“Mme-Meh”, Tshepo calls me for the 76th time today. 

I’m used to it by now. It’s just the two of us, so when he wants to talk, I’m the friend. When his siblings were around, those were his friends. Now, it’s just me and him. 

“Yes, my boy?” I answer him.

“Howcome it’s so hot these days?” He asks me.

Bandla! 

“I don’t know, boyza. It just is!” I say. 

“Do you know what my teacher said?” He asks me.

“What, boyza?” I entertain this.

“My teacher says global warming is getting worse, and because it’s so hot, we are consuming more and more water. And this is going to lead to a water shortage. She says that water is going to become the most expensive commodity when we are old, so when we think about careers, we should think about water-related careers”, he says. 

I really like his school. 

“Mme-Meh, what’s a commodity?” He asks me. 

Phela mina I didn’t go to Tholoana Kingdom schools like him. I can’t explain things like how his teachers do. 

“Must I look in the dictionary?” He asks me. I think he sees that I’m struggling to answer his question. 

“Yes, boyza”, I say.

We are driving to our old house – where his dad still lives. It’s his turn to have Tshepo for the weekend. 

“Mme-Meh”, again.

“Yes, boyza”, me. 

“Do you think my brothers are at home with dad?” He asks me.

“I don’t know, boyza.” I say.

“Will you sleep over with us today? Every time I talk to dad on the phone, he tells me that he misses both of us”, he says.

Terrence is actually wrong for using a child in all of this. 

“We will see, boyza”, I say.

We arrive at the house. We find Terrence outside already waiting for us. He’s looking really unwell. He’s wearing long tracksuit pants, a baggy t-shirt and slippers. 

Tshepo and I climb out of the car. 

“Hi papa”, Tshepo is so excited to see him. They hug each other, Terrence is asking him how he is and how he is enjoying living at the royal palace. Tshepo talks his ear off and this makes Terrence happy. 

I’m still standing with his bag in my hand, leaning against the car.

“Are my brothers here?” Tshepo asks him.

“No boy. They are not. It’s just you and me”, Terrence says.

“Okay. Does that mean Mme-Meh will stay here with us?” Tshepo asks.

Terrence looks at me. 

“Do you want to go put your bag down in the house, boyza?” I say, distracting him. 

“Okay.” He says, taking his bag and running into the house. 

“You don’t look well, T”, I tell him.

“I do feel weak, Meh. But I also think I miss you a lot”, he says.

“I miss you too, Terrence. I really do. But you just have so many things that make it difficult for me to just stay and love you”, I say.

“Please try, Meh. Please. I need you”, he says.

“Where are the kids?” I ask him. 

“Phemello took her two. Lerato came to take the her two and took them to South Africa with her. I’m back to just maintaining them”, he says.

“You know that’s not what I want, right?” I say.

“It has to be this way. The way you want it to be comes at the cost of their mothers’ disrespect”, he says.

I’m quiet. 

“Come, let me cook for you and clean the house.” I say.

He smiles at me.

Lo nje… uphethwe izinto zabantu. 

I hold his hand and we walk in the house. 

I told Teboho and Palesa about the drama involving muthi. Teboho told me about some herbs she uses to clean her house once a month because women are out here stealing our men with muthi. She gave me some of the herbs. Palesa also gave me some ointment nyana to add to my water. We were all sharing this as if saying, we have to protect the energies in our houses. So I’ve brought them today. 

After I’ve cooked for Tshepo and Terrence, I get water and my herbs. I start cleaning the house. I start at his outside kitchen. This place is filthy and this is 100% unlike Terrence. This is his haven. This place is always spotless. No one is even allowed to sneeze in here. 

I apply myself and CLEAN every corner of this place. I even clean the windows and wash the curtains of this place. It takes me about an hour and 45minutes. Then I light white sage in each corner of this place, lighting white and red candles next to each lit white sage. His ancestors must now come in and do the rest. 

