

“But you’ll be my wife.” 

This wife thing again. 

“But I’d still be human. Humans have needs. Needs you won’t be able to satisfy from prison.” 

He laughs. 

His cellphone rings. He lets loose from my body and I take this opportunity to get my handbag out of the car. His phone call is brief. When he is done, he tells me that he has to leave. The Mohale twins are waiting for him. 

I tell him that I will literally pack an overnight bag within five minutes. He comes in with me and watches me pack my bag and toiletries. What does one pack to sleep over at the royal house? I quickly change into a comfortable tracksuit and within minutes, we are leaving for the royal house. 

“You came!” Regodise is so excited to see me. 

“I didn’t want nasty eye things for saying no to a pregnant woman”, I say and everyone laughs. 

“We will take care of each other. Don’t worry.” She says to Zee. 

Zee smiles at her then he kisses me goodbye on my forehead. 

“Take care of yourself out there, okay?” I say as I hug him. 

“I will.” He says as he squeezes me.

We share our first kiss. It is perfect. The stars – and all these people watching us – are our witnesses. The moon is smiling upon us. He is just so…

“Goodnight beautiful lady.” 

Goodnight, handsome.” 

… 

My students are excited today. We work through our two-hour lesson very well. I think these kinds of lessons are extremely exciting for them because they get to escape from whatever their homes remind them of. Being here reminds them that they have something to look forward to when they get out of poverty. I love their energy, a lot. 

There is this one group of girls that I like. They go to the high school that is in my neighbourhood. I would have went to that school if I didn’t get the scholarship from the royal house to attend the model c school that I attended. This group is a group of smart girls. Their names are Marlena (she is the beauty and brains), Precious (the spectacle-nerd and brains) and Liopelo (the loudmouth and brains). Their team work is incredible and they study effectively together. They ask the most questions and usually walk away on top of their game. They make me laugh a lot. 

I go to my mom’s cottage after my class. She is still working inside the royal house, so I throw myself on her bed and watch some TV. The servant quarters here are really nice. I don’t know why mama comes home as often as she does when she lives this comfortably here. 

I scroll through my messages with Zee, smiling and giggling at our conversations. I miss him already. I wonder when he will be coming back from that work weekend of his with the Mohale twins. 

I send him a text. He will probably get it when he switches his phone on again. 

“I miss you. Call me when you get back.” 

Mama walks in. 

“Your class is finished?” She asks me. 

“Yes. I was waiting for you. How are you?” 

“I’m fine. My feet just hurt.” She says. 

We catch up on chats and gossip – mostly about Tumi’s fiancé – while I soak her feet, massage them for her, then cut her toe nails. Seeing that Zee is not coming back today, I decide to sleep over. 

I hear a loud noise outside in the middle of the house. I roll out of bed, careful not to wake my mom up. I peep out of the window. I see the Mohale twins and Zee talking to king Mohato and Shaka Maphumulo. 

What work does this guy do with these people? These are extremely powerful criminals.

“Do you love her?” Nothile asks me. 

“I do.” I tell her. 

She nods her head. 

“I never thought you’d ever move on from Buhle. You loved her too.”

She looks like she wants to cry.

“Look, Buhle was someone I did believe that I would spend the rest of my life with. But I didn’t feel for her what I feel for Tlali. Tlali is not just the woman I plan to sleep with and have kids with. She gives me options. With her, I can be a man and still be a human being who is allowed to want what he wants and not feel bad about it. When I’m with Tlali, I don’t feel as if my sole purpose is just to provide for her. Her energy of being unapologetic about wanting success and wanting to love effortlessly feeds off me and we just…. Nothile, we are it. I love her. I want her. Every day. Every moment.” 

Nothile nods her head. 

“I dreamed about mom yesterday. She was smiling at me.” Nothile says. 

She believes in dreams. Apparently she has a gift of connecting with people who have passed through her dreams. So when she dreams, we all listen. Since our parents passed away, we believe that they are now our guardian angels who speak to us through her.

“We were at a funeral – hers and dad’s funeral. Everyone was sad and crying, then she was just smiling at me.” Nothile continues. 

We never got a chance to have an actual funeral for our parents. I remember going back to what used to be our home a week after those protests and we found stuff. We got some forensic people to help us identify their bones at least, and possibly bury them. That’s what we buried in that yard before we turned our backs on it and came to Tholoana Kingdom. It’s interesting that Nothile dreams about burying them. 

“Mama called me to walk towards her and I did. She looked at me and asked me to tell you that you need to open your heart again. She told me that the one you’ve found is not a mistake. You have no reason to be afraid or doubt your gut.” 

I look at her. She looks at me. 

“Thule, I think you’ve found the one.” Nothile says. 

I don’t know what to say. 

“Take care of her, okay?” Nothile says to me. 

“I will.” I promise. 

As I hug her, she flinches. 

And now? 

“Are you okay?” I ask her. 

“Yeah. I overdid it at the gym and my body still hates me.” She says. 

“But you hate the gym”. I say. 

She looks like she’s thinking on her toes. I really hope that bastard of hers is not hitting her. 

“Don’t lie to me, Nothile. What’s going on?”

Her tears pour from her eyes. 

“Is he putting his hands on you?” I ask her. 

“He always has. But mom always said that every relationship had its challenges and if I taught myself to leave every time something I didn’t like happened, I’d never have a relationship. Zama also says that if I divorce, I’ll receive a bigger hell. Apparently there’s no rainbow out there. Every relationship has its shit.” 

I actually cannot believe my ears right now. 

“Nothile, are you listening to yourself right now?” 

“I am Thule. Please don’t tell Phendu and Jabu.” 

On que, this motherfucker walks into the house. Nothile jumps and looks at me as if I should get going now. We’ve done nothing wrong! We are siblings sitting in her kitchen and having a conversation. 

“Thule. I didn’t know you were visiting.” He says. He doesn’t even say hello to his wife. 

“I didn’t know I needed permission to visit my sister.” I say. 

Nothile looks like she wants to cry. Now I’m definitely not leaving her alone with this man of hers. He looks at her as if he is expecting her to restrain me.

“So Nothile, you are going to let your brother talk to me like that?” 

“She’s already let you beat her up so I don’t know why or how you are still shocked about what she does and doesn’t allow.” 

“My marriage to my wife is none of your business, Zithulele.” 

“You beating up my sister is my business.”

“Thule, please.” Nothile begs me. 

When did Nothile become this person? I legitimately don’t understand. 

“Yaz, this family is ungrateful!” He says. 

No, today I’m being tested. Stru. 

“Ungrateful?” I ask him, taking warning steps towards him now. 

“Yes! Ungrateful!” He says as he puts his cellphone and wallet down, emptying his keys out of his pockets and putting them on the table next to him. He too is taking warning steps towards me. 

“I fled a country of my birth, leaving behind my family, my friends and my life because the community was done with your family and their criminal ways. I didn’t complain. I fled with you, running after a woman when it’s actually my lobola that should guarantee that she’d do the running after me. Now we are stuck in this shit kingdom with clearly no plans of going back and this is the thanks you give me?” 

“You can always fuck off if you want to fuck off. No one is forcing you to stay. You ran with us, chasing the money we had in each bag that our parents gave to us to run with. Now that it’s spent and it’s time for you to go work like every other man should, you want to beat up my sister?” 

He punches me. I hit him back and we have a full fist fight. Nothile is screaming and trying to stop us, but I’m not leaving here until this man at least leaves at the back of an ambulance. Fuck him! 

He is on the floor.

He is not moving. 

He is covered in blood. 

I don’t care. 

I take out my gun and point it at him. 

I look at Nothile. 

“Kill him”, she says. 

I pump three bullets in his head.

It is 2am and I am fast asleep when I hear a knock on my door. I honestly thought that I was dreaming, but the persistence has me on my feet now. My journey to the door is filled with questions of why security let anyone past the gate without my permission. I need to start complaining about security, honestly.

I open the door. Zithulele is at my door drunk and hurt. I don’t know if I should be pissed or happy to see him. I step aside and let him walk in. He gives me his wallet, car keys and cellphone then runs for the toilet. I lock his car. His stuff is full of blood. I check if the car is dented. Maybe he was in an accident. No sign of dents. I walk back into my room and lock the door. He is vomiting now in the toilet. 

I put his stuff on my study desk. I make my way to the bathroom where he is vomiting. I open water to run in the bathtub. I put in Savlon in the water. When he is done vomiting, he undresses himself and gets into the bathtub. I see him naked for the first time. I am uncomfortable, but he seems unfazed. 

I kneel down and start bathing him. I just run the water over him. He just sits there and lets me run the water over him. 

None of his cuts are deep so I clean them quite easily. When I am done, I give him a towel. He accepts it. I take his clothes and put them in the washing machine. I get the machine started then I dish up the food that I had cooked myself for dinner. I pack a plate with fried chicken, fried potato slices and salad. Some greasy food will do wonders for his current drunk state. He comes out with a towel wrapped around his lower body. He is so delicious. I warm the food then serve it to him. He eats in silence. It is now almost 4am. I sit at the table with him and have a glass of juice. 

“You feeling better?” I ask him. 

“Yeah, I am. I just had a rough night. Thanks for letting me come in here and taking care of me. I appreciate it.” He says. 

I nod my head. He takes his plate to the sink and does not wash it. 

He throws himself on my 3/4 bed. I guess we should just lie together in this bed. 

He sleeps naked. I still have my sleeping shorts and sleeping vest on. I get into bed and he wraps me in his arms. I feel safe, loved. I like this. It is nice. He is so horny. 

“Sorry”, he says. 

His penis does not go unnoticed. 

“Okay”, I say. What else can I say? 

“Baby, I want you. I really do. But when I have you, I want to be the best you’ve ever had”, he says. 

“You’d be the only one I’ve ever had”, I say. 

He chuckles. 

“Moringa, please don’t tell me you are a virgin”, he says. 

I am quiet.

“I’m going to fucken marry you and make sure I am the only one you will ever have”, he says. 

I chuckle and say, “Go to sleep, dude”. 

…

“Baby”, I hear him say. He is shaking me. 

“Hmmmmmm”, me.

“It is midday, baby. Let’s wake up”, he says. I roll over and face him. Our faces are facing each other. We look at each other. 

“You are so beautiful”, he says. 

I smile at him. 

I climb out of bed and hang his clothes on my balcony. 

I shower while he does the bed. How nice of him. He is still walking around here naked. I don’t understand this guy, honestly. 

When I step out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, he is on his phone and chilling on the bed. He steps into the shower and I quickly lotion myself and get dressed. I get brunch started. By the time he is done showering and lotioning himself with my stuff, I am done dishing up. 

We eat then I tell him we need to get started on our essays. And we do yaz, no protests. 

He got his laptop out of his boot and settled on the bed. I settled on the floor, sitting on top of a pillow. Mood music was playing in the background and we just worked. We gave our work a full five hours. 

We got hungry at 5pm then decided to stop. I offered to cook, so he insisted on going to get snacks and we have a movie night to reward ourselves. His clothes are dry now so he is not running around naked. 

Catherine and Debra barge into my place as I am proof-reading my essay. I need to start complaining about security. They just let anyone and everyone in. The food I have cooked smells good. Now I’ll be forced to offer them a plate. Modimo!

“Tlali, do you not want to be our friend anymore?” Catherine says. I put my laptop down and stand up to talk to them. 

“I’m busy, Cath”, me. 

“Yes we get that. Postgrad is not easy. But you don’t even have five minutes to return our calls or messages? One hour to catch up with us and check up on how we are doing? Us, your friends.” Debra. 

I honestly don’t know what to say. So I say nothing. 

“Its fine Tlali, we get it. We also came here to tell you that we don’t want to be friends with you anymore. You are not someone that we wish to be friends with.” Catherine says. 

Zithulele walks in mid-speech. Now I’m not listening to what Catherine is saying. I am looking at how good he is looking. He has changed his clothes and looks like something I’d definitely enjoy. He puts plastic bags of groceries and snacks on the study table, coffee table and kitchen counter. He has a backpack on his back which I assume is an overnight bag. He puts it in the cupboard then leans against the wall looking at the scene before him. He directs my attention to Cath and Dee using his eyes and slightly chuckling. 

Cath and Dee are now looking at me and not saying anything. They turn around and notice my attention is on Zee.

“Excuse me? Do you mind? This is a private conversation.” Catherine.

“Okay, that’s where this bus stops. You are not going to come into my place and disrespect my man”, I say. I don’t even know where that came from. Zithulele seems chuffed with himself. 

“Your man?” Debra. 

“Yes, my man. You’ve said what you needed to say. We are not friends anymore. I’m a shitperson. I’ve heard it all. Now, please leave”, me. 

Zithulele seems very proud of me. 

Catherine and Debra are so done with me it’s not even funny. They march out of my place and slam the door. 

“So, your man huh?” Zithulele says, walking towards me giving me a very sly look. 

I smile. 

He wraps me in his arms and lands his hands on my ass…

I throw my arms around his neck and smile up at him. He is quite taller than me, but he is so sexy.

We kiss. 

It is a succulent kiss. 

I jump onto his waist and he catches me. He pushes me against a wall and leads his hands onto my boobs. 

I start feeling uncomfortable. 

“Relax baby, we not going to have sex. I just want to kiss you. I promise. I don’t even have condoms.” He whispers.

I relax. 

In that case, I unbutton his shirt too. My back is still balanced against the wall, his upper body pressing against me. He takes off my t-shirt and I take off his shirt. He is horny. I am getting horny.

I slide down the wall, still kissing him. I unbutton his pants. 

His breathing gets heavier. 

My hands are rubbing against his penis and he looks at me.

“Baby, you killing me” he says.

“I’m just exploring you. No sex”, I say. 

This I’ve done before, so it’s okay. I know I give good hand jobs. 

“Can I explore you?” He asks me. 

I nod my head.

He lifts my skirt. I’m not wearing underwear. He is further weakened. He slides his finger inside of me. 

I start moaning.

I keep the hand job going and he breathes heavily down my neck. My knees are collapsing. He sits on the edge of the bed and locates me to sit on his lap. I do just that. He keeps the finger inside, alternating between one and two fingers. I moan and he moans at the job I’m giving him. 

Suddenly, he pushes me off his lap and all his cum lands on my hand. He breathes heavily and looks at me. I smile at him. 

He shakes his head, smiling too. 

I run to the toilet and wash my hands. I clean myself too now that I notice I also have vaginal juices running down my legs. 

When I make it back into the room, he is lying on the bed. I lie on top of him. 

He just kisses my forehead and we lie still, together.

…

“I’m pregnant, Ngono-Mathabo. It worked.” 

“Good girl. Now, you must stop seeing Thapelo. I told you that you must only see him and sleep with him when you are ovulating. You are not supposed to have a full on relationship with him. You’ll complicate this.” 

“Well mme, he’s a very nice guy and – 

“Sies! He’s old enough to be your father! Don’t be a whore wena ngwana! Do you know what Kearabetsoe will do to you if she even finds out that you are not carrying Khotso’s child? If you carry on seeing Thapelo and someone finds out, you will die. Onaleruna and Kearabetsoe would never let you get away with something like this. Now pull yourself together! You wanted to get pregnant and now you are. Khotso doesn’t need to know that he is unable to produce kids. You’ve respected him far much more than what Kearabetsoe ever respected Mohato. Don’t make me regret this.” 

“Ngono, we might have a problem.” 

“What is it?” 

“Khotso and I… we generally use condoms. I can count on one hand the amount of times that we’ve had unprotected sex. What if he questions the paternity of this child?” 

“Fikile, I’m not going to help you with everything. You first want me to help you get pregnant and now I must help you manage a man that you are sleeping with? If you are not smart enough to manage the man that you are sleeping with, then you definitely do not deserve this marriage that you are so desperate for!” 

“But ngono – 

“Dumelang“, Regodise greets us. I hope she heard nothing. I sincerely hope that she heard absolutely nothing. 

“Makoti. How are you?” Ngono-Mathabo says with a smile on her face.

“I’m feeling a bit under the weather. I came back home to get some rest… I’ll probably work on my dissertation from home. I heard voices, so I thought I’d come and say hello. I’ll excuse myself now.” Regodise innocently says. She heard! She heard the conversation. 

She walks out and I can just see that Ngono-Mathabo is as suspicious as I am of what Regodise possibly heard. 

I walk towards the direction that Regodise was headed in and Ngono-Mathabo says, “Don’t! You’ll confirm whatever her suspicions are. Delay telling Khotso about the pregnancy. Don’t do it tonight. Give it a few days and stay far away from Thabiso. His job is done here. Do you understand me?” 

I nod my head. 

… 

I’m at my flat and am packing a bag because Ona and Khotso are taking Regodise and I to some getaway for the next two days. Apparently it’s important that Regodise and I get along. I don’t like Regodise. I really don’t. And I hate that we are doing this with her and not Thato. If Thato were here, I’d tell her about this pregnancy and she would know how to help me sell it to Khotso. 

A knock on my door disturbs my packing. 

I get the door and the ever handsome Thabiso – aka my original baby daddy – is here. I smile at him. He is so handsome. He has the legendary Mohale charming genes. He has these dimples that make him both mature and everlastingly amazing. He smells amazing. There was nothing dutiful about how we made our bundle of joy and let me tell you something, if he were the Mohale person I chose, I’d be his fourth wife by now. Ja, he has three wives. And I don’t blame them for wanting to share him. Khotso made me wait all these years to marry me then instead of doing the right thing, he stalls all the way to the altar – 

We are already in my bed and having crazy sex. He handles me like a real woman. He really does. And he is sooo…. 

We lie in bed now and we are chatting about. 

“Mathabo wants us to stop seeing each other”, I tell him. 

“She gets like that. She thinks that we are just a business deal. We are not. We actually have something special here.” 

“I hear you. But I don’t want to hurt Khotso. His mother would murder me.” 

“Kea must let those boys grow out of her skirt and maybe this is the rude awakening that Khotso needs to grow some balls and learn how to be a man – especially for his woman. You are too beautiful to have a man like that hold you back. You have more than earned your ring and the child you are carrying. Imagine having to settle for less with a man that shoots blanks?” 

We both laugh at this. 

“I don’t want to stop seeing you”. 

“Then don’t”, him. 

I smile. 

I climb out of bed and tell him to take a shower with me. We do. 

He finally leaves and I clean up the house, making sure that there is no evidence of him around here. I finish up packing then make my way to my car so I can drive and meet up with the twins and Dise at the royal house. 

… 

Regodise and I are sitting at the back of Ona’s car while Ona and Khotso sit together in the front. Ona is driving. Regodise has on earphones and has her legs up. Her feet look slightly swollen. She must just give birth. She looks very tired. She has a pillow supporting her back and she rubs her belly as she listens to whatever it is that she is listening to. I put my own headsets on and just listen to music. Ona and Khotso look extremely desperate for this vacation to go well. They keep looking through the rear-view mirror to check up on us. Regodise’s eyes are closing as if she is going into some sleep now. I start chatting with my baby-daddy on WhatsApp. 

“Hey baby-daddy.”

“Hello beautiful. Are you bored with your trip already?” 

“Not really. We are still driving there and I miss you already.“

“Do you want me to fetch you? We’ll fake an emergency or something for you to get away…”

“Very tempting, but I think this weekend really means a lot to Khotso, so I’ll definitely stick it out.” 

“Okay baby. Well, I hope you don’t have too much fun so that you can hurry home. I’ll see you when you get back.” 

I put my phone away and not reply to his last text. Then I notice that Khotso has been staring at me all this time. It must be the smile on my face that gives away that I’m talking to someone that he should be worried about. 

Ona drives into some petrol station and parks the car outside of a wimpy. Ona steps out of the car and heads to wake his wife up. She removes her headsets and kisses Ona.

“Toilet stop?” Ona.

Dise smiles at him then climbs off the car. They walk to the restroom together. Now it’s just Khotso and I in the car. 

“Let me see your phone”, Khotso must be out of his damn mind. 

“Why?” 

“Let me see it!” Khotso barks at me.

“No.”

“No?”

“No! It’s my phone!” 

“Who are you talking to?”

“A friend”. 

“What friend?” 

I’m silent.

“You know that I can pull your phone records right now if I wanted to and get to the bottom of whatever nonsense is going on, right?” 

My body suddenly feels cold. He notices that I’m spooked. He giggles and says, “Don’t make me throw you out of a moving car, Fikile. Don’t test me!” 

With this, he climbs off the car and walks into the shop. I literally delete everything on my phone – all my apps and all my messages. Paranoia is becoming me right now and I’m suddenly scared that Khotso will find out. Shit! I instantly block Thapelo’s number as well. Oh my goodness… my stomach is in knots! 

All three of them walk back to the car laughing about. I don’t even know what they are laughing at, but it seems hilarious. They are extremely fond of Regodise. And Regodise is so basic… even her pregnancy wardrobe is basic, but she makes it look good. It’s a basic that only she can outdo. 

Regodise gives me snacks and an energy drink as she climbs in. I have to accept it because I cannot give away that I am with child as yet. She smiles at me as if she bought this on purpose to test whether or not I actually am pregnant. This cow! 

We are on the road again, and this time, there is actually conversation. 

Ona: “So baby, how many more babies are we going to make?” 

Regodise: “Can we just have this one, first? Please! I’m not exactly keen on looking like this again – this nose, these feet, the sex drive – 

We all burst into laughter at this. Dise is a bit embarrassed, but Ona is loving every moment of this. 

“But you look great, baby. Honestly, you are carrying that baby extremely well.” Ona says. 

Regodise: “We will let Fikile tell us about her experience when it’s her turn. For all we know, she and I could be pregnant buddies.” 

I’m going to push this whore down a staircase and kill that thing that she is carrying because it’s clearly giving her a big head. 

Khotso: “Fiks and I are definitely not having any babies any time soon.” 

Regodise: “I’m sure that’s what Ona said before he impregnated me and here we are”. 

They all laugh, but I’m not finding this conversation funny at all. 

Khotso: “Fiks and I are still using contraceptives, plus we are still using condoms. So nah –

Me: “But baby, I’m off contraceptives.” 

Ona coughs. Why is he coughing? Khotso is staring at me like I’ve just sworn at him. 

Khotso: “Why would you do that without talking to me about it?” 

Me: “But it can take up to two years to get pregnant after getting off contraceptives. I just didn’t want us to go through the waiting gamble when we are ready. Surely, two years from now we will be ready?” 

Khotso: “You will be ready. You would have ambushed me into it. Then I can’t say I don’t want a child. You’d sue me and call me names, yet you didn’t discuss having that child with me. So I must just take the cue from you because it’s your body?” 

Me: “Khotso, why are you- 

Khotso: “Thank God we still use condoms.” 

Now I’m silent. Regodise is STARING at me. 

Ona: “So you’ve never tapped raw?” 

Khotso: “Nah!”

Ona: “Ever?!”

Khotso: “Never!” 

I then say, “Baby, we’ve had sex drunk before, and we’ve- 

Khotso: “Fikile, we’ve never had raw sex before. Not even when we were drunk.” 

I then say, “Well, condoms are not a hundred percent – 

“Are you pregnant, Fikile?” Ona asks me. 

Khotso and Regodise look at me. 

“Well?” Khotso. 

I shake my head and say, “No, I’m not. I was just wondering.” 

“Are you going to drink that energy drink? I’d kill for one, but the baby – 

Regodise must just leave me alone. 

“I don’t need one. My energy is just fine!” 

… 

I have just finished showering and am lotioning myself. Khotso walks in and stares at me. 

“What?” I ask him. 

“You want to have a baby with me?” He asks me. 

“I want to have a baby with you and I want to marry you. You just don’t want any of those things with me and I don’t understand why. We’ve been together for five years, Khotso. FIVE YEARS! How are you still unsure about us? And why?” 

He takes a deep breath. He walks closer to me. He wraps his arms around me. 

“I’m sorry baby. I’m so sorry I make you feel this way. You know what, baby, we will do this. By the end of this year, we will be married and we would have started trying for our baby. Okay?” 

“You promise?” 

“I promise, baby. I love you.” 

I make my way to the kitchen when I wake up and not find Khotso lying in bed with me. I walk onto the patio and notice Regodise relaxing on the outdoor patio couch. She is listening to something through her headphones and her eyes are closed. Is she meditating or something? Her stomach is freakishly big this morning. It wasn’t this huge yesterday. How did it grow so much over night? And today the little bigger must be awake because that stomach has a life of its own today. It is actually interesting to watch. 

“Hey”, she says… catching me off guard. 

I smile at her. 

“Are you okay?” She asks me. 

I nod my head then say, “Where did the Tholoana Twins go?” 

“For a run, apparently.” She says as she rolls her eyes. 

We both giggle. 

I sit down on a couch next to her couch. She puts her headsets and iPad  next to her. 

“What are you listening to?” I ask her. I’m really curious. 

“An audio book. I love listening to the story because I never seem to find time to read the story. And spoil me with African literature any day”, she says.

“I should actually try that. That must be the secret to how all these people read so much.” I say. 

She rubs her belly then takes a deep breath. 

“It’s not Khotso’s”, I say. 

She looks at me with a look I cannot really read. 

“The baby, it’s-

“Fikile, you don’t need to say anything to me. Please.” She says. 

“Regodise, I didn’t cheat on him.” 

“You really don’t need to explain yourself to me.” 

“Ngono-Mathabo helped me. I had been trying to get pregnant and I was just not coming right. So she told me that- 

“Fikile, you were using condoms with your man. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps you needed to speak to him about wanting kids and the two of you actually seek help together?” 

“Don’t judge me, Regodise. Don’t do that.” 

“Then don’t tell me any of this. My loyalty is to my husband and my brother. Khotso is my brother. You giving me this information is just a clever way of you making sure it gets to Khotso, so the less I know, the better.” 

“Khotso can never find out about this. Ngono-Mathabo says- 

“Anything that’s linked to ngono-Mathabo is generally a recipe for disaster. I hope you know what you are doing, Fikile, because when Khotso finds out, you are going to have to answer to him, not Ngono-Mathabo.” 

“I can’t lose him, Regodise.”

“You are going to lose something. To keep this baby, you’ll have to lose him. To keep him, you’ll have to lose this baby.” 

“I want him to have something of his own. Ona has you, the baby and the throne. Khotso is just his plus one in this Mohale Twins story and I want him to have something that makes him an individual- something that is just his!” I say. 

“Well you or this baby are not just his because you’ve let another man interfere with that”. This just makes my soul mourn my baby already and it’s still inside of me.

“Do you actually enjoy this? Them being joined at the hip and not being able to sneeze without each other?” 

“I enjoy my husband having something that grounds him after going through so much! Those men watch their mother mourn for their father whom they’ll never meet. They are being raised and groomed by a father figure that murdered their father. How do you not become an animal carrying around all that trauma? They became criminals before they finished Hugh school. To know that there’s something they hold dear to their hearts and keeps them human means everything to me. The fact that they go out together in a battlefield and vow to not come back without each other makes me listen to audio books and relax when my husband is not next to me because I have peace of mind that he will come back to me! I would never kill his belief in something pure waiting to wash away what he faces everyday. It’s not as simple as them having their own things. So I do look forward to seeing them happy and seeing them love each other. What you’ve done is going to hurt both of them, not just Khotso. This mess that you’ve created is their mess, not just something that Khotso will have on his own as an individual!” 

She’s so emotional suddenly. She’s been here for five minutes. She’s not the main around here. Ona will cheat on her soon and she’ll be irrelevant with the ring while another woman has her man. 

She gets up and waddles her way back into the house. I’m left alone to sob my mistakes away on this patio.