“I’ve brought you some tea. Carol will bring your lunch in the next thirty minutes. I thought I’d bring you some tea before I went to take a nap”, I say to my new husband.

Yes, my new husband.
My family killed Tumelo. I lost my baby. Then the very next week, lobola was paid for me. The week after that, I was married off to this family… the Raborife family. I’m married to their only son, Bokang. He’s not royalty or anything. His family is just rich enough to be married to royalty. I live with him and his mother. His father passed away a month before he paid my lobola. 

“Thank you. It would be nice if you’d join me for a cup of tea. You’ve barely spent three minutes with me since you came into our family”, he says.
“You need to take that up with your mother. She has lists upon lists of all these tasks that I need to do.”
He laughs.
“Dula fatse hle. Kea kopa”, he says.
I just sit next to him.
“So, ujwang?” He asks me. 
“Ke shup. Ke tla reng?”
“I just want you to know that I don’t judge you”.
“Huh?”
“The husband who wasn’t really your husband. The baby that never saw life. While I’m sorry about all of it, I don’t judge you.”
“How do you know all of that?” I ask. 
“Your family was quite honest about it. That’s why I respect you, if I’m being honest.”
I actually cannot believe it. 
“Hey… I’m good. We are good. I promise”, he says.
Im just silent. I look at him. 
“How about we do lunch together today? We can go to Reahile”, he says. 
“I’d rather we didn’t go to Reahile”. 
“Royal Tau Hotel restaurant then?” 
I smile at him. 
“Wear whatever you like. You don’t need to wear that heavy shit that makes you look ten years older than what you are and further makes you look like you are about to sweep a yard then koropa stoep.” He says. 
I laugh then say, “Your mother gave these to me.” 
“Well, as your husband, I’m telling you to wear something out of your own bag that is totally you. And lose the doek. Please!” 
I laugh. 
“Okay?” He says, smiling at me.
“Okay”, I say smiling too then nodding my head too. 

I wish I could burn these damn clothes that Mrs Raborife gave to me. I hate these clothes. I hate them as much as I hate my family… except for my mother of course. She’s the only person I speak to everyday. She checks up on me everyday. She keeps asking if she can come over to see me, have lunch and just have us hangout. I keep telling her that I’m still studying my freedom in this house. Once I understand my freedom, she’s the first person I’m hanging out with. I don’t even like Ruri anymore. She betrayed me! Who would’ve thought that a stepmother would be the closest person to me in my worst time? Phuthi Mohale is the best decision that my father ever made. 

I take a shower. I even take off this damn doek and wash my cornrow lines. They are not completely old yet, but they are getting there shame. 
I lotion myself, put some oil on my lines, then I do my full face routine. I then put on some light makeup just to look and feel nice. I haven’t looked and felt this nice since – 

What to wear? What to wear? The weather is not kind today. It’s raining and it’s cold. My dad confiscated all my pants. He said if I decided to be a rebel and wear pants instead of dresses, I wouldn’t have the option to. But my mom bought me a new handbag. When I opened it the night of my wedding, it had brand new denim pants – four stylish and elegant pants. 
“How’s it going?” Bokang comes into my bedroom and asks me. I have my own bedroom and he has his own. I’m not sure what the reason for that is, but hey… we are in the times of Bridgerton.
“I just need to get dressed. Everything else is done”, I say. 
He stares at me long and hard.
“Keng?” 
“You look really nice”, he says.
I smile and say, “thank you”. 
“You are a beautiful woman MmeRaborife”, he says.
Now I blush.
“Something arrived for you downstairs”, he says.
“For me?”
“Yeah”, he says.
“Okay, e re ke apare then I’ll be right down.” I say.
“Sure. And you can wear whatever you want. We are not living in the times of Christ! I’ll personally burn that shit my mother made you wear. Wear pants if you want. I’m your husband. My word is bible”, he says.
I laugh then say, “I’ll do so. Thank you.”
“I’ll wait for you just outside the door”, he says.
I nod my head.
I wear a pair of blue jeans. I wear these with Loubiton heels. The hotel we are eating at has a “no open shoe” policy. So closed shoes are the prettiest in heels. I then wear a black bodysuit. I look nice! I wear a wig – but it’s a wig of braids… thin twist braids. 

I step out of the bedroom. I find him standing in the passage waiting for me, playing on his phone. He pauses what he’s doing then looks at me. 
“You like?” Me. 
“I love. But… how did you do braids so quickly? Didn’t you just have cornrows?” 
I actually laugh. He’s genuinely concerned shame. 
Then I say, “it’s a wig.” 
“There’s no way”. 
The way I’m in stitches. 
Confused as he is, we both make our way downstairs for my delivery. 

I sprint to my mother. She’s the first person that I see. She holds me super close and super tight. 
“You look so good. Unjani?” She says. 
I just stay glued to this hug. Plus she’s quite short, shorter than me even. 
We come out of our hug. Only now I realise that I’m emotional. I wish I could go home with her – only her. My dad can go somewhere else. 
“Hey girl”, Wandi says to me, coming for a hug. I hug her. Moloko joins the hug too. Melo is passed out on my dad’s shoulder. 
We have small chatter because I don’t want to have to say hi to my dad. 
But the awkward moment arrives. So I say, “Dumela papa”. 
“Hi. Ujwang?” He also seems like he doesn’t want to be here. My mom probably forced this. 
“I’m good. Wena?” 
“I’m alright. It’s good to see you.” He says.
“Likewise.” Him.
This is so awkward. 
“We didn’t want to keep you from your plans. We just brought your car in case you and Bokang would want to use it”, mom.
“Thank you so much”, I say. I didn’t expect this. My dad swore that he was going to give my car away. He knows I love my Range Rover. I’m glad my mother convinced him otherwise. 
“I’m sure you can stay for a cup of tea”, Bokang’s mother says. She’s such a STAN it’s actually embarrassing. 
“Rea leboha hle, but we really need to go.” Mom.
“Next time then”, the mom. 
We say goodbye to each other then my family leaves. 

“What are you wearing?” The mother asks me. Oh, I’m not wearing that heavy shit she gave me and told me to wear. It’s interesting how she waited for my family to leave before she got a stomach ache about my outfit. 
“An outfit. And a very nice one”, Bokang says. 
“Bokang!”
“Mom, this is my wife. As her husband, I don’t like any of that rubbish you gave to her. I prefer her like this.” 
“She’s a wife… not some girlfriend who’s still fishing for commitment”, the mom. 
“Mah!” Bokang snaps. 
“Keng?!”
“Don’t annoy me! Lefatselabarena is MY wife! As her husband, I’m saying she can wear whatever she wants. If you have a problem, you can leave!” 
Silence. 
“That’s right! Papa left me everything! And all accounts you still have access to is for as long as you stay unmarried and live in my house. Papa made that clear! So don’t annoy me and don’t upset my wife. I’ll end all this expensive lifestyle for you in a heartbeat.” 
This is actually a lot. 
It’s interesting to know that it’s not just my family that has drama for days. 
“Baby, let’s go”. He says to me. 
I follow him out – though I do wish to stay behind and make sure that his mother is okay. This man sounds like he had an abusive father. He seems to have a hint of abusiveness in him too. How can he treat his mother like that? 

–

We are now driving to our lunch date. He didn’t seem too happy that my parents brought me my own car. But I could be imagining things. It’s nice that I will not have to ask him for his car every time I want to go somewhere without him. 
But I bring up an issue that’s itching me a bit. 
“Bokang”, me.
“Yea?”
“Thank you for standing up for me to your mother.” 
He smiles at me. 
“I just thought I’d let you know you don’t have to disrespect your mother just to defend me”, I say.
He looks at me as if confused.
“I’m just saying that you can tell your mother that you prefer me in jeans and modern dresses without mentioning things that have nothing to do with the issue. You didn’t need to mention all the stuff about your dad leaving you things and basically threatening her with poverty just to defend me. I appreciate you standing up for me, but please don’t talk to your mother like that.” 
“So now you are going to tell me how to speak to my mother?”
“That’s not what I’m doing. I’m simply telling you that you don’t need to disrespect her – especially because of me.” 
“Didn’t you disrespect and practically spit on your family and it’s name just so you could have sex with a married low-life?” 
Wow! 
“Bona mo wena! Your family came to us to ask us to make sure that you are still worth something in this kingdom. They no longer want you because you have no fucking idea what it means to be a respectable woman. You were born in a royal family – you’ve been given a good life, a good reputation and honour just for being born. And somehow you managed to fuck that up unprovoked. You think you can give me a lesson on how to treat parents?”
Heh! 
“I hope being a good wife is not going to be difficult for you because I’m not prepared to tolerate anything less. If you don’t like the kind of son that I am or the kind of husband that I am, you can fuck off! I’m not sure where you’ll go because not even your family wants you. I’m sure THEEEEE Lefatselabarena Raborife would never want to find herself being a woman without a family… without a home… without anything that will make you a respectable woman.” 
This man is going to abuse me. 
I need to get ahead of this. 
This one… o tlong tlwayela masepa. 
I need to tell my mom. She will help me. She will know what to do. 
“So why did your parents send you that car? Did you say anything to them? Do they think that I cannot afford to look after you?” He asks me. 
“It was my car. It’s not like they went and bought me a new car. What’s wrong with me having it with me?” 
He looks at me. I look at him.
“Lefatselabarena, you are a married woman now. You need to behave accordingly. If we have issues or if something doesn’t sit well with you, you don’t run to mommy and daddy. You deal with it. I’ll believe you when you say that they just brought it because it’s yours and you didn’t phone home to complain.” 
I just look out of the window for the duration of this trip. 

We are preparing to drive to South Africa for Phakathwayo’s birthday party. We really went all out for this party. It will be at Gold Reef City. We invited his friends from school and all the kids and grandkids here at the kingdom. We booked out the kiddies’ section. Mnqobi is bringing his new girlfriend and his daughter. Banathi is bringing his wife and two kids. I’m actually an old man. I’m a grandfather. Lol! But I’m still a charming motherfucker and my wife is still one hell of a flame. 

“Did you put Phakathwayo in your will and policies?” Letlali walks into my man-room and asks me. She was packing and I was just getting some chargers for the road. 
Where the hell did that question from? 
“Uthini?” 
“Ngithi did you put uPhakathwayo in your will and policies? Or perhaps you have some secret trust that will look after him once you’ve passed away? I hope you are not expecting me to look after your love child?”
What the fuck?! 
I’m sooo… 
“You thought I didn’t know?! I’ve known all along! You think I didn’t notice when you suddenly started acting different around me? When you could no longer touch me for a period of time? I was convinced that it had something to do with the church because I didn’t believe that you’d ever cheat on me. So I followed you just to understand ukuthi what was so bad that you couldn’t even tell me. I saw you touch her! I saw you fuck her! I saw you put that baby inside of her! Then you came back home and slept on the couch that day.”
I don’t even know why I’m crying. But I’m crying. And I can see her crying too. I can just see her. I want to hug her and say sorry. I want to – 
But – 
“I wanted to see how you’d play it. I wanted to see the audacity you’d cook up to tell me that I’d raise your bastard in my house. But instead, you got clever. I was there when you told Nothile’s doctor to not tell Nothile that her baby might not make it. I should’ve known that…”
She pauses. 
“I guess I should be thankful that you respected me enough to try hide this shit from me. But you still watched me fall in love with that little boy. I can’t even explain why I’m so moved by your constant reminder of your betrayal. I want to hate him. I want to remove him from my life. But I keep finding myself loving him and wanting to protect him from manyala nokusa kwabazali bakhe!” 
“Baby, he did nothing wrong. Please don’t hate him.” I say through my sobs.
“I want to hate him, but I don’t. You are the one that did this to me. And I was right here with you… our family… you left me here and betrayed me. I remember a time when I could’ve easily betrayed you. You were in prison and if memory serves me well, you were set up to die in there. I could’ve cheated and you would’ve never known. But I loved you! I was faithful to you and our family! I used all that energy to get you out of prison! This is how you do me?!” 
Now I throw myself at her, on my knees grabbing on her waist and crying like a little bitch, apologising like I’ve never apologised before in my life. Tlali cannot leave me. She cannot! 
I hear her crying too. But she’s not touching me. 
“Why Zithulele?! Why?! Why would you do this to me?! To your kids?! To our family?! Are we not enough for you?!”
“Tlali please baby. Please. You know I love you! You know this was a mistake.”
“Mistake ya ngwana, Zithulele? Ya ngwana?! A child?!” 
“Tlali please! PLEASE!” 
She literally removes my arms around her waist, wipes the tears off her face using her arm – not her hand… she turns around and as she walks off she says, “I won’t tell Nothile, don’t worry. Just make sure you look after that child even in death because I cannot promise you that I view myself as someone who has three boys. I have two grown ass boys. Ha ke na matla to be a mother to a toddler”. 
I don’t even know if I still want to go to this party. 

–

We are driving to South Africa now. We will be staying at our Soweto home. Nothile still lives there with Phakathwayo. Zama moved back home and lives with them. We still don’t know what happened with her polygamous husband, but she’s back and she’s not prepared to share information. Now we don’t know if we should take her back to her husband because that’s what we need to do ngesintu. I just decided that I’ll wait for that family to come and fine us. Then we will have details of what happened. But whatever happened, I just know that Zama is the one that’s wrong. I know that nutcase very well. 

Banathi is driving. Mnqobi is sitting in front with him. I’m sitting directly behind them. Tlali is sitting next to me, but she’s not really talking to me. She has headsets on and is closing her eyes. Behind us sits Wehweh with Sasi on her lap, and Nothando with one kid on top of her and the other next to her. We are using my black V300. 
Im listening to my boys talk because what else am I going to do? 
Wehweh and Nothando don’t seem to like each other so they are not saying much to each other. The kids are passed out. My wife… I don’t even know how to be around her. I’ve failed her. And I don’t even know how to express how sorry I am. 

Banathi: “We should actually go together. Just us and the women, they need to start liking each other anyway. The old man and o’lady will stay with the kids”. 
Basijwayela amasimba laba yaz. 
“Who are you calling old?” I say. 
They both look at me and laugh. I see their women laughing too. 
“Nithi niyaphi?” I ask. I’m involving myself in this conversation now. 
“ the Grand Prix”, Mnqobi tells me. 
“Take the fruits of your semen with you!”
They laugh. And I am being serious hey. Tlali is the one who encourages this rubbish of babysitting kids we didn’t make. Mina it’s not for me. Ngazikhulisela abantwana mina.
“When are you guys going?” I ask them. 
“It’s happening next month”, Banathi. 
“I also want to go”, I say. 
“You can stay right here with your wife and your grandchildren”, Mnqobi says then they both laugh. Mxm! 

–

We are all at Gold Reef City right now. It’s loud and insane. Kids are screaming and painting their faces. Older people are eating and trying to control their kids. But these kids are out of control! They are all over the place. Even their mothers are angry. These little people are ruling our lives! Yoh! 

“Is your vrou okay? She’s a bit off today”, Khotso asks me. 
“She knows about Phakathwayo. She’s known all along. She confronted me about it yesterday just before we hit the road to come this side”. 
There’s this tension that arises at our table. The shock on everyone’s face is unmatched. Ona is the  most traumatised. Khotso is just concerned. Maboko cannot stop shaking his head. It’s bad.
“Legoa, do you realise mara how gervarlik your vrou is?” Khotso says to me.
I look at him with interest. 
“This is so calculated. How does she sit on something like this? Act like nothing is wrong? What even provoked her to finally say something? And from my experience, your vrou doesn’t do anything without thinking it through. By the time she acts, she has six plans ahead of her. What if she has a whole plan to leave you? And take what exactly with her?” Khotso.
“That’s all you care about neh? Kanti ke, relax! I won’t touch your precious little church.” Letlali says. 
None of us can even look at her. 
Tebza, Thabi, Phuthi and Phindi are right behind her.
“What’s going on?” Tebza enquires. 
Ey! 
All of us men just face the ground.
“Phindi, hai kabi… but please keep Nothile entertained. She cannot hear any of this. All the kids actually. Please.” Tlali.
Ja, now we are all in shit. 
Phindi looks sad but she leaves. 
Tlali is now emotional. 
“Tlali, keng?” Tebza. And she’s rubbing Tlali’s back. 
“These men… all of them… they protected this one!” Tlali says. She points at me as she says this one.
“Wenzeni?” Phuthi asks.
“Phakathwayo is Zithulele’s son!” Tlali says then let’s out a cry… a cry that not even I heard her cry when she was confronting me. Suddenly, she cannot even breathe!
The women are so shocked. 
“But how?” Thabi. 
“Lo wathandana nesifebe ahlangane naso kwa-hell!” 
Ever since Tlali learned Zulu, she learned how to swear and be rude in Zulu. That’s the only take away she took from our beautiful language. 
“He got her pregnant!” 
“But Nothile –
“Nothile akazi lutho! Her baby passed at birth. Lo watetisa le nja ayimithisile then killed her, then gave the baby to Nothile to raise so he could still be a father to him while not looking like the bastard that he is. And all these fuckers… each and every one of them… they all helped him hide this.”
Yoh! These women are blown away! 
“Mah, are you okay?” Banathi and Mnqobi are here, worried because their mother is crying from the soul. Mnqobi is holding his mother in a hug and she’s crying in his arms. I didn’t realise that Tlali was this hurt. 
“Baba! Why is mom like this?!” Banathi.
“Maboko, what’s wrong with you guys? Kanti le jwang mara?!” Tebza.
“Khotso!” Maphuthi. 
“Who else knows about this?” Thabi is already ready to fix this.
“No one”, me.
“Your boys?”
I shake my head.
“Mnqobi! Banathi! We will take care of your mother. We are good. Please.” Thabi.
Mnqobi and Banathi are not happy with this. 
I nod at them. 
They hesitantly leave. 

“I need to understand ho re bofebe bobukana ke ba eng? Who’s responsibility is it exactly to keep this church together? We stay loyal and lo na le ya feba? So that we can be the same people who clean up your shit and still give you loyalty and faithfulness? What makes you think you are THAT worthy?!” Thabi is going in hey! 
“Seeing that infidelity has nothing to do with the church, we also need to start getting ourselves lovers”, Teboho says. 
“That’s not funny!” Maboko. I want to laugh. Can you imagine how old Maboko will instantly grow if Teboho cheats on him? 
“It’s not a joke”, I say instead. 
“Maphuthi!” Khotso. 
“So it’s okay for you to do it?” Thabi. 
Zithulele and Letlali are just dangerously looking at each other.
“I apologise profusely to all of you for what I’ve done. I’m especially apologising to my wife.” Zithulele says. 
We all look at him. 
“You don’t need to take this all out on your husbands. I’m the one who fucked up and I’ll take whatever punishment is given to me… except divorce. Tlali, you cannot divorce me. What would I be without you, sthandwa sami? I breathe for you and you know it.” 
“This is how you treat someone you breathe for?” Thabi. 
The look Zithulele gives her! 
“If I wanted to divorce you, my love, we’d already be divorced. I knew that I was sharing your penis before your dead slut was even pregnant. I stayed. I watched you fuck her… I watched you umchamela! I stayed. She got pregnant. I stayed. She gave birth. I stayed. I’m not going anywhere now. I love my life. I love my family. And that slut would’ve never bullied me out of my life. Not even you, Zithulele, can bully me out of my life and family. I’ll deal with you in my own way wena, Zithulele. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll pay for what you’ve done to me. Kodwa lamadoda didn’t hold a gun to your head and force you to do this. If anything, you are the one that has put them in a difficult position. So hey… I just wanted these women to know what we are dealing with when it comes to you. Unfortunately, you need to exercise unconventional ways to keep track of these men. No penis has ever known loyalty. Please excuse me. I’m going to check up on my bastard stepson!”
With this, Tlali gets up and leaves us here. We are all so scared for Zithulele right now. He even looks so scared. 
“Ja no, o re kentse masepeng”, Ona says. 

Khotso and I are back at our hotel room. Melo is with us. Her mother flew out with her dad to Hawaii. So we are the grandparents on duty… and Moloko has been uncle of the year nje. Love it! 
Melo is passed out. 
Moloko is in his own room. 
I’ve just showered. 
Khotso has been on his phone talking to people. 
I phone Rena. I have a bad feeling about that husband of hers. I don’t like him at all. Khotso thinks I’m overreacting. Just to settle myself, I deliberately forced Khotso to have us deliver her car ourselves. I wanted to look that boy straight in the eye and see if I’d feel better about my suspicions. I feel worse! Even his mother seems scared of him. Unobubhogolo nje lo mfana. 

“Mama, hey.” She answers her phone. 
“My baby… how are you?”
She starts sobbing. 
“Rena? Kwenze njani?” 
She just sobs. 
I click my fingers at Khotso to hang up his call and join me on this one. He does. I put my phone on speaker. 
“Lefatselabarena, don’t annoy me! I’m all you have! Your family doesn’t want you! Keep testing me! I dare you!” The boy says to Rena. 
I look at Khotso. He’s getting angry. Good. 
“Why are you hitting me, Bokang? Why?” Rena says. She’s being strategic about telling me what’s going on. 
“Because you don’t listen! And had your parents whipped your ass like they should have, you wouldn’t be what you are! Or what?! Product of a dead mother perhaps?” Him. 
Now Khotso is mad! 
“Bokang, you know that I’m pregnant. Now I’m in pain. I could lose this child.”
“You cannot afford to lose that child! That child is my heir! If it dies, you die with it!”
“Then take me to a hospital so that I can get help”. 
“Why?! So you can phone your parents and have them kill me?!”
“They don’t even know that I’m pregnant. And you are the one that’s always reminding me how no one in my family still cares at about me.”
“Except for that slut that your father is sleeping with and now she thinks she’s your mother! What does she want? Why is she hell-bent on proving herself to your dad by making him think she loves you? Your dad has already wifed her convicted ass!”
Khotso hangs up. 
I’m breathing heavily! 
“I’m going to kill that boy!” He says.
“Ngikutshelile ukuthi angilithandi lela bhogolo!” I shout. 
“I’ll sort this out! I’m sorry I didn’t take you seriously”, him. 
“Cha. This is my fight! Ngizom’khipha uLefatselabarena laphaya.”
“Love –
“Khotso! You need to deal with this Zithulele and Letlali issue. You need to make sure that it’s not a problem. You are pope now. You set the rules. Ubaba wakho had an entire process around infidelity because he knew that a scorned woman is a fucken dangerous woman. No one was designed to be touched or betrayed in the church. Any man that didn’t do right by his wife was punished – including uShaka when he cheated on Nosi. Shaka didn’t care. For him, as long as you did your work. But that wasn’t effective. That’s why we dealt with more crazy women under uShaka than we did under ubaba wakho. How many people have we buried under uShaka because of senseless and regret sex that was simply labelled as a mistake? We still dealing with uPhindi who is far from being stable! She does stupid things to get noticed because Ona is not giving her attention and Thabi is giving her too much negative attention. And she knows too much! Sonia left her with too much information! Letlali is dangerous! She is better on our side as opposed to tap-dancing on how to make Zithulele pay for what he did. You need to clean house! It’s a new day and it must be felt! I’ll deal with the Raborifes.” 
He just hugs me, kissing the top of my head. Then he says, “how did I get so lucky?”
I kiss him. 
“Now, I need you to take me to…” I pause. 
“Where baby?”
“To Rena’s mother’s grave. Our love for you is not the only thing we have in common. I need her to help me be a good mother to Rena and Moloko.” 
He looks… I cannot even describe how he looks right now. 

We drove through the night and we are now here at the grave. Moloko and Melo are at home. It’s just Khotso and I. 
We are looking at her white and gold tombstone. It’s so beautiful. It has her portrait engraved in gold on it. Khotso gets emotional. This is heavy for him. I just know it. 
I do what I came here to do.
“I’m the woman I believe you’ve trusted with your kids… uMaphuthi. I believe you’ve trusted me with them because my instincts are too tense for someone who didn’t give birth to them. I love them with all my heart. I try my best with them… kodwa usizo lwakho ngisaludinga”.
“I don’t think she understands Zulu”, Khotso says. 
This is not the time, honestly! 
“We’ve made a mistake, Oluremi. We’ve married Lefatselabarena off and we need to get her back before that animal kills her. I need you to help me. I’ll go myself to that house and I’ll come back with our child. I’m asking you to make sure that I come back with her alive.” 
There’s silence. 
I leave to head back to the car, giving Khotso a moment with her. 
I just see him fall apart.
I have to let him have this. Her death weighs heaviest on him. Truly. And when things don’t go right with Rena, it weighs heavy on him on what she’d think of how he’s raising their kids. He needs this moment.

–

I crash the gates of this place with my car… I brought the Ford Raptor today. Within minutes, everyone in this house – staff and family members – are outside to see what’s happening. It looks like they were hosting. Good, their family and friends are all here. I’m wearing black jeans, black boots, a black t-shirt and a black beanie. I have my gun with me and some paperwork. 
“Mme-Moholo! Keng?!” The Raborife mother. She’s panicking. 
“I’m here to fetch my child!” I say. 
“She’s not here”, Bokang comes out the house and says. The scent of fear all over his mother tells me that he’s talking shit.
I shoot his knee. People scream. 
“Ey wena mfana! Ucabanga ukuthi ngizodlala ingedo nawe la?! Iphi ingane yami?”
I’m kneeling next to him now. He’s still wailing like a bitch. 
“Fuck you!” The boy. 
I point my gun at his penis. “Say it again”, I hiss. 
“I’ll get her. Please! Just tell leave my son alone!” The mother. 
“MME!” The son. 
“Kuzokusiza ukuthi ulande ingane yami weh mah!” Me. 
“I said no!” The boy. 
I go to my car and pull out umkhonto. People step back in fear. 
“NgingumZulu phela mina! Uyawubona lo mkhonto? Ngiyowufaka kumdidi, ngikuboboze inhliziyo from your asshole… that’s how far I’ll shove it up your ass!”
Now he’s scared! 
“Weh gogo! Ingane yami!” I snap. 
The mother waits a bit. 
The son says nothing. 
The mother sprints into the house. After some minutes, she comes out with Rena. Rena is lying in her arms looking lifeless. She puts her in the backseat. 
“If she dies, I’m going to lock you in a coffin while I set it alight, then bury you alive while you burn inside that coffin! Do you understand me.”
I’ve never seen so many scared people in my life! 

“Ey monna! O teng?!” My dad says as he bumps into me in the kitchen fixing myself some light lunch. 
“Yep!”  
“I haven’t seen you in so long. Where are you hiding yourself? Is it the new girlfriend?” I guess he wants to chat or connect.
“We have been spending a lot of time together. But two weekends in a month, I’m in South Africa with the kids.” 
“How’s Rofhiwa? And when are the twins coming to visit?” 
“Rofhiwa is Rofhiwa. But I don’t care. She will not keep me from my kids”. I say. 
“Is she making things difficult?”
“Always. I’m headed there today”, I say. 
There’s a silence between us. 
“Papa, I’d like us to revisit our conversation about me divorcing Nandi”, I say. 
“Again? Didn’t we agree that the two of you stay married? But you can still be with other people”. 
“Yeah. But I can see that Mapho is not happy about that”, I say. 
“Mapho?”
“My girlfriend. Her name is Maphodile.” 
He laughs. 
“What’s funny?” I ask. 
“The ancestors have an interesting way of sending a message”, he says. 
“Huh?” 
“My mother’s mother’s name was Maphodile. I just find it interesting that your girlfriend and my grandmother have the same name”, he says. 
I laugh then say, “I didn’t know that.”
He smiles to himself. 
“Anyway, monna we cannot go back on agreements because your girlfriend said so”, he says. 
“I love Maphodile. And I do want to marry her some day. But she told me straight that she’d never marry me if I’m still married to someone else.” 
My dad laughs. 
“I’m going to speak to Nandi. I’m prepared to pay whatever I’m fined. I need a divorce.”
“And what happens if things don’t work out between you and Maphodile?” 
“They’ll work out. I know I don’t have a good track record at marriage, but this one is different. I can feel it”, I say. 
He nods his head. 
“Sanibonani”, Mme-Phindi walks in and greets us. 
I saw Mme-Thabi leave earlier this morning. I know Mme-Phindi can work from anywhere and most days, she chooses to work from home. 
“Hey baby”, my dad greets her with a kiss. 
“Did I walk in on something?” She asks. 
“Just Reahile telling me he wants a divorce because his girlfriend will not marry him while he’s married to someone else” my dad. 
“Really?” She says.
“Yeah. Polygamy is clearly something that’s not destined for me.” I say. 
They both laugh. 
“So what’s the plan?” She asks. 
“I’ll phone Nandi and talk to her to talk to her parents. I’m prepared to pay the necessary fines.” 
“I hope this girl you are doing all of this for is worth it”, she says. 
“She is”. I say. 
“Good. And so are you.” She says. 
I look at her. My dad looks at her too. 
“I’m just saying… you are a prince. That’s not a bad thing and that’s not something that you should be ashamed of. You also had a life and made decisions before you met her. I don’t care who she is, she doesn’t get to judge you or make you feel bad about being who you are. As much as you are prepared to make this sacrifice for her, I hope that when the time comes, she’ll be prepared to go above and beyond to make sacrifices for you”, she says.
“I agree.” My dad. 
I nod my head. 
“Anyway, I need to get going. South Africa is hours away”, I say.
“So what does ‘miss get a divorce’ have to say about you visiting your kids so often and sleeping over your ex-in-laws’ house?” Mme-Phindi says. 
“They are my kids. She’s not going to stop me from being their father”, I say. 
“Let’s hope so. Let’s hope that when she starts giving you children, she doesn’t give you ultimatums that require you to sacrifice being a father to your kids”, Mme-Phindi. 
“Hawu baby”, my dad. 
“I’m serious. I don’t appreciate people who just come into your life and start making unreasonable demands on things that were concluded before they even came into existence in our lives. We must be careful of this Maphodile girl.” Mme-Phindi says.
Ai! For someone who’s in bed with her dead sister’s husband, she has some nerve judging my girlfriend. She betrayed her deceased sister to be in this house today with her husband so she can tell me the shit that’s pouring out of her mouth. She mustn’t test me. I’ll remind her very quickly that the real wife we all recognise is the queen. Her job is just to open her legs every night. Even Mapho will be a princess when I marry her. All she will ever be is a second wife to a king. A ska tlo phapha mo! 

–

I’m driving to South Africa now. I decide to phone Nandi first so we can talk about this marriage that’s hanging over our heads. 
“Now this is an interesting surprise. Hello husband”, that’s how she answers her phone. 
I actually laugh. 
“Wife, how are you?”
“I’m fine. How are you doing?” 
“I’m alright. I just want us to talk..”
“About?”
“Divorce”. 
She takes a deep breath. 
“I need us to see it through”, I say. 
“To be honest, I’ve been struggling to call you for the last two weeks. Umuntu phela proposed marriage and I said yes”, she says. 
“Congratulations! I’m really happy for you”, I say. 
“Thank you. I take it you also have someone now”, she says. 
“ I do. And she’s incredible. But she’s genuinely struggling to understand our agreement”, me. 
“I get it. I wouldn’t understand it neither.” 
Wow! I didn’t expect her to be so understanding. 
“Thank you for being so understanding”, I say. She has to know that I’m thankful.
“So how do we do this?” She asks me. 
“We sell everything we accumulated together then you take 75% and I’ll take 35%. No need for lawyers. We just go to home affairs, pay R25 for a document that states that we are officially divorced and all records on systems change.”
“We can split the cash 50/50. We are both being civil and amicable. I don’t have to be the only one who benefits.”
“I insist. Seriously.”
She takes a deep breath then says, “I’m so sorry that we didn’t work out”.
“Me too.” I say.
Silence.
“I’ve already briefed my parents. Will you brief yours?” I say.
“Sure. How did your parents take it?” 
“They are chilled. It is what it is and they get it.”
“Okay. Let’s hope my parents will be the same”, she says.
“Me too.”
“Uyiphathe kahle ingane yabantu.” She says.
“I will. You also be an awesome wife, okay?”
“Sure thing.”
The call finally ends. I’ll pay a lawyer to oversee the fairness and efficiency in all of this. I hope it’s done by next week. 

I arrive at the Ramaru house just after 6pm. Rofhiwa’s car is not here so I know that she’s not here neither. I wonder if my kids are back from school yet. I miss them so much. 
“Ey!” Mr R says to me. He just arrived too. He looks like he’s from work. He’s in a suit and all. 
“How are you doing, papa?” I say. I have the utmost respect for him and his wife. They are honestly incredible parents. 
“I’m okay. Work is still hectic, but I try to make sure that I don’t bring any of it back home. Wife’s orders”, he says.
We both laugh at this.
I grab my bag that I’ve packed for the weekend then make my way into the house, following Mr R who is leading the way.

As we walk into the house, I see Mrs R already preparing dinner. 
The two lovebirds greet each other with a kiss before i can hug her hello. I’ll never understand how my dad – the other twin – let Mrs R go. I just don’t get it and I probably never will. I’ve wanted to ask him from time to time, but I can’t do that to Mme Phuthi. They love each other and they are happy together. But Mrs R is gold man. You don’t catch a woman like that then just let her go as if she’s one of many fish in the sea. She’s not. She’s one in six billion. 
“Rea! Kunjani?” Mrs R.
“I’m good mah. How are you?” Me, hugging her.
We chat a bit about how life has been since the last time we saw each other – which was two weeks ago. But we manage to make it a bit funny.
Rofhiwa walks in with my twins and her three brothers. The brothers give me a handshake then my twins are all over me. I cannot believe the three Ramaru brothers are already in high school. It’s crazy. And they look more and more like Mr R with each passing day. 
Rofhiwa and I do not have an ideal relationship. She wants me to just disappear. I tell her all the time that I don’t mind disappearing, but I disappear with my kids. I’ve never met anyone who fears the truth the way that Rofhiwa does. She hates anyone who is honest with her. She put Khanyi through the most and says the only way that she will know that Khanyi really values her is if Khanyi divorced Khabane. Even Mr R – her own father – told Rofhiwa that she’s high!

“How was school, guys?” I ask my kids.
“Mohau got into trouble”, my daughter tells me. My son just looks like he’s about to beat someone up. 
“Why? What happened?” I ask. 
Silence. 
“Tell your dad why I got called into the principal’s office today”, Rofhiwa.
“I was in a fight and I hit Melusi. Now he’s in hospital and my parents must pay the doctors”, Mohau. 
When did Mohau start fighting with people? 
The bullfighter of the two is Mulalo. Plus she has a full mouth on her. Mohau is the more quiet one. 
“Mohau, since when do you fight with people, my boy?” I enquire. 
Rofhiwa’s parents and brothers are watching this as if it’s been a long time coming or they know exactly what’s going on. 
“Papa, it’s not his fault!” Mulalo.
“Shut up, Lalo!” Mohau. 
“Shut don’t go up, only prices do! So don’t tell me to shut up, tell the president to shut the interest rates down!” What the fuck did Lalo just say?! Even Mohau is confused. I’m so glad I’m not the only one that’s lost. Even Mr R is lost. 
“That doesn’t even make any sense! Girls are stupid!” Mohau. 
We are all about to intervene, but Mulalo fights her own battles. She says, “at least I open my mouth when people say ugly things about my family.”
“People say ugly things about your family?” Me. 
“Melusi said our dad and the whole Mohale family are thugs. He said we are children of killers and professional criminals. I told my teacher that Melusi was saying ugly things about my family, but my teacher didn’t do anything about it. So I put a frog in Melusi’s bag. He cried like a girl when he found it. Then he pushed me and said I’m trying to kill him like all Mohales do. I almost got hurt, papa. So Mohau hit him”, Lalo says.
I’m glad my son fought for his sister, but why am I only finding out now that my kids are being bullied? Especially because they are being bullied because they are Mohales! 
Rofhiwa is judging me. 
“How long has this been happening?” I ask. 
“Everyday papa”, Mohau. And he’s really hurt shame. 
“Can’t we go back to the kingdom? At least there, grandpa is a king and people will go to jail for saying things like that to us.” Lalo. 
“Can we talk?” Rofhiwa says to me. Great. She’s going to shit on me now. 

“Do we need to move schools?” I ask her as we settle in the room that I usually sleep in when I’m here. Yes, the Ramarus have a whole room for me here.
“They go to THEEE school in South Africa. Where do you want them to go? They are not going back to the kingdom”, she says.
“But those teachers –
“Can you take accountability for putting them in this shit. Your family is a bunch of international gangsters and now my kids have been associated to that image!” 
“So what do you want me to do?”
“A press statement that your entire family is revamping their image and actually mean it!”
Yoh! I’ve never laughed so hard in my life.
My stomach actually hurts. Yoh! When did Rofhiwa become a comedian? Yoh! This girl is hallerious! I even hit the bed five times because my chest is closing up! I even have tears! Oh my goodness! What a laugh!
This is actually a joke, right? 
Wait! She has a straight face. 
Wahlanya oe?!
“You know… I wish you were honest with me about who you are. Had I known, I would’ve never married you. I would’ve never had your kids”, she says. And that actually hurts me. I did love this girl. 
“Oh please, Rofhiwa! If kids that are in the same class as our twins know who we are, it shows that you chose to not know about us.” 
“I trusted you! You were supposed to be honest with me!”
“Bona mo wena! I’ve already apologised for that. I’m not apologising anymore. And besides, you are not my girlfriend or my wife anymore, so o skang rasetsa mo!” 
She looks at me with tears.
Ai! She’s going to cry and annoy me now.
“I’d hug you and give you sex to comfort you, but I actually love the woman I’m with right now. So, I’m going back to my kids. After you’ve pulled yourself together, you’ll find me downstairs with everyone else.” I say then leave the room.
Wahlanya oe!