Now I move into the house. I start by putting all the linen and curtains into the washing machine, mixing the washing powder with my herbs and oils. I CLEAN the house too. Tshepo and Terrence move when I enter rooms that they are in. So I clean! I even wash couches and windows, hanging the laundry as it finishes. I even went and washed all of Terrence’s clothes and shoes – clean and dirty laundry. Then again, I light white in each room, each corner of this place. I then light white and red candles next to each lit white sage in here. 

I make him and Tshepo bath with water that has the oil and herbs as well. 

It is just after midnight when I blow out all candles and we get into bed. He’s even beginning to look like he has a bit of life in him. He sleeps after saying thank you to me. I’m not sure what he’s thanking for, but he’s welcome. I’m washing his car tomorrow. 

We have no curtains or linen to sleep with, but we are at least safe. 

We don’t even have energy for much. And the way I’ve been helping myself lately. But hey… I’m fixing my man. I’ll be rewarded in good time. 

I’m up by 4am, and I’m washing Terrence’s car. I also decide to fetch makhosi so he can cleanse this house. We are back at about 7am. Terrence and Tshepo are still asleep. Makhosi starts cleansing Terrence’s kitchen. Then when he heads into the house, Terrence and Tshepo wake up. After he cleanses the house and our cars, he leaves with Terrence for Terrence to go and take a bath in a river. 

It is 2pm when they come back.

Terrence is really tired. 

I feed Terrence and Makhosi. 

We agree that Makhosi will sleep over so he can take Terrence for another cleanse tomorrow. 

…

A week later

We are chilling on our couch, watching Tshepo play FIFA. He missed this the most about being here. I wasn’t playing this thing with him. 

Terrence is looking a lot better. 

I’ve seen him ignoring calls from Phemello and his family. They’ve been trying to reach him all week, and he ignores them. He even blocked them. I told him that whatever they need may be urgent and concerning the kids. He said that they can speak through lawyers. 

“So, I’ve been invited to the launch of Maphosa Grounds”, I tell him. 

“Oh yeah?” Him.

“Yeah. I’ve been helping Zah and Mmaneo for the past few weeks. Kgosikgadi asked me to help. So I’ll be helping out with a few things on the opening night and I’m assigned a room for that weekend for the launch/ New Year’s Eve party plus the New Year’s Day party. We could even go with Tshepo. There will be kids’ entertainment too.” I say. 

“That would be really nice”, he says.

“Yeah. I think we could do with a break. It’s been a heavy past couple of months”, I say.

“I thought I lost you, Meh”, he says.

“You are the one that pushed me away”, I tell him. 

“Meh, I love you. I thought I was managing the situation – loving my kids and the woman that I want to marry”, he says. 

“Well, you were not doing a very good job, Terrence. One of those women almost killed you and tried to frame me for it. What would have happened if she had succeeded?” I say. 

He looks at me. 

“I want us to get married”, he says. 

I laugh.

“I’m serious.” He says.

Before I even answer him, the gate buzzes.

Thank goodness! 

Because I don’t know if I want to marry Terrence or not. He comes with too much. But I do love him. And I don’t want to be with anyone else. 

He gets the gate. 

“Hello?” Him.

“Mr Terrence, Hopolang and Keamohetswe are here for you”, security guard says. 

Those are Phemello’s kids. 

“Just them?” Terrence asks.

“Yes, sir.” The security guard. 

“Okay. You can let them in”, Terrence says. 

I wonder! 

But the gate is quite a walk away. 

“Shouldn’t you meet them halfway with the car?” I ask Terrence. 

“Yeah. I’ll use your car. It’s parked me in”, he says.

“Okay.” Me. 

He indeed leaves, and Tshepo accompanies him. 

They come back within 15 minutes. I’m still chilling in the TV room. I’m obviously nervous, but I can’t keep Terrence away from his children. Those kids have never been the problem. While they were out, I texted Palesa. I like her. I like having her as my sister. 

“The kids are here – without the mother”, I texted her. 

“The ones with the Sunday-Nkabinde mother?” She replied. She knows Zulu and we watched the same Zulu shows. So we have references like that between us. 

“Lol! Yes. But I’m nervous because the last time we were together, I kind of abandoned them and only took Tshepo”, I texted.

“You’ll have to show them now that they are not the issue. Have a conversation with the older one if need be and explain how you felt. This is the thing with blended families. Nothing is ever black and white. We want a perfect blended family situation, and mine probably works because baby mama is no more. So I’m not exactly fighting a villain in my life. But you have actual villains in your life that are so vindictive and are making you the villain in a perfect family story. The evil step mother is always the story book villain. You need to show those kids that you’ve got nothing but love for them.” She replied. 

I took a deep breath, processing what she typed. 

“Terrence asked me to marry him”, I texted.

“And? Do you want to marry him?” She asked. 

“I do love him. I don’t want to be with anyone else. And I always run back here even when he pulls his ridiculous stunts. But he comes with too much”, I say.

“Is it the kind of too much that you can’t handle?” Palesa. 

“I didn’t think about it like that”, I said.

“Look, I don’t know the very details of your relationship. But all I’ve heard and seen is you investing in that relationship. You guys have a house together. You’ve pulled that man out of hectic debt and you share quite a lot that married people already share. Why wouldn’t you just make everything official?” She said. 

“I hear you. I haven’t given him an answer yet. I’ll pray about it.” I said.

“Good luck, sis. Please defeat Sunday Nkabinde”, she said.

I sent laughing faces. 

The boys are dressed in black and are holding bags. 

“Dumela Mme-Meh”, they greet me. 

“Hi boys”, I say. 

They head to their rooms. 

Tshepo comes to sit with me. 

Terrence comes too. 

“They’ve just come back from burying Phemello”, Terrence tells me.

Hai! 

I’m so shocked. 

“Tshepo, go help your brothers settle in”, Terrence chases Tshepo away. 

Tshepo gives him a face. 

“I’m also sitting with Mme-Meh”, Tshepo says. 

“I’m not going to tell you again!” Terrence. 

Tshepo, very upset, charges off. 

“Makhosi told me that by cleansing myself, what was supposed to happen to me will happen to the one that sent this thing for me. The boys say that Phemello was deteriorating all week. They say that two days before she died, she was grey and smelled like death. That’s how I was when you arrived here with Tshepo, before you started cleaning the house”, he says. 

My heart is beating fast. 

I’m in so much shock! 

“She was trying to kill me, Meh. Me?!” He’s shocked about that? I thought we established this weeks ago. 

I hold his hand, comforting him. 

Dinner is silent. Very silent. Tshepo does not understand why everything and everyone is so tense. I don’t know how to be. I think Terrence is mourning Phemello with his boys, but he can’t do it out loud because I’m just not going to have it.

“So boys”, Terrence begins, breaking the silence. 

All three boys look at him.

“I’ve asked Meh to marry me”, he says.

I don’t think this is the time to make this announcement. Terrence can be quite tone deaf sometimes hey. 

“And she agreed. I’ll be sending a letter to her family tomorrow morning”, he says.

Now I look at him because I didn’t think it would be this quick. Hai bo! 

“Congratulations”, Keamohetswe says.

“Will we still be welcome in this house now that Meh will be your wife?” Hopolang says. 

“Why wouldn’t you be welcome, Hopolang?” Terrence asks him.

“She’s made it quite clear that she doesn’t like us. She left us here when we thought that she was fine with being our mother”, Hopolang says.

“And I’m sorry for that”, I say, cutting Terrence short. 

“I didn’t leave because I don’t love you guys. Things happened and it became too much for me. And I didn’t want to disrespect your mother by taking you because she had made it very clear that I had no right to. But that was in no way a reflection of how I felt about you”, I say.

“Do you know what it’s like to be a kid of two people that wish they never met each other? Knowing very well that had I never been born, things would be easier for them because they’d never have to deal with each other again? But they are stuck with each other because you were born! We thought you cared about us. I don’t care what happened between you and dad! You should’ve never left us here with him and grandma who reminded us everyday that by us just being here, we were ruining our father’s life!” With this Hopolang gets up from the table and charges to his room. 

I can’t even begin to describe how I feel